32. Riley
RILEY
“ M y love.”
I lifted my head towards Zander, who was standing in my bedroom doorway, perfectly styled and effortless as always as he moved in closer to sit on the edge of my bed, his lips drawn down.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my hand reaching out to take his on instinct as a small spike of fear rose inside me. I hadn’t left my room at all last night. I had been quiet, keeping to the apartment since his address. What could possibly be wrong?
He looked at me sadly.
“I’m so sorry.” My expression changed, my brows pulling together.
“For what?”
He lifted my hand and kissed it, my anticipation rising.
“Your mother…” He paused, looking toward the ground. I knew when he couldn’t look me in the eye what he was trying to say to me. I clenched my teeth together, blinking rapidly so the tears would not come. My chest rose and fell rapidly as I waited for him to finish, my lips rolling into my mouth.
I would not cry.
“She was taken, along with another.”
A pained sound escaped me, but I fought for restraint. I could never show weakness, though my gut twisted tight.
“You’re allowed to cry, my sweet Rose.” He lifted his hand to gently cup my face, and I leaned into his touch for comfort, allowing him to pull me close to his chest. I nestled into him, seeking some sort of warmth. I didn’t have any fight within me. I felt defeated and deflated. Hopeless.
It was my mother who once told me I could change the world, and as a child, I believed her. I still believed her. I’d promised her I would change this city, motivated by our own experiences to change things for the better. It was why I persisted with this. Why did everything feel impossible with her now gone?
I’d failed to protect them. My mind succumbed to the negative thoughts of my failure, descending further into a dark pit of despair.
I didn’t know exactly how long he’d held me, only that a knock came at the door sometime later that disrupted the darkness inside me, and we both turned towards it.
Sly.
I cursed my situation internally as I caught the slight twitch in his jaw when Zander’s fingers raked across my thigh. This was wrong. I was hurting him.
I hated myself more in this moment.
I looked at Sly, and I saw a future that was bright and wonderful and loving. If I chose him, this city would, in some way, go to war, because Zander would not be overthrown easily, and he was never going to give up the purest Omega he had ever found. The one closest to what this society aspired to. The one Omni decreed as best.
Death would follow if I chose him, and there was no part of me that wanted to watch him die.
I’d thought so much since Zander’s address about what a life with our city leader would be like. He offered me a comfortable life with hope for a bright future for this city and a chance to honour my mother, by ensuring that those in the Outer Ring were given every opportunity to thrive.
Sly, though, he would offer me love, but with it would come pain. It would be selfish to continue this.
“Supreme, would you like us to set up for today’s address?”
Zander simply shook his head. “Not today, Commander. I need to spend time with my future bonded.”
My eyes widened in surprise as he looked down at me with twinkling eyes. He had never addressed me as such. That was a lifelong commitment for fully mated partners in the eyes of Omni.
“Your future bonded,” Sly repeated slowly, glancing between us, his face infinitesimally tighter than before.
“That’s correct,” Zander confirmed before he dipped his head to kiss my lips. My mouth was still slightly agape when he pulled back, and I quickly recovered to look at Sly, who was staring straight at me.
Zander turned back towards him, Sly’s gaze back on him just in time. “You can leave, Commander.”
Sly nodded his agreement before turning and leaving, casting one last sharp glance back towards me. We are running out of time, it seemed to say .
I felt physically sick. My mother was gone, lost to the Dominants and Alpha’s beyond, who would likely sell her to another. Then, this happened. I’d gone too far with Sly, allowed too much with him.
There was no path for me where I got everything I wanted. My life had always been destined for sacrifice.
“I wanted to tell you earlier,” Zander began, “but I’ve been so busy, and I know I’ve not been good enough for you, my love.”
His fingers fumbled with mine, his throat bobbing.
“I know I work a lot and have a lot to make up for, but I want you to know I’m committed to you, and I’m devoted to proving it to you every day for the rest of our lives.”
His expression seemed sincere as he spoke, but then what Raya had told me about the Benefactor and everything he said trickled back into my mind. Was the Benefactor lying? Was he the evil in this city trying to make Zander look bad?
But what I saw the other day with the hidden doorway told me Zander was also a liar. Not even I knew the depths of his deceit.
His finger trailed across my lips as a small smile graced his face.
“Starting today, I will do better. I will spend time with you.”
He kissed me.
“Listen and learn from you.”
Another kiss, and I closed my eyes.
“And love you the way you deserve.” His lips caressed my own as he whispered the words against them. The scent of roses and something far too sweet flooded the space. My nose itched from it.
“So, tell me how I can help you today.”
Today, I just wanted to hide and wallow. At the beginning of this month, this moment would have been like a dream. Now, it was awful and felt more like a curse.
He waited a long time for an answer that never came. “It’s okay, my love. Let me take care of you. I will cook you some lunch and you can read your book. I’ll come lie with you later.”
“Okay,” I breathed as he slowly got up and left the room, the sounds of pots being pulled from drawers in the background. The door remained open, and I stared at the space where Sly once stood.
I felt guilty even though I was in a situation out of my control. It was evident to me what I had to do, and the thought of it was excruciating, adding to my already-aching heart at the loss of my mother.
I opened the book in my lap, turning to a random page. The words were all a blur.
I’d kept my distance from Raya since the death of the Benefactor. I’d not seen her since the day of the address. Raya would be distraught without our mum.
Now, all I could think of was how the hell I could get to her, because she only had Bodhi to comfort her, and I had a promise to my mum that I intended to keep.