Beck
This is what it’s all about.
I can hear the roar of the crowd past my custom-molded in-ears. That’s how loud they’re being.
The stage lights are so bright that I can’t see any specific faces in the crowd. They’re all just one shifting amalgamation of appreciation, adoration, and awe.
I’m someone who basically writes my feelings for a living, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to capture the feeling of having thousands of screaming people here to support me into words.
I reach for my mic, tilting the stand towards me.
I only have to clear my throat before the crowd goes wild again.
“Hello, Los Angeles!” I say, raising my hands, my expression breaking out into my bright, signature grin.
I’m not sure how Everett pulled the strings necessary for me to perform tonight at the Kia Forum without officially being on tour, but I guess that’s yet another thing I have to thank Andi for.
Maybe it’s a testament to how popular I’ve become, because tickets sold out in less than an hour. There are eighteen thousand screaming fans—the majority of which are sharing the hashtag #WonTheTicketWar—here to see me tonight.
It’s a surreal experience.
Turns out, the publicity of Andi’s court case has really made streaming numbers and my social media skyrocket. Considering the lead single was very obviously about Andi and the publicity of her own conservatorship court case, it makes sense why things would explode this way.
Did I expect them to be this explosive?
Nope.
Though I don’t know if I could’ve punched my way out of a paper bag when I first released the lead single because of how much of a mess I was. Things can change pretty fast. The magic of your girlfriend not being held hostage by her psycho mother anymore. Who would’ve thought?
“Thank you for being here for my first performance, now that my album Inevitable is out in the world!”
There’s more screaming and cheering, so I take a second to breathe it all in.
“This album title is really special to me. I hated the word inevitable for the longest time. It was a word I kept hearing over and over when I first presented as an omega, and at the time, I didn’t realize how much of a gift that was.”
“But,” I say, clearing my throat and shaking off the ghosts of my past. “ Amazing people kept showing up in my life in very special ways, and they helped me realize that inevitability can also mean destiny.”
I turn to the custom stage wings Everett managed to get for the venue, my eyes scanning about until they settle on Andi.
“I realized that inevitability doesn’t just have to mean doom and despair,” I chuckle. “Some beautiful, transformative things can be inevitable too.”
Andi is tucked underneath Eli’s arm, wiping at her cheeks as she offers me a warm smile.
The crowd erupts into more cheers. I’m sure my little speech will be clipped and uploaded to the internet within minutes.
People will know I’m talking about Andi, but that’s exactly what I want. I want them to know the only reason they have this piece of art they enjoy so much is because of her.
I can’t protect her from all the hate and scrutiny being with me brings, but I can make my stance very, very clear.
“Now then, if you could direct your attention to the screen behind me...” The stage lights dim so there’s a lone spotlight on me in front of the massive screen—another one of Everett’s magic miracles—flickers to life behind me.
“If you’ve been a fan of me for a while, you’ll know that my music videos have always featured just me and my guitar.
It was a tradition born from my... humble beginnings, shall we put it.
But my career has come a long way, thanks to you all! ”
My gaze drifts back to Andi, as if she’s a siren and I’m the sailor at sea. Funny, considering I’m the one out here about to sing.
“Premiering for everyone else at midnight tonight is the first-ever cinematic music video I’ve ever had the privilege of making. But you guys are lucky, since you’re going to get to watch it right now!”
I hear the countdown for the start of the song in my in-ears as the music video for Drowning (I’m coming for you, please wait for me) starts playing behind me.
The screen is a rippling underwater scene that’s quickly interrupted by me falling through and breaking the surface, bubbles dragging upwards from the impact. Whatever color grading Andi did in post makes Edison’s backyard pool look like a deep, endless ocean.
As I sing, I can’t help but smile from ear to ear despite the rather depressing, desperate lyrics.
How can I not, when the product of the day we all filmed the music video is playing right behind me?
Andi kept on joking I had to look more depressed during the shoot, but it was seriously hard to act considering she was in a ridiculously sexy bathing suit she kept on insisting was just a normal one-piece.
Normal one-pieces don’t have nearly as many sexy cutouts as hers did, but who am I to complain about a fantastic view?
It was also difficult considering how excited she was to finally work on the music video together. Edison even arranged for us to have a fancy underwater camera rig that she and Cameron learned how to use together.
Music videos aren’t as big of a deal as they were a decade or so ago, when every single song on an album had one, and I’m sure if I shared this thought with others they’d say I’m biased, but I think the video Andi put together is the best I’ve ever seen.
She has this miraculous ability to capture the exact feelings I want to convey with imagery, light and color.
There’s something magical about my artistic vision so clearly being brought to life. She’s spoiled me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work with anyone else.
Maybe it’s because the song is about her, but nothing will live up to the magic of this experience.
As the final notes of the song and the ethereal synths fade away, and the roar of the crowd returns.
I take a second to pull out one of my in-ears to really soak in the nearly deafening levels of noise. People are going absolutely nuts.
With the dimmer spotlight, I’m able to make out the faces of the first few rows right by the stage. Teenage girls are clinging to each other and crying. Pride swells in my chest. Mission accomplished. There’s great power in being able to curate an emotional experience for a crowd this big.
“I’d like to invite to the stage the woman who’s made this song, this music video, this album, and so much more possible,” I say into the mic before turning to the wings and gesturing for Andi to come join me.
Even though I mentioned this in rehearsal—her eyes are still wide. Understandably so, considering the situation I asked her to put herself in. But her joining me on stage, is important to me.
She makes her way onto the stage, wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and one of the cropped t-shirts that I’m selling for merch. Her eyes never leave me once.
“Hey,” I murmur, reaching for her and tucking her into my side.
“Hi,” she breathes out, grinning up at me.
We’re speaking far enough away from the mic that it doesn’t pick up our voices.
“How’re you doing?”
“Okay,” she nods, her smile softening around the edges. “Good, if I don’t think about how many eyeballs are on me right now.”
“I’ll just have to keep your mind on me then, huh?” I tease before leaning down and pressing my lips against hers.
She clings to my tank top, hands fisting in the loose fabric as the crowd goes feral.
“Distracted enough?” I murmur against her lips when I pull back.
“Mhmm, plenty distracted,” she laughs.
“Perfect,” I grin, grabbing the mic again. “Everyone, I’d like for you to meet muse—and also my biggest fan—my girlfriend, Andi!”
She offers them the most adorable wave.
“She’s the one behind that entire music video, so it was only fitting that I brought her on stage to meet you guys after showing you that masterpiece!”
I lace her fingers with mine and smile down at her, setting the mic back on the stand.
“Would you be interested in this life?” I murmur, leaning forward so my lips are brushing against her ear.
I could pretend that this is purely out of logistical necessity, so that she can actually hear me.
But I know deep down—actually, scratch that, not even deep down—I know at a surface level that I just want to breathe in her soothing chamomile perfume.
“I’d be stupid to say no,” she giggles, gesturing at the crowd.
“It might be nice being on the other side of the camera. I’m sure they’d go crazy for a tour movie.
” She tilts her head, a small line forming between her brows.
“That is why you’re asking me, right? ‘Cause you’re planning on going on tour? ”
“I think I’d be crucified if I didn’t go on tour for this album after tonight,” I say with a small huff. “Not that that’s a hardship or anything. I just... want to make sure you’re on board.”
“Of course I’m on board. This is your dream. And lucky for you, I can pursue my own dream alongside yours.”
“Makes it easier when you’ve got a handsome and awesome muse, huh?”
“Hell yeah it does,” she says, agreeing automatically.
Despite the fact that we’re having a conversation in front of eighteen thousand people that can’t hear what we’re saying, I feel like the only thing that matters is her.
“I’m lucky as hell I’ve got a perfect muse too, then,” I murmur before leaning down and capturing her lips in another kiss.