Chapter 46 Liam
Liam
Coach Miller blows his whistle, signaling the end of practice.
I skid to a halt on the ice and breathe hard as I catch my breath.
“Good effort, gentlemen,” he says. “Especially you, Scott. Way to hustle. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you move that hard or that fast before.”
I tell him thanks, then follow my teammates as they head to the locker room.
Even as my breathing evens out and my heart rate slows, the pain in my chest lingers.
It’s been there ever since Kendall asked for some time apart a week ago.
Every time I breathe, it feels like my ribcage is on the verge of splitting in half.
God, I miss her. I miss waking up with her in my arms. I miss cuddling with her on my couch. I miss seeing her eyes light up when she smiles. I miss hearing her laugh. I miss the way she smells. I miss her taste.
I swallow back the lump in my throat.
I’ve dated and ended relationships in the past. I always felt sad, but I’ve never felt like this.
Like it hurt to breathe. Like my heart feels like it’s been ripped into a thousand pieces.
Probably because I’ve never been in love before.
My throat aches as I swallow. Fuck. I love her so much. I love her, but she’s not sure if she see a future with me. She doesn’t even want to try…
I exhale sharply. There’s nothing I can do to change things.
The only thing that has helped me cope with being away from her is hockey. I’ve been going balls to the wall at practice and during my sessions with my trainers.
They’ve all been raving about my performance. I guess that’s one good thing to come out of getting my heart broken. I have a physical outlet for my feelings.
I undress, grab a towel, and head for the showers. When I finish washing up, I change into my street clothes without talking to my teammates, grab my gear bag, and head out.
I walk through the entrance of the arena and into the parking lot.
“Hey, Liam.”
I look up and see my brother standing a dozen feet away.
“What are you doing here?” I ask when he walks over to me.
“I came to check on you.”
I frown. “Why?”
“Because you’ve been acting weird.” He studies me for a second, concern in his eyes. “Thought maybe you’d want to grab a beer and talk about whatever is bothering you.”
“How do you know something is bothering me?”
Aidan flashes his are-you-fucking-kidding-me expression.
“Seriously? You canceled our last two workouts. You never, ever miss. And when we had dinner at Mom’s the other night, you hardly said a word.
You’re usually joking around and giving me shit.
You barely said hello. Every time she asked you something, you gave her one-word answers.
Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”
I tug a hand through my hair, not wanting to pour my heart out to my brother while standing in front of the arena where I practice and play.
“Let’s grab a beer,” he says.
He’s not gonna let this go. “Fine.”
Twenty-minutes later, we’re at a nearby sports pub nursing drinks at the bar.
I gaze down at my beer. “Kendall asked for a break. I’m pretty sure she’s going to end things with me.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Aidan turn to look at me. “Seriously?”
I nod.
“Huh. I guess that explains it.”
I look at him. “Explains what?”
“I went into her office the other day and she was crying,” he says. “When I asked her what was wrong, she didn’t say. But now I know why she’s been so sad these past few days.”
I’m quiet as I think about Kendall crying.
“What happened?” Aidan asks.
I take a long sip of my drink. “I told her that I wanted to make things official between us. That I wanted a future with her.” I clear my throat. “I said that I wanted to move in with her. And that I wanted her aunt to move in with us too.”
“Damn, really?”
I nod. I take in the mystified look on my brother’s face.
He blinks at me. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
My heart throbs in my chest. I swallow back the sudden surge of pain. “Yeah. I am.”
I gaze down at the bar top, my head down and my shoulders slumped. A second later, Aidan claps his hand on my shoulder.
I close my eyes, grateful for the comfort that little bit of contact gives me.
“I probably shouldn’t have unloaded her like that,” I say after a while. “But I couldn’t help it. It’s how I feel about her.”
He nods like he understands.
“But she doesn’t feel the same way.” My voice starts to shake as I stop talking. I clear my throat and swallow. “She doesn’t even want to try…”
Aidan squeezes my shoulder. We’re quiet for a minute. Around us, people chat and laugh. Sound booms from the wall of flatscreen TVs on the other side of the pub.
“You know, it took a while for Micah and me to get on the same page, relationship-wise,” Aidan says after a while.
“Really?”
“Yeah. She broke up with me because of it.”
I look up at him. “Shit. I didn’t know that. What happened?”
“A lot of stuff. Our work situation complicated things since her job was essentially to get me fired. Her ex burned her pretty bad too. She was scared to be in a serious relationship because of it. So she ended things.”
I blink, surprised. I didn’t know he and Micah went through all that.
“That sounds rough.”
He takes a long sip of his beer. “It was. But then she decided to quit her job and give us a shot.”
“Wait, that’s why she quit her job? To be with you?”
“Kind of. She wanted to quit to pursue writing too, so it was more like a combination of things.” He goes quiet for a second. “I think she just needed some time on her own to sort things out. Maybe that’s what Kendall needs.”
I shake my head. “She sounded pretty adamant that she couldn’t picture a future with me.”
Aidan sighs. “You know Kendall. She’s always sure of herself.
She doesn’t waver. She doesn’t like to show weakness.
You can’t blame her for being skittish about getting into a serious relationship after all the crap she’s been through in her past relationships.
And I know you’re a good guy. I know you wouldn’t treat her like her exes did.
But she’s been hurt. A lot. It’s hard to be optimistic about something when all you know is hurt and disappointment. ”
I’m quiet as I think about what my brother has said. He makes a good point.
“I guess I told you all that because I know what it feels like when the person you care about doesn’t want to take that next step with you. It fucking kills,” Aidan says. “But maybe that’s not what’s going on with Kendall. Maybe she just needs more time.”
A tiny flicker of hope sparks in my chest. But as quickly as it comes, it fades.
“It’s really fucking hard to be hopeful right now,” I say.
“I know the feeling. I’m sorry.”
We finish our beers in silence. I go to pay, but Aidan takes care of it.
We walk out of the bar together and down the street where we’re both parked.
He claps me on the shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”
Aidan gives me a sad smile before getting into his car. As I drive home, I get a call from the realtor I hired to help me look for a new place.
“Do you have time to stop by and check out this property that just came on the market?” he asks. “It’s a spacious townhome like the one you live in now, but there’s a two-car garage and it’s three floors.”
I think about how I wanted to buy a house big enough for Kendall and her aunt and me. But that’s probably not gonna happen.
“Yeah, I can stop by and look at it. Can you text me the address?”
A half-hour later, I’m walking through a luxury three-story townhouse on the edge of the Gulch.
My realtor grins at me. “Incredible, isn’t it?”
I glance around at the massive open-concept space on the main floor. It’s all white marble, sleek flooring, and stainless steel appliances. It’s a nice place. But it’s not at all what I wanted…
That ache in my chest deepens. I close my eyes for a second and fight through it.
“If you’re interested, we should contact the seller today. The quicker we move, the better. This place is going to sell fast,” my realtor says.
I swallow back the pain. “How much do you think I should offer?”