24. Riley
RILEY
“ R iley, we need to get moving.” My fists clenched and unclenched, the emotions whirring inside me violently, barely able to be controlled after what Raya told me. Was Zander lying? Or was the Benefactor?
Now more than ever, the bargain I had just struck would be critical, because evidently, there was so much in the Haven I didn’t know. Power moves were being made, only all of them were behind closed doors. I hated not knowing why moves were being made.
My body shook. Riley as the Rose was nothing but a symbol. It was something even I barely had control of. I didn’t know if my plan to wield leverage would work, but a more peaceful attempt at asserting myself would be far better than any hostile takeover.
But what about tonight? I paced again to the left, furiously dragging my feet along the rocky floor.
Despite everything, I believed there was goodness in Zander. I had seen and experienced it myself. I just needed to dig deeper, prod harder at it, so every citizen in this city could see it. He could be a great leader for all of us, not just the Inner Ring of Omegas. He’d shown me himself. He was just traumatised. It was understandable. War was ruinous and devastating, and nobody it touched ever came out unscathed.
“Riley.” Sly’s voice was more urgent this time. I had been struck stupid by everything tonight, and despite the confidence I had exuded just for Raya, having seen her fear, I was feeling terrified and uncertain. But for her, I would pretend. I would put on the performance of a lifetime, even in front of Zander, to keep her safe and ensure they could never prove it was her.
I pivoted, reaching the end of the ledge and paced back to my original spot. Yes, I could pretend for her, and in the meantime, I would continue planning. The leverage was an absolute necessity. Zander was obsessed with his image, and it would give me the means to regain some sort of control.
Cool fingers slid up my arm, Sly’s soothing voice registering as he stepped into my line of sight. “Riley, I will carry him, but we need shovels. Can you get them for us and meet me back at the base of the cliff, the furthest point away from the tower’s line of sight?”
I blinked up at him, his expression soft and worried. I nodded my agreement and immediately darted to the edge of the cliff face to prepare for my climb back down. This was the most pressing problem. I needed to get myself back on track.
Focus. Or we die.
Rocks crumbled beneath my feet as I followed the narrow path down, leaping from ledge to ledge. I was well-practised with this route, having done it so often throughout the years with Raya when we were younger, pretending we were fighting villains from other worlds. We used our imagination so often because there was little offered in this world for us as children. We used to think it was boring, then scary at the times of the thinning. But now, I wished more than anything for boring and imaginary. Our adult lives were not unlike our heroic battle against the villains, only now, everything was real, and I wasn’t entirely sure who I truly needed to vanquish.
I shook the thought away and leapt to the next ledge, stumbling slightly from a misjudged landing as I quickly threw my hand out to the wall to keep myself upright. My palm landed against a small, jagged point, and I winced but continued, feeling the bite of sand embedding into what was likely a tiny cut. I used the small amount of pain to ground me.
My feet hit the rocky floor the last jump down, and I sucked in a long breath before I took off across the expanse, my legs already feeling sluggish. Muscles I hadn’t used since becoming the Rose awoke to the familiar sensation of shifting sand beneath my feet, but somehow, I felt a small sense of joy and false freedom as the wind and familiar scents and sounds of the desert whipped past. The houses grew closer, my breathing now ragged as I ducked between the tube tunnel and took a left straight to Old John’s house. I knew his garden house at the back would still be the same as it always was, left to rot as a reminder of the Bonded he no longer had but desperately missed.
I ran straight up to the shed that sat against the back of his house and pulled the door open, thankful that none of the homes in this ring had fences to worry about. It’s not like they had anything worth protecting from others. Except for a night like tonight, when I needed two shovels to bury a dead Benefactor. I clenched my fist, and pain bloomed again, re-focusing my mind on the task. Nausea still sat in my gut as I grabbed the two shovels and positioned them in the least awkward position that enabled me to run back the way I had come.
With two long breaths in and out, I took off again, the weight of the shovels burdensome. My body screamed as I powered back the way I came, darting and dodging houses, back through the tunnel, taking a right across the expanse towards the cliffs where Sly had asked me to meet him.
I spied his figure from where I stood, the moonlight casting a dark yet comforting shadow against the wall. Because he was with me. Helping me through this. My arms began to tire from the weight of what I was carrying, but my target grew closer and closer, and relief grew inside me as it neared, the sight of him keeping me going when my body was demanding to stop.
With a final spurt of energy, I skidded to a stop near my destination, throwing the shovels onto the ground as I bent over with my hands on my knees, heaving in lungfuls of air. Sly was near the foot of the sandy cliff face, dragging his feet along the edges of it, finding the place where the ground became soft enough to dig, but not too soft that the sand would fill back in.
Thank Omni for him. He was a true blessing.
I walked across to him as I got my breathing under control and watched as he found the spot he was looking for, reaching his arm out towards me in request as I pushed the shovel forward into his grip.
“What happens here remains between us, between you and me,” he said as he pointed from my chest to his. “We will never discuss this night again.”
I nodded my head in agreement, relief still surging through me as he took the shovel from my aching hand and shoved it into the ground, lifting the sand out and tossing it just to the side. I stepped up beside him, focusing on clawing back my control and emulating confidence, despite my inherent fear for myself, Sly, and Raya.
I needed to use every opportunity to practice until I became it.
Death has called your sister’s name.
The thought alone had me gritting my jaw as I picked up the second shovel with tired hands and plunged it into the ground, digging with only my determination urging me onward.
A Benefactor’s death would get to Zander, and he surely wouldn’t let it go. I was concerned about the outcome of tonight, of who was going to pay the price, but I couldn’t dwell on it. I only needed to survive tonight and move beyond it. I could figure the rest out later.
Together, Sly and I dug in silence. There was no going back for either of us now. We were tied together, whether I liked it or not. And I did like it, though I shouldn’t. I couldn’t.
We dug until I could barely lift my arms anymore, deeper than was normal. Deeper would definitely be best.
Satisfied, I wiped the sweat from my brow as Sly dragged the body across the short distance from where he left him and threw him into the hole, rapidly covering him with the sand until everything was level again.
I scanned the area quickly, checking for any bloodstains, though my rational mind knew that bloody sand wouldn’t be a problem, especially with the winds of this area lifting and scattering the sand every day.
Gritty fingers gripped mine. “Riley. We need to clean up before we go back.”
I licked my dry lips, turning towards him, feeling safe enough to ask him what I needed. This desert held so many of our secrets.
“Why?”
His fingers dipped between mine, clutching them as he stepped a fraction closer, his hand coming up to lightly touch my cheek, his thumb running down my nose before he frowned at it and pulled it away.
“It was the right thing to do.”
I inspected every inch of his face, from the storm in his brilliant blue eyes to the curve of his lip and his hard jaw. I didn’t believe him. Did I?
He must have seen the doubt on my face as he continued, quieter this time.
“Because something has changed for me, Riley, and it’s no longer about just giving you freedom. It is about being there for you, supporting you, showing you I care about you. Not the Rose, not the symbol, but you, Riley.”
He straightened and looked directly at me, my stomach somersaulting in response. “I care about you, Riley, and I can’t stop it. You are fascinating, complex, determined, brave, loving, and everything about it pulls me right in. I can’t help it. I’ve tried. So everything I’m doing is to extend the time I spend with you for as long as I can, to keep this going for as long as I can. Even if it might be doomed.”
I opened my mouth in shock, an acute pain seizing my lungs, because it was doomed. Nothing could come of this if I wanted change in this city to be peaceful. And what of Zander? I knew in my heart that though he could be wonderful, it was nothing as desperate and demanding as what I felt when I looked at Sly. But was it because he was forbidden?
A scuff of his shoe against dirt was the only warning I got before he moved forward, his fingers wrapping around my cheeks and into my hair. His lips claimed mine in the haze, orienting my entire world to him. It was beautiful, wonderful, everything I could ever want, even if it was something I couldn’t have.
Regretfully, I pushed him away, a look of hurt flashing across his face.
“He will scent you, Sly. I cannot risk any more than this tonight.”
The hurt disappeared immediately. His lip lifted, that dimple denting his cheek. “But you want to?”
“Yes.” I didn’t want to lie to him, didn’t want to hurt him.
His face changed to a cocky smirk as he pulled me along beside him, the warmth of his palm radiating deep into my bones. “I knew you would come to crave me.”
I shot him an exasperated look, his sense of humour in a time like this absurd, though it drew a smile to my lips when he wasn’t looking.
We’d walked not much farther from the cliff when he turned towards me again, more serious now. “We need to run, Riley.”
I sobered, that brief calm slipping from my grip again as I nodded my agreement. “Back to my old house. We need to clean up. Then back to him.”
“Back to him,” he confirmed, though his voice dripped with a melancholy that twisted like a knife in my chest.
The moment didn’t last long enough for me to think more of it as we bolted as fast as we could. Time was running out. The moon was both heavy and full in the sky, less reassuring and more ominous than before.
The dash back to my old home went by quicker than I wanted, filled with terrifying scenarios of everything that could possibly go wrong if Zander found out what had happened tonight.
Everything was quiet as I climbed the side of the house up into my old room, where I knew the lock was broken. It was another reminder of the lack of power I had, though once, it had been a motivator. Given who I was, I should have been able to fix this for her. But instead, Zander had said things like this would be noticed by others and too many favours would cause problems . He was right; it would. But if everyone was given the same opportunities in life… I shook my head, casting my thoughts aside. I had a more pressing problem.
Sly quickly followed behind me, and I shoved him straight towards the shower, encouraging him to be as quiet as possible as I took his uniform and quickly worked to try and clean off the sand and blood until he could wash it properly.
The door creaked open slightly, and I jerked my head towards it, seeing my mother peeping in through the crack, which only widened when she saw me.
“What are you doing, Riley?” she asked as she scanned my dirtied body.
“I-I…” The words would not come out, though I struggled to lie to my own mother. She couldn’t know, something she seemed to understand as she took in more of my appearance.
“How can I help?” she murmured as she walked towards me and saw Sly’s suit between my fingers, confusion and worry etching her face, though she didn’t ask further questions.
“I need that bag with my spare clothes.”
She looked at the sand-covered floor before promptly turning to leave and do as I asked. My mother was the one who had taught me to not ask questions or give information freely, that the price of sharing it would be steep. Don’t trust anyone, she once told me. I hadn’t, not until Sly forced his way in, and now the only thing I could do was trust.
The shower switched off, and I quickly opened the door a crack, enough to stick my arm through with his cleaner suit. There was nothing much else I could do. He took it and changed, swapping places with myself as I showered, rinsing my hair and body of sand before hopping out and wrapping a towel around myself as my mother opened the door and placed the bag beside it.
I blew out a relieved breath when I opened it, the white clothes sitting there untouched, the faint smell of Zander wafting from it. This would have to do.
I’d once packed this bag and left it here for when I could have time to train in the desert, thinking that after Zander chose me, that would still happen. But it never did. I’d packed one of the scent trappers in it, something the partners of our fisherman often used here to keep anxiety low and to soothe their partners when they left for days at a time for work. It was handy in a time like this.
Sly was already waiting for me when I stepped out, my mother now nowhere to be found. It was for the best , though I hated that I couldn’t hug her and stay with her, that she couldn’t hug me back like she used to. So, I left her alone, no discussion between us, a secret to share. I prayed they would never find his body.
The moon was much further across the sky by the time we exited my childhood home, running back to the tiny, almost invisible gap in the hedge that gave us access to the Inner Ring. It was likely now the very early hours of a new day. Zander would still be busy, but I was paranoid and nervous, even if I could feel Sly’s gift against my skin shielding us from those who may be watching.
Footsteps clacked against the cobblestone patch as my breath hitched, and Sly pulled me quickly against a building, his arms encasing me as two guards walked the perimeter, their weapons in their grip, their faces scanning intently down every street.
Dread hung heavy on my back, pressing down as I watched the guards walk further away from us. I let him lead me after that, down every street, around buildings and rose bushes until we reached the small gap in Zander’s hedge that marked the boundary of his garden. We moved through with ease.
I held my breath as we passed stationary guards who stood with their weapons drawn, marking every corner of Zander’s garden, both stoic and unmoving. But I knew all too well how perceptive they were; I’d watched them quietly often. It was uncomfortable and eerie to pass them, their eyes sliding over us, though they couldn’t see as we slipped past them unacknowledged. My hands had become clammy the closer we got towards those doors that signified the entry point to my home. Sweat beaded on my brow, the dread surrounding me, suffocating.
I paused at the foot of the building when we arrived, nodding my thanks to Sly for covering me and calming myself down to ride the elevator up. He kept me invisible until I stepped in, and the doors slid closed. A smile I didn’t truly feel graced my face as I stared at the empty space ahead of me, knowing he would still be watching me until I was out of his sight.
Strong. That was what I had to be.
The second the elevator lurched upward, my stomach began to churn. I focused intently on getting control as best I could, because the final and greatest hurdle of the night drew near. Strong. I repeated it inside my mind. I had too much counting on me in this moment. I had Raya’s life in my hands.
Panic flared inside me when the ding sounded and the doors slid open to darkness.
Strong.
I stuck one foot forward, followed by the next, easing myself out of the elevator, allowing myself to adjust to the darkness before moving towards my bedroom. I tip-toed quietly to the living room, conscious of every movement I made in an effort to remain silent, my destination drawing closer.
The floor creaked beneath my feet, and I froze, lifting my head up slowly, listening attentively to every sound.
My lungs deflated when I saw him.
The room was pitch black and silent, save for the small glow of a cigarette as he sucked a deep breath in. My heart thundered. My hands shook. The glow of the butt moved to hang loosely from fingertips on the edge of the lounge.
“Where have you been, my Rose?” His voice was tight and strained, a caution for me if there ever was one.
Closing my eyes, I schooled my features to a warm smile as I sauntered over and lowered myself onto his lap, tucking my body against his. He loved a docile female.
With my head in the crook of his neck, I murmured softly. “I needed fresh air, as I couldn’t sleep. I went up to the rooftop to breathe in its peace. I thought it would be safest.” After seeing the number of guards in the garden, I couldn’t say I was there. That left me with so few options.
He lifted the cigarette to his lips, sucked another breath in, and released it. The stench of the herb caused my nose to wrinkle, but I didn’t so much as budge otherwise, awaiting his reply.
He lifted his free hand to rub against my thigh. “I was worried about you.”
He nuzzled his face into my neck and scented me. It was a test he used to do often when we’d first started seeing each other, back when he was around more often. When he pulled away, his hand dragged against my thigh delicately, seeming satisfied that his smell still rested on my skin; I’d made sure it had. He shifted his face to plant a gentle kiss against my mouth. He could be soft sometimes, almost kind. I could fall in love with him when focusing on moments like this. If only it was more than a moment, and if only he truly saw me. It was moments like this that made every word Raya had spoken about him tonight seem so unbelievable. I couldn’t possibly fathom the Zander here in this moment and the Zander Raya had spoken of.
“Did you shower before you went?” he asked, and I fought to keep my body soft, his hand reaching up to thumb my damp hair between his fingertips.
“Yes. I wasn’t feeling well, so I showered again. It helped me feel better, more refreshed.”
Another slow drag of his cigarette that I was now forced to inhale.
“You smell... different,” he stated with a tense edge to his tone. My hands began to slightly shake as I forced a frown on my face.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t use any body wash for the shower. I was so focused on trying to feel better that I mainly just sat on the ledge for the heat and steam.”
He paused, assessing me as I awaited his next move.
He stubbed the rest of his cigarette out in the ash tray, the glow of it snuffed out as I felt him shift back towards me.
“We need to fix that.” It was a demand I met eagerly, because I dared not ruffle his feathers anymore, even though, when I merged his lips with mine, my eyes fluttered shut, and I saw blue eyes, dimples, and dark hair.
Though my stomach rolled, I kissed Zander with fervour, meeting every stroke of his tongue with my own. I knew he was marking me with his scent, reclaiming me to comfort himself. My only job now was to reassure him.
When he pulled away, I felt his satisfied smile against my lips.
“Can I take you to bed?” he murmured.
I nodded, my forehead brushing against his as I wrapped my arms around his neck, knowing he would carry me there himself.
He lifted me with an arm hooked under my legs, the other around my back as I clung to him, my head resting against his chest as he walked us back to my room, placing me softly against my mattress.
He lingered for a moment, caressing my cheek, the most tender I’d ever seen him.
“Rest, my Rose, and I will see you in the morning.” A brief kiss followed, just beneath my right eye.
He quietly left the room, and I listened for his telltale footsteps down the hall before he slipped back into his room, shutting the door with a snick.
If only he knew what I had really been up to tonight. I breathed out in relief. That was close. Too close, but I survived it. I had to hold out hope that Raya would never do something stupid to jeopardise us both.
Because now, I held another little secret.
A secret that was sure to create carnage in the days to come. A secret sure to end in death.