3.
I aim my Glock at the target board that’s a few meters away from me in my spacious backyard, and shoot. With the silencer on, my gun barely makes a dull sound, and as I lower my arms, I notice that the bullet has pierced a spot inches away from the bullseye.
Well, fuck .
A few hummingbirds pass by me, making me look around.
Dorran and I’s backyard is one of my favorite things about our new home.
Fenced on all four sides, it’s got a wood-themed patio with two beige sofas, two loveseats, and a black-marble fire table.
The crew and I have spent quite a few nights out here, some with me singing my lungs out while madly drunk, and Dorran trying to get me to calm down, and others where Varsha, Dor, and I had to listen to Alex complaining about Henry Cavill having been replaced by Liam Hemsworth as Geralt of Rivia on The Witcher .
I tilt the gun upward, and it catches the golden sunlight in just the right way.
The Glock’s body is metallic rose gold in color, but when I shift it, I can see vivid hues of warm pink on it. There’s a lovely swan, along with the letters C.A. embossed on the gun’s grip – just above the magazine.
A gentle, cool breeze brushes over my sweaty neck and exposed midsection as I raise my arms and center myself. Letting go of a breath, I dig my shoes into the grass and pull the trigger, but the bullet still, to my fucking dismay, doesn’t hit the bullseye.
“Shit,” I hiss, then shoot at the target board again, only to groan in frustration when I fail for the third time in a row.
“Fucking great ,” I yell into the air, then wipe a hand over my purple yoga pants.
I know fussing over my nonexistent shooting skills, when we’re only hours away from the gala, isn’t exactly helping.
But practicing has been a great stress reliever for me recently, so I thought that instead of stewing in the condo, waiting for Dor to get back from his meeting with Aras, I could come out here and practice.
But I guess my anxiety is at an all-time high right now, because I can’t focus on anything at all.
I think the #1 factor I’m upset about is not being able to contribute anything tonight; of turning out to be a liability to the crew. And I know they would never see me that way, but how the hell do I stop my brain from thinking about it?
I feel a familiar presence behind me, which is then followed by the addicting smell of leather and pine.
A second later, a warm, calloused hand grabs onto my waist, while the other cups my left hand before lifting my arm towards the target board.
He covers my index finger with his, and his soft, even breaths caress the shell of my ear as he pulls the trigger.
Bullseye .
“Fucking how ?” I groan, then lean back against his solid frame.
He holds onto me as he chuckles. “Years of training,” he says easily.
“But you don’t even use a goddamn gun.”
“It’s all muscle memory from the extensive practice sessions Solo put Jayce and I through, Cigs. It’s the kinda shit that just stays with you.”
I push off him and turn around to face him. “Then why don’t you train me? Give me all the tips and tricks.”
His curls shift with the wind as he smiles at me. “Because Varsha offered to train you first, and I’m not gonna ask her not to. Besides, she’s far better at it than me, so trust me when I tell you that you’re in good hands.”
“And they say chivalry is dead in this world.”
He laughs, then shakes his head. “Alright, come on; let’s see your combat moves now.
” He shrugs off his leather jacket, and I watch as it slips down his body, exposing his contoured biceps and the prominent veins on his forearms. He fixes the hem of his signature white tank top, then gives me a quick wink.
“Come at me, sweetheart.” He gets into a boxing stance.
I place my Glock on the small table next to me, then mimic his posture. Raising my left fist, I move forward, but he easily blocks my advance and turns sideways, making me stumble.
“Seriously? You’re starting with an offense ? Have I taught you nothing ?”
“What the hell am I supposed to start with, then?” I fix a strap of my sports bra and face him again.
“A false move,” he states as if it’s the most obvious thing.
“Trick the opponent into thinking you’re going for their stomach, or maybe their side, and then hit em’ up top.
If you start with what you just did, there’s a strong chance you’ll be knocked out the next second, and that’s most certainly not on the agenda. ”
“But isn’t it predictable to try to trick the other person?”
Dorran’s right fist flies in my direction so fast, I barely have time to dodge it. “Not if you keep them distracted with words.”
I go for his midsection, but he steps back and avoids getting hit. “Now see, that was predictable.”
I grit my teeth and move forward again, using both my fists to open a back-to-back assault on him.
Dorran chuckles as he manages to block them all, but when he turns his upper body to the right, thinking that’s where my attack is about to come from, I hit him from the other side, successfully catching his jaw.
He hisses at the impact, then spits on the ground before grinning at me. “Good,” he praises.
“You deserved that,” I muse.
“Oh, I know I did,” he agrees.
I laugh, then duck when he comes at me again.
But unfortunately for me, he’s faster. He grabs my wrist and pins my arm behind me, then pulls me to him before pressing my back to his front.
The tip of his nose brushes against the skin below my ear, right before he says, “Fucking oranges . You always smell like them.”
“I’m offended that you’re surprised, even after all this time,” I retort, a little out of breath.
He chuckles next to my ear, and my body reacts to it by arching against him a little.
“I think I’m more confused than surprised. I mean, getting so easily turned on by a goddamn perfume isn’t exactly doing wonders for my reputation.” He presses one, and then another kiss on the side of my neck.
“I think it’s more about the person wearing it that does it for you, you dipshit.”
His teeth graze the area he’d just kissed, right before he presses them into my skin, making me suck in a breath. “You really are offended, aren’t you?” he says, and I can very clearly hear the amusement in his voice.
Instead of answering him, I use my free arm to elbow him in the side – hard. He grunts and lets go of me, and I take that as an opportunity to swivel to my left. Bringing a foot forward, I trip him, making him fall to the ground on all fours.
“Aww, so sorry about that,” I quip with a flutter of my lashes.
He scoffs. “You play dirty.” Getting on his knees, he looks up at me, and I’m left awestruck by how beautiful he is. It’s a fact I’ve known since I met him, but to this day, it still catches me off-guard.
Dorran’s expression is open as he studies me. “Will you promise me something?”
My brows crease, and my heart beats a little faster at his question. Stepping closer to him, I run the back of my fingers over the sharp angle of his cheekbone and give him a nod.
He smiles. “If things get messy tonight, swear to me that you’ll put yourself first, call Solo, and leave .”
I think I stop breathing for a second, because I have to gasp in order to inhale air into my lungs. “What the fuck happened at the meeting?” I can’t believe I got sidetracked by him and didn’t ask him about it.
He shakes his head. “Everything was great. But missions as big as this one are always fickle; the tides can change in a second . I’m not saying they will tonight, but if they do, I want you to get outta there without thinking about anyone but yourself.”
I give him a look that I hope perfectly conveys my shock and anger. “I’m hurt that you would even suggest such a thing, Dorran,” I say hotly. “Do you honestly think I could run away if you or the crew got into any sort of trouble? Is that the kinda person you think I am?”
He gets to his feet and raises his hands before him. “That’s not at all what I mea–”
“Well, fuck you either way, asshole ,” I cut him off.
“I’m not going to bail on you, no matter the circumstances.
And I don’t care if I’m not good at shooting or fighting, or everything else you and the crew are great at, because if I’m attending that goddamn gala with you tonight, then I’m leaving with you , you fucking hear me? ”
The expression on his face is a mixture of concern and awe as he swallows and scans my face. “I can’t see you getting hurt, Cigs,” he says. “I cannot, and will not let you be a collateral in this whole thing.”
“Have a little faith in me, will you?”
“I do ,” he insists. “But I have to think of everything, be open to all other options. I obviously want the mission to go smoothly, but what if it doesn’t?
There’s always that small percentage of doubt in my head when I say yes to a kill, and it just becomes a hundred times more crucial because I don’t have only myself to think about here, but also my family.
I know I showed indifference about it earlier, but it’s honestly quite tough for me.
And with Jayce gone…” He swallows again, and my chest tightens because I know it’s hard for him to be vulnerable, and yet he’s doing it because he cares so much.
I cup the back of his neck and tangle my fingers into his hair, and watch as his shoulders slump faintly in response to my touch.
“I’ve never gone on a mission without Jayce, and that fact has been digging a goddamn hole in my brain,” he confesses.
“And it’s not that I don’t wanna do this, Cigs.
I really do; I want to go through with the kills.
I miss it – the thrill, the smell and taste of blood, the satisfaction of watching someone taking their last breath.
I fucking miss it, and I want it back, because it’s one of the things that makes me feel alive, that makes me who I am.
It’s the absence of Jayce that’s paralyzing my confidence, that’s making me wish things had gone differently that day at Chase’s estate.
This…” He gently grabs one of my hands and brings it to the center of his chest. “It feels as though there’s a stiff weight right here.
” Dragging my hand upward, he lets it rest at the base of his throat.
“And this – this feels…constricted. I want to heave, but I also don’t.
I wanna close my eyes and just sleep, but I also can’t bring myself to rest.”
His admission makes my eyes sting. “They died so that we can live, Dorran,” I say, the words hitting me like a sucker punch.
“And as much as it pains me to admit it, it’s true that they’re gone.
Missing them will forever be a part of our lives now, but I can’t lose you to your inner turmoil and distraction.
I’m not strong enough for that. I’m just… I’m not.”
“Hey.” He places a knuckle under my chin and lifts my face so that he can look at me proper.
“You won’t lose me,” he promises. “Absolutely nothing in this world can pull us apart, Cignette. And God forbid if something does, then I swear to you that I’ll tear through the depths of hell to come back to you.
I’ll bleed, I’ll break, and I’ll kill some more, but I’ll make my way to you somehow.
You’re my beginning and my end, Little Swan.
You’re the only road to my salvation, and I love you so fucking much. ”
I blink when my tears threaten to fall down my cheeks.
“And I love you,” I tell him, before reaching up to kiss him.
“Till the day I’m buried six feet under, and the time beyond that – I’ll love you, Dorran.
” I reach up and fix some of his curls. “And, you won’t mess up tonight,” I say.
“I know you won’t. But if you do, you’ve got me, Alex, and Varsha with you.
We’ll figure it out together. You don’t have to do anything by yourself, I promise. ”
He leans in and touches his forehead to mine, then takes a deep breath in before letting it out slowly. “I just love you so much,” he whispers.
I smile and press my lips against his. “I love you,” I whisper back. “Oh, and Dorran?”
He moves back a little and tilts his head to the side. “Yeah?”
“I go where you go, alright? Even if it’s to the end of the world, you’ll have me – always.”