Chapter 42
42
CRYSTAL
I was awake nearly all night. I knew – knew as soon as the wrapping paper was off and I saw the expression on Gemma’s face – that my present to Poppy was a terrible mistake. How had I not even realised she’d be offended? How had I made such a bad miscalculation?
The truth was, I’d forgotten what the name of the website was, until Gemma asked me where I’d bought the matching outfits from. I hadn’t only just bought them; I’d had them hanging in my wardrobe for years – my own outfit, and the one for a child. I’d never even worn mine – and the child’s one had never been worn either; I’d had covers over them ever since I’d bought them. I found them there a couple of weeks ago and… I suppose I just got carried away. Perhaps I should have wrapped up the adult clothes and given them to Gemma – that would have been a lot more thoughtful, and more sensible. But then again, they probably weren’t really her style, and they might have been a bit big for her, she was so slim.
Yes, I’d been carried away with the thought of how cute Poppy would look in those clothes, so carried away that I’d forgotten how insensitive the whole idea really was. Gemma had already been angry with me and instead of trying to regain her trust, I’d probably lost it completely.
How had I allowed myself to make such a stupid mistake? I tossed and turned until the early hours of Christmas morning, but even when I heard Poppy’s little feet pattering along the landing, and heard her squeals of excitement as she showed Gemma the contents of her stocking – the little toys and treats ‘Father Christmas’ had left her in the night – I stayed put on the sofa, under Gemma’s spare duvet, my eyes closed. I couldn’t just get up and pretend to act normally; I felt like everything had been spoilt. Gemma was barely even being polite to me; I knew she’d be glad to see the back of me now, as soon as possible. She’d be taking Poppy off to her Mum’s for Christmas Day, for a lovely family day together – even the dad, was joining in – and I’d have to go home, my tail between my legs, to spend a miserable day all on my own with just my regrets and my self-recrimination.
What an idiot I’d been. I’d messed everything up. I’d just given Gemma another reason not to trust me. I felt sick with disappointment and anxiety. Would Gemma get over it? Would she forgive me? Or had I actually gone too far this time? Was she going to stop me from seeing Poppy at all? I had no idea how to make everything all right again.