nineteen A Series of Unfortunate Events #3
I had never seen him look so naked, so exposed. It made my chest hurt. ‘You shouldn’t … cut her off, I mean,’ I said, my voice so small it didn’t even sound like mine. I thought back to the conversation I’d had with Nikita when she’d shown me Aarushi’s Instagram profile. ‘She’s your person.’
He looked baffled, like he couldn’t understand how I’d reached that conclusion. ‘No, Kavya. She’s not my person.’ He said it like it was the simplest truth in the world. ‘She’s not you.’
My breath dried up in my throat. No, no, no. He wasn’t allowed to say things like that. The blanket slid to the floor as I pushed myself to my feet, needing distance, air, anything that could stop the avalanche of emotions crashing over me.
‘I should … I need to go check on Tanya,’ I muttered, already turning towards the door.
‘Kavya, please, hold on.’ I heard him shuffle behind me.
His fingers brushed my arm as he gently turned me back towards him.
I didn’t dare look up, but I didn’t have to.
His smoky cologne, the way his fingers were wrapped around my arm, the sound of his breathing—everything about him felt more familiar than I cared to admit.
I could’ve walked away if I wanted to, but a force stronger than me was pulling me into him, closer and closer until there were only a few inches between us.
Would it be so bad if I let him kiss me, one last time?
When I finally gathered the courage to look up at him, his warm eyes were burning with something I couldn’t quite identify.
Anger? Frustration? Passion, my mind offered.
‘I’m falling for you. Why is that so hard for you to believe?’
The tender, beautiful words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt my eyes prickling with tears and blinked them away before they had a chance to betray me. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I caught a flicker of movement behind the front door, but it stayed closed.
I took a step back, trying to put some distance between us, between what he’d just said and the storm brewing inside me. ‘You say that now … but you’ll realize soon enough that I don’t belong in your world.’
Not like her. All those stupid Instagram posts flashed in my head—all the birthdays they’d spent together, those glossy looking international trips they’d taken, adventures they’d shared, fancy dinner dates they’d gone on where they ate crab and duck, and exotic things that I could never stomach. That can never be us.
And the worst part was, for a brief moment today, I’d let myself believe that maybe we could make sense together.
After all, he’d charmed the socks off my brother, which was a miracle in itself, and then cheerfully abandoned his precious diet to stuff his face with sugary treats just to please my mom.
He’d even managed to survive my dad’s awkward small talk for the better part of an hour.
It was heartwarming. But that warmth couldn’t undo the sting I still felt from being left in the dark for a whole week while he figured things out with Aarushi.
All his efforts tonight only highlighted the difference I’d been trying not to look at.
With her, he’d never have to try. She was his default.
How could I ever compete with a decade of shared history?
I looked around my front porch and my little hillside cottage, feeling the words tumbling out of me thoughtlessly. ‘And maybe you don’t belong in mine.’ It was better to push him away now than to wait for him to walk away later.
Neil flinched. No, I mean, he actually flinched.
Like I’d shut a door smack in his beautiful, pained face.
For a second, the weight of what I’d said hung in the chilly air between us.
I opened my mouth—though I didn’t know if I meant to soften my words or take them back—but the front door swung open and snatched the opportunity away from me.
‘What exactly is happening here?’ Keshav bhaiya demanded, glancing between me and Neil with a distrustful frown on his face.
We retreated further away from each other.
‘Nothing, bhaiya,’ I managed. Behind my brother stood most of our dinner party.
Arjun’s eyes were fixed on the floor, while Rhea and Abhinav weren’t even pretending not to stare.
Wonderful, this is exactly what I needed.
How long had they been standing there anyway?
And then Tanya emerged from behind them, looking like she was about to throw up. ‘Guys … I’m not feeling great. Can we head back to the hotel?’
‘I think that would be best,’ my brother said before anyone else could respond.
Within minutes, Arjun was ushering the group into his car. He glanced back at me before getting into the driver’s seat, his hand hesitating on the door. ‘It was so good to see you, Kavu. Take care of yourself, okay?’ He gave me a small, hopeful smile before getting into the car.
I hated that some part of me still hoped that Neil would roll his window down and call out for me. But he did no such thing. He didn’t have to.
I knew it was over, whatever this thing between us had been. I’d made sure of it.