22. Chapter 22
22
K ara is napping in my bed when I get home from work. Her red hair is splayed all over the place, and I watch as her chest slowly rises and falls. It’s both chaotic and peaceful, and I want in on it.
As quietly as I possibly can, I slip off my shoes and slide under the covers next to her.
Apparently she wasn’t very deeply asleep, because she wraps her arms around me. It’s more comfortable than I knew her capable of.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
Okay, this has to be the twin.
“Not really.”
“Do you want some space?”
I grab her forearm, and hug it like I’m a koala and it’s a tree.
“No, please don’t leave.”
“Okay. I won’t.”
It’s that painless.
It’s weird, but not weird enough to keep my exhaustion at bay.
We fall asleep just like that and wake up when it’s still dark out. My stomach grumbles, and I have a feeling it’s been even longer since she’s eaten anything.
I make us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and grab a bag of chips from my pantry. We move our hang out to the couch while we eat, and watch some reality competition show she’s into. I watch her more than I watch what’s happening in it.
She takes smile bites of her food, chews them slowly, and slightly faces away from me as she does. It makes me stress over whoever made her feel self conscious about the way she eats. Not wanting to make her anymore uncomfortable, I dart my eyes away whenever she turns her face back and hope it was fast enough for her to miss.
Her whole body seems to relax once her plate is empty. She smiles at my television, especially when a certain person pops up on the screen. She scowls when they interact with another: some douchey guy. It’s cute. It’s innocent. It’s normal.
Everything about being around her lately has felt normal, and comfortable, and… kind of like we’re in an actual relationship.
I pick up our empty plates to take to the sink, hoping it’ll distract me from the unwanted idea in my head. I don’t want that. She definitely doesn’t want that. We’re still not even really friends.
We just spend almost all of our free time together, even when there isn’t anything sexual involved. That doesn’t have to be a big deal.
I desperately wish I could talk to my friends about this. Vic and Autumn would know exactly what to say.
When I head back to the couch, she looks at me in a way that makes me feel like she can read my mind. I don’t like it.
“What?” I ask suspiciously.
Her body shifts uneasily.
“I think I’ve overstayed my welcome,” she says softly, but without moving to get up.
“No.”
She smirks, and I realize I answered too fast.
But for the first time since meeting her, I don’t think I’m in trouble for exposing an emotion. She doesn’t look like she’s ready to jump up and run out on me.
“It’s something,” she tries. “Maybe you’re freaked out that I met your parents?”
I bite my lip, thinking about that. Is that part of what’s led me down this trail of thought?
“Maybe,” I admit.
And I want to admit more, I want to tell her everything in my head without worrying she’s going to immediately shut down.
“Can you promise me something? That if I tell you what I’m thinking you’re not going to revert to your bitchy ways?” I ask hopefully.
She laughs loudly enough that it pulls a smile onto my own face.
“My bitchy ways are always there. You just haven’t gotten on my nerves much lately.”
I shove her shoulder playfully.
“Is that what it is?”
“Yep. You’re acting practically normal.”
“Ew. How boring.”
She laughs again and then holds out her pinky.
I blink at it a few times, sure I’m hallucinating. Yet somehow, the image doesn’t disappear after a few seconds.
“That’s a joke right? You're teasing me or something.”
I continue staring in shock.
“No?”
I glance at her face, reading her expression.
“You? Are a pinky promiser?” I ask disbelievingly.
She rolls her eyes.
“Why are you making a big deal of it? Just grab my pinky.”
I do as she says.
“I was going to, you just took me by surprise.”
She uses our miniature hold on each other to pull me in until our bodies are flush together.
“I have plenty more surprises up my sleeve,” she whispers against my ear.
I’m dizzy from the overwhelming want I feel around her. Neither of us let go for what simultaneously feels like forever and also not long enough.
“What are you waiting for?” I finally ask, out of breath somehow.
“I’m waiting for you to tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking I really like this,” I blurt. “Spending more time with you.”
Her eyes widen, and I hope for a few seconds that it’s the lead up to her telling me she feels the same way. That she’s going to smile and hug and me and…
My daydreaming ends when her face falls completely. She breaks eye contact and scoots away from me.
Crap .
“You said you wouldn’t,” I say quickly.
It’s a lie. She never actually said the words, I may have only assumed she was agreeing.
She clears her throat, taking a second to find the response she wants to go with. When her mouth finally opens to speak, she looks me in the eyes with an intensity that’s not my favorite thing in the world.
“I’m not, but…” God, she looks so uncomfortable. It’s really that hard for her, I see every ounce of the effort it takes in her expression. “I meant it when I said you’d never be my girlfriend. This isn’t anything serious, you know that right?”
I nod, because I’m supposed to.
It goes against what I’m really feeling.
“Yeah, of course,” I breathe.
“Okay. Good,” she starts, already looking relieved. It makes me a little upset that she doesn’t see right through me. “You get it, I need to make sure there isn’t some ulterior motive with you telling me,” she explains.
“Yep. Understood.”
I mean, I tell my friends I like spending time with them and I’m not trying to get them to commit to me. I easily could’ve meant that.
She smirks, and moves to sit closer again.
I feel the relief in every single part of me.
“I like it too, but if you tell anyone I was nice enough to admit it?” She nips at my bottom lip. “There will consequences.”
My first thought is that I want to know what those consequences would be. I’m tempted to find out, but who would I tell? We don’t have the same friends, I have no idea who’s in her circle. Whose opinion she cares about.
I can’t even picture the kind of people that Kara would lean on, vent to, take advice from.
I wouldn’t be all that surprised if there wasn’t a single one.