47. I feel so objectified
Forty-Seven
I FEEL SO OBJECTIFIED
Liv
“I’m so glad you’re here and so fluffing sad you’re leaving tomorrow!” Rachel throws her arms around Viv and me.
I laugh at her substitute for a swear word. I’ve come to learn this week that Rachel never says anything vulgar or offensive.
We’re still going to be friends, right? Like you’ll still keep in touch?”
“You obviously don’t know Viv very well yet if you’re asking that,” I joke, returning her hug.
“Facts. Once we exchange numbers, you’re a friend for life. So, get used to hearing random life updates from us, and I would expect nothing less in return.” Viv moves in and hugs Rachel next.
“Where’s Jim?” My head swivels around.
“Jim is working a double. He told me to tell you guys it was nice to meet you.”
Josh and Luke come strolling in shortly after, and we find a spot to sit.
My eyes snag on Luke, wearing a familiar black Henley with the double-H logo that I now recognize as the Huffman House logo.
My stomach somersaults thinking back to the first time I ever saw him, sitting in the back of the coffee shop like he owned the world.
How I wondered about him then.
And how I know him now—more intimately than I ever imagined.
I slide off the high-top chair to greet them, stepping into strong arms that pull me into a body that’s become familiar. I’d stay here in his arms all night if I could.
“Hey, you.” Luke’s voice rumbles, vibrating against my chest as he looks down at me with an adorable smirk showing off the crooked tooth I love.
Like.
The crooked tooth I like.
“Move it, move it! Get out of my way.” Josh shoves Luke and comes to stand in front of me, wrapping me in his own warm embrace.
Josh squeezes me too hard the way I imagine a fun uncle or a silly big brother would.
“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Viv not two seconds ago.
If you girls don’t text me—and I mean frequently—then I’m going to throw a fit, and I might have to come to New York City, crash at one of your places, and force you to entertain me with bars and good food.
So… actually, maybe don’t text me right away. Then I have an excuse to come visit.”
“Or—and hear me out here because this is a crazy idea—we could just invite you to come visit,” I say.
Josh squeezes me again and hums a sound of appreciation. “So weird. Viv said the same thing.”
A laugh tumbles through me. I pat his back and pull myself from his embrace.
I try not to give too much weight to the false promises we’re all making here.
Viv and I will go home, everyone will fall back into their routines, becoming busy with everyday life.
We’ll text for a little while maybe. And like so many things, the reality is, it’ll probably fade and peter out like a once-roaring flame in the fireplace that’s now nothing but cold embers.
“Now that we’ve all acknowledged how much we’re all going to miss each other,” Viv says, looking around at our little group of friends, “can we please order some food because your girl is hungry.”
Hoisting myself back into the slightly too-tall high-top seat, Luke’s voice brushes against my ear.
“If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to save our goodbyes for later.
” Goosebumps erupt on my skin, and my stomach does a funny fluttering thing.
The best I can offer is a nod, and then Luke is pulling out the chair next to me, slipping his body effortlessly into it, his arm draped across the back of my chair.
Josh takes the seat at the end of the table between Viv and me. The whole feeling of being at this table, with these people, feels right in a way I can’t explain. I try not to dwell on it too much. It’s been an amazing week, unexpected in all the best ways.
Two pitchers of beer and a handful of appetizers later, we finally call it a night.
“What time tomorrow are you leaving?” Rachel says, the buzz of beer making her eyes glassy—or maybe she’s feeling a little more emotional now that it’s officially time to say goodbye.
“First thing. It’s like—” Viv begins.
“Seven hours. Seven. Count ‘em, Viv.” I hold up seven fingers for her to count, and she rolls her eyes dramatically. “When she booked this trip, she told me it was four hours away.” I explain to Rachel.
“Details. Whatever. Either way, better to leave early so we’re not home too late, you know? In case there’s traffic.”
“Okay, one more hug.” Rachel hugs us each, giving a little extra squeeze at the end. “I’m so glad you chose our little town to visit. Ugh, I’m gonna miss you two. Text me when you get home, okay?” She looks at both of us, waiting expectantly for our answer.
“You've got it,” I say. “Tell Jim we said it was great to meet him.”
“How ya getting home, Rach?” Josh asks.
“I was gonna walk,” she says, tilting a little to the side.
“How about I walk you, then?” He throws his arm around her shoulder. “Viv, any interest in coming with? One last hurrah with your favorite guy?” Josh’s eyes flit between Luke and me and back to Viv, eyebrows raised.
“Duh. I have seven hours in the car with this chick tomorrow.” She hooks a thumb in my direction. “Of course I’ll walk with you.” Viv sweeps her gaze to mine, winks, and then gives Luke a hug.
“I’m glad you’re not an asshole.” Then she mumbles to him, “Otherwise I’d have had to kick your ass, and I really didn’t feel like ruining my vacation over some toddler in a crop top.”
“I am glad I didn’t have to get my ass kicked. That would have been embarrassing, and I’m pretty sure Frank would have never let me hear the end of it.” He hugs her back, looks down at my flip-flop clad feet, then tosses Josh his keys.
“Why don’t you guys drive? Liv, are you cool to walk back to the house with me?”
Lanterns placed every thirty feet or so illuminate the otherwise dark sidewalk. Our walk so far has been quiet, but it’s comfortable. Every so often, Luke takes a breath as if ready to speak, but nothing happens. Lost in my own thoughts, I don’t push.
What’s there to say?
It’s been fun.
Thanks for the sex.
I’ll never use my vibrator without thinking of you, are you happy now?
For a secret fling, this all feels much heavier than I thought it would.
A rough, calloused hand finally grasps mine. I accept it, smiling to myself. Even my ex never held my hand when we walked together.
“So…”
“This was fun,” I say a little too quickly. Idiot.
His face snaps to mine, eyebrows pinched. “It was, yeah.”
“I know this was all just for fun, but getting to know you this week has been…”
“It’s been nice,” I say, knowing nice doesn’t quite cut it.
“It has been. I might miss you a tiny bit when you leave.” Luke pinches his fingers together to show just how small.
My heart thumps heavily in my chest. “Yeah, I mean, you’re not too hard on the eyes, so I’ll definitely miss that a little.”
He presses his hand against his heart. “Is that all you care about? My rugged good looks? I feel so objectified.” Mock horror coats his voice, eyes wide as he stops me on the sidewalk.
“There isn’t anything else you’ll miss?” His voice drops seductively.
Everything. I will miss everything.
I tilt my head from side to side, pretending to consider things.
“Fine. I’ll miss the lake. I found the lake and nature to be surprisingly soothing.
And I’ll miss the town. The people were so…
welcoming. Like, they really seemed to care that I was here and wanted me to feel a part of this place. It’s amazing.”
Luke waits, saying nothing, just nodding in agreement.
The sky is clear, moonlight splashing against the features of his face, highlighting his cheekbones and the line of his nose.
Individual strands of hair fall into his face, so I reach up and push them from his forehead. His face leans into my touch.
“And I’ll miss…” My hand drags down the side of his face, thumb rubbing his cheek. “Josh.” I let my hand drop.
A surprised bark of laughter bursts from him as a wide smile splits his face. It hurts how handsome he is.
“Yes, well, Josh will miss you too.”
We walk the rest of the way in silence. Trying to ignore the sadness attempting to creep its way into my heart, I focus on how good it’ll be to go home to my apartment.
My space. How nice it’ll be to fall back into a routine that makes sense and a life that I’ve worked hard to create.
Trading crickets for honking horns, and a sky full of stars for a city full of lights.
We make it to the pillars that frame the entrance of the house.
Small spotlights shine on the plaque that reads The Huffman House, the other on the address.
Just inside the pillars, it’s dark aside from the moonlight, and Luke pulls me to the side of the driveway, where it seems even the moon has forgotten to shine.
His hands cup my face, fingers winding into my hair. “Trip.”
There’s a desperation in his voice as he pulls my face closer to his.
“Liv,” he whispers against my mouth, lips lightly brushing against mine. I grip the fabric of his shirt between my fingers. And then he’s kissing me, unlike any kiss we’ve shared before. This kiss isn’t exploratory, hasty, or fueled by lust.
No.
It’s familiar and safe. The kind of kiss that brands itself on your heart to remind you where home is on the days you feel lost.
The moment ends, and Luke wraps his arms around me, tucking my head under his chin. His chest is warm against my cheek, heart thudding in my ear.
Maybe this time it’ll be different. These friendships feel real, our conversations built on more than fun nights and shared experiences.
Do I tell him I hope he’ll visit if Josh does?
And what if Josh doesn’t? What if we make all these excuses and reasons why a seven-hour drive just isn’t convenient this time but “definitely next time, we’ll make plans and stick to them.
” Can my heart handle that kind of letdown again and again?
“I bet you’ll be glad when you can get back to your everyday routine, with no secrets kept.” I lean back so I can see his face.
“I’d be lying if I said the guilt wasn’t eating me alive, but I don’t regret a thing.” He tucks the loose hair behind my ear, his thumb brushing my cheek.
“I should get to bed. Long drive tomorrow.”
Luke is silent for so long I wonder if I actually said the words out loud.
“I’m gonna—”
“Trip—” Luke begins at the same time.
“Sorry. Go ahead, what were you going to say?”
Luke’s brow pinches, his mouth opening slightly as if he’s about to say something, but he catches himself before shutting it with a definitive shake of his head. “Never mind,” he says, forcing a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Okay. I’m going to head to bed.” I step away from him, but his hand finds mine, pulling me in for one more kiss. I don’t resist him. Don’t think I ever could.
“Don’t be a stranger,” he mumbles against my lips.
I don’t know when I’ll get another vacation, so I choose not to answer. Neither of us benefits from false promises.
“Thanks for a great week, Romeo.” I pull away, putting distance between us. He stands there, like he did on the first night Viv and I were here, watching me as I walk to the front door.
“Have a safe drive home.”
“Bye, Luke.”
I don’t look back.
Closing the front door quietly behind me, I scoop Sunny from the cat bed behind the check-in desk and make my way to my room. I hold him tight. His deep purring is a calming, steady presence amid the chaos in my mind.
Back in my room, I pack the last of my things. I try to convince myself I have no issues walking away from Luke and the peace I found here in Maple Cove. This was just a fun break from reality. So why can I see myself here? See myself with Luke?
A heaviness settles in my bones, weighing me down. I flop onto the bed, staring at the linen-white door, and press the heels of my hands into my eyes.
Pushing out a deep breath, I drop my hands and stand, slamming the suitcase shut. I can’t leave Pop. I will not abandon my family. Those are footsteps I’m not willing to follow.