Chapter 14 #2
Aza scoffs quietly. None of them will ever be suitable. None of them are you.
She thinks, willing her agony not to resurface.
It’s hard enough going on these trips to other lands to meet potential suitors who are either dimwitted, rude and condescending, or think they can take whatever it is they want because they are king or will be.
It’s another thing entirely to have the man you pine for and can never have, the man you love and want with every fiber of your being, tell you to be patient, there’s more suitors, you’ll find someone.
It’s a never-ending cycle, new suitors, new places, the same undying love in her heart.
She doesn’t know how she would survive if she had to be the wife of one of these unworthy royals, if she couldn’t have Jahar with her.
Would she be able to keep her personal guard with her when she inevitably has to move?
Who will save her from her visions if she can’t?
Who will talk with her throughout the night when she can’t sleep?
Who would make her tea the way she liked it?
Aza is broken out of her spiraling trance by Jahar’s smooth voice, “Come back to me, my Princess. I can see you getting lost in your thoughts. Everything will be okay.”
“You can’t promise that.” She says in a whisper.
He gives her a small smile, “Everything will be okay,” he said again, and even though she doesn’t fully believe that, she takes what little comfort she can from his words and presence. She finishes her crackers and her tea.
“Get some sleep, my Princess.” Jahar stands up from his chair, gently pats Aza’s leg from above her covers, and exits her bedchambers and suite.
Aza sank deeper into her bed, positioning herself until she gets comfortable.
She lay there, trying not to let her thoughts consume her.
She forces her eyes closed in an attempt to get sleep to prepare her for what tomorrow brings.
But with her eyes closed, her other senses sharpened, and she hears the faint whispers of a young girl's voice.
“Mommy? Mommy?! I’m scared! Where are you?”
Aza closes her eyes tighter. She holds a pillow over her head and presses her other ear into the bed, trying to block out the sound. It dims, but only a little.
“Who are you? Can you help me?” The voice pauses between sobs, “Can you hear me? Please! I’m scared.” The little girl dragged in breaths, “The bad men were coming. Coming for me and mommy. They’re gonna come for you, too! You’re not safe here! You have to leave like me and mommy tried to!”
“I… I can’t help you. Leave me alone! You’re not real, you’re not here!
” Aza screamed, her eyes popped open in time to see a small girl walking towards her.
She looked around the age of five , with short blonde hair falling near her shoulders and brown doe eyes.
Her clothes are tattered and fall loosely on her thin, fragile body.
She reaches out her small, bony fingers, attempting to touch Aza. Aza screams.
Moments later, Jahar and Arik burst into her bedchamber.
“Princess? What is wrong? Are you hurt?” Arik asks worriedly.
Jahar takes one look at her shaking body and blank stare and realizes this is one of her episodes. He waves Arik away and mutters for him to wait outside.
He then moves to kneel in front of Aza, who is sitting on her bed with her knees squeezed to her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks, rocking back and forth, dazed.
“Aza, I’m here. You’re safe.” He gently places his hand on her knee. “Breathe. Listen to my voice. I’m here. I’m real, remember?” He waits a moment for her to regain her focus, “Breathe. In and out. In and out.”
She listens to his words as she begins to take deep breaths. One after the other. She’s comforted by the small touch he is offering her and his slow, gentle instructions.
In and out. In and out. He’s here. You’re safe. It wasn’t real. You’re safe.
“Good girl,” he coos, “Stay with me, keep taking your deep breaths.”
Aza felt a rush of butterflies at his praise and gentle words. She does as he says, already feeling more grounded and calmer.
“Tell me I’m a good girl again?” She urges a playful tone in her still slightly shaky voice.
Jahar can’t help but smile and let out a little chuckle while shaking his head.
“Worth a shot,” she breathed as she rested her head on the headboard of her bed.
They sit in silence for a few minutes before she interjects, “I didn’t do this on purpose, I wasn’t trying to use this as an excuse to get you back in here. I…”
Jahar cuts her off, “I never thought that, Princess. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I am your guard, your friend. I am here for you, whenever you need me.” He emphasizes.
Aza nods. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. I will stay in the chair until you fall asleep. I’m sorry, I should have just stayed the first time.”
“You don’t need to stay. I’m sorry. I’ll be fine this time.” She states with a hint of embarrassment in her tone.
“It’s alright. I’m staying this time as long as you're comfortable with it.”
“Of course I want you to stay. I just don’t want to make you feel like you have to.” She lowers her gaze.
“I may be a guard who takes orders from others, but I’ve never felt that way with you.
Don’t you worry about that. I am here to protect you.
I want to protect you and help you in any way that I can.
I do not feel that you are forcing me, nor do I feel burdened.
Now, Princess, you should try to get to sleep. I will be right here.”
Aza nods her head in understanding as she tucks herself back into bed. “Good night, Jahar.”
“Good night, my Princess. Pleasant dreams.”
Aza lies there, comforted by the knowledge that she is not alone. There’s no haunting people, no voices, just the sound of Jahar’s soft breathing and the wind whistling outside. Eventually, she drifted off to sleep.