8 #3
I moved off of him and smiled. “Go.” Nodded when he simply studied me. “Wyatt, we have no idea how long this will last or how many apples there will ever be. Go. Talk with Quinn. Enjoy your miracle. I’m sorry I took time from it.”
“But we need to—”
“Derek,” I whispered, his eyes flashing shock and much more. I reached out to touch him but dropped my hand. “Everything else can wait. Go talk to Quinn. This is a miracle you’ve both always wanted—one you deserve. Everything else will still be here later.”
“Thank you,” he breathed and kissed my cheek before standing with Quinn. He paused at the door and gave me one more look like he was checking it was okay, waiting until I nodded.
Quinn waved and I did back, wiping my eyes when they left a mix of emotions that I couldn’t even begin to name if I wanted to.
Then, just frustration as one of the last people I wanted to talk to called, groaning as her name lit up my phone. I knew it would stress me out more wondering why she’d called if I ignored it, so I answered.
“Hey, Jean,” I said and sniffled.
She didn’t reply right away. “Are you in trouble?”
I almost wondered if she truly cared but then realized that rabbit hole wasn’t worth it.
“The stupid never stops and I wasn’t allowed to regulate my emotions like a normal person, so sometimes it just comes out when I’m alone.
It makes me feel weak, but I’m being told it’s a healthy way to not be a Shaw and basically turn out like Mother. ”
She snorted but then was quiet again. “It must have been a lot if you’re sharing it with me.”
I could practically hear her mind spinning for a play and I sighed but also lied.
“Not really. Clare and I just had a nice quiet dinner where we discussed where we both are trying to move forward and feeling like our own people, not Charles Shaw’s property.
I guess… I guess I wanted to share that we’re working on that and maybe hope you are too. I don’t know, Jean.”
The silence was longer this time. “I didn’t call to get personal, but that actually helps me, so there is one thing I wanted to bring up if it’s not the wrong time?”
“I don’t think there is ever a right time for our family’s crazy, but I appreciate any honesty, so please go ahead,” I offered, falling back into my formal training.
“Well said,” she chuckled darkly. “When you said to everyone that Mother couldn’t have children—she addressed that easily.
I didn’t—I didn’t clock it then, but also there were so many accusations and—I’m not calling you a liar, but you have lied.
I think I filed that into ammo but also misdirection? ”
“Fair. I’m not upset about it.”
“No, but looks like a mistake I made,” she replied, her voice tight.
And that wasn’t allowed in the land of Jean.
I stared up at the ceiling and sighed knowing I was going to make a mistake.
“Jean, we all make mistakes. I’m probably going to make one right now and tell you that I messed up at the factory and wasted thousands of dollars of product because my power—I’m not really sure what. Mrs. Reid knows.
“That’s the announcement that we’re light on treats. You’re not perfect. You will never be perfect. It’s—you will kill yourself trying to be and make worse, dangerous mistakes trying to be. I’m not looking down on you or lecturing you, okay? I’m just—”
“It sounds like both,” she said tightly.
“No, it’s advice like I just took from Clare and others because they see things fully where I’m in the middle,” I countered.
“And they care. We might not ever be real sisters or friends, but I don’t want you to implode because of who takes over next.
Right now, trust in that. The mistakes frustrate me too and I’m learning to move on. ”
“I thank you for the advice and honesty. It’s more than my pride though, and I actually wanted you to know this more for your relationship with Clare.
” She cleared her throat when I didn’t say anything.
“I regret what I did trying to force her to mate someone violent. I didn’t know he was—it was a mistake. ”
“Okay?” I pushed when she didn’t say more.
“Mother faked a pregnancy after you it seems.” She chuckled darkly when I sighed. “Yes, I’ve had her interrogated under spells now, Grandmother and I did, and learned a lot. She faked it with potions and spells and then the miscarriage.”
“And that helped you not believe me in some of the other things I said,” I muttered.
She was quiet yet again, defaulting to that Jean patience I was jealous of.
“I don’t know, Bevin. Honestly, we were all in our own battles in this house.
I’m not diminishing the horrors you faced, but you have no idea the ones I suffered as well.
I know you think I could have saved you from Alex’s abuse, but I still cannot see a way that I didn’t get mated off if I did.
“And in a mating that was meant to punish me, to someone worse than Alex. Yes, I was horrible and saved it for ammunition against him. Yes, I saw you as—I didn’t understand and am realizing sometimes it was relief.
If he was hurting you, he wasn’t hurting me.
To think you were the only one he abused is honestly a bit narrow-minded of you. ”
That hit me hard and I let out a long, slow breath. “You’re right. I never considered it. Ever. I’m sorry you suffered that.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better.
” She cleared her throat again. “But Clare was too young to remember the miscarriage, but Mother had to have mentioned it in front of her. I know she did a few times over the years. I wanted you to know that and why we didn’t believe originally that she was going to sacrifice you. ”
“Thank you.”
“Yes, well, I like this open communication. It’s much better than our normal Shaw ways. It’s also why I wasn’t thrilled that Taylor Reid called me with information instead of you. I’m not a fan of being called by subordinates.”