Chapter 5 Jashaun #3
“I still want to be with you. Claiming you might have been an impulsive move, but the intent is real. I’ve never cared if a woman wanted to see other men.
But the idea of you with someone other than me didn’t feel right in here.
” I pointed to my heart. “I want to try to give you what you want. Just don’t know how fair it is to you when I’m also trying to get to know my daughter and be a father.
Maybe it’s too much for you, or maybe it won’t be.
I hate feeling this way. I always thought that if I ever stepped to a woman like I’m doing to you, I was sure about the outcome.
” Her brow furrowed. “Let me explain a different way. If I ever proposed to a woman and she said she needed more time, the relationship is over for me.”
“Maybe she legit needed more time. If you loved her enough to marry her, you can’t give her more time?”
“At the point I would ask a woman, she would know my heart and my intentions, and that we are on the same page. If she turns me down, she doesn’t really want to marry me. Time won’t change that fact.”
“I would think you would be good with a woman who still wants to be with you but isn’t sure about marriage.” Soraya’s smile teased. “I thought you never wanted to be married or even thought of it?”
“Of course, I’ve thought of it. Just never saw it for me.” I shifted to face her. “Damn sure would walk away from a woman who didn’t want to marry me.”
She shook her head. “The arrogance and hypocrisy of it all. You don’t even believe in marriage, but would give up on a woman who needs more time.”
“Not at all. I respect women for leaving me or not giving me the time of day because marriage hasn’t been on the table.”
“And now marriage is?”
I chuckled. “Hell, fatherhood wasn’t on the table, and I’m full in. Love that little girl like she’s always been in my world. Like I could love you.” I closed my eyes and cursed.
“Wasn’t supposed to show your hand this soon?” she surmised.
Without opening my eyes, I slid her closer to me and wrapped my arm around her. “You smell good. Should’ve waited for me to take a shower.”
“Stop deflecting.”
“I can’t say that your skin is soft, or that you’re more beautiful without makeup, and that I like the sprinkling of freckles across your nose?”
“Your eyes are still closed.”
“I see your face in my dreams.”
“Ugh, I can’t stand your charming ass.” She groaned as her body relaxed into me. “What do you want from me?”
“Hell, if I know. These days, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”
She tucked her head under my chin. “That’s life. We don’t always know what will happen or what to expect.”
“I do, or I did. Like clockwork, I wake up at six in the morning. Hit the gym for an hour. Drink coffee and head to the office. Happy hour on occasion. Monthly hangout with my frat, dinner with my mama when she’s in town, and a date or two.
Simple.” I started toying with the smooth fabric of her nightie again.
“I haven’t worked out in the last month or met up with my frat.
Definitely haven’t spent time with any woman outside the mother of my child.
Between picking Jussica up from school, spending time with her on the weekends, and readjusting my schedule to finish the work that I didn’t get to during the day because I’m going to work late and leaving early to get Jussica, it’s been crazy.
My place is a mess. Dishes in the sink and the carpet needs to be vacuumed.
I’m overwhelmed, but I’m trying to go with the flow and not put up resistance like I’m prone to do when I don’t like a situation. ”
“You mean control it?”
“You keep throwing that out there like it’s a problem?” I accused.
She shrugged. “It can be. Don’t know you enough to know if it’s a problem for you.”
My hand on her gown stilled. “I’ve been happy with my life, so whatever you think about my need to control, I had no complaints.”
“Until now.” Soraya picked up my hand. “Sounds like you need me to be a friend more than your woman.”
In the slope of her shoulders, she’d resigned herself that we wouldn’t be more.
This woman liked me…could possibly fall for me, as I already fell for her.
I lifted her chin and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.
The sudden clarity breaking through the fog of confusion, a clarity invoked from my desire to be her knight.
“I need you to be both. I’m going to San Antonio with you.
Give me your flight arrangements, and I’ll change mine to yours.
I’ll get us a nice suite so we can work and play.
Over the next three days, I want to be with you… No, I need to be with you.”
She studied my face. “What about Jussica?”
“I’ll call my mother, who’s been dying to have one-on-one time with her. Should be able to convince her to come home to help me since she’s only working in Austin. Once we get back, we’ll take it day by day.” I kissed her again and squeezed her thigh. “Make me a plate to go.”
Soraya pursed her lips, though she rose to do my bidding. Before she could walk away, I gripped her hips and lifted the back of her gown slowly to reveal her luscious ass. “I knew you slept without panties. Mmm.”
She swatted at my hand. “No sex, remember?”
“When did I say that?” I grabbed a handful of her plumpness and kissed her soft skin. “On second thought, I would rather have some of you.”
Before she could protest further, I pressed the small of her back until she was bent over to insert two fingers inside her slickness before dragging my tongue from the front of her slit to the back.
She moaned and writhed to my relentless fingers and tongue before she pulled me to her bedroom for a quickie.