Chapter 5
One month later
I hoped to warm up to Logan, I really did, but it’s been way over a month, and every time I see him, he aggravates me more.
He’s coming over tonight, so I distract myself by putting up some Halloween decorations while Cass prepares an elaborate dinner.
Just for the two of them, of course, because a friend of seven years is not someone another dude cooks for.
It would have been weird.
I buy us these delicious vegetarian burritos sometimes, but that’s different.
We also eat together on pizza night, but that makes sense, since it’s buy one get one free.
And then in the morning, if I’m already making oatmeal, I might as well make a bigger portion.
It goes both ways, too. Cass makes great scrambled eggs, so he prepares enough for both of us.
That’s the thing with being roommates: you can share both the chores and the benefits.
But while Cass promised to set aside some pasta for me once it’s done, it’s not the same as eating it with him as we watch Bear Grylls drink his own pee out of a snake skin.
Cass looks great in everything, even sweatpants and slippers, but he’s dressed all nice for Logan tonight.
A Henley shirt with sleeves rolled up to show off the dark hair on his forearms, and the V-shape of his torso, as well as a pair of green jeans that must have shrunk in the wash.
Either that or he’s been squatting an extra amount at the gym to get his ass this round.
But I don't want to consider the shape of his butt. It’s enough that whenever Logan spends the night at ours, I keep to my room with headphones playing music loudly enough to drown out whatever noise they are making.
It’s never been a problem for me before, and back at my previous college, when I shared the room with another guy, I was perfectly fine with him bringing girls over, even if it meant I had to spend the night on someone’s sofa.
But the thought of overhearing Cass and Logan’s sex noises makes my skin crawl.
So I distract myself by sticking the other end of the ghost garland above the door. I always loved Halloween, and back at school, Cass and I used to match our costumes. Once, we both went as Indiana Jones, but from different movies, because why the hell not.
It makes me wonder if Cass just has a thing for hats and that’s why he‘s into Logan.
“No, don’t use the spiders,” Cassian says as I’m halfway through placing plastic spiders all over our living room.
“What? Why not? Remember that time I dressed up as the spider from It, and you were Spiderman?” It was a pretty elaborate costume, and Cass spent two weeks building the legs with me out of papier maché and wire.
Cass sighs and tastes the sauce for the pasta before adding some more salt. The Henley shirt makes his shoulders look even firmer than they normally seem. I bet Logan fucking loves it.
“Yeah, but Logan has a bit of an arachnophobia. Those look too real.”
A smile blooms on my face as a dark cloud of glee rises in my chest. “Are you kidding me? Just think how hilarious it would be if he squeaked seeing one that’s fake!” I laugh, but while a smile passes over Cass’s features, he shakes his head.
“Nah, let’s stick to ghosts and skeletons.”
I slam the bag of plastic spiders to the floor in frustration. “Why does he always have to get his way? I like the spiders! Is it his house or ours?”
Cass turns to face me. He‘s angry with me. “If you’re so set on them, put them all in your room. This is a common space, and I don’t want them to make my boyfriend uncomfortable. How is that hard to understand?”
I wave my hand around the room filled with greenery.
“But your plants are everywhere, and that’s okay?
” When hurt passes over his face, my heart stops.
“I didn’t mean it like that! I love the plants.
Especially the carnivorous ones!” I gladly feed them extra in hopes that one day they’ll grow big enough to bite Logan’s dick off.
“He gave you no reason to dislike him so much,” Cass says, turning away, as if he no longer wants to see me. “He’s here maybe... twice a week.”
Which is one of the weird things about Cassian’s relationship.
They’d been together for seven months now, lived in the same little town, and yet on the whole Cass spends more time on his own or with me than with his boyfriend, who always needs to be treated like a serious guest, as if he isn’t fucking one of the hosts.
Who does that?
Regardless of the way my relationship with Emily ended, in the first two years together, I was with her all the time and couldn’t imagine neglecting her the way Logan did Cass.
It’s as if the relationship is just a way to pass the time to him, and my Cass deserves better.
I spread my arms wide. “Exactly. He’s here every now and then, but we still have to adjust everything to him.
It’s driving me crazy, man. Or like that time when he made it weird that I was watching a movie with the two of you?
It was in the living room, and I made popcorn, but he still had a problem with it! ”
Cass stares at me. “Well, you did sit between us to share that popcorn more easily, and then freaked out when there was a gay kissing scene.”
My cheeks heat up at the memory. I wasn’t expecting to see that in the movie, so maybe I got a bit flustered. “Did not.”
“You excused yourself so fast you almost tripped over the folded bit of carpet,” Cass says, but this time his eyes twinkle, as if remembering that moment amuses him enough to soften his reaction to the current argument.
He folds his arms on his chest, which only emphasizes his wide-shouldered silhouette.
“It was unexpected, okay? One moment I’m sitting there, enjoying my popcorn, and then they’re going for it. I’m cool with gay stuff, but maybe I just don’t wanna watch it next to Logan. What if he got a boner?”
“What then?” Cass asks, challenging me with a direct stare that makes my balls shrink. “It’s you who wanted to skinny-dip when we went on that hike.”
“Yeah, and if it was just the two of us, we could have had fun!”
Cass spreads his arms. “Maybe he didn’t want you to worry about a gay guy staring at you, or something. Nobody stopped you from getting into the lake naked, by the way. Make it make sense, Mattie!”
I can’t.
Because it doesn’t make sense.
All I know is that being around Cass is like reliving our teenage years of chasing one another between the trees and having mud fights.
When it’s just the two of us in the woods, I feel as if we never grew apart.
In contrast, the two times Logan tagged along were a shitty experience.
I couldn’t be myself, and Cass acted as if he was sitting on a broomstick, refusing to touch me in his presence, like I was a leper.
“I didn’t want to go in alone! Where’s the fun in that? And why would he be staring at my junk, when his boyfriend is right there, huh?” Now that’s a weird thought.
I never considered the possibility of Logan having the hots for me, and now that I do, I hate it.
Cass sighs and lowers the temperature under the simmering pot.
He takes his time, and I can almost hear his brain working before he looks back at me.
“Look, Matt, I get it that it’s hard, but can’t you just…
give him a chance? For me? It’s really hard to deal with two guys who are so important to me but who dislike each other. ”
My shoulders sag. I don’t want to upset him. “Was it easier for you last year? When I wasn’t here?”
He steps close and grabs my shoulder. “No! Dude, why would you say that?”
I can smell his herby cologne when I shrug. “I dunno. I just don’t wanna stand in your way.”
His expression softens, and he rubs my forearm in a way that feels so very familiar. “You’re not. I just want you to give Logan a fair chance. I like him, and I’m sure you will come around too.”
“I’ll try,” I say and stomp off in frustration. I don’t want to be a bad friend. Cass should have everything he dreams of, so why do I feel so bad about it?
“Where are you going? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just need to pee!” I even make myself laugh, but by the time I close the bathroom door, I have to rub a bit of dust out of my eye.
My chest is so heavy I don’t know what to do, but there is someone I can vent to. I plop into the empty bathtub and pull out my phone.
Aaron’s avatar is the picture of his horse, Snowley Darcy II, and despite studying, working, and horse riding, he is somehow almost always available to chat. So I hit him up with the good old, [What are you up to?]
In the last month, I took him up on the tutoring offer, but in all honesty, we only had two real study sessions, because I was too eager to talk shit about Logan to learn anything.
I had to work out what kind of friends Aaron was with my nemesis, but it turned out they were acquaintances at best. One time, Logan tried to correct Aaron’s riding form, and since Aaron took offense, they never became more than people-who-know-each-other.
Which is perfect, because while I require help with essay writing skills, what I need even more is a spy.
Aaron and Logan see each other at the stables, are both gay (even if Logan isn’t gay-gay), and hang out at Rainbowology more than me.
This makes Aaron my ideal accomplice for all and any shit-stirring.
While he’s perfected the look of a bored descendant of the Great Gatsby, I know Aaron enough by now to see he’s not nearly as refined as he thinks he is.
And since gossiping is one of his guilty pleasures, he promised to tell me if he sees Logan hanging out with anyone suspicious.
The tub cools my back through the thin T-shirt, but I heat up the moment my new friend responds.
[Just writing. Why? Is Logan coming over tonight?]
I roll my eyes and type back, [Yeah. Wanna hang out?]
As I wait for his response, my mind wanders to the disappointment flashing over Cassian’s features moments before.
Did I really have the right to confront him about the plastic spiders?
I do like them, and the idea of pranking Logan is hilarious, but it’s not that important.
So why did I get worked up to the point of shouting at Cass?
Guilt twists my insides as I step out of the tub. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m too protective and should treat Logan as I do any other guy. After all, I rarely end up disliking someone for crimes far greater than Logan’s.
Aaron’s message comes right before I leave the bathroom. [Will be at the Rainbow in an hour].
As I walk past the open door of Cass’s bedroom, I see the jungle of plants taking up all of the vacant space around the desk and king-size bed, and once again, the accusation I’d thrown at him comes back to haunt me.
Cass always loved botany. He’s studying it now while working at a special nursery that breeds carnivorous species. Of course he wants to share his hobby with me. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset about the stupid spiders.
When I see him in the kitchen, stirring sauce, a desperate need to make him laugh washes over me, so I grab a newspaper and fold it into a paper hat.
I put it on, clear my throat to prepare it for my best imitation of a Southern accent, and walk up to him from behind. Without even thinking much, I slap his ass, startled by the satisfying sound that produces. His buttocks are really firm.
“Whatcha’ cookin’ there, wifey?”
Cass turns back, blinking, but he knows me too well to stall and hides his grin while grabbing my wrist to move it away from his butt. “Now, now, you know doing such things before church is unholy,” he squeaks but shakes his hips as if he were clad in some kind of old-timey hoop skirt.
I have to hold back a snort. “Come on, baby. You know I’m a Southern gentleman, but a man’s got needssss,” I hiss, trying to grab his ass again. “You can’t expect me to smell your pasta and not get horny.”
Cass slaps my hand and struts a few steps away before glancing my way with those dark green eyes. I want to laugh, but then he pushes a curl of his hair behind his ear, and that makes me remember how soft his mane is.
“Someone could come over. It’s the middle of the day,” Cass’s character protests but keeps tempting her man with a languid gaze shot from under the longest lashes I’ve ever seen on a man.
“To all hells with people!” I exclaim, and Cass’s eyes widen when I manage to pick him up and drop his ass to the counter so that I stand between his legs, grinning inches away from his face.
His eyes lock with mine as he catches his breath, and the firmness of that gaze does something weird to my head.
Someone clears their throat behind us and the hairs on my nape bristle.
Cass’s smile drops and he nudges me away before sliding off the counter. “Hi! You’re early—”
“I didn’t know I sounded this amusing to you,” Logan says in a tight voice, and even though I have not turned around yet, I’m already burning with shame.
“Logan,” I mumble, and like the idiot I am, I instinctively tip my newspaper hat. When I realize what I did, I shove it in my back pocket. “I’ll show myself out.”
I’m already burning from the tension hanging in the air, but while leaving Cass to deal with the fallout of our little game makes me feel like shit, I know both he and Logan are waiting for me to get the fuck out.
Logan doesn’t acknowledge my existence as I grab my hoodie and run out of the apartment as if the devil himself is after me.
I hate myself for secretly hoping they break up.