Chapter 13 #2
“If it’s too much, I can leave. The last thing I want to do is ruin whatever semblance of a life you’ve created for yourself here.
I certainly don’t want to come between your daughter and her father, nor do I wish to ruin the relationship you clearly have with d’Aelius.
” My words were soft and full of pain, but I meant every one of them.
“I know what it’s like to feel a kinship with someone who is not blood, to love them with every fiber of my being, and I would never forgive myself if my presence and the potential of the Bond destroyed any of that. ”
I rubbed my sternum absently as the empty hole where my Pain Bond should reside pulsed in sadness.
The fact that the other third of my soul was right there and I couldn’t fill that void was a type of agony I wouldn’t wish on any person, but Folami deserved to make her own decision.
I would never presume to take that away from her, especially knowing her past and now seeing her future.
Forcing her to Bond me for my own selfishness would just as easily kill me from regret and self-loathing.
Folami never moved her gaze from her lap, never even acknowledged that she heard my words.
With a soft, sad sigh, I squeezed Ilyas’ hand.
The sea in his eyes tumbled with my shared despair, but I knew he agreed; there was no way we’d let Folami sacrifice her free will and the happiness of her family just so I could have a Bond.
It would make us no better than Lord d’Refan.
Minutes passed without any response from Folami.
“If you can spare a horse, Ilyas and I will leave for Vespera in the morning. I don’t want my presence—”
“No.” Folami’s head sprang up, her eyes flashing with anger and fear before cooling once more. My eyebrows rose in response as I waited patiently for her to continue.
“No,” she reiterated with a firm shake of her head.
“I—I can’t promise you anything, Lex. I can’t guarantee that I’ll want to Bond you or that Peytor will accept you here in Lishahl or that your presence won’t create tension between him and I.
But . . . I don’t want you to leave. I don’t actually think I could handle it if you left, now that I know you exist.” Folami frowned as she admitted the last part, almost as if the words slipped unbidden from her lips.
A sad, accepting smile pulled at my mouth as I nodded in acquiescence.
“Okay, then. We’ll stay. But I want to be as out of your way as possible.
Make no mistake, Folami, I plan to pursue you.
Show you that I’m different than what you’ve experienced in the past. Even if it’s just to show you that not all Mages, not all Bonds, are the same.
I want to know you, want to know Itanya.
I’ll even get to know the d’Aelius heir, if that’s what it takes.
You deserve someone who is invested completely, Folami. ”
Her dark skin pinked slightly, even as she rolled her eyes.
A defense mechanism. Clearly she doesn’t think she’s worthy of that. Looks like we’ll have to change that thought. I always loved a good challenge.
“That’s just the Bond talking, Lex,” Folami admonished with a sigh, pushing out of the armchair.
“It’s not,” I said firmly, causing her to turn back around. “You are strong and beautiful. Any man would be blessed to Bond you, but it is an honor and privilege to court you.”
Folami stood halfway between the bed and door, utterly speechless.
I felt rather than saw Ilyas grin next to me.
“Everything he said rings true for me as well, my ayaba.” It’d been years since I’d heard Ilyas speak his native tongue, and I watched in pleasant fascination as Folami’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
A rumbling chuckle came out of Ilyas at her reaction.
“You know the words of home.” Her awed whisper and clouded eyes struck straight to my heart.
“There is much we can learn from each other, Folami. All we ask is that you are open with us. Allow us a chance. Then make your decision.”
My Bonded was a man of very few words but when he spoke, he did so with impactful intent.
Folami wordlessly nodded her head before turning her gaze to me once more. My body tingled under her stare, my heart rate increasing as my soul reached for hers.
“Okay, Lex,” she whispered with a timid smile that looked so out of place on the warrior yet so right at the same time.
“Thank you, Folami.”
“There’s a pack of crystals on the table for you,” she said before leaving, pointing to the table on the opposite end of the enormous bed.
“They’re all we can spare, what with the mines destroyed, but it should tide you over until .
. .” Folami trailed off awkwardly. “Yes, they should keep you alive for a while.”
With that, she turned on her heel and fled the room, the wind from her exit wafting her jasmine and honey scent toward us.
I breathed deeply, letting her smell settle my soul, even as it cried at her leaving. Humming in relative contentment, I slid back down to rest against Ilyas’ shoulder.
“Now comes the hard part,” he rumbled in my ear, his large hand gently stroking the hair off my brow.
I hummed in agreement. “She won’t be easily won, and if she feels like she is falling for us, she’ll simply blame it on the Bond.”
Ilyas grunted. “Her relationship with Peytor won’t help much, either.”
“You leave d’Aelius to me,” I said as a slow grin spread over my face. Ilyas barked a loud laugh at my expression, no doubt reading my intentions immediately.
“Just be careful, Lex. There is much at stake here, not just your life.”
I sobered at that, the lascivious grin fading completely as I snuggled closer to Ilyas.
“I know, Illyas. I know.”
We lapsed into momentary silence, each of us consumed by our thoughts as Ilyas’ fingers continued to weave through my hair.
How could I convince Folami that it wasn’t just the Bond that was pulling us together? That I was here in Lishahl for the right reasons?
“As soon as you’re well enough, we can join their army. Perhaps help train their Mages, as it seems that was an area where they lacked expertise,” Ilyas mused quietly, interrupting the rapidly metastasizing questions.
“How do you figure that? Torin has been the head of the rebellion for years.”
“Yes. But he’s a godling, just like Ellowyn. He doesn’t know what it’s like to draw from another person or to only have a small well of power. Think if we could train them as we train the cadets at the Academy . . .” he trailed off, letting me fill in the blanks.
“Tomorrow, we visit the training yard.” I yawned, relaxing further into Ilyas’ side as his ministrations lulled me back to sleep.