Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
"What do you mean?" Tori asks, panic shooting through her as she feigns innocence.
"Don't." Liam shakes his head. His dark eyes are serious on hers. "Don't do that."
The room is dim, but he doesn't turn on the lamp.
Dread fills her like black poison. She takes a seat on the couch. Normally she'd sit right next to him, but this time she sits on the opposite end.
"One day," she finally says. "That's how long I've known. That's why I was crying last night."
He's quiet, considering this. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I was scared." She’s shaking inside, but sits up straight. "I still am. I don't want anything bad to happen to my mom."
"When did all this new stuff show up here?"
"A while ago."
"How long is a while?"
Tori hesitates, then tells him, "Last month. Right before our trip to the lake."
He nods, his expression grim. "All those questions about a person not reporting a crime. That's why you were asking?"
"Yes." Despite the dread, a part of her is relieved that she doesn't have to keep this secret anymore. "I suspected something was going on, but I didn't know for sure."
"And why is it you know for sure now?"
Tori shifts uncomfortably. "Do I need a lawyer?"
He stares at her. "No, you don't. Just tell me the truth."
"Wayne is the one who stole Mable. I found out yesterday."
"How?"
She goes quiet. "My mom told me."
"Jesus." Liam rubs his forehead. "You should have said something to me. The minute you suspected him, you should have said something."
"What are you going to do?"
"What I have to. I'm going to arrest Wayne."
"No!" She moves closer on the couch. "You can't. My mom will get in trouble. She could go to jail."
"She should have thought of that before she got involved with a criminal."
Adrenaline rockets through her. "This is why I didn't tell you! I didn't want anything bad to happen to her."
"I can't believe you've kept this secret the whole time. I sensed there was something, but I thought it was your mom's drinking."
"She's my family. I have to protect her."
"You're enabling her, Tori. "
"Don't say that. I hate that word!" She smacks the couch cushion. "Is it enabling to help someone when they need it? To take care of them when they're sick?"
"Yes, sometimes it is. Your mom's never gotten help for her problem because she doesn't have to face the consequences. She has you to fix everything."
"I'm all she's got."
"It's a burden she never should have placed on you."
"Please don't do this," she begs. "Can't you just pretend you never heard or saw anything?"
His grim expression turns even more bleak. "How can you ask me that?" Those brown eyes that have become her happy place are troubled. "You know I can't do that."
"Why? It doesn't hurt anyone."
"Crime always hurts someone. I have to do what's right. This is my job."
"What if it were me? What if I were the one in trouble? Would you still turn me in?"
"Don't make me answer that." He shakes his head and lets his breath out. "God knows what the hell I would do if it were you, but it's not you."
And then in a blind panic, Tori says something she knows is wrong even as the words leave her mouth. "If you loved me, you wouldn't do this."
She sees the wounded look on his face, the hurt her words are causing him. " If I loved you? You think I don't love you?"
The black poison is still there, except now it’s taken over her mind, consumed her thoughts, so there’s nothing left but fear. "I don't know. Do you?"
"I've never loved anyone like this."
"Then prove it."
They stare at each other.
She takes a shaky breath, hysteria rising within her. "You said you'd do anything for me, remember? "
He seems dazed. "I don't even know who you are right now." His expression turns desolate. "I can't believe you'd ask this of me. That you'd ask me to be the kind of man I'm not."
Tori loads the washing machine and then continues cleaning her mom's house. It's two in the morning, but she has to keep busy so she doesn't freak out.
Liam left over an hour ago.
Things were bad between them.
Worse than bad.
That black poison has polluted her whole world. It's all she sees now.
She knows she shouldn't have said what she did, but she was desperate and panicked. If Wayne goes down, her mom goes with him. Like rats on a sinking ship.
"What if it were your mom? Would you turn her in?" she asked him before he left. "I'll bet you wouldn't."
"These questions are nonsense. My mother doesn't have a drinking problem, and she'd never associate with known criminals."
"Please don't do it. She made a mistake with Wayne, that's all. Are you really so coldhearted?"
"Listen to me." His voice deepened, cutting through the room. His FBI voice. "After Wayne's arrested, she'll need a lawyer. You should get her one now."
"She can't afford a lawyer!"
His expression turned even more grim.
"I can't believe this is happening! You're making me choose between my mom and you ?"
"No, I'm not. You're the one turning it into that. Like always, you’re only believing what you want to believe."
"But how can we be together if you do this? I can' t betray her!"
"It's my job, Tori. If you can't handle that, then maybe we shouldn't be together."
They were both silent.
It wasn't long before he left.
She goes to check on her mom. There’s vomit on the side of the bed. Tori cleans it up as best as she can and then places a clean towel over it. She'll wash the sheets tomorrow.
"Baby gurrl." Her mom's words slur. "Where's the… fuzz?"
Thinking she's referring to Liam, Tori tells her he's gone.
"Good. Can't trust them," she mumbles. "Look at… Lance. My own brother." She mumbles something more, but Tori can't make out her words. She has no idea how this has anything to do with Lance, who's been gone for years.
When she was a kid, she used to sleep in her mom's bed sometimes. She’d sit there awake all night, watching her mom, terrified she was going to stop breathing.
While she doesn't do that anymore, she still checks on her regularly.
After cleaning the kitchen, she’s tempted to vacuum but knows that's too loud, so she scrubs the bathroom instead. She replays the conversation with Liam in her head. The stony expression on his face when he left.
It was awful.
Like they were strangers.
Her hands shake when she scrubs the sink and bathtub. Her vision blurry with tears. She thinks about her dogs and hopes they’re okay all night. In the past, she’s called Blair to help, but it’s too late for that.
Eventually Tori collapses onto the living room couch. Surrounded by the smell of stale cigarettes and stolen furniture, she falls into a restless sleep, waking up every hour confused and crying.
The next morning, as usual, she helps her mom deal with her hangover. Gives her a smoothie and then sadly watches as she sneaks into the kitchen to add vodka to it. Her mom seems to have little memory of last night's events. Tori decides not to tell her about the conversation with Liam. There's no reason to upset her now.
When she finally makes it home and takes a shower, Tori lies on her bed. There's a hollow feeling inside her. Empty and dark. At least her dogs seem fine and are gathered around her, including Miss Fancy Pants, who's still here since she stays over with Liam so much.
She already misses him.
But I can't think like that.
Instead she calls Road, figuring he needs to know there's a storm brewing. To her surprise, he already knows.
"You do?"
"Liam called this morning and explained what's happening."
"Did he tell you they're probably going to arrest Mom?"
Her brother sighs. "Yeah, he told me it was a possibility. That we need to get her a lawyer."
"What did you say?"
"Said I appreciated the heads-up, and that I'd find someone."
"Are you kidding me? You were grateful to him?" Tori is furious. How dare Liam act like he's being helpful. "He's the reason all this is happening! He's not on our side."
"I don't think it's a matter of taking sides."
"Of course it is. I can't believe you don't see that." The tears come back, and all she can think about is how she's spent a lifetime trying to help her mom, to protect her, and now this happens.
After she hangs up, she notices a text from Liam, and her pulse jumps.
I'm going into work today. Do you mind if I stop by afterward and pick up Fancy?
I heard you called Road .
I thought he should know .
Tori’s breath shakes as her thumbs fly over the keyboard. Are you really doing this?? Really???
There's a long pause.
This isn't about you and me, though I know you see it that way. But I don't have a choice .
You always have a choice .
He's probably already put the wheels in motion for Wayne's arrest. He obviously doesn't care about her mom at all.
Tori types some more. I'll just bring Miss Fancy Pants to your house today like when I dog sat .
There's no way she wants to see him face-to-face. It'll only upset her.
There's another long pause from him, and she nearly puts her phone down, but then he answers.
If that's the way you want it .
The next couple weeks are like something from a nightmare. Wayne's arrested by the feds for transporting stolen goods across state lines. There’s a separate police investigation for the retail theft, so five days later, the cops arrest her mom. They confiscate all the stolen goods in the house and charge her as an accessory. She’s forced to spend the night in jail. Luckily, Road already found her a lawyer, so at least she posted bond quickly.
Tori's whole life is turned upside down. Her mom’s a nervous wreck, terrified she's going to prison. As a result, her drinking is even more out of control. Tori has to call her mom’s work and lie, tell them she's sick with the flu so she doesn't get fired.
"It's just like old times, baby girl. You and me against the world."
She used to say that a lot when Tori was a kid, when the two of them would hang out after one of her mom's bad breakups. She’d stay home from school, and they'd eat ice cream and watch soap operas together.
"A couple of bastards did us both wrong," her mom says. "To hell with men. Who needs them, right?"
All Tori's worst fears are coming true. She brought her dogs over and has been staying at the house she grew up in, sleeping on the old couch they pulled back out from the garage, buying all the groceries and paying bills as she tries to take care of everything.
It's exhausting.
In the morning she gets up and goes through the motions of her day. And at night she cries.
And to make it all even worse, she misses Liam.
She knows she shouldn't and chastises herself, tries to focus on her anger instead. Tries to tell herself she's over him. Obviously he wasn't her special person despite all the intimacy they shared. If he were, he would never have made her choose.
When the weekend arrives, she packs up her clothes and dogs in Samantha to head home for a couple nights. It's a Saturday afternoon, and her mom has friends over, all of them sitting around the living room, drinking margaritas as they loudly discuss the situation.
"You should be glad that asshole fed is out of your life," Lenora, one of her mom's best friends, says to Tori as she's leaving. "See what happens when you associate with someone like that?"
All the other women shake their heads, staring at her like she should have been bright enough to know better.
"My baby girl's been helping me a lot," her mom says, coming to her defense. "It's that rat bastard Wayne who's the problem." Apparently Wayne ratted her mom out, or at least that's the conclusion everyone's come to.
This sends them all on another tirade, and Tori's relieved to get out of there.
She spends the rest of the afternoon baking Happy Pet Nanny dog snacks and then weeding her garden, trying to find peace within herself but failing. At least her dogs seem thrilled to be home. After running around the house and the backyard, they’re piled up together in the living room asleep.
Tori's glad to be home too, though it reminds her too much of Liam. She thought she took all his stuff back along with Miss Fancy Pants, but she finds one of his T-shirts in her laundry hamper.
I shouldn't.
She stares at it in her hands, then holds it straight to her nose.
It smells just like him. That breezy scent.
So good.
Pain cuts through her heart.
She should throw it away. Burn it. Instead, like a criminal, she tucks it under her pillow.
The next day, Blair, Road, and Brody all come over. Tori hugs them as they enter the house.
"What's that sound?" Blair asks, holding still for a moment, listening. "Holy shit, are you listening to country music?"
"It's just a playlist I had. It's not so bad." She forgot she was going to change it before they arrived.
"Not so bad?" Blair’s eyes pop out of her head. "Have you had a psychotic break?"
"Some of the songs are okay."
"I'm sure they are, but I can't picture you listening to them."
"I'm expanding my horizons," she says defensively. "That's all."
But then Blair's expression changes as she studies Tori with sympathy.
"There's some decent country music," Brody says, bending to pet the dogs. "Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings are both badass."
Road shrugs. "It's not my taste, but to each his own."
The four of them wind up on the back patio. Brody informs them he has to leave in an hour.
"Are you seeing someone?" Tori asks, bringing out a pitcher of iced tea and setting it beside a plate of oatmeal cookies. She's been experimenting with the tea and came up with a new basil and raspberry flavor.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"I was surprised when you brought your mom to my party last month. I thought you were bringing a date."
He leans back in his chair. "It's all kind of new, so we're still figuring things out."
"When did you get so into iced tea?" Blair asks. "Every time I come over you're drinking it."
"I don't know. I just like it, I guess." They each take a glass, except Blair, who requested ice water. Tori waits for her brother and cousin to comment on the flavor, but nobody says anything. "What do you guys think? I mixed basil and raspberries."
They say it's good, but she feels oddly disappointed and can't help thinking of Liam and how pleased he'd be. He loved all her unusual tea flavors.
After Blair's comments and her sympathetic expression, Tori switched the music back to her usual standards. Cinderella's "Gypsy Road" drifts out from the house.
The four of them eat oatmeal cookies. Road and Blair keep glancing at each other.
"What's going on?" Tori asks them.
"Yeah," Brody says. "You two are acting squirrelly."
Blair smiles and takes a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."
"Oh my God!" Tori yells and claps her hands. She jumps up and hugs them both. "Congratulations! I finally get to be an auntie."
"Thanks." Blair beams. "It's exciting." She turns and looks at Road, who's wearing a huge grin.
"Damn, you guys. That’s fantastic news." Brody gets up and hugs them.
They discuss the pregnancy. It turns out Blair is still in the first trimester and nervous, though her doctor says everything looks great.
Tori is beyond thrilled. "Have you told Mom yet? It's nice to have some good news in the middle of all this bad stuff happening."
"We haven't told her yet," Road says. "Probably tell her in a few days, since it looks like there might be more good news."
"What do you mean?"
Road tells her he saw Liam recently and how he spoke to the prosecutor on their mom's case. "He thinks they're willing to lower the charges to accessory after the fact."
"You saw Liam?" Tori is stunned .
"Yeah. Since it's only a first offense, he said the prosecutor is willing to go a little easier."
"Does that mean she won't go to jail?"
"Most likely not. Sounds like she'll get probation instead. He told me to tell her lawyer to push for court-ordered rehab as part of the deal."
"Rehab? I doubt she'll go for that."
Her brother snorts. "She won't have much choice if she wants to avoid jail."
Tori fiddles with her straw. "Where did you see Liam?" She wants to ask how he looked but forces herself not to.
Road feeds a piece of oatmeal cookie to Eddie. "Brody and I hung out with him at one of the batting cages a few days ago. Grabbed a beer afterward."
"What?" She stops fiddling. "Are you kidding me? Liam arrested our mom, and you two are socializing with him?"
"We were practicing for the tournament," Brody tells her. "It's only three weeks away." He turns to Road. "I think we're going to nail it too. That dude's still amazing."
"Yeah, no shit," her brother agrees.
"I can't believe my own ears," Tori rants. "Where's your sense of loyalty? All you care about is Liam playing in your stupid softball game."
"Fuck yeah, I care about him playing," Brody says. "I want that gold trophy back in my garage where it belongs."
Her brother frowns. "Liam did not arrest Mom. The cops did."
"Close enough," she retorts. "He's the one who put the wheels in motion."
"Yes, about Wayne ."
"I can't believe you're defending him. You used to hate him."
Brody shrugs. "Well, I sure as hell never hated him."
"I don't hate Liam for doing his job." Road looks at her, his green eyes serious. "Tori, you need to hear some hard truth. Mom got herself into this mess. Maybe you've forgotten, but she had a house full of stolen goods."
Having also been one of Wayne's victims, Tori feels bad for all the stores that were robbed. And obviously her mother never should have accepted any of that stuff, even though she claims she didn't know it was stolen at the time.
"I hear you've been staying with her," Road says. "But she's a grown woman who shouldn't need a babysitter."
"I want to help her."
"I know, but you're blaming the wrong person for all this."
"What do you mean?"
Road shakes his head. "You already know what I mean."
Tori grows quiet.
After Brody leaves, and while Road is playing fetch with her dogs in the yard, Blair scoots her chair closer and eyes Tori with sympathy. "You look tired," she says. "Are you taking care of yourself? How about I go hang out with your mom?"
"No, I can handle it. And you shouldn't be around all that cigarette smoke while you’re pregnant."
"Have you thought about calling Liam? Maybe you guys could talk things out some more."
Tori watches her brother throw a rope toy she created for Happy Pet Nanny across the yard. The dogs all love it. "Why would I do that?"
"Because you told me you were in love with him."
She shrugs. "I guess I was wrong."
"I don't think you were."
"I can't believe all you guys are on his side. The irony is incredible."
Blair leans closer. "I'm on your side. You know that. But I never saw you so happy as when you two were together."
"I don't want to talk about this." It hurts to even think about Liam. Not that it stops her from thinking about him all the time. "You were right from the start. Once again I picked the wrong guy."
Liam takes a couple of aspirin for his headache. He gets them when he doesn't sleep enough, and he hasn't slept in days. Instead, he's been throwing himself into work.
Thank God he has the Rizzo case. They've been unraveling the guy’s books, and he's grateful for how complicated and arcane they are, because it helps take his mind off the giant hole in his life.
Tori.
My rubia.
By day he manages to keep busy enough, but the nights are a misery. That's when everything he misses about her comes back in a flood. That sprightly energy. Those sparkly pink nails. How she finds magic everywhere—a minivan, an herb garden, or skinny-dipping at midnight. She excites him, and yet he's never felt so peaceful. And then there's every curve on her body. Those freckles. That sexy hip sway when she walks.
He bought a bag of tangerines the other day just so he could smell them.
You can't get more pathetic than that.
He hasn't told his parents what happened yet. Doesn't want to say it aloud because then it's too real. He’d have to admit that he made a colossal mistake. That he fell in love with a woman who asked him to betray himself, to throw out his own moral compass.
On the weekends, he works from home because he feels guilty leaving Fancy alone too much. She seldom leaves his side when he's home, and he suspects she misses Tori and her crazy gang of dogs just like he does.
When Elena texts him Saturday afternoon and asks if he'd be willing to come over and watch the kids while she goes out for dinner with some friends, he readily agrees.
Except as soon as he walks in the house, his sister's expression turns concerned. "You look terrible," she says. "What's going on?"
Liam doesn't reply as he takes Fancy's leash off. The little dog looks around apprehensively. "It's okay," he murmurs to her. "We're only babysitting."
As usual, Fancy stays by his side.
"Seriously," Elena says. "Is the bureau overworking you?"
"I'm fine," he tells her. "I haven't been sleeping well."
"Why is that?"
He hesitates, wonders if he should tell Elena about Tori, knowing the news might get back to his parents. "Tori and I split up."
Elena's eyes widen.
"Go ahead," he says. "Get it over with. Tell me ‘I told you so.’"
"Why did you two break up?"
"It's a long story."
"Give me the short version."
He looks around the house. "Aren't you going out for dinner?"
"We’re not meeting until seven." She studies him. "Come on, I want to know what happened. I thought it was true love."
He doesn't reply.
She reaches down to pet the dog. "The boys are watching a movie, so we can talk if you want."
They wind up sitting in the living room. Fancy's beside him. Elena gave her some fresh water and dog snacks, but she doesn't seem as interested in them as she was in Tori's snacks.
He tells his sister what happened, asking that she not tell his parents. He prefers to tell them himself.
"I can't believe she asked you to ignore a crime," Elena says, appalled. "Especially one that's linked to your own case."
"I agree. It wasn't her finest moment."
"Why does it sound like you're still defending her, then? I hate to say it, but I was right about her all along."
He glances down and pets Fancy, who's resting her chin on his leg. "Because I know she did it out of loyalty to her mom."
"That doesn't excuse it."
"No, it doesn't. But it explains it." He describes how Tori was raised by a single mom who drank too much, how she feels an obligation to take care of her.
His sister puts her glass down. "I'm sorry to hear her mother's an alcoholic, but what she did was wrong. It's a betrayal of everything you stand for."
"I know."
"This makes me like her even less."
"You don't have to like her." He leans his head back on the couch and shuts his eyes. His headache is still there.
He senses his sister watching him.
"My God," she whispers. "Even after all that, you're still in love with her, aren't you?"
He doesn't answer right away. Instead, he thinks about what Tori said when she described her outlaw uncle, how people aren't black and white but shades of gray. He's always preferred to see the world as black and white. It's simpler. Cleaner. But Tori has shown him there's more.
"I've never felt like this," he says. "I can't explain it, but loving her has strengthened me. Broadened my view. I'm always my best self when I'm with her." He looks at his sister. "Have you ever had that with anyone?"
She studies him, absorbing his words. "Yes."
"Gabe?"
She nods.
"Then you're lucky to have experienced it, because I never have before. It's changed me."
Elena's expression grows thoughtful. There’s a sadness there too. "You're right. That kind of love changes you forever."