Chapter 8 Soraya
EIGHT
soraya
Jashaun rested his head on my breasts, and I rubbed his head, soothing him.
He had shown up at my door in the middle of the night and wordlessly pulled off my satin sleepshirt, stripped nude, and joined me in bed.
He didn’t want sex. He needed me. I kept rubbing his coiled hair, listening to his uneven breathing slow and become more regular.
He would soon fall asleep without telling me what troubled him so.
It’d been more than a month since Mara dropped the bombshell and had only called a couple of times to check on Jussica.
Jashaun confided that he watched his daughter bravely pretend that she didn’t miss her mother, that she couldn’t hide in her sleep.
He would read with her as many stories as it took for her to fall asleep, and he would remain beside her in a chair with his laptop, quietly catching up on work to be there whenever she woke up with nightmares, which seemed to be decreasing as time wore on.
Jashaun’s mother must be with Jussica, or Jussica was with his mother.
We didn’t spend the night together when Jussica was home with him.
He’d asked me to be patient as he worked through everything and to understand that he didn’t want to formally introduce me to his daughter yet.
Although I agreed with his decision, it didn’t stop me from longing for him or regretting the time we could’ve spent together before Jussica, if I hadn’t been so determined to keep my distance.
Time that would’ve solidified us as a unit.
I kissed his forehead and wrapped my arms around him, settling into sleep when his deep voice sliced through the silence, “I went out tonight. Met up with my frat. Played darts, had a few drinks, and realized that these are men I’ve hung out with for years, some I consider close friends like Romeo who suddenly, like me, became a father to his God son following the death of his best friend, and yet, our conversations remain surface-level.
Like, if we get too deep, then we seem like we’re less than men.
So, we drink, complain, or brag about our lives, tell each other the latest, and pretend like whatever it is, we've got it. Tonight, I realized that I’m not the only one struggling with being a single father, and we’d never discussed it. Like, why wouldn’t we talk about it?”
His tone sharpened, “These are my muthafucking boys, and I didn’t know the real about them.
If we were women, we would be calling each other every night, swapping stories, and being there for each other.
Instead, we, men, keep trudging ahead with no fucking clue.
I went out tonight, wanting to chill with them, forget everything, to just be free like I used to be, and left feeling like I wasted my time. Time better spent with you.”
Jashaun slowly exhaled, his warm breath pebbling my nipples.
“I probably should’ve told you that Jussica would be with my mother and taken you out to a nice spot.
Wined and dined you or whatever you wanted to do.
Been the man to you, that you probably imagined I would be when you agreed to be with me.
I should’ve spent the whole time with you instead of coming in here like a thief in the night. ”
My stomach ached at his admission. We had only been out twice since we returned from San Antonio, though we continued to have sex whenever we had a chance.
Admittedly, I’d initiated more than he did.
The man had become even sexier and more irresistible the more he put his daughter first. I’d assumed that the first night he had to himself in two weeks, we would’ve gone out or at least been under each other in my place or his.
He chuckled. “I can feel you getting heated.”
“Shouldn’t I be?” I softly replied. My hand continued rubbing his hair.
“A little.”
“A little,” my voice raised almost on its own volition, and I removed my hand from his head.
He pulled my nipple in his mouth, and for a second, I forgot my growing anger. I popped the back of his head to release my breast when his hand cupped my mound. “That hurt, baby.”
“I wanted it to hurt,” I said and tugged on his hair to see his face in the semi-darkness. “You'd better be spending the day with me.”
Jashaun smiled. “Have a whole day and night planned for us. Mama’s keeping Jussica until Sunday night.” His knee split my thighs. “Now, can I have you?”
“Depends on what you’ve planned for us,” I said smartly, though I willingly spread my legs at his insistent erection.
“Mm…” he started kissing down my body. “Brunch at Lucille’s, then ATV riding. After that, we come back home and get cleaned so I can take you to one of my favorite spots for wine and dinner.”
“Did you just come up with that?” My words tumbled out of my mouth breathlessly as my eyes rolled back in my head. This man had a way with my body that, as much as I wanted to be out with him, I preferred being in bed or alone with him.
“Maybe or maybe not.” His tongue dragged up my inner lips to rest on my clit. “Addicted to the taste of you. Love eating your pussy.”
My fingers dug into his shoulders. “Love that you do.”
He gripped my thighs and spread me wider when I attempted to curl them around his neck. “You can take it.”
I closed my eyes, rubbing and tugging on my rigid nipples while he ravaged me like a starved man.
His tongue swirling around my stiffened nub, heightening the tension building powerfully within as he pushed my thighs higher.
Licking and sucking. Over and over, holding me in one place to prevent the thrashing and bucking that my body naturally wanted to do at his wicked mouth.
Suddenly, the pressure overwhelmed me, and I keened loudly as Jashaun suckled the honey from my body, now wracked with spasms.
While I came down from my climactic high, he reached for the side table.
“Not ready yet, baby.” I blew out a long breath. “Give me a sec.”
“Check my phone.” Jashaun hovered over me, holding his cell.
“Why?” I looked at him warily.
“Do it.” He insisted, his expression unreadable.
“I'd rather you do me.”
This time, his eyes twinkled. “Humor me.”
I took his cell and put in his code that he’d given me back in San Antonio to prove that he was done with other women. “What am I looking for?”
“My screenshots.” He kissed me. “Proof that I planned our day.”
“You didn’t have to prove anything.” I glanced at the reservations he’d made earlier in the evening. “I believed you made plans for us. It’s one of the best things about you.”
He nodded. “Right now, I do need to prove to you. It’s convenient that you’re my neighbor. If you lived somewhere else, we wouldn’t see each other often with my daily hustle. I don’t want you to feel that I take you for granted or that all I care about is sex.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me that you had a free weekend?”
“Thought it was better to ask for forgiveness than permission to spend time with my friends.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “If I’m your anchor and your woman, then you have to be open with me, even if it’s I’d rather have some alone time or hang out with friends.
Didn’t you think I would understand? I want you to have a life outside of me, like I have a life outside of you.
As much as I want to spend every waking moment with you, I know we need to remember that we are individuals, too. ”
“I’m a work in progress who wants to fuck his woman hard, if she’s ready.
” He grinned as he grabbed a condom from the shelf above my bed that I kept there for easy access once it became apparent that we loved a lot of sex.
He quickly covered himself before he surged inside of me, bringing me back to the brink of sexual insanity.
“No fair,” I yelled and pulled off my helmet. “I swear you hate losing.”
Jashaun pumped his fists into the air from where he perched on his ATV. “No, you hate losing more.”
“You chose a path that had a steep hill because you know heights scare me.”
His hearty laugh evoked a reluctant smile from me. “Raya, your desire to be right or to win has no bounds. You weren’t scared of that little hill. Come on.”
I walked over to him. “Happy looks good on you. Haven’t seen this Jashaun in a long time.”
The smile erased, and he nodded. “Want to ride more?”
“Yeah…what just happened?”
He revved his motor. “Nothing. Only have this course for a few more minutes. Meet you on the other side of that hill over there if you’re not too scared.”
Before I could respond, he sped off, dirt flying.
I watched him for a second before hopping back on my ATV and donning my helmet again.
Maybe he would share later. And if he didn’t, I wouldn’t stress him about it.
He’d been attentive to me, and though being a father weighed heavily on him, especially Jussica’s happiness, he did his best to juggle.
Still, a part of me wondered if he was on his best behavior because he’d asked me to be his, out of fear of losing me, not because he truly wanted commitment.
I sensed Jashaun loved me. Felt it the day when he smiled at me, trying to hide from him in my car.
Or when he’s lost in thought, though he’s holding me.
Or that the Alpha male I’d known of him had taken a backseat to cater to my needs.
Today had been the first time I’d seen the playful, aggressive, competitive man that attracted me.
The man who snatched me on the elevator to claim me as his.
These last few weeks, he had been careful, almost as if he walked on eggshells, scared to break them.
“Hey, where you at?” He shouted from over the hill out of my sight. “Stop being scared.”
Woah.
Maybe I was the scared one in this relationship.