Chapter 20
This day has already gone haywire, but it is still before midnight, so it decides to smack me in the face again.
The intercom is wrapped in plastic and marked with an out of order sign.
As if my life wasn’t hard enough already!
I look back in hope Levi stayed behind to observe the situation, but he must have already driven off. Since this is a regular Wednesday, and we aren’t on campus, the street is pretty empty.
There’s no one to let me into the building.
With a groan, I glance at the light from the TV flickering in our window. Cass is so close but so far.
I decide not to overthink this, because it’s cold enough out here already, and grab a handful of small decorative pebbles from the nearby patch of trees.
I’m still nervous about facing Cassian, but if an experienced gay man and my own mother tell me to shoot my shot, I’m gonna do it. And then? Whatever happens, happens, but Levi is right. I don’t want to live with regret of not knowing what could have been.
The first rock lands on our neighbor’s balcony.
The second hits the downstairs lady’s window.
Fuck. I try again, and again, but maybe I shouldn’t have had that beer.
Or it’s just my hand being all shaky from the nerves.
All I know is that I need Cassian to know my feelings now, and with every tiny rock missing its mark, I’m further from my goal.
Or getting back into my apartment for that matter.
When one person opens the window, another does too.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, asshole?” asks a middle-aged man in pajamas. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him around.
“I forgot my key,” I call out as one of the girls living next door opens her window and looks outside.
“Matt? You’re gonna pay for the glass if you break it!”
“Exactly,” The man agrees. “If you don’t stop throwing those pebbles, I’m gonna deal with it myself!”
Blood rushes to my face, but I have nothing to lose. I’m going to tell Cass everything, even if it puts me in a cell for the night. So I pick up another rock, take a deep breath and tighten my hand around it instead of throwing when a familiar shadow appears in our window.
The pebble drops to the pavement as I stare at Cassian’s silhouette beyond the glass, breathless and no longer sure I know English anymore.
By the time he opens the window, I’m frozen with fear. I’d be less cold if I was standing naked in the snow, but I have to bear it. For Cassian.
“Matt? What are you doing? I was looking for you!” he calls out, flinching when the middle-aged man growls at him.
“Your friend’s damaging property!”
My heart is racing, my stomach doing backflips, and I see him as I stare up into the window. I spread my arms wide. “I love you, Cassian Lastra, and I want to be gay with you!” I yell for everyone to hear.
The man groans, shaking his head. “Oh, of course, there we go!”
But the girl calls over a friend and then they both whistle. Another window opens and someone’s clapping. Just one person matters though, and he is staying quiet.
My chest tightens as I realize my risky gamble might have achieved nothing, but the whistling snaps Cassian out of his stupor, and he moves.
“I’m coming,” he utters, almost too quietly for me to hear, before shutting the window.
“He’s coming,” the two girls say in unison before laughing like it’s the best joke they’ve heard in ages. Maybe they’re drunker than I am, but as I drift toward the entrance to the building, my legs feel like they’re made of cotton.
“Just wait until you’re in your own apartment,” the man mutters before shutting his own window. Moments later, I spot him peeking from behind the curtain.
My hands are sweaty, and I can hardly believe what I’ve done, but my heart soars. Whatever happens, I’m high on truth. It feels so much better than the lies I’ve been feeding Cassian.
I reach the glass door first and place both my hands on it, suddenly worried Cass might have changed his mind. But as that painful thought passes through my head, he slides out of the staircase and rushes toward me barefoot, dressed only in his gray pajama bottoms.
I wish to pick him up so his feet aren’t cold, but also want to keep staring at his handsome face. Whether he slaps me or kisses me, I’m waiting with bated breath until we’re close enough.
When he finally opens the door, time stands still as we stare at one another while the world keeps spinning around us. I’m not sure who moves first, but his hand is on the front of my top, pulling me close, and as I stumble inside, our mouths clash together.
No kiss has ever felt this way, and as Cass’s back hits the wall, I put my arms around him and open his lips with my tongue. Being hit by thunder would be less electrifying than this, and I moan, already drunk on his touch.
“Oh damn,” he mutters, shivering against me while his hands roam, stroking my shoulders.
“I’m sorry. For everything,” I whisper, but I want to kiss him more than I want to talk, so I’m back to my new favorite pastime.
His lips are heaven against my tongue and I want to taste every bit of him. Cass is hardly hesitant when kissing me back. It reminds me of that life-changing encounter on Halloween, but this one is even better, because Cass knows it’s me he’s holding.
And still, he’s teasing me with his tongue and pulling me close as if he can’t bring himself to let go. “I was so angry with you. Who the hell just runs off like that?” he asks, gently hitting my arm.
“This idiot.” I point to myself, but I’m already hungry for another kiss. I groan with pleasure when I let my hand travel up his bare chest. Skin against skin. This is what I want. I want him to be all mine.
I don’t care that we’re in the corridor and should be moving up the stairs instead of feeling each other up in public, but he seems to have caught up on it and drags me toward the staircase with a chuckle on his lips.
“You’re definitely an idiot. All that shit? All the lies? That fucking hurt, Matt.”
And yet he’s holding my hand in a grip that means business.
“I know. I was… figuring things out,” I utter, but it’s so hard to focus when his back muscles shift so beautifully right in front of me.
I can’t pinpoint the moment when he moved from being a friend to also occupying my wet dreams. It’s already too late to analyze it, so I go with the flow, following him out of the hallway.
He shoves me against the wall as soon as the door closes.
The unpleasantly bright light comes on as soon as movement is detected by to the stairs, but I ignore it, too occupied by the clever tongue stroking mine as Cassian pushes his thigh between my legs, stirring up heat incomparable to anything I’ve felt before.
“What else do you want to figure out?”
I cup his face, rocking against his leg.
“Everything.” Finally, looking straight into his eyes is as easy as breathing.
I hated the lies making our relationship murky, and while we have so much to talk about, I feel like he understands me already.
“I’m sorry I panicked. After the… car. I loved it so much.
” The whisper ends on his lips because I kiss him again, overwhelmed by the fact that I can.
He gasps for air and puts his arms around my neck, enclosing me in a sweet hug. “I loved it too. And this as well,” he says with a grin. His skin is so damn warm I wish to never let go. But he pulls away again, grabbing my hand to urge me up the stairs.
I know he’s right, and that we should get moving, but the climb is endless despite us taking two steps at a time. Kissing him has gotten my dick swelling already though, so I do know it’s for the better to leave the public space.
We almost fall into our apartment, and I’m on him right away. Never in my life have I been so voracious for another person. Back in the Jeep, I felt hazy from the alcohol, now my mind is razor-sharp, and lust courses through my body at an increasing speed.
This time it’s me pushing him at the wall in our corridor. I glance below his navel, then lower, where the outline of his dick becomes obvious. The tip leaves a little wet spot, and I drop to my knees, knowing exactly what I want to do.
His stomach muscles shift under skin covered with a tempting dusting of hair, and I bury my face against his navel, breathing in his warm, minty scent. When he moves his hips, the fabric-covered erection pokes at my throat, and I hold on to his hips as I taste his delicious skin.
Cass whimpers and buries his hands in my hair. “This is so hot. Mattie... I want you so fucking much.”
There is a hardness to his body, an angularity the few women I’ve been with didn’t have, and I love it. How I didn’t see that, will be something I ponder later.
I flatten my tongue and drag it over the dark hair peeking out from his pajama pants, and all the way back up to his navel. I want to gorge myself on him, and for the first time, I’m completely open to it. “You drive me crazy. I did the stupidest shit just to get here.” Here being on my knees.
I don’t have the patience to wait any longer, not when he looks at me as if I’m the best thing that ever happened to him.
With blood pulsing in my head and throbbing in my dick, I pull down his pants to reveal my prize.
It’s just as gorgeous as I remembered, all thick and hard.
I don’t think before leaning in to suck on the head.
I shiver when the salty flavor of pre-cum covers my tongue, but I can’t help myself and suck on the tip of his cock.
It’s deliciously smooth, and as I grunt in appreciation, Cass pulls my head to his stomach, cuddling me as I taste him for the first time.
His scent is overwhelming, much richer than anywhere else on him, and I feel lightheaded as my body somehow already catches on to what it’s supposed to do.
I bob my head, moving my lips over the upper part of Cassian’s erection as I let my hands explore his hairy, toned thighs.