Chapter 47 Kendall
Kendall
“Auntie, what are you watching?”
She smiles when she looks up from the TV. “Hockey. Liam’s team is playing tonight.”
“Oh…” I finish clearing the table after dinner. “I didn’t know you liked watching hockey.”
I try to keep my voice normal. She doesn’t know that anything happened between Liam and I.
“I didn’t until I met your special friend Liam.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
I swallow through the ache in my throat. It’s been just over a week since I’ve seen Liam—since I told him that I needed some space to think about things between us.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve picked up my phone and almost called him.
But I always stop myself. Because I know he’d only want to hear from me if I can tell him that I feel the same—that I’m ready to take the next step in our relationship: make things official and start planning to move in together.
But I’m not ready to do that. I don’t know if I ever will be.
And if I’m not ready to do that, then I should probably end things between us for good. But just thinking about doing that makes me want to throw up.
So I’ve held off on reaching out to him, which means I’m stuck in this agonizing holding pattern.
My eyes burn with tears just thinking about him. I miss him like crazy. I blink quickly until that feeling fades.
“Anak, you don’t think I know what’s happening between you two?” She chuckles. “I see the way you look at each other. There’s something going on. Something romantic.”
I still, my cheeks heating. All those times I told her that we were just friends, I had no idea she could see right through it.
She smiles at me. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to make you talk to me about it. I know how private you are when it comes to your dating life.”
I clear my throat, feeling stupid and guilty all at once. I guess there’s no use in hiding it anymore. “You’re right. We had a bit of a thing going on. But I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to keep seeing each other.”
The smile fades from her face. She looks so sad and disappointed. “What happened? You seemed so happy together.”
I walk into the living room and sit next to her on the couch. “We want different things.”
When she frowns at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
I hesitate. “He wanted to get serious. He wanted to move in together. I didn’t.”
She laughs like she’s shocked. “Anak, why wouldn’t you want to get serious with a young man like that? He’s handsome, sweet, funny, and he pays for brunch. I bet he makes a good living too playing hockey. He’s certainly not one of those deadbeat guys who wants to make you pay all the time.”
“No, it’s not that, it’s just…I don’t know if I can do it, Auntie. I don’t know if I’m meant to be in a long-term serious relationship with anyone.”
She grabs my hand in hers. “Why not?”
I gaze down at our joined hands. I never told that she was the reason my ex and I broke up. I didn’t want her to feel guilty or like it was her fault.
“Remember my ex?”
She nods.
“I’m sorry I never told you this, but the reason we broke up is because he we wanted to move in together and said I couldn’t bring you. He wanted to put you in a home. I was so upset and broke up with him.”
Pain flashes in her eyes. “I see.” She says softly. She flashes a sad smile. “Thank you, anak.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Auntie. I’m never putting you in a home. You and I are a package deal. Forever and always.”
Her eyes shine with tears as she smiles at me. “Oh, anak. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“So I’m guessing when you said that you and Liam don’t want the same things, he suggested putting me in a nursing home too?” she asks, her voice sad.
“Um, no. He actually told me that he’d like to buy a big house with enough room for you to move in.”
She frowns, looking more bewildered than ever. She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Well, now I’m even more confused.”
“Auntie, what if we break up and then you and I have to move out? Or what if he changes his mind? Or what if he thinks he can handle that kind of living situation, but when we actually do it, it’s a disaster?”
“Then you deal with it if and when it ever happens,” Auntie says without even blinking, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world.
I’m quiet for a long moment, surprised.
She chuckles. “Anak, I understand why you’d be worried about that. But Liam made it sound like he’d be happy with that living arrangement. Why would you try to convince yourself it’s a bad idea? Because you’re scared of what could go wrong?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
She lets out a sad laugh. “I was happily married to your Uncle Anthony for almost thirty years before he died, and I haven’t dated much since then, so I know I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to romance and relationships.
But there’s one thing I’m certain of: it’s always best to take people at their face value.
If they’ve always treated you well, it’s best to assume that they’ll continue to do that.
If they’ve always been terrible to you, it’s best to assume they’ll continue to do that.
Yes, people change. They can surprise you.
But it’s no use speculating and thinking up every possible worst case scenario. ”
She pauses and looks at me. “Maybe you and Liam won’t work out in the long run.
That’s okay. We’ll figure it out if that ever happens.
Like we always do. But honestly? I don’t think you need to worry about that with Liam.
That young man looks at you like you hang the moon. He’s so in love with you.”
My head spins at my aunt’s words. At how spot-on she is.
“Do you love him?” she asks softly.
“Yes. I do.” I don’t even think about it. I just say it. My love for Liam surges through me like a tidal wave.
I’ve felt it for weeks. I’ve just been ignoring it because I was too scared about what could go wrong between us.
She pats my hand. “I understand why you’re scared to get serious with him. But I’d hate for you to let fear be the reason that you miss out on an amazing love with a wonderful man.”
I’m quiet as I process everything she’s said. She’s right. I’m letting my fear of things that haven’t even happened rule my life. That’s no way to live.
“You should tell him how you feel,” she says before turning back to the TV, right as the Wolves game starts. Liam appears on screen as he skates to center ice for the puck drop.
I hold my breath, my heart hammering in my chest at just how much I love him.
My entire body buzzes with the need to tell him right this second. I can’t though. He’s about to play.
I take a breath in an attempt to calm my nerves. I’ll call him after the game and tell him. I’ll apologize for breaking his heart, and I’ll ask him if he still wants to be together…
I sit on the couch and watch Liam dominate on the ice. He plays like a machine. His movements are lightning-fast and precise. He handles his stick like it’s an extension of his body.
He shoots at the opposing team’s net, but their goalie blocks it.
Auntie snaps her fingers. “So close.”
Liam flies across the ice after a player on the other team takes the puck. He manages to steal it away and takes off back toward the net.
As he speeds up, a player from the opposing team catches up with him. A second later, the guy checks Liam.
He slams head-first into the boards, then collapses onto the ice.