Chapter 4
In the moment between Kai’s casual remark about Cass’s boyfriend and his arrival, I don’t have the time to make any assumptions about him.
But when I turn to see the man who entered, I’m not at all surprised.
He is every bit as tall and muscular as Cass, and with his square jaw, tanned skin, and a flannel shirt paired with pale jeans, he looks like a shining star on country music’s firmament. He even has the hat, and everything.
Just like Cass, he isn’t someone I’d expect to be gay. No makeup or excessive jewelry. No flamboyant movements. He’s like any other guy, though very handsome.
I’m only getting to grips with Cass being gay, and now I find out he has a boyfriend? This is all a bit too much.
To make matters worse, my face is full of tuna sandwich when he comes up to our table in fast strides, and I want to swallow as quickly as possible, chewing be damned. He extends his hand, I extend mine, but I’m already choking, can’t breathe, and my throat is on fire.
His eyes go wide, and I vaguely hear him asking if I’m okay, but I’m definitely not.
At this point, I wonder if dying on the spot wouldn’t be preferable to dealing with the embarrassment I’m feeling.
But this fucking knight in flannel armor pulls me out of my chair, grabs me from behind and bends me over like I’m a puppet.
I’m wheezing for breath. Cass is yelling something as he grabs my arm, but the cowboy impersonator forcefully presses on my abdomen.
I spit out the stuck bit of sandwich with so much force it lands on the laptop of a dude sitting at another table in massive headphones.
I gasp for air as the preppy guy turns to us in shock, likely unaware that I almost died.
Cass is at my side as I awkwardly fall back into my chair, still feeling the hard grip of my best friend’s cowboy boyfriend around my midsection. He’s pale, and he’s cupping my face, raising his voice.
I’ve never been this embarrassed, but with so many eyes on me, I don’t dare dash for the door.
“Are you okay? Can you breathe?” Cassian demands while the girl I’ve seen behind the counter approaches with a large glass of water.
I don’t need all this commotion.
I’m fine.
I try to say it, but my voice comes out as a rasp. Only after I cough a few times and drink the damn water am I able to produce an intelligible sound. “I’m okay.”
The cowboy smiles at me and extends his hand once more. “Logan. Good thing I was here,” he says in a sexy Southern drawl I immediately dislike. And it’s not that I find it sexy, it’s just one of those things people say is sexy.
“Thanks,” I mutter and introduce myself. Even my hunger is gone.
For the sandwich. I will probably eat the cake.
“Here, have some more water,” the girl says, flashing me a white grin. “Don’t want you passin’ out in the cafe. It’s bad for business.”
I nod, even though I don’t find the joke funny. “Um… yeah, when I’m about to die, I’ll run to the sidewalk really fast.”
Cass snorts and lets go of my face. “I see you’re back to normal.”
“Is that him?” Logan asks, leaning weirdly close to Cass and nudging him with the shoulder. His eyes, gray as dishwater—probably the single ugly thing about him—take me in as if I were an annoying chihuahua he’d unexpectedly found in his partner’s bed.
“It is him,” I say, forcing a smile. At least Cass told Logan about me. “I just moved in today. But he hasn’t mentioned a boyfriend.”
It comes out a bit mean, and I regret it when I see Cass’s face squish a little in discomfort, but I can’t take it back now.
Logan sighs. “Cass did say he’s gonna ease you into things, so I get it.” He turns to the guy still cleaning his laptop with a napkin. “You okay there, Aaron? Is your Great American Novel intact?”
The guy’s pale green eyes are serious when he looks up at us from his spot at a tiny table. “It’s not—Never mind. It’s fine.”
“I’m so sorry, man!” I say quickly, getting up once more. “Is this like a… date situation?” I ask Logan and Cass. “I could go, our apartment is close.” Which he probably knows, because it’s where he and Cass fuck.
Does Cass fuck him?
Or does he fuck Cass?
My brain is about to melt at the idea of this big guy on top of my Cass, making him moan, touching him all over—
It’s such a weird thing to imagine, so why am I doing it?
Cass is red. “Calm down, okay? You’re right, I should have told you.”
“I am calm,” I say despite my heartbeat going way beyond the territory of cardio. I’m officially on my way to a heart attack.
The girl who brought me the water earlier shoves another glass at me with concern passing over her round features. “Dude, drink. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
I accept it, cradling the drink in both my hands as she pushes me against the backrest. “No… I just got a bit overwhelmed from the lack of air,” I say and hide behind the glass, gulping down the icy water.
This is the worst day of my life.
I embarrassed Cass, and the Logan dude is staring at me with a mocking half-smile. I want to splash the damn water in his face. What if I pretended to trip and spilled it over him? Too obvious?
“Maybe I should leave you to it?” Logan asks after a moment, no doubt not wanting to be associated with the likes of me.
I raise my hands. “No, no, you stay, I’ll go!
I can sit…” I look around and my gaze meets Aaron’s.
I walk up to him. “With this guy here. Aaron, right? I owe you a drink for scaring you with half-chewed food bombs. I hope I didn’t do any damage?
” He abruptly closes his computer when I try peeking at the screen.
He’s really protective of that Great American Novel.
“It’s okay,” Aaron says and the tiniest wrinkle appears between his brows. His face is smooth as if he never had a pimple in his life. From the collar of his shirt to his leather loafers, he looks like the kind of guy who lives at the library.
Cass entwines his fingers on his nape, which tells me he’s on the brink between frustration and anger, and I desperately need to keep this situation from escalating.
Logan lets out a chuckle and pulls away the chairs standing between the two tables. “I hope you’re up for a double date, because it’s happening.”
Aaron’s lips shut, and he pulls the computer to his chest, as if it were a shield. Oh, he does not want to sit with Cass or Logan, but especially not with the stranger who caused all this mess.
It’s inconsiderate of Logan to force this situation on a friend.
Sure, I might have been the one to propose it, but it was just a knee-jerk reaction to Logan’s presence.
Ignoring Aaron’s obvious discomfort, Logan pushes the table together and faces the girl, who watches them with disapproval, picking at her short ‘fro.
“Look, Quinta, I promise I’ll arrange them back to how they were once we’re done.”
She rolls up the sleeves of her shirt, showing off her thick arms, as if in warning. “Fine, but I’ll be watching you. What are you having?”
Logan licks his lips, glancing toward the massive coffee machine. “Just black coffee.”
I mentally roll my eyes, because of course this dude would never let even a drop of creamer spoil his manly black brew. It’s not normal to drink burnt bean water without anything to soften its flavor.
The preppy Timothée Chalamet impersonator goes a step further and orders an espresso.
Quinta walks off, and I shuffle closer to Aaron, not wanting to impose on the happy couple. Cass watches me with a frown, but what is the point in making things more complicated than they have to be? Wasn’t it Logan who suggested it was a double d—
“Oh, by the way, I’m not gay. No offense,” I tell Aaron, who shuffles a few inches away from me.
“Neither am I,” Logan says, making me choke on air as if I was a fish. I look between him and Cass, who keeps watching me with a tight set to his lips. If Logan is not gay, then how does their thing work? Maybe they’re not a couple-couple, and Kai was only messing with us?
Aaron sighs, playing with the sleeve of his beige sweater. “He’s bisexual and hates his identity being erased.”
I swallow. Of course the fucker wants to have everything.
“Oh. But I’m not. I’m straight,” I add just to make that crystal-clear.
Aaron smirks but doesn’t look my way. “I used to be straight too, once upon a time.”
“It’s not like that!” I protest, reaching for my cake with resignation. “So how did you two meet?” I ask Cass, but as we settle around the tables, my knee brushes against his by accident, and I slide my feet under the chair, until I’m almost kneeling.
Why did he have to come out? It’s making everything so weird!
It strikes me that the fear of making me uncomfortable was exactly what kept him from being honest, so I bite the inner side of my cheek to punish myself, because if they gave the Worst Friend award, I’d be this year’s winner.
I need to make myself relax about this whole thing, because if I keep turning every damn situation into a mess, I might lose my Cass for real. So I take a deep breath and press my knee against his. No biggie.
When he speaks, I barely remember it’s an answer to my own question.
“Oh, it was over a dating app.” Cass offers Logan a half smile that used to be reserved for me.
I manage not to barf into the coffees Quinta brings over.
“And you… dated him too?” I ask Aaron when he gets his bony fingers on the tiniest coffee cup.
His thin hand trembles as he glances Logan’s way. “What? No! We know each other from the stables. It’s a small town, but come on. Besides, I don’t have time for dating, I’m going to law school once I’m done with my degree.”
I smile. “Oooh! Okay, okay, now I know who to call if I have trouble with essays.”
Aaron pulls out a little metal box and offers me a card. For a moment, I feel like I’m in a period movie, but he is so casual about it I don’t comment. “I do tutoring on the side. So give me a call if you need help.”
“Look at him, not only smart but also a real businessman,” Logan leans to Cass. I stop breathing when his lips brush my best friend’s skin. They’d have landed on the mouth if Cass hadn’t moved away in surprise.
Once again, I have fire simmering down my throat.
I was pretty much okay with seeing the cashier kiss a guy before, so why is this so agitating? Fire ants crawl under my skin, and I want to throttle Logan. Like it’s my job to protect Cass from this other guy. Which is absurd since Cass wants it.
Cass is gay.
Get over it, Matt.
I’m hardly able to swallow a bit of cake, but I make sure to chew, because I’m not letting Logan to be the hero. Again.
“This is a great cake,” I mumble, unsure what else to say.
“I love peanut butter. I actually make my own for blending into shakes,” Logan responds, ready to boast again, but Cass doesn’t seem to see it and just smiles, drinking from his cup.
“He is good at smoothies.”
Because of course he is. He’s probably good at everything. Including sex.
“Oh come on, it’s just smoothies. But it is nice to wake up and grab something healthy in the morning.”
Aaron nods, sipping from his tiny cup. "It's true. My nanny used to make the best croque monsieur."
I refuse to ask if he still has a nanny, or if he’s reminiscing. Or what a croque monsieur is.
“That guacamole I showed you in photos? He made it,” Cass says with enthusiasm and moves his hand under the table in a way that makes it obvious to me that he’s squeezing Logan’s hand.
I swallow the lump in my throat, but who am I to criticize, when I burn eggs in the pan as often as I make them edible?
“That’s some real talent. What else do you do?” I ask, desperate to like Logan despite the circumstances.
“I just finished my business degree last year, but decided to stick around.” He winks at Cass and it dawns on me that Logan must have stayed here for him.
“And how long have you been together?” I ask with a sinking feeling, because now I’m thinking of Cass hiding such a big part of his life from me.
The lovebirds look at one another and both crack up at the same time.
“It’s complicated,” Logan says, putting his arm around Cass’s shoulders.
How was it fucking complicated? You’re either with someone or not.
“Depends on whether you count all the time we talked online or starting with our first real meeting,” Cass admits.
Oh. That does make sense.
“So… what? Shall we say six months?”
“Yeah, let’s go with that.”
It was nothing in comparison with Cass’s long friendship with me, but then why does this short time with Logan seem more significant? So what if they were having sex or kissing? It wasn’t Logan Cass decided to move into his apartment after his previous roommate graduated.
But then it strikes me.
What if Cass wanted Logan to move in, and Logan who rejected the offer? Should I even ask when we’re alone?
The last piece of the cake tastes bitter.
I meet Cass’s soft eyes, take in his long lashes, at his kissable (if you’re gay) mouth, and I can’t fathom a reason why Logan wouldn’t want to wake up to that every day.
As far as men go, Cass is a treasure. Logan has the charm of a player and the boastful personality to go with it, but I keep that to myself until first Aaron, and then Logan excuse themselves and leave us alone.
Despite his promise to Quinta, Logan leaves the tables shuffled together.
Typical.
Cass remains quiet, and his green gaze follows Malboro Man’s younger, prettier cousin until he’s no longer within sight. It is only then that he notices my presence again. “So… what do you think?” he asks.
I swallow, rubbing my forehead. Do I lie?
“You really like him? I’m just trying to sort it out in my head.”
Cass’s shoulders drop as if he’s a human-shaped balloon that just popped. “You don’t?”
I laugh nervously. I don’t want to make him feel bad about his choice. “He seems a bit… I don’t know. Arrogant? But if he’s a good lay, who am I to cockblock you?”
I stand a bit too fast but manage to save my chair from falling.
“Arrogant? He’s not that at all,” Cass says, and the smile he had for Logan earlier turns into a frown.
“Oh, really? He’s all look-at-me-and-my-cowboy-hat. I’m sorry, I’m just being honest. But, as I said, it’s fine, it’s not me dating him.” I shrug and push the tables apart, making my point in silence.
Cass rolls his eyes. “Wow. Confidence is not the same as arrogance. Why would he be making himself small?”
I have to take a deep breath to cool my head. “Okay, fine, I’m sure I’ll like him better once I get to know him. Maybe I’m just protective of my bro, hm?” I laugh and nudge him with my elbow as he pays for our food.
This makes him relax somewhat, and he gives my arm a little squeeze. “I’m sure he’ll grow on you.”
I’m sure he won’t.