Chapter 44 #2
“Me?” I said, wondering how I factored into it.
“I told you yesterday that there’s a kind of light around you.
But there’s something else there too,” he said.
“When I first saw you, you had this expression on your face that I recognized instantly. Like you were trying really hard to hold it together. But I could see the sadness underneath the brave face you were putting on. And I could see that because I understood it.”
His thumb traced over my knuckles.
“Most people look at me and see what I want them to see. Someone to respect or fear. But when you looked at me that day, there was something different in your eyes. Like you were somehow seeing past the mask.”
“But I didn't even know who you were that day.”
“Exactly.” A faint smile crossed his face. “You had no idea I was a Valcourt. No idea about my status or any of it. You just saw... me. And that made me feel something I'd never felt before.”
“What?”
“Like maybe I didn't have to wear a mask for you. Like maybe you'd want me as I actually am.” He shook his head slightly. “It sounds pretty fucking ridiculous when I say it out loud. Projecting all of that onto a total stranger just because of a look she gave me.”
I squeezed his hand. “I don’t think it sounds ridiculous,” I said softly. “I think it’s sweet.”
“Well… that feeling only got stronger once I actually got to know you.” He met my eyes.
“When I was assigned to spy on you, I learned a lot more about you.
Your grief over losing Cal, and your determination to find out what happened to her.
You were so strong. So resilient. I thought about you constantly.
Wanted to know everything about you, wanted to be close to you even though I knew I shouldn't.” He hesitated, rubbing his jaw.
“I got totally obsessed. I know that. But for the first time in my life, I felt like I'd found someone who understood what it was like to carry so much invisible weight. Someone who might see the real me without judging.”
I thought about that for a moment; about how we'd both been performing in different ways.
Me trying to hold myself together through my childhood and Cal's death, Julian trying to maintain the perfect Valcourt facade. Two people performing roles until we found each other and realized we could finally open up and be ourselves, no matter how much darkness or baggage we’d been carrying.
We sat in comfortable silence for a moment, just being still together without the weight of secrets or fear between us. Then I remembered what was coming next, and my stomach fluttered with nerves.
“Are you scared about meeting my mother tonight?” I asked, sitting up straighter.
Julian shook his head. “The only thing that scares me is the thought of losing you,” he said. “You know that.”
I raised a brow. “You’re not even slightly nervous?”
“Well… maybe the tiniest bit.” He ruffled my hair, giving me another faint smile. “I could say the wrong thing. Then she won’t think I’m good enough for her little girl.”
“Don’t worry, she’s really easygoing. I think she’ll like you,” I said, returning his smile. “Besides, she can’t possibly be anywhere near as scary as your dad. I honestly feel like I’m about to have a heart attack whenever he looks at me.”
He laughed dryly. “Yeah, like I said, he’s not a warm man.”
“How do you think he’d react if he found out the truth about what our relationship used to be like?
” I asked, brows knitting with curiosity.
“Like… how I totally despised you for so long. Or the fact that you stayed away from me for a whole month when we were supposed to be getting to know each other.”
“He’d probably want to disown me.”
I blinked. “Seriously? Over that?”
“Yeah.” Julian's jaw tightened again. “He has very specific ideas about how Selection relationships should function.
The Reaper maintains control, the girl adapts to our world, and everything runs smoothly.
When you told me you needed space for a month, that you couldn't forgive me for the surveillance…
I was fine with that. But if my father found out I was accommodating it instead of asserting dominance, he'd see it as weakness.”
“But you did it anyway.”
“Because I don’t see it as weakness. Also, you’re much more important to me than his approval.” He said it simply, like it was obvious. “I'd rather have you on your terms than not have you at all. Even if that meant defying every expectation my father had for how I should handle my Selection.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest. “It must’ve been hard.”
“It was, but not because I was worried about him finding out,” he said. “I just kept thinking you'd use that month to realize you were better off without me. That you'd choose to leave. And if you had...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I don't know what I would’ve done.”
“Well, I didn't leave,” I said softly. “I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere.”
His eyes searched mine, like he was looking for any hint of doubt or uncertainty. Whatever he saw must have satisfied him, because he pulled me closer then, tucking me against his chest. I felt his lips press against the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent.
“I should let you shower and eat something,” he murmured into my hair. “You must be starving."
“I am, actually.” My stomach chose that exact moment to growl, and we both laughed.
“Come on.” He stood, pulling me up with him. “I'll have the kitchen send something up while we shower. What do you want?”
“Everything,” I said. "Pancakes, eggs, bacon, fruit, coffee—”
“Everything. Got it.” He was already pulling out his phone, a small smile playing on his lips.
I looked at him for a moment, this man who'd watched me and protected me. This man who treated me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered.
“Julian?” I said softly.
He looked up from his phone. “Yeah?”
“I know I already said this, but… thank you. For everything.”
His expression softened, and he crossed back to me, tilting my chin up with his fingers. “You don't need to thank me,” he said. “Helping you and taking care of you isn't an obligation, Violet. It's a privilege.”
Then he kissed me again, slower this time, and I felt myself melting into him. When we finally broke apart, we were both breathless.
“Shower,” he said, his voice rougher than before. “Before I forget about food entirely and keep you in this bed all fucking day.”
“That doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world,” I said, quirking a brow.
His gaze heated. “No, it doesn’t, but we have a plane to catch in a few hours, and I promised the Council I'd escort you to California.” He stepped back reluctantly. “So get that perfect ass of yours in the shower. Now. Before I change my mind.”
I laughed and headed toward the bathroom, feeling lighter than I had in months. Maybe even years.
As I reached the doorway, I looked back at him. He was watching me with that intense gaze again, but there was something different in it now. Something softer. More open.
“Are you coming?” I asked.
His lips curved into a slow smile. “Thought you'd never ask.”