Chapter 17
My skull burns when Aaron parks in front of my apartment. I’m still wearing yesterday’s clothes, the ones in which I celebrated my birthday, and in which I got the best blowjob of my life. A blow-mind-job really.
I hate that I have to reveal Logan’s insidious nature to Cass, but enough is enough.
Aaron gives me a worried look. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I nod, as serious as ever. “I need to do this. Cass has to know.”
Aaron squints at me. “What if he already knows?”
I roll my eyes. “He might be in an open relationship with Logan, but he wouldn’t mess with a married man. See you on the flip side!”
I don’t even wait for an answer and rush inside the building. I can already envision Cass and me, entwined on his narrow bed, his strong tan arms around me, my hands stroking the dark hairs on them. It will be bliss.
When it happens.
He needs to break up with Logan first, and go through the disappointing breakup, but I will be there for him. The comfort he needs.
Still, as I run up the stairs to the second floor and storm toward our apartment, my stomach squeezes into a tight ball, aching as I move.
I need to be calm about this.
Be the man Cass needs.
I take a deep breath right in front of the door and walk in, greeted by silence. Cass’s boots are here though, so I’m guessing he didn’t go anywhere.
When I walk into the living room, Cass is already getting up from the sofa, as if he needs to flee my presence.
“Hey! Cass. Wait. Are you busy? I’ve got this… thing I want to talk about.”
He stalls, pressing the book he was reading to his side and, after a moment’s hesitation, glances my way, deflating.
“Yeah. I think we should talk,” he says, looking up at me with eyes like two murky lakes. Suddenly, I can barely breathe. His beautiful lips were on me just yesterday and I want that again even though I don’t know how to be gay yet.
I take a few steps closer. “You should see this.” I hand him the envelope filled with Logan’s wedding photos.
I brace myself, because I need all the self-control I can muster when he requires a hug.
I have to be his rock, not use his inevitable distress like some creep.
The itch to touch him is undeniable though.
I want to put my chin on his shoulder and hold him as he sees his terrible boyfriend’s lies exposed.
But when he pulls out the contents of the envelope and his face falls, I can’t bring myself to touch him.
He drops back onto the sofa, staring at the photo of Logan holding a pretty dark-haired woman in a white dress and veil. That alone could have been dismissed as traces of a past modelling job, but the envelope also contains pictures featuring people who definitely aren’t models.
It’s the real deal, and as Cass too comes to that realisation, he drops them to the floor and takes a strangled breath. “Where did you get this?”
“Does it matter?” A part of me wants to sit down next to him, maybe even put my head in his lap like I sometimes do, but we need to confront the Logan issue head on. “He’s married, Cass. I told you something’s wrong with him.”
Cass grabs his knees and squeezes the denim covering his legs. His nostrils flare, and he flushes as he looks up to meet my gaze. “What is wrong with you?”
I’m taken aback. “What? I’m saving you from the awful guy lying to you.”
The hurt on his face turns into anger. “You ran away from me today, and this is what you’ve been up to? You ransacked his place or something?
I rub my neck. "I… May have done something semi-illegal, but it was for you.”
He’s not happy. Which makes sense, since he just found out his boyfriend’s a shitbag, but I’m getting the sense he’s about to explode.
Cass shoots up so abruptly I take a step back, breathless at the sight of fury twisting his features. He’s not an angry person, and he certainly never looked at me like this.
“What is your problem? You’ve been trying to undermine Logan since you arrived. He’s not perfect, but what the actual fuck? You went through his things and stole his stuff?”
When put like this, I’ve not been the good guy, but doesn’t it even out when confronted with Logan’s misdeeds? We rarely ever fight with Cass, so I’m at loss.
“B-but… he’s married,” I try to deflect, pointing at the photos.
He shoves me back. Not too hard, but I’m shocked nevertheless. I see a damp sheen in his eyes, and it makes me want to crawl into a hole, never to come back.
“You just don’t want to see me with a guy. You’re afraid of what happened, and that’s why you want to make my life miserable too!”
How is this happening? I was supposed to be cheering Cass up by now. Maybe stroking his hair, maybe leaving little kisses on his cheek, not… this. Why do I never think things through?
“No! Cass, come on. I just… I’m trying to protect you! I want things back to the way they were before him!”
He lets out a hiss and turns away from me, lacing his fingers on his nape. “Well, they aren’t and they won’t ever be that way again. I’m gay, and live a gay life, and have a boyfriend. You don’t want to have anything to do with it? Fine. That’s your choice.”
That hurts on a level so deep I’m afraid I’d fall apart if I acknowledged it. Is he saying he could live on without me? Because I can’t imagine a life without him in it.
“You’d stay with him after this? You’d stay with a married man?” I say it again, just to drive the point home.
Cass picks up his book and walks around the sofa, only talking once it’s standing like a wall between us. “Oh, I will have a conversation with him. But you made it pretty clear you don’t want to have anything to do with such things this morning. So stay the fuck away.”
My ears burn and I stare at the tips of my sneakers. When did I dig this hole for myself? “Cass… It’s not that simple. Don’t say that. You don’t mean it. Haven’t we been the best roommates ever?”
“No. You keep trying to undermine my relationship. You might be right, it’s not the best, but it’s mine to deal with. This conversation’s over,” he mutters, heading for the hallway leading to our bedrooms.
I spread my arms. “Cass! How about I make dinner and we talk it over?”
Cass turns my way. “Oh, yeah? So you can leave the dishes for me in the sink?”
“No! I’ll clean them.” How did we even get here?
“You always say that, but then you leave them.”
“Because they need to soak…”
His nostrils flare. “And then I have to clean the filthy cold shit out of the pots. Just last week it took me fifteen minutes and baking soda to scrub the pot, or we’d have to buy a new one. I got that pot from my mom, and you don’t give a shit!”
This isn’t about the dishes.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter as my shoulders sag.
“Good. So never use it again.” Cass’s cheeks are flushed and he shakes his head.
“But… It’s the biggest one. Just for popcorn?”
He slams his hand against the wall. “Not even for popcorn!”
“Just on Tuesdays.” Our movie nights.
“Not even on Tuesdays.”
I suck my bottom lip, guilty as fuck.
“What about tonight…? Are we still on for watching—”
Cass glares at me as if he wants to set me on fire. “No.”
With that, he goes into his room and slams the door.