Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Tori's days merge together. Between her jobs, taking care of her mom, and the volunteer hours she puts in at the animal shelter, it's become one big blur.
She decides it's okay because it helps keep her mind off Liam. Off the way he once made her feel young, beautiful, and alive. Because now she feels old, tired, and half dead.
Nobody knows she sleeps with his T-shirt under her pillow and sniffs it every night. Or that she listens to country music and secretly enjoys it. Or that she drinks iced tea all day because it reminds her of him.
If anyone asks her how she's doing, she tells them, " Just peachy."
On Wednesday, while she's eating lunch at the animal hospital, she nearly chokes on her salad when she gets a text from him.
I have something I need to talk to you about. Could we meet?
She drops her fork on the floor, fumbling with her phone while her heart pounds. What is it?
It's better if we discuss it in person .
They agree to meet at a Starbucks near her house the next day.
First thing she does is text Blair and ask her if she's heard anything. She knows Road and Brody still see him. Their softball tournament starts in a couple of weeks.
Tori’s phone buzzes in response. No, I haven't heard anything. Maybe he wants to get back together!
Too much has happened.
Don't say that. Look at the way he's helped with the prosecutor and the charges.
Despite her secret obsession, Tori knows it wouldn't work. It's true Liam had a hand in getting the prosecutor to lower the charges. And yes, she's glad Wayne will go to jail, but that's all. It doesn't change anything.
Liam made me choose, and I chose my mom .
The next day, she parks Samantha in front of Starbucks. She glances at her reflection in the window as she walks up to the door. It took an hour to decide what to wear this morning. In the end she wore a simple sundress with a short jean jacket and pink flip-flops. Her hair is long and wavy because she knows he likes it that way.
Starbucks is crowded as usual. Her palms sweat. She's so nervous, it's like she's having an out-of-body experience. Any second she's going to float up to the ceiling.
Looking around, she doesn't see Liam anywhere.
"Tori."
Her breath catches. He's standing in front of her in living color.
Oh my God .
Her heart nearly stops .
Those brown eyes and that sensual mouth. He's taller and hotter than she remembers, though that seems impossible.
Neither of them speaks.
Finally, he smiles. He's beautiful .
"I'm fine," she says.
"What?"
Her cheeks burn. Why did I just say that? I’m already being a freak. "I thought you said 'How are you?'"
His expression turns quizzical. "No, I didn't say that."
"Oh."
"You look pretty," he murmurs. "But you always do. Do you want to grab something to eat or drink?"
"Um, okay."
They both get in line.
He's standing behind her, and she’s extremely aware of him. His wholesome Liam vibe. She turns around, and her eyes linger on his neck. On his smooth perma-tan skin. A terrible yearning burns through her.
"Tori," he says, gazing down.
"Yes," she whispers.
"It's your turn." He motions toward the register.
"Huh? Oh, right!" She moves up to the front and orders something. She's so flustered, she doesn't even know what it is. Some frothy drink that's advertised. Thankfully, she at least remembers to say almond milk.
When they finally take a seat, she's pulled herself together a little more. "So, what is this about?" she asks, trying to sound cool and collected.
He takes a sip from his hot coffee and puts it down.
"You're not drinking iced tea?" she asks.
"No."
"But I thought you switched at noon."
He smiles at that. "Not lately. I've been drinking more coffee."
And that's when she finally looks at him for real and sees what she missed before. The lines on his face are harsh. He looks tired. "Is everything okay?" But then she regrets her question, because it doesn't sound cool and collected.
"Just working a lot of late nights."
Tori remembers all the late nights they used to share, but she tries not to think about those. "How's Miss Fancy Pants?"
"She's all right." His eyes linger, roaming over her face. He doesn't seem to want to look away.
She wonders if he's going to tell her he wants to try again, that he still loves her. Despite what she told Blair, deep down she hopes he does.
"I came across something recently," he says. "And I knew I needed to talk to you."
"Oh?" She smiles a little, waiting for him to tell her he misses her, that he'd do anything to get her back. Maybe she's reading into things, but she senses regret from him. Deciding to help out, she leans forward. "I miss you too," she admits.
His eyes widen, and he seems surprised. "You miss me?"
"Yes…." She glances around. "Isn't that why you asked me here today. To try and win me back?"
He seems stunned but then regroups. "No, not exactly." He takes a deep breath. "The reason I asked you here has to do with your father."
"What?" She's taken aback.
"There's something I think you and Road should know, but I wanted to tell you first. I thought you should hear it in person."
She's starting to feel foolish. This wasn't at all what she expected. "I don't understand."
"I came across it accidentally when I was looking at your mom's arrest record. Then I looked at your uncle's record."
"What are you talking about?" There's a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Obviously Liam's not trying to win her back.
His gaze is steady on hers. She remembers those brown eyes and how they used to be her happy place. How they were once so warm and cozy.
"Tori, your father was a cop."
Even though he's speaking English, it sounds like an alien language. "What?"
"His name's Daniel Church. He was a detective with the Seattle Police Department."
"That's not true." She tries to laugh. "You're mistaken. I don't know where you heard that, but you must have mixed something up."
"I didn't. And there's more. It turns out he’s the one who put your uncle in prison."
She stares at him. "That's absurd."
"He was the arresting officer. The one who built the case against Lance."
Her head swims. She looks around the crowded coffee shop, trying to make sense of what he's telling her. "I don't believe you." But then she thinks about all the strange things her mom's been saying the past couple months.
"I take it your mom never told you any of this."
"No." She swallows. And then she thinks about her mom's intense hatred of cops. The way Uncle Lance always looked out for them. Why would he do that if her dad was the one who put him in jail? "That can't be true. You're confused. My dad wasn't a cop. He left when I was three and then died in a car accident."
"That's the other part." He's studying her with sympathy. "Tori, he's not dead. He lives in upstate New York."
" What? " She stares at him in shock.
"It's the truth."
"That can't be," she whispers. It would mean her mother's been lying to her all these years. "Why are you doing this? Telling me these things? Are you trying to turn me against my mom?"
"I'm not. I thought you and your brother should know."
"You're making this up." Her voice trembles. She tries to take a breath but can't. "You're lying. I don't believe you. I have to go! "
Blindly, she gets up and runs toward the door, pushing her way through the line near the front. Once outside, she stops and tries to catch her breath.
Liam is there beside her, his face stamped with worry. "Listen to me, Tori. I'm not telling you these things to hurt you. I would never hurt you."
"Get away from me." She nearly chokes on her sob. "Don’t come near me ever again!"
She doesn't even remember driving to her mom's house. The shocked look on her mother's face when she confronts her.
"Is it true?"
"It's true he arrested Lance," her mom says. She's standing barefoot in the kitchen, already drinking even though it's barely past noon. "Put him in prison for years. That's the kind of man your asshole daddy was."
"You told us he died in a car accident!"
"He was dead to me ."
Tori tries to calm down. "I had a right to know my own father."
"No, you didn't. He was a liar who betrayed me, betrayed my whole family. I know what's best for you, baby girl."
"Did he ever try to see us? Me and Road?"
She snorts. "I wouldn't let him see you. I made it difficult as hell for him, and eventually he stopped trying."
Tori's sick to her stomach. "You had no right to do that."
"I had every right. I'm your mother."
"What about us? I don't believe this. You said he was dead ."
Her mom puts both hands on the counter and glares at her. "Who told you all this? Where did you hear it?"
"What does it matter?"
"Was it my sister?" Then her expression grows thunderous. "It's that fucking fed, isn't it? You're seeing him again, aren't you? "
"No, I'm not."
"Poisoning you against me. That's what he's doing."
"He told me the truth."
At this, her mom becomes unhinged, starts screaming. "How dare he? That fucker doesn't know anything! " Tori tries to leave, to get away, but she isn't fast enough. Her mom grabs a handful of hair and yanks her back.
"Ow!"
Before Tori knows what's happening, there are fists pummeling her, smacking and hitting her. "You don't know what I went through!" her mom continues to scream. "My husband arresting my own brother! Putting him in prison! "
Tori's shocked. For all her mom's faults, she's never been violent. She tries to defend herself and then finally pushes her mom away as hard as she can.
Her mom stumbles back into the refrigerator.
"All these years I've taken care of you, defended you!" Tori yells. "And all these years you've been lying to us!"
"Jesus Christ," Road says when Tori tells him everything she found out. He seems as shocked as she did earlier. "This is fucking nuts."
She's over at their condo in Eastlake. Apparently they got an offer on it and will be moving soon.
"So, your dad's been alive this whole time and lives in upstate New York?" Blair confirms with astonishment. She came home from work because of morning sickness and is lying on the couch. "That's crazy."
"I know," Tori says. She's still shaking from her mom’s violent outburst. She hasn't told Road and Blair about it though. She doesn't want to make this whole thing worse.
"Can't believe he was a cop," Road says, still in a daze. "And that he arrested Uncle Lance. "
"I know. Uncle Lance was always so good to us. I'm surprised he didn't hate us."
"No reason for him to hate us. We were just kids."
"I don't know what to think of all this." Tori shakes her head. "Finding out we have a father. What should we do?"
"Not doing anything." Her brother's expression turns hard. "This is bullshit. Where's he been all these years? He couldn't contact us?"
Tori nods. It was the same thought she had. "Maybe he is an asshole. Maybe Mom was right about that."
Her brother snorts. "There's no maybe about it."
They talk for a while, but in the end there isn't much to say. Road doesn't want to find him, says it's pointless.
Tori agrees, but deep down she isn't so sure. I mean, this is their dad. She always tried to imagine what he was like, and now to find out she could meet him and see for herself?
She leaves their place and goes to work at the animal hospital. Afterward, she heads back to her mom's. When she arrives, there are cars parked all along the street, the house full of people. Her mom's going into rehab tomorrow and has apparently decided to throw one last party.
The music’s too loud for a weeknight, and Tori's already worrying about Donna. She doesn't know half the people. To heck with this . She gathers her overnight bag to escape and go home.
"Baby girl, stay," her mom says, acting like nothing’s happened. Like she didn't attack her earlier, like a nuclear bomb didn't go off.
Tori leaves without a word.
Early the next morning, Road picks her up and they drive over to their mom’s together. Of course, she's still asleep. The place is a mess. While Road rouses her from bed and tries to get some coffee into her, Tori packs a suitcase. They'd already gotten a list of what was okay and not okay to bring.
Unsurprisingly, their mom complains the whole way there and then doesn't want to go inside. "I don't need rehab. I can stop drinking anytime I want. It's just all the stress lately. "
"You don't have a choice," her brother says. "It's rehab or jail."
"This is jail," she grumbles, but gets out of the car.
Eventually they get her admitted and a counselor speaks to them both, tells them they won't be allowed to visit for two weeks. She also tells them about group meetings and other support that's available for family members. Road doesn't pay much attention, but Tori listens.
That night, as she's sitting in bed with all her animals curled up around her, a text pops up. It’s Liam.
Are you okay?
She studies his message. She was so furious at him yesterday.
Another message from him appears. I know I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I've been worried about you .
She responds. I'm all right . She tells him how her mom went into rehab this morning. How she's still trying to wrap her head around all this stuff with her dad. It’s been a lot to process.
I didn't mean to upset you, but I thought you'd want to know.
I'm glad you told me. I'm sorry for the way I acted .
They text a little longer. She's exhausted though and finally says she's going to sleep.
Good night, rubia.
Her eyes sting when she sees her nickname. A wave of longing washes through her.
Over the next couple of weeks, while her mom is in rehab getting the help she needs, something shifts inside Tori. She makes changes too. She slows down. Signs up for fewer volunteer hours, fewer work hours, and tries to give herself some breathing room.
For the first time in her life, she doesn't have to take care of her mom, and it's freeing in a way she never would have thought.
She starts going to meetings for people who have family and friends who are alcoholics. She begins to see how she's not alone, and how so many things she’s always thought were normal aren't.
Her whole world view is changing. Everything’s always fallen on her shoulders, but she’s learning that it doesn’t have to be that way.
As she's working in her garden early one evening, her dogs start barking at the front door. Tori goes to answer it and is astonished to find Elena there.
"Can I help you?" Tori asks, flabbergasted. Her dogs want to sniff at her, but she pulls them back.
"I know this is a surprise, but could I speak to you?"
"How did you know where I live?"
Liam's sister seems embarrassed. "I found your address on the internet."
"What do you want?"
Elena's wearing cropped jeans, and a short-sleeved shirt. She pushes her sunglasses to the top of her head. "This won't take long. Can I come inside?"
"I don't know. Did you come here to gloat? To tell me how you were right all along?"
"No, I need to speak to you about my brother."
"Why?" Panic shoots through Tori. "Is Liam okay?"
"He's fine. It's nothing like that. I just want to talk."
She hesitates but lets her in. "I'm working in my garden, so you'll have to talk to me out back."
Elena follows her through the house and into the backyard. Tori nearly offers her iced tea but then changes her mind. She's tired of being nice to people who are rude.
She puts her gardening gloves on and gets back to weeding her herb garden, sensing Elena taking in her surroundings.
"I didn't know you were into gardening," she says.
"Why would you? You know nothing about me."
Elena nods. "You're right, I don't." She glances around some more. "I have a garden too."
"How about you get to the point of why you're here."
"I guess I deserve this hostility."
Tori flashes her a look. She knows Elena’s been through a lot, and it must have been terrible losing her husband, but it doesn’t give her the right to be mean.
Elena takes her sunglasses off her head, then folds them, and sticks them inside her purse. "Did you know my brother had the biggest crush on you in high school?"
"He mentioned it to me once." She's on her knees, pulling some weeds out around her basil plants.
"It took him ages to get up the nerve to ask you to homecoming." Elena smiles. "At the time I thought it was cute. My baby brother and his puppy love."
There's a funny feeling inside Tori. Even though she's heard this from Liam, it's different hearing it through someone else's eyes.
"Personally, I never understood what he saw in you," Elena continues. "I always thought you were odd."
"Do you have a point with all this?"
"I do." She sits on the grass not far away. "Do you want to know why I never liked you?"
"No, but I guess you're going to tell me."
"Because I knew you were trouble. Liam didn't think so, but I was right."
Tori throws some dandelions onto a weed pile but doesn't bother commenting.
"I thought my brother deserved better. He's a good man."
She pauses with weeding, and her voice softens. "I know he is."
"He's always been one. He'd never harm someone intentionally. And yet, for a full year of high school, you and your family made his life a misery."
Tori’s stomach twists with guilt. When she glances over, those brown eyes—such a familiar shade—stare at her.
"That's why I said all those things about you back then," Elena admits. "Why I made up lies. It's because I wanted you to suffer, even if it was just a little."
"That doesn’t make it right."
She shrugs. "It was messed up, but that's how my teenage mind worked. The irony is the minute I saw you at his house walking that dog, I knew you’d make him miserable again." Elena snorts. "And look what happened. "
Tori sits up, angry. "So this is why you came here. I'm done talking. I'd like you to leave now."
"It was wrong of you to ask him to ignore a crime your mother was involved in."
Tori sucks in her breath and goes still.
The two women study each other.
Tori turns away but senses Elena watching her. She looks up at the sky, and instead of thinking about that awful night and the terrible things she said to Liam, she remembers their wonderful trip to the lake. Her heart aches at the memory.
"How could you do that to him?" Elena wants to know.
"I was in a dark place," Tori admits. "I knew it was wrong, but I was desperate to protect my mom."
Elena appears to think this over. "And what about now? Are you still justifying it to yourself?"
"No. It was a terrible mistake. I deeply regret it. I've learned how you can take things too far protecting your family."
They're both quiet.
Elena glances around the yard some more, and then her gaze falls back on Tori. "Are you still in love with my brother?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"Because if you are, I don't think you should give up on him."
Tori's eyes widen. "You don't?"
"No. Keep trying."
"I never thought I'd hear that coming from you , of all people."
Elena shrugs, but then her expression turns thoughtful. "I guess it's time I learn from the mistakes I’ve made too."