46. I need you to know
Forty-Six
I NEED YOU TO KNOW
Liv
Sunny climbs across me, purring deeply, and settles his bulk right on my chest.
“You need to go on a diet. You’ve eaten too many treats this week.” I scratch behind his ears. “Ready to go home tomorrow?” I ask him.
He yawns, whiskers fanning out, and finishes with a chirp. Curling his head down, he looks at me from an upside-down view.
“Yeah, me too. But we don’t live here. It’ll feel good to be back in our own space.
” I flip the blanket off, throwing my feet over the edge of the bed.
Try as I might, I can’t keep my eyes from finding the clock.
6:45 a.m. I shake my head, stand, and begin pacing about the room, opening and closing drawers, making the bed, moving my perfume just a little to the right.
I don’t need to hear his explanation. I’m not supposed to care what he does. This is a short-term, secret affair that’s fun and nothing more. It’s probably better that I don’t go hear what he has to say.
“A clean cut. End it now,” I mumble.
It can’t possibly be normal—the way I’m walking around muttering to myself. Sunny follows me closely, waiting for me to pour food into his bowl. I stop in the middle of the room, hands on my hips, and look at the chair in the corner.
My mind replays everything—every conversation we’ve had this week, every feeling I’ve had and pretended I didn’t.
Even if I went to talk to him, what would be the point? We leave tomorrow. And if we tried to make this some sort of long-term whatever—which we won’t—he’d figure out eventually that I’m not worth sticking around for. Everyone else seems to leave, so why would he be any different?
A small piece of me, the part of my heart that so desperately needs to be wanted, is curious though what he has to say for himself.
“He’s such a good kisser.” That’s what the girl said to her friend when they passed us on the patio last night. Is it possible I read him so wrong? Was my desperation for physical connection so strong that I overlooked the lie and believed him when he said he doesn’t hook up with guests?
Stargazing. The way he held me when I learned about my mom. Him telling me about his dad—it all felt real. Could it have all just been a show?
I rub my eyes, trying to sort through the mess in my mind.
I can’t think straight.
I need coffee.
Mae is in the great room when I wander in. She’s pouring the freshly brewed coffee into the carafe and setting up the pot to brew some more.
“Morning, hun.” She catches my eye, and I offer a small wave. Mae slips through the kitchen door, returning a moment later with a tray full of croissants.
I can’t pretend that the sight of my favorite food doesn’t lift my spirits a little. Mae sets the tray down and puts the croissants in a linen-lined basket.
“Careful, they’re hot,” she says, her hands picking up and dropping the croissants as quickly as possible.
“Croissants are my favorite.” I grab a plate and pluck a croissant from the basket, ripping the end of the flaky pastry and bringing it to my mouth completely ignoring how hot it is. So good. It practically melts in my mouth. The perfect mix of buttery, flaky, and moist.
Mae chuckles, watching me as I take my first bite, blowing out the hot air between chews.
“We rarely have them. But my son insisted the other day that we add them to the order.” She looks at me then, her expression unreadable. It vaguely reminds me of Pop though, when he knows something but doesn’t want to say it, waiting for me to say it first.
“You know, these come from the same place as the coffee.” Mae pauses, her gaze fixed on me.
I stop, the ripped piece of croissant poised in front of my mouth for my second bite. “These are from Bean & Brew?”
“They sure are. I don’t mind. Claire is a nice girl, and her mom is one of my best friends. I’m happy to support her business. Coffee?”
My mind races, working through the pieces of information I’m being fed.
“Coffee?” she asks again, and I realize I never answered her.
“Oh, yes, please. When did you say these were added to your order?”
Mae taps her chin, looking up in thought. “Mmm…Wednesday, I think. Yeah, that sounds about right.”
I told Luke croissants were my favorite on Tuesday, when he sat with me during the storm.
“I’m sorry, can you give me a paper cup instead?”
“Sure thing,” she says, pouring the contents of the mug into the paper cup. “Milk, sugar?”
“Just milk, please.” Mae pours the milk and tops the cup with a lid, slipping into a warming sleeve. I fix my eyes on the counter before me, my forehead tight with tension.
“Here you go. Hey, are you okay?” She cocks her head observing me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m going to… take a walk.”
“You know the path heads down both sides of the lake, but I like the view when you follow it around to the right.” Mae smiles, handing me my cup.
“Thanks,” I say. That’s exactly the direction I planned to go.
Luke’s on his dock, looking out over the lake when I arrive.
I shake out my hands, wiping them on my shorts.
The boards creak and groan under my flip-flops, and Luke spins, his gray-green eyes flashing with surprise.
I remember the first time I looked at those eyes, thinking they reminded me of a warm summer day.
There’s so much more to them now.
“Hi,” he says.
I wave awkwardly.
He stabs his fingers through his hair, seemingly unsure where to begin.
“Luke—”
“Trip, I mean it when—” we begin at the same time.
My hands fly up. “You don’t owe me anything.
We agreed this was supposed to be a no-strings kind of thing.
It was never meant to be anything serious, and certainly nothing to stress about.
We never said this was exclusive while I was here.
I can’t be upset if you have other… interests. ” I hope he can’t tell I’m lying.
He takes a step toward me. “No, it’s not like that.”
I take one step back.
“Listen, maybe I don’t owe you any explanation, but I want to give you one. I need you to understand that my interests aren’t anywhere but here, with you, and only you.”
I inspect the hem of my shirt, suddenly finding it very difficult to look into the stormy eyes of the man before me.
There’s an ache in my chest that’s all too familiar.
I felt it when my dad said he didn’t want me, and when Mom left me behind.
I felt it when my ex cheated and then left. I feel it now.
“It’s such a tight line to walk, to keep her happy enough that she doesn’t complain, but distant enough to show her there’s zero chance of me giving her my time.
She has been coming on to me all week, and all week I’ve been trying—politely—to make it clear I’m not interested.
Yes, she tried to kiss me last night. I stopped it.
I never got to say anything further before she assumed we’d hang out later that night and bounced away toward her parents.
I never met her last night, never had any intention to. ”
I close my eyes against his words, taking them in.
“I have absolutely no interest in her, or anyone else who’s not you.”
I glance up, and he takes another step closer. This time I don’t retreat.
“Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to tell her to just fuck off and leave me alone? How badly I wanted to tell her you’re all I can see, and she’ll never compare? I couldn’t though. I never can.”
Everything about him radiates genuine sincerity, like it has from the moment I met him.
“Because she’s a guest,” I say.
He nods, then takes another tentative step. “I have to be polite, even to a guest who can’t take a hint.”
“I get it.” I do. This place is everything to him, and business is down as it is. An unhappy guest situation wouldn’t be ideal, especially now.
“I need you to know.” Another step has brought him within a foot of me. “I need you to know that aside from the fact that you’re the first guest I’ve ever…”
“Hooked up with.”
“Yeah.” His mouth tilts in an adorable half smile. “From the moment I saw you in the coffee shop, you’ve consumed me. My dreams, my thoughts. Then, when you showed up here last weekend, you consumed my reality too. I don’t hook up with guests. Ever. That is until you came along.”
He takes the last step, standing just inches away. His hand reaches out and grips mine. I stare down at the point of contact, my heart fluttering. He reaches the other under my chin and brings my gaze to his handsome face.
“For a long time, I shut down my heart. Focused on the family, the bed-and-breakfast, and what I needed to do here. Then you came along and… you didn’t give my heart much choice.”
“Luke, I’m—” I’m what? I’m falling for you? I can’t say that. Would it even be true if I did? Can I really say I’m falling for him?
Yes.
“I know. You’re leaving tomorrow, and your life is in the city. I just wanted you to know that”—he pauses, seeming to decide his words carefully—“that I have zero regrets. Getting to know you this week has been incredible.” Luke pushes the hair off my face and tucks it behind my ear.
“Why are you telling me this?” My nose stings and my eyes burn. I try to swallow it down.
“Because I would hate for you to leave thinking that you don’t matter to the people here. You do. At the very least, you matter to me.”
He pulls my face toward his. Lips softly brushing against my own.
“Are you serious right now?” a voice shrieks from the end of the dock.
Luke’s head snaps to attention, and I spin to face the clawing sound.
Chloe’s eyes are wide and furious, her hands balled into fists. Her whole being is coiled tight like a viper ready to strike.
“First you blew me off last night when we were supposed to meet. Then I come here to say goodbye because we’re leaving, and you’re out here kissing someone else!
” She stomps her foot, pointing at me. A toddler throwing a tantrum.
“Is this why you didn’t meet me last night?
Were you with her?!” she shrieks again. “You’re disgusting.
” With a growl of frustration, she turns on her heels, storming back down the path.
“Whoa,” I say, turning back to look at Luke.
Scrubbing a hand down his face, he groans. “Do you see what I’m up against?”
“Holy shit. Now what?” I ask.
Luke pinches the bridge of his nose, releasing a heavy breath. “I don’t know.”
“Hey, Gertie,” I say, sitting in the Adirondack chair beside hers.
“Oh, hello, dear.” She pats my arm.
“Where’s Frank?” I look around, not seeing him anywhere.
“He took a walk. My tired old legs can’t handle his walks. So I told him I’d sit here and wait for him to come back.”
A question nags at me. “Gertie, can I ask you something?”
“Certainly.”
“Why do you come back here every summer? There are so many places to visit and see, so why here?” I feel silly for wondering, but I’m curious.
“I’ve been vacationing on this lake every summer since I was a little girl. I met Frank on this lake, you know.” She peers over at me, permanent smile lines etched on her face from a lifetime of laughter.
I raise my eyebrows at her, and she nods.
“Every summer our families would vacation here, and he and I would play and horse around like children do. Every summer we were the best of friends. Then one summer, my goodness, it was like I was seeing him for the first time. He was so handsome!” She reaches over and places an old, weathered hand on my arm.
“He kissed me for the first time that summer, and I said to myself, Gertie, you better never let this boy go. So I didn’t.
We got married on this lake. Eventually, through family, we learned the Huffmans turned their home into a bed-and-breakfast. That was that.
We never wanted to spend our summers anywhere else. So we’ve been coming here ever since.”
“Isn’t there anywhere else on the lake to stay?”
“Well, of course. But we knew the Huffmans growing up, and honestly they’re just the nicest people. Have you seen their son? Handsome fella.”
My cheeks heat, and she nods, seeming to understand something unspoken.
“How’d you know Frank was the one?”
“Well…” She thinks on this, pursing her lips.
“I suppose there was something about the way he seemed to know me that made me feel like I could be entirely myself with him. Don’t forget, we were friends first. Knew each other's flaws, secrets, dreams. The physical attraction only made knowing him that much better. My heart knew long before my head did though I think.”
Frank breaks through the tree line, his sights finding Gertie immediately.
You can almost feel it, the tether that pulls them together, like their love is a visible, tangible thing.
“Good chatting with you, dear. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see if I can land myself a hot date for tonight.” She chuckles, pats my arm once more and shuffles down the steps toward her husband, who stands waiting for her, arms out ready to sweep her away.
Gertie’s words linger with me.
“Hey girlie, you ready?” Viv strides up, ready to tackle the shops in town for souvenirs to bring home to family.
“Yup. We need to stop by Fran’s too. I told her I’d drop off my book.”
“Did you see they had croissants this morning?” Viv asks, nudging my arm. “Who am I kidding? You probably sniffed them out the moment they came out of the oven.”
“I did, and they’re from Bean & Brew.”
“No way, really? Let me grab one for the walk then.”
“I think Luke ordered them because he knew I liked them.” I share with Viv the conversation Luke and I had, the things he said, and how Chloe stormed in fast and out furious.
Viv’s mouth drops, hands crossing her heart. “Glad to hear he didn’t fool us both into thinking he is a decent guy.”
“I know,” I mumble.
“Too bad we’re leaving. That man is a keeper.”