8 #2
I slowly stopped laughing when I realized how intimate it was that I was basically trying to feed him and heat filled his eyes.
I swallowed loudly and hurried to focus.
“You’re holding the answer. That’s why I was laughing.
” Just to double down on what I was saying, I pointed to the apple core on the other side of the counter.
He slowly blinked several times and then blew out a long breath before looking up.
“Yeah, and I feel fantastic,” I told him, adding to the meltdown of his that was building.
“Like I don’t know I’ve ever felt this well-rested given the traumas I suffered in that house and the way Alex intentionally messed with my sleep.
” I hurried on when he winced, Wyatt having accidentally triggered me because of that. “The maids and everything.”
“Okay,” he whispered and then moved the apple away to study it. “So it’s not like… The…” He blew out a harsh breath.
“Rejuvenating apple from the gods?” I offered.
“Sure,” he chuckled darkly. “And only you can get them.” He swallowed loudly and gave me a worried look.
“I hadn’t even gotten that far yet but yeah, another miracle for me to be worried about.” I gestured for him to go ahead, snickering when his eyes went wide. “Of course you can have one. If anyone deserves to have one, it’s you.”
He let out a slow breath and took a bite, probably realizing it was pointless to argue, but also too curious to pass it up. He chewed and frowned, having about the same reaction I did. “Huh, I expected more…”
I nodded. “It wasn’t until I was done and stood to stretch that I started putting it together.”
“Fair enough. If it was just one bite, then it could be tiny pieces and not as valued,” he muttered and took another bite. “I wanted to talk about Nina and check on you but also explain about my friends.”
I flinched. “I’m sorry I lashed out and—”
“You never have to apologize for that and you were right. She and I dated. It ended. It wasn’t mutual,” he explained and focused on anywhere but me for some reason.
“He’s trying not to make you feel bad or be too intense with you,” Quinn explained. I appreciated him being my Wyatt decoder ring.
“Neither of us wanted to give up the rest of our friends and said we could be mature about it since it happened when we were undergrads.”
“But really, she wants you back,” I said for him.
“It’s egotistical when I say it, right?” he mumbled. “But yes.” He gave a half shrug. “She was being a bitch. She’s normally not though—none of them are, and I wanted to—”
“You don’t need to explain your friends to me,” I mumbled and went to the fridge for a water.
He was quiet a moment. “No, I don’t, but it’s valid when people judge someone by who they’re friends with. I do. All the time.” He was looking at me when I turned around. “But hear me out?”
“Of course.”
Wyatt’s shoulders relaxed and he took too big of a bite of the apple. I did my best not to watch his strong jaw work as he ate it and then his Adam’s apple as he swallowed. How his neck looked—all of him in those clothes.
Right, good job being alone with him in your bedroom again.
“They can absolutely be assholes,” he said, completely oblivious to my being distracted by his body.
“They’re like us and can turn it on in a flash, have the armor and shields to immediately activate that asshole attitude we’re taught from birth.
” He took another bite and chewed. “But not with me. Not with each other. We’re not like that. ”
“And yet you don’t trust them like I do Tracey?” I wasn’t picking on them. He’d said it earlier basically.
“That’s not their fault, and I would understand them being the same with me. You’re truly amazing in that area, Bevin.” He took another too-big bite and chewed. “It’s you.” He shook his head.
“It’s you being a Shaw and them not trusting that you’re not like your siblings,” Quinn clarified.
“Right, that’s what they’re worried about,” Wyatt agreed, but then we all froze.
I found my voice first. “Did you answer Quinn directly like you heard him speak?”
“Yeah, because I heard him speak clearly as if another male was in the room,” he answered, his voice breathy.
“Derek? What’s happening?” Quinn whispered, fear in his tone that broke my heart.
“I don’t know, Quinn, but it’s a miracle to me, so don’t be scared, okay?” Wyatt said gently and moved towards me since Quinn was still nestled on my shoulders. “This is amazing. I can’t believe that…” He blinked at me. “Is this a new power of yours?”
I slowly shook my head but then grabbed his wrist when he reached for Quinn.
Just not the one that was trying to touch his familiar.
The one holding the apple core.
“Oh no. No, they can’t do this to me,” I rasped as a proverbial weight landed on me so heavy that my knees almost buckled.
“Bev, hey, come on, Bevin,” Wyatt worried, holding my face and making me focus. “Breathe. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. Breathe with me. Listen to my heartbeat, right?”
“It’s like the twentieth time I’ve cried today,” I mumbled as I blinked back tears. “I give up even trying to control it any more. Emma is gonna kick me.”
“She won’t, but seriously, what did I miss?”
“It’s the apple,” I choked out. “It’s another miracle, Wyatt. Another miracle that I gatekeep and people will want from me.” I nodded when he swallowed loudly, but then let out a dark laugh and let him hug me. “Hecate’s tree isn’t the giving tree. I am.”
“I don’t know what that means, but it’s okay. I won’t have another apple or—”
“Really?” Quinn whispered. “You don’t want to talk to me, Derek?”
I curled up and cried. That was exactly what I knew would happen. Of course Derek and Quinn would want to talk. Anyone would want to talk to their familiar and all of the time even.
“Maybe it’s permanent,” Wyatt said, his voice making it clear he didn’t believe it either. He pulled me against him and kissed my hair when I cried harder.
There was no way the gods would give that huge of a gift in one apple. That people could permanently hear their familiars?
No way. Not when it was a gift and a test.
When I managed to calm down a bit, at least enough to talk, I pulled away and focused on Quinn. “The apples are limited and only I can get them. They either heal me or will let people talk to their familiars and there’s no way it will last.”
“Oh, that’s sad,” he whispered but then nodded. “Okay, so you and Derek split them and don’t—”
“Wait,” I cut in. “They’re from the gods. You can’t be selfish with gifts from the gods, right? It’s a test to see what we’ll do with them. If you take them all, then I can’t heal. If we don’t share, no one else can experience what you guys are.”
He lowered his head. “But I want to talk to Derek like I talk to you. I’ve always wanted that. This isn’t fair.” Something broke inside of me when he pulled away and went over to Derek for comfort. “I wish you didn’t find the apple only to have this for a while and then we lose it.”
“Bevin, wait,” Derek choked out when I stood and headed for the bathroom.
I went inside and locked the door, sliding to the floor and breaking down, quietly sobbing. I curled into a ball on my side and just sobbed. Why was everything so unfair and painful for me? Why did anything good have to come with so much pain?
Why did I have to give miracles to others, but it came at such a high cost? My cost?
This isn’t a test, but a curse, and I’m tired of carrying it. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Wyatt broke the rule of not circling to me in my room unless an emergency—or maybe saw this as one—and did it so he didn’t have to break down the door. He moved me onto his lap and Quinn curled up on me like we were suffering together, but some part of me wanted to shove the familiar away.
I wasn’t mad at him this time though. I understood how he felt, but it didn’t hurt me any less.
When I was all cried out, I realized that we weren’t in the bathroom anymore but on the sofa and his shirt was soaked. I didn’t even bother apologizing and just lay against him numb.
“Quinn, what you said hurt her a lot, and I know you didn’t mean to, but I need you to hear me, okay?
” Wyatt said gently. “Yes, I would love to hear you all of the time. Of course I would. You know that. But just like how I like when we do the sessions and are closer together, we can’t do that all of the time. It’s just not possible.
“This is like that. It’s extra, extra special.
The gods gave us this gift. It’s so special that we have to treat it as just this one time.
It’s so special, it’s as special as you are.
If I had a ton of familiars, then I wouldn’t value them the way I do you, right?
But you are my one and only miracle of a familiar from the gods. That’s why I treasure you.”
“That makes sense,” Quinn muttered. “It just seems like that car your dad gave you then took away because you didn’t do what he wanted. Your parents always took gifts back. It hurt you. I don’t like when gifts are taken back from you and now it hurts me too.”
I felt horrible for both of them and understood Quinn a lot better now.
“That had to be horrible for both of you. I would be upset too, but it’s more like a one-time event.
Think of it like a wedding reception or when he graduated.
That special time and then things go back to normal.
You have to enjoy that moment and cherish it. ”
“Okay, I will try.” He moved and snuggled against me. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Bevin. Do you want me to get you an apple so you can feel better?”
“No, I’m okay. I think we should leave the apples alone now that we know what they do. They’re very complicated,” I mumbled. I kissed his fur. “You guys go and talk. Talk about everything you’ve always wanted to because we don’t know how long it will last.”
Wyatt flinched under me. “What?”