Chapter 39
I’m not exactly sure how I ended up here, standing outside the door to Maureen’s hospital room. After Kit dismissed me from our apartment after I begged him to buck the show and talk to me, Cassidy led me to my car, reminding me that I’m not allowed to contact Kit. At all. No texts. No phone calls. No emails. No goddamn carrier pigeons, either.
But he’s busy at the apartment filming, and my sleep-deprived brain led me here.
“Hey, Andie,” the man from yesterday—he’s a nurse, his name tag says Cody—smiles as he greets me. “It’s good to see you back.”
“Yeah.” I choke on the word, wringing my purse strap in my hands.
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.” I force a smile as he heads down the hall. Because I don’t want another nurse to recognize me, I knock on the doorframe to Maureen’s room.
She looks at me, and a smile nearly splits her face in two. I don’t deserve it. She clicks off the TV. “Andie! How are you?”
I shrug and pull up a chair. “How are you? How’s your hip?”
“I had a rod put in it.” She pats the offending hip. “Hurts like hell right now, but they assure me it will be good as new in a few weeks.”
“Good.” I nod, swallowing the emotion I can’t keep from rising in my throat.
“What’s eating you?” Maureen asks, her brows furrowing.
I sniff and wipe my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve. “I probably shouldn’t be here, but I wanted to see you and make sure you were okay.” It’s partially true, at least.
“I know you and Kit fought last night.” She rests her hand on mine.
“You do?”
“Even if he hadn’t come in here sulking, the nurses gossip like it’s what they’re paid for.” She offers me a smile.
“I’m sorry.” I can’t look her in the eye. “I shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye last night. I was just … overwhelmed, and Kit didn’t want me here.”
She shakes her head. “An utter nincompoop.”
That makes me smile. “He can be, definitely.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Maureen shifts in bed to face me, “what did you two fight about?”
I chew on my lip, unsure how to explain that I originally signed up for the show for money. That Kit thought I should be filming to preserve my shot at it. That I think he matters more than the money, but he won’t listen to me. I’m not sure how to do that, so I ask, “Did he ever tell you we dated before? In college?”
“Truly?” Maureen’s eyebrows shoot up.
I nod. “It was only a few months, and we broke up, but I was surprised to see him at the altar. How could this man who left me all those years ago be my perfect match, you know?”
“Left you?”
“We were dating right before … right before Harry passed.” I look at our hands overlapping—mine rough and calloused, hers pale and fragile. “One night, I told him that I loved him. He couldn’t say it back. And we were young, you know? I was really hurt that he didn’t feel the same way I did. I shut him out. Then he left to be with you. I thought he was just … putting distance between us.”
Maureen nods and pats my hand gently. Like a mother would. It brings tears to my eyes. I wipe one away with my sleeve. Voice thick, I tell her, “Last night I told him I loved him, and he … he couldn’t say it back. Again.”
“Sweetheart.” Maureen stretches to grab me a tissue from the table next to her hospital bed. She hands it to me, then pushes some hair out of my face. Her hand is warm and gentle. Safe. “He may not have been able to say it, but I know he loves you.”
I shake my head. “He can’t.” If he did, he wouldn’t still be itching to leave. He wouldn’t have told me to keep filming yesterday and to stay away from the hospital. He wouldn’t have sent me away this morning.
“I saw you two together,” she insists. When I say nothing in return, she sighs deeply. “How much has he told you about how he grew up?”
I shrug. “He told me you didn’t have much as a family.”
“We didn’t.” Maureen looks over my shoulder, thinking for a moment. “I’m afraid that Kit somehow got it into his head that love only means sacrifice.”
“What do you mean?” I wipe my nose with my sleeve again, despite the tissue Maureen provided.
“We gave up a lot for him.” She looks me in the eyes. “For each other. It’s how we loved each other when we had very little. One Christmas when he was about ten, he said he didn’t want any presents for himself. He wanted me and Harry to have something nice instead.”
I can’t help but smile. “That sounds like him.”
“After Harry passed, he doubled down and worked so damn hard.”
I nod. “He was always studying. Always pushing.”
“He worked so hard to build this life that meant we never had to worry about money.” Maureen sighs. “But what I think he missed is: the money doesn’t matter if you can’t enjoy the life you have. I’d hoped he learned that growing up, but instead he feels responsible. For everyone. All the time.”
My lips tug into a half grin. “He does. He’s protective of you. He thinks I need to be taken care of or I’ll starve, or something. Like I haven’t survived somehow without him this long.”
“I don’t think it’s about survival.” Maureen purses her lips. “I think he doesn’t want us to struggle. He wants us to thrive. He wants to share all that he’s built but doesn’t know how.”
I frown. “I asked him to stay in Atlanta. I told him I wouldn’t, but I did.”
“What did he say to that?” She squeezes my hand.
I look at the floor. “He asked me to come to Italy with him for his next assignment.”
“You own your own business, don’t you?”
I nod. “I can’t leave. My life is here. And you’re here, too. I thought he’d—” I can’t help the sob that bursts from me. I bury my face in my hands while Maureen strokes my hair, gently shushing me like she would a child. “Now we can’t talk to each other until decision day, and I need him to know I love him. Even though he couldn’t say it back, I love him.”
“Kit’s always done things the hard way.” Maureen soothes. “But he’ll make the right decision in the end. He always does.”
FIRST LOOK AT FOREVER
SEASON THREE
EPISODE SIXTEEN
PRODUCER:
Are you excited to see Andie today?
KIT:
Apprehensive, yes.
PRODUCER:
You had a few days to think about your final decision.
KIT:
[frowning] I did.
PRODUCER:
And where did you land?
KIT:
[sighs] I wish I could talk to her before we go into that room.
PRODUCER:
You know we can’t allow that. It’s not the format of the show.
KIT:
[nods, looking at the ground]
PRODUCER:
If she was here right now, what would you say to her?
KIT:
[voice breaks, looks into camera] I’m sorry. That’s all. Just … I’m sorry.
PRODUCER:
What are you sorry for?
KIT:
Can we just go in and do this?