Chapter 14
The past two weeks have been perfect.
Without Logan looming over our friendship like a vampire ready to suck the joy out of life at the least expected moment, I could relax and focus on making up for the time lost when me and Cassian were apart.
Many people would say he changed, but while Cass now had a flurry of queer friends and talked about his sexuality freely, at the core he remained the person I fell for. Because yeah, I now recognized that I’ve been crushing on him for the longest time.
That was why the time apart hurt so much, why I was jealous of his time, and why I was perfectly happy when my ex, Emily, stood me up for a planned trip, because I could take my best friend instead.
The conflicted feelings I wrestled with for a long time finally made sense. But while Logan’s current absence made the world seem whole again, the truth was that he’d be back, and I still didn’t know what to do about it.
The limbo in my heart was a stain on every jog we went on together, and marred even my visit at the plant nursery where Cass works.
He asked me to come see a plant he was very excited about growing, which gave us some fantastic one-on-one time, but then his co-worker just had to spoil everything by asking if Cass and Logan were planning to spend Christmas together.
I don’t want Logan dead, of course, but I wouldn’t be mad if he disappeared from our life and I never saw him again. But while he’s gone, I’m enjoying my undisturbed time with Cass.
I lost a bet and had to learn to make waffles as a result, but I don’t regret it at all, because now I make Cass waffles for breakfast each day, and it has become our little routine. I haven’t told Aaron about it because it feels like this intimate thing. Our thing.
Just like daily visits to Rainbowology, on the way back from jogging.
Levi is always there, crawling out of his office during those particular times in order to give me a look full of disappointment as he asks us whether anything is new.
Cass has no idea what it’s about, but I feel like a failure every single time.
Still, how am I to make my move when things are so uncertain with Logan? Every now and then I hear Cass talking to him on the phone, so it’s not like the issue is non-existent.
Today though, will be perfect.
Because it’s my birthday.
Cassian woke me up with a cupcake and made me blow out a candle. He doesn’t need to know my wish has a lot to do with him. He’s planned the day for us, and after a nutritious breakfast he made, we head out. He told me to dress for an active day, but the rest is a surprise.
We had guests over for a party at ours on the weekend, but today is for the two of us, and I couldn’t be happier when it turned out he planned ziplining.
We had fun high in the trees, and Cass even got us tickets to a special ride high above a valley.
It felt like flying, and seeing him waiting for me at the finish line was like coming home.
I’m still buzzing after the burgers he treated me to for dinner, but we’re on our way home. When I ask him about the turn he’s making, he says we’re taking the scenic route. I don’t know how much scenery we’ll see once the sun sets, but in my eyes, he can do no wrong.
“I can’t believe you got waffles even though you now eat them every day.” I laugh and poke his side as he drives down the highway, toward God-knows-where.
It would have only been more perfect if I got to put my hand on his thigh.
“Well, you turned me into a waffle-holic. Who knows what other talents you’re hiding,” he says as we pull into an exit and head toward a town I’ve never heard of.
Businesses are sprinkled on both sides of the road, and I look around, certain there’s something else he’s planned.
Because the ‘scenic route’ definitely shouldn’t involve the skeletal remains of a Blockbuster Video.
“Oh shit,” Cass mutters.
“What? Are you okay?” I give him a worried glance. He’s been bursting with good humor all day, and he’s a picture of health.
Cass gives a little groan and glances my way. “The car’s acting up,” he says even though the vehicle drives as smoothly as an old Jeep can. “We might need to stop at Walmart.”
I spot the tiniest hint of smile on his lips and realize what this is about. We are about to recreate my seventeenth birthday evening! “Oh no!” I say dramatically. “But what about our plans to go bowling?
He shrugs, already heading to the big-box store ahead. “Might need to do that next time. Sorry, Mattie.”
I cross my arms in pretend upset. “My phone’s out of juice too, so I can’t call my parents to pick us up.
” I wink at him as he parks close to the entrance.
It’s late, so there aren’t that many vehicles around, and I’m sure we’re gonna use it to our advantage once we get snacks and progress to the cart-racing phase of this evening.
I follow him through the door, and we jog past the greeter.
“To the cereal aisle,” I yell as if I’m seventeen again, but Cass spins around to grab my wrist and leans in, staring into my eyes as if we are about to make a life-changing decision.
“No. You are a man now. It’s the booze aisle or bust.”
My eyes widen. It’s true, I can now buy alcohol. “Is there a limit?” I ask.
“No limits tonight, Mattie,” says Cass as his handsome mouth widens in a smile. It makes my insides melt, and when he storms past aisles filled with seasonal merchandise, I cannot stop looking at him.
But instead of heading straight to the liquor section, we end up following a store security guard around, just because. I feel drunk already as we sneak behind him to the tune of Mission Impossible’s main musical theme provided by Cassian’s mouth. He’s not the best of singers, but it does the job.
By the time we do arrive at the alcohol aisle, it’s the security guard who’s following us. I lean in to whisper into Cass’s ear. “We’ve got every right to be here.”
He sniggers. “Yeah, he can check your ID if he wants to. Choose many tiny bottles, so we can sample and rate them.”
The guard eyes us like a hawk as we fill our hands with every mini bottle that catches my eye, and then we’re rushing through the empty store, straight for the cash registers.
A part of me is still nervous when I show my ID, as if it was fake, but the bored cashier notices the date and wishes me a happy birthday.
Once outside, we stuff some of the booze into our pockets, but when it doesn’t all fit, Cass even puts a few of the minis at the front of his shirt, before tying it as if it were a sac.
This exposes his midriff, and I end up staring so intensely, I almost miss the empty shopping cart he sends my way.
“Oooh! So this is happening?” I ask, recalling the shopping cart race from years ago. “Now I’m glad we haven’t started drinking yet!”
Cass grabs another cart, but when he gets a bit wobbly, my mind is flooded with visions of him falling over and all the glass tied in his T-shirt breaking and cutting into his stomach and chest.
I grab his arms, filled with dread. “Wait. I… Is this safe? With all the glass?” I point to his T-shirt.
With one leg already in the cart, he raises his eyebrows, but then his expression softens. He leans in and pats my cheek. “Aww… Mattie, you care!”
I push his hand away with a snort. “Of course I care! It would be a stupid way to die. Impaled by gin.”
Cass gets his foot back to the asphalt. “Okay, let’s skip the cart race. But let it be known… only because you chickened out!” He makes a clucking sound.
I laugh and shove him again. “I don’t care. I’m a responsible adult now!”
Cass shakes his head and pats my back. “Sure, let’s see how responsible you are after you sample these.” He points to the bottles and leads us toward the car.
On my seventeenth birthday, we ended up chatting and sampling all kinds of cereals under a bush between the store where we got them and a chapel, but since Cass’s car miraculously recovered, he drives us to the woods nearby.
The parking lot is empty, and when we open the doors to rest on the flat back seats, I notice the only thing I can hear is the wind. We’re on our own, with several bottles of liquor between us, and when I see Cass pulling out pillows and sleeping bags, I know we’re gonna spend the night here.
It’s perfect.
“Are those because you don’t wanna miss out on rating the drinks?” I ask, shaking the tiny bottle of J?germeister. Levi might think I’m a dumbass, but I’d never let Cass drive after drinking.
“What amazing powers of deduction you have, dear Watson,” Cass says, chuckling when I jab him in the ribs.
“You ever had this one?” I open the tiny bottle and recoil at the intense smell.
“Not yet,” Cass says and switches on a small flashlight so we can have a bit of illumination for this. He grins. “Should I be your highness’s royal tester?
I spread my arms. “It is my birthday. I love it, by the way. Feels like a sleepover.” And it’s different to what we do at home every night, where each of us locks himself in a separate room.
This is a real blast from the past.
Cass grabs the bottle from my hand and takes a small sample. He blinks before scowling. “Oh Jeez! That’s so herby and pungent. You think Absinthe tastes similar? If it’s even stronger, no wonder people used to have it with so much sugar!”
“Let me try!” I laugh but I have to wrestle him for it. Taking a big sip brings results in instant regret. “No! This is worse than that shitty beer Tim Lawson used to get us in high school, remember?”
I go for the eggnog next, because I need to wash the taste away with something sickly sweet.
It’s almost too much in comparison, but we each have several swigs, and while the booze hasn’t kicked in yet, I am already relaxed in the old car, on hard seats, resting next to the guy I’m crushing on so hard I can’t make myself tell him.
“Tim was crazy. I wonder what he’s up to,” Cass mutters, resting his head on the heel of his hand.