Oblivious Roommate (Stupid for Love #1)

Chapter 1

Cassian Lastra is the straightest guy I know, so… how is he gay?

My ears ring with the words he just said, and I can hardly comprehend what else is coming out of his mouth, because he’s serious. He’s serious.

Cass, my best friend since high school, has just come out to me.

In my room. Casually leaning back on my bed, where we’d spent so many afternoons studying for finals or chatting. Back then, time didn’t seem to exist. Back then, it felt as if he’d be in my life forever, but we ended up going to different colleges and… things changed.

Evidently, they changed for him much more than they had for me.

“B-but… but you’re…” I gesture from his handsome face to his chest, unable to put into words what I mean without being offensive.

Because Cass is built. He’s always had that Italian swagger I could never live up to, green eyes to make girls swoon, and since he’s over six foot, even I’m shorter than him.

And he wears Timberlands every day in case there’s a hiking opportunity.

How could that man be gay? How could I have not noticed?

How… could he have kept that secret from me?

Cass pushes a shiny black curl behind his ear and lowers his gaze before pinning me with it so sharply I cannot move. Or breathe. Or think.

“I didn’t think it mattered. But since we’re going to live together... you should know.”

I jump to my feet from the old swivel chair by my desk. “No, no, it doesn’t!” It so fucking does. “I mean, it’s great, I… I’m proud of you?” Is that a thing to say? I’m so out of my depth here I might as well be down the Mariana Trench.

Cass laughs, and goddamn, I missed that soft, raspy sound so bad. It’s like warm cocoa poured straight into my ears, and it’s been almost two years since I’ve heard it in person.

We have been chatting, of course, but the screen can’t convey how much his body changed, and so here I am, staring at a man I know so well yet who now feels so different.

Fuck, I should have gone to the same college as him instead of following a high school girlfriend like a dumbass.

After all, friends are supposed to be forever, and I ditched mine for a girl who ended up dumping me.

Cass pulls his feet up, Timberlands still on, and crosses his ankles as he regards me with a small smile. “Calm down, it’s okay.”

“So… Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I’m not homophobic.

You know that, right? I watched Queer Eye and everything!

” My heart is racing like mad and I can’t stop assessing him.

His shoulders are so much broader than they used to be, his dark hair got a bit of length, and when he rolls up his sleeves, I notice there’s definitely more hair on his forearms than there used to be.

I glance at the golden sheen over my own skin. Is it more masculine to have thicker hair? I don’t know what to think anymore.

Cass licks his lips and plays with the ties of his boots.

“I know you’re not, but I only came out after starting college, and it wasn’t something I wanted to tell you over video chat.

But then we didn’t get to see each other after the first year, and I kind of decided not to rock the boat after that.

” He shrugs. “I guess a part of me did worry that you might start seeing me differently, and you are my best friend. I didn’t want us to lose touch. ”

Only that was exactly what happened.

Not entirely, of course, since the two of us talked on a regular basis, and even watched football games together while on video chat, but over time, our interactions became shallower, as if Cass didn’t want to discuss private stuff. It hurt, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.

I decided to transfer and join Cass at Springton University right after my high school girlfriend ditched me for her pastor’s son.

Which was what brought us to this moment.

I laugh nervously. “Well, we’re gonna have all the touch now.

” I freeze when he raises his brows. “No, like in the… We won’t be touching, just in touch.

But you can touch other guys of course, or bring them over or whatever, because it will be our apartment, so yours too, and I’m not gay, but if you are, that’s perfectly fine, and not a problem for me. ”

Kill. Me. Now.

Cass beams at me, his smile so handsome I can just imagine he has guys hitting on him night and day.

“Calm down, I get it. And we’ll have separate bedrooms anyway, so I’m not bothered if you bring a girl over either.

I’m sure you need to spread your wings now that Emily is no longer in the picture.

I can introduce you to some of my friends who might be just your type.

I know you like dark hair,” he says with a wink.

Something inside me does a backflip, and I clench my sweaty fists, unsure what to do with the sudden tension. Seeing him in person is doing all sort of weird things to me that I have no words to describe.

“Y-yeah, but I gotta play the field a little, you know? I’m not jumping right back into a relationship. And I wanna spend time with you. You can show me all the nature trails around campus.” Now that hanging out with Cass is in the picture, dating can definitely wait.

Cass’s green eyes glint, letting me know I said the right thing. “I miss us going out into nature together. Haven’t had a steady camping buddy since I left for college.”

I sit back down in the swivel chair, fighting the need to fidget. I’m twenty, almost twenty-one, and I can be mature about all of this.

“No outdoorsy gays for you to share a tent with? Not in the sexual way— Though, yeah, I guess in the sexual way too…” I gulp.

“So… you have sex with guys?” I ask, and while the answer to my question is obvious, the sole thought of Cassian, my Cass, in bed with another dude, touching him and everything, makes the hairs on my arms bristle.

Am I… homophobic after all?

Cass bursts out laughing. “It’s kinda in the definition, so if you wanna take that vacant room, you need to be fine with it. But don’t worry. I have an ensuite.”

“It’s just a lot to take in. Of course I’m fine with it.

Just that… all this time when we talked about girls in high school, you were secretly thinking about dudes?

Help me out a little, I’m trying to put the puzzle pieces in the right places, and you know how I am with puzzles. ” Shit. I'm shit with puzzles.

In fact, being shit at math is how I met Cass in the first place, because he’s so much smarter, and tutored me in high school.

Cass cups his face with both hands, which makes it appear a bit rounder and younger. “Oh, you know, I do think girls are pretty. I just don’t want to sleep with them. But it’s not like talking about them grosses me out, so feel free to tell me about all of your upcoming conquests.”

But all I can think about now is Cass kissing some faceless dude, pressing him down on the bed, and their dicks rubbing against each other as they grind into oblivion.

I’m a monster.

“Th-this is cool though. We’re cool, and living together will be the best time of our lives. Do you know how to do laundry?” A change of topic. Yes, that’s the best course of action. No gay stuff, no dicks, no naked Cass in my mind, just… laundry.

“I sure hope you do, because I want the apartment to be vaguely hook up-friendly at all times,” Cass says with a wink that once again pushes my mind toward things it shouldn’t acknowledge. It’s none of my business how many guys my best friend fucks.

I freeze at the sound of a knock, and my gaze darts to the door. “Um... come in,” I say, already knowing it’s my mom. She always knocks the same way and walks as silently as a cat.

She enters in her yoga clothes and lungs full of air, as if she wants to tell me off for leaving the kitchen in a mess, but her serious expression morphs into a smile when she spots Cass.

“Oh my God! It’s you! Matt didn’t mention you were in town,” she says, tidying her blonde hair.

Cass gets up. “So good to see you, Mrs. Marshall.”

“My, my, you’ve grown so tall, and—” Mom moves her hands in Cass’s general direction as she takes in the breadth of his shoulders and the stubble on his cheeks. “I hardly recognize you. You must be quite the lady-killer looking like that, huh?”

I rub my hand down my face with a lump in my throat. “Mom… Please, don’t embarrass him.”

“I’m just saying what I see!” she insists with a wide smile. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“No, sorry, I’m afraid I have to run, but be sure to teach Matt how to do his laundry by next week.” He grins at me and playfully wags his finger.

I roll my eyes, getting up. I can’t believe he has to go already. I have so many questions, and none of them can be voiced around my mom!

“Will do,” Mom says. “I’ll see you in a week then. Matt has so much stuff we’re gonna help him move.”

My cheeks flame, because compared to me, Cass seems to be so put together. What if he decides he no longer wants to live with me after tonight?

“It’s not that much…” I grumble, but all of a sudden, Cass steps up to me and gives me a hug.

“I’m sure it will be fine,” he says, but I can barely hear him through the thudding in my ears. He smells so different than he did two years back. Herby… Is it mint? Rosemary? Yet more proof that he is a changed man, and I’m desperate to smell my pits to make sure I live up to his standards.

He lets go all too fast, leaving me numb, and gives the same brief hug to my mom, making me feel somewhat less special.

Cass lingers in the door that bit longer, looking straight into my eyes with the same sincerity as always, and I can feel that his coming out to me took a lot of weight off his shoulders. He seems… happy.

“We’re gonna have a blast, Matt. I can’t wait.”

Me too. Even if my whole chest is on fire, my stomach is shrinking, and I’m dying to smell my T-shirt to check if Cass’s scent has clung to me.

What?

It’s a nice smell.