Chapter 44
Violet
Sunlight was streaming through the windows when I finally awoke, and for a moment, panic seized me. I rolled over, squinting at the clock on the nightstand.
Shit. I'd totally missed—
Wait.
The chaos of the last twelve hours rushed back to my mind, and I remembered that I had the next five days off training for the compassionate leave granted to me by the Council. Our flight to California didn’t leave until 4:45 this afternoon, so I still had plenty of time.
I exhaled slowly, my racing heart beginning to settle. Then I became aware of another presence in the bed.
I rolled back over to see Julian sitting beside me, back resting against the bedhead. He was still wearing the same clothes from last night, and he was looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite read.
“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked, my voice still husky with sleep.
“A while,” he said. “I came to check on you around nine. You were sleeping so deeply I didn't want to wake you.”
“So you just sat down and watched me sleep for three hours?”
“Yeah. Is that creepy?"
I let out a dry laugh. “Honestly… after everything else that’s happened to me lately, it barely even registers on the creepy scale.”
A ghost of a smile touched his lips, but it faded quickly. He looked exhausted. Shadows under his eyes, tension in his shoulders, the kind of bone-deep weariness that came from more than just one sleepless night.
“You should lie down,” I said softly. “You look like you haven't slept at all.”
“I didn’t.” He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it slightly disheveled. “Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured you standing in that Council chamber, and then I kept thinking about...” He trailed off, jaw tightening.
“Thinking about what?”
“I thought you might tell them you wanted to leave.” The words came out quiet, almost vulnerable. “I spent all of last night preparing myself for it. Trying to figure out how I'd let you go without falling apart completely.”
“But I stayed,” I said, brows knitting.
“Yeah. I know.” He looked at me again, and there was something raw in his eyes. “I still don't understand why.”
“You want to know why I chose to stay even though we’ve found Cal’s killer now?”
He nodded. “You told me you were only staying for that. So what’s changed?”
I took a slow breath, trying to organize the tangled mess of feelings in my chest into something coherent.
“Finding Cal's killer was supposed to give me closure,” I said. “It was supposed to make everything make sense. And it did, a little. But it also made me realize...” I paused, trying to figure out my next words.
Julian's expression shifted as he waited for me to continue, becoming more intent.
“Do you remember what I told you yesterday morning?” I finally went on. “When I said I have feelings for you?”
He nodded. “You said you’ve always had them on some level, but you never wanted to admit it.”
“Yeah. And they wouldn’t go away no matter how much I wanted them to,” I said. “I was so confused by that.”
His hand came up to rest on my knee, warm through the thin fabric of the pajamas I was still wearing. "Violet—"
“Please. Let me finish.” I took another slow breath.
“I spent all those weeks being terrified of you.
Thinking you were stalking me, threatening me, trying to break me down.
But despite all that, there was still this…
this thing between us that I couldn't explain or control. A pull, I guess. It made me feel totally crazy. Like I was betraying myself by being attracted to someone who was tormenting me.”
I paused, swallowing hard.
“Then, yesterday afternoon, I found out it wasn't all you. The worst parts of it—the blood, the threats—that was actually Cherry. Everything shifted then. I could finally separate the stuff you did from the stuff she did. And when I did that...” I looked down at his hand on my knee. “I realized something. I wasn’t confused anymore.”
Julian’s lips curved into another faint smile, but he didn’t say anything. Just let me keep going.
“Over the past month, you've been one of the most constant, caring presences in my life,” I said softly.
“You respected my boundaries. You supported my investigation even though it put you at risk. You protected me without trying to control me. You gave me space when I needed it and showed up when I asked you to. And you protected me before all of that, too. Like… with the whole Kane thing.”
His thumb traced small circles on my knee, the gesture almost unconscious.
“So I stayed,” I said. “Because I’m not confused anymore. And I want to stop running from my feelings.”
Julian was quiet for a long moment, just looking at me with those intense blue eyes that seemed to see straight through to my core. Then he leaned closer, his hands coming up to frame my face with a gentleness that made my breath catch.
“I’ll always take care of you,” he said, his voice low and fierce. “I know I fucked up before, with the way I went about all of this. But I swear to you, Violet, I will spend every day for the rest of my life making sure you never regret choosing to stay.”
Then he kissed me, soft and slow and reverent, like I was something precious he was afraid of breaking. When we finally pulled apart, I was breathless and my heart was racing for entirely different reasons than fear.
Once upon a time, I’d asked Julian what his weakness was, figuring I could use it against him to escape captivity.
He’d told me he had none, but now I knew the truth.
I was his weakness. Always had been. But instead of using that against him as per my original plan, I’d chosen to stay, because I wanted to be with him.
“Thank you,” I murmured. “For always being here for me. Even when I pushed you away.”
“Always,” he said, his forehead resting against mine. He took a breath, then pulled back slightly so we could look at each other properly. “How are you feeling now? About last night.”
The question brought reality crashing back, and I felt my throat tighten.
“Well… I'm really glad we got the confession from Cherry. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders. But at the same time, I’m still really angry,” I said, hands clenching and unclenching on my lap. “You know what makes me the angriest?”
“What?”
“The way Cherry acted like Cal lived some utterly charmed life.
As if she didn't have any problems at all,” I said.
“It's just not true. Cal had all sorts of issues because of our childhood.
That's why she kept herself so damn busy all the time, with classes, gym, theater, volunteering, and everything else. She was trying to forget. Or at least stay distracted.”
Julian's hands slid down to my shoulders. “Because of what happened with your mother's boyfriend. Neil.”
“Yeah. We spent so many years acting like we were fine, even though we weren’t. But Cal took it so much harder.” My voice cracked slightly. “I told you about all the nightmares she used to have, right?”
“Yeah, you did.” He rubbed my back gently. “I get why you two were so affected by what you did, but I stand by what I said yesterday. You were children protecting your mother. Neither of you should’ve been put in that position.”
“I know that logically, but knowing it and feeling it are two different things.” I wiped at my eyes, frustrated by the tears that kept threatening.
“Anyway… it just pisses me off so much that Cherry had the audacity to act like Cal's life was perfect and easy. Like she didn't struggle at all, or didn’t work super hard for everything she had.”
“Cherry is a narcissist,” Julian said. “She can’t see past her own resentment to recognize that everyone carries invisible burdens. She decided Cal's life looked better than hers, and that was enough to justify murder in her twisted mind.”
“I know.” I exhaled slowly. “And I know she's going to spend the rest of her life in prison for it. I should feel satisfied by that. And I should feel glad we finally got to the truth. But instead I just feel… really fucking mad. Mad and sad.”
Julian pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me. “That's normal,” he murmured against my hair. "Revenge and justice don't feel the same as closure. You can have both and still feel like shit.”
We sat there for a long moment, just holding each other. Then I pulled back slightly.
“Can we talk about you now?” I asked, tilting my head.
“Okay.” Julian’s brows rose. “What do you want to know?”
“Honestly, anything,” I said. “I just realized that every conversation we’ve ever had has been about me since we met. So I don’t actually know much about you.”
Julian's expression shifted, becoming more guarded. “I guess I don’t talk about myself much.”
“Well, I want to know you. I want to know everything,” I said softly. “The way you know me.”
He was quiet for a moment, like he was debating what to reveal. “Yesterday, I said that we’re complete opposites,” he finally said. “But I think we actually have something in common.”
“What?”
He rubbed his jaw. “My childhood wasn't like yours. I never had to kill anyone to protect my family. But I still understand what it's like to grow up feeling like you're acting all the time.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“My father has been grooming Roman and me since we were children to take on leadership roles. Everything we did was in service of that.” He paused, jaw tightening.
“You’ve probably noticed that August isn’t exactly a warm man.
Never has been. And my mother is pretty much the same.
Love in our family is conditional. Tied to performance, to meeting expectations, to upholding the family legacy. ”
“That sounds lonely,” I said softly.
“It was.” He reached over and took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.
“Roman and I are close because we had to be. We were all each other had. But even with him, I learned early on to keep certain parts of myself hidden. To maintain the facade of the perfect heir.” He paused. “But then I saw you.”