2. Raya
RAYA
M y mum and I had parted ways as soon as we funnelled back into the house with a tension that hadn’t been there this morning. I was busy tying my hair up into a ponytail readying myself for my workday when I heard her call out to let me know she was leaving.
My stomach rolled at the thought of what I had to do today in my job, to work in that same place I’d once experienced so much pain and grief.
My hands fisted. No. I wouldn’t let this get the better of me this year. It had been eight years since I’d made such a stupid mistake. I needed to conquer this, and today, I would.
My head lifted towards the white tower in the distance, the Supreme’s home, marking the centre of both the Inner Ring and our city, and wondered what Riley was doing in this moment. Her being selected by Zander as the Rose brought me a small sense of peace, knowing that at least she’d made it out of this ring.
But sometimes, I hated that my window had a direct view of the tower, because it seemed like she was no longer reachable to me; she was so close to me, but so far away. The only occasion any of us in the Outer Ring had to go inside the gated hedge was if the Supreme allowed it by hosting a city-wide address at the podium.
I shook my head as I turned and grabbed my bag, making my way for the stairs. My sister had a new life now, one better suited to her, by our Supreme’s side.
I didn’t envy that kind of attention.
I locked the door behind me, knowing Bodhi would already be at the compound working hard with the defence now that the thinning of our shield was drawing closer. I hated this time of year, as did every other citizen within the Haven, but for me, it came with horrible memories that plagued me with a guilt I wasn’t sure I would ever move beyond.
But with every step towards my destination, I was one second closer to getting it over with.
The thing that irked me the most about the Outer Ring was the way Alphas were already bustling around the streets, as if this morning had never happened.
I hated it.
I knew I was a hypocrite because I was one of them. I didn’t enjoy pretending, and I knew I wasn’t all that good at it either.
But it was life here for us, and that Alpha should have asked one of us for help before he’d gone and tried to breach the Inner Ring and steal. He should have known better. The rest of us did.
The further I walked, the fewer shifters I saw, and the smell of cooking spices lessened. The Alpha I worked with lived right on the outskirts of the city, nearest to the sandy cliffs, where we would usually harvest the colour pigments. It was these same cliffs I now climbed with a familiarity born of playing in this area every day from a young age until it, too, was ruined. I could have lessened my travel time by taking the transport tube, but I appreciated the stretch in my legs, and I loved the heat of the sun and the smells of this city, the scents of cooking, spices and herbs heavy in the air.
My fingers scraped on a rock as I hauled myself up and through the final gap in the rocks, stepping into the space I’d dreaded to return to. The air was hot and dense up here as I swung my bag off my back and stretched, pulling out some water and sipping it before looking around.
I could almost still feel the pain of his betrayal pressing in around me, as if it had imprinted itself into the landscape.
I closed my eyes and gulped in a steadying breath before moving to commence my work. The faster I moved, the faster I could leave. I pulled out the scraping utensils and the jars from my bag, arranging them as I moved across to the violet striation that marked a stone in the corner of this shelf in the cliff.
My heart thumped in my chest, a painful reminder as I moved closer and spied the spot I’d once hid, the place where he found me all those years ago.
That beautiful and disastrous young Dominant.
I was glad we didn’t have Dominants in the Haven, only Alphas and Omegas.
Dominants ranked above us all in power and strength. They were the reason the war started all those years ago, the reason this city was even created, so Omegas could live in a world free of servitude. I was so young and naive back then, too disillusioned by a beautiful face, someone so unafraid of me and my gift that I forgot everything that he was.
He ensured I would never forget it again.
I swallowed and bent down, using my knife to scrape away some of the pigment from the rock, allowing it to tumble into the jar.
I could do this today. I could go through the motions and focus on my task without allowing the pain of this area to conquer me.
For hours, I worked away in the sun, scraping and filling the few jars I had so we could prepare the paint and dyes to be sold in a store I’d never been to within the Inner Ring. All this work just so we could get enough money to buy food, nothing more.
The sun beat down on my skin, and every so often, I would have to stop to wipe the sweat off my face. When the sun peaked at its highest in the sky, I stopped for a break, dragging my bag over to the shade of the other spot I hated so much.
I couldn’t help but lift my eyes as I drank my water, to note that same spot we’d marked with our names all those years ago before he’d ruined me. My fingers automatically reached out to touch it, swearing I could still feel the small indents in the rock, though the years had slowly worn it away.
Jakari and Raya.
It served as a painful reminder, one that made resentment claw its way back to the surface again. I closed my eyes to shield myself from the evidence, to not be swallowed whole by it. But still, the memory resurfaced to haunt me, as it always did, taking me back to that moment in time as if I lived it again.
My foot slipped, and the sound of crunching rocks skidding under my shoe alerted him to my presence. Those piercing green eyes pinned me to my spot, trailing up my body to meet my fearful eyes.
The beast tilted its head to the side and took a tentative step towards me.
Reflexively, I felt my eyes begin to glaze over and glow.
“Stop,” I begged, and he froze, but it was too late. I felt my body begin to de-materialise and portal. I landed awkwardly at a separate point on the cliff face, rolling my ankle in the process. I winced and grabbed it, rubbing against the pain shooting up my leg.
“Are you okay?” a worried voice asked, and my gaze lifted to a long-limbed shifter with shaggy brown hair just like mine staring back at me.
My stomach tightened with fear as I scrambled back. I didn’t recognise him as someone from my ring, and I hated that, as a Gifted, I couldn’t scent him to determine exactly what he was.
“Wait, stop,” he called with his hands reaching towards me. I paused.
“What are you?” I found myself saying, my curiosity driving me onward.
He smiled then, a broad, toothy grin that lit up his shockingly beautiful features. “I’m a Gryphon.”
“No, no, no,” I said aloud, my hands gripping my head. That girl was stupid, so easily deceived.
I took one of my tools and began to scratch away at our names on the rock, grinding it away in the hopes of erasing the memory. That moment took so much from me. H e took so much from me.
My sweaty hand slipped against the metal of my tool as I worked to grind the rock, no longer preoccupied with obtaining pigments for the paint.
Beneath the heat of the sun, my hand slipped again and again, unable to hold a firm grip on the tool with the sweat coating my skin, but my pain pushed me forward despite it.
I threw the tool down onto the rocky floor with a cry of frustration. I could still faintly see our names etched there, though I’d made some serious progress with their removal.
I leaned back on my heels and tipped my head up to the sun, my eyes shuttering closed. Then, I picked up my water bottle and sipped it.
“You draw?” he asked curiously, his eyes spying the sketch book in my hands. I looked down at it nervously and nodded.
“Can I see?” he prodded, and my fingers tightened on the book. I’d never shown anyone my art before, and it wasn’t the kind of work people around here were used to seeing. I called it Celestial Mapping—a guide to the stars above us.
But I wanted a friend, and he seemed to want one too.
So, I flicked open the first page and held it out to him. “Just one drawing,” I told him, and he beamed back at me as he moved around to look at it.
“This is incredible. You are incredible!” he exclaimed, and I’d blushed. “Where did you learn to draw like this?”
“My dad,” I’d replied. “He loved the stars and had mapped and written about a lot of his travels. I try and spot things he wrote about, copying his style.”
Jakari’s eyes peeked up with curiosity. “That sounds amazing, Raya. Is that the other book you brought?”
I glanced across at it sprawled out on the ground and nodded. I liked that he was interested in the same things I was.
A warm hand gripped mine.
“Will you tell me about them?” he asked gently.
I scrambled back on the floor and rolled over. I needed to get away from this cliff edge. It was making me remember terrible things about a few moments in time I wanted to burn from my memory. That moment had been the origin of my pain.
I got up and shoved my tools back into my backpack with haste, choosing to leap and scramble my way back down the cliff as fast as possible.
My lungs wheezed, and sweat dripped from my body as I hit the sand and fled fast, not even bothering to slow down, despite the heat of the burning sun. I needed to exhaust myself and run away from the terrible memories his friendship had cost me. The memories I knew would come if I’d stayed. Those were the ones I dreaded. The ones where I was left alone, crying tears to a lonely night sky, my father’s journals ripped from my grip and stolen from me.
I pumped harder, the breath stolen from my lungs. I was desperate to exert myself, to flee.
Anything to put distance between myself and the memory of him.