30. Maddox
Maddox
A fter Caleb drops me off at the math building, I make my way to Wheeler’s office.
Oh, god. I’m so nervous. If I don’t quit wiping my hands against my jeans, I’m going to end up with sweaty patches on them.
Professor Wheeler rarely instills fear in me—he’s one of the kindest, most patient professors I’ve met.
My thesis aligned with his specialty, and when I asked if he’d be my adviser, he agreed before I even finished my question.
I like him so much that last semester, when I found out he was searching for a new TA, I applied just because I wanted to learn the ropes teaching classes under him.
He’s my idol.
And the way he might be disappointed in me failing to report my relationship with Killian has been getting to me more than it should be. It’s not even just my job or my thesis… it’s also that his approval means so much to me.
This is ridiculous.
I scrub a hand over my face and glance at the wall clock that’s right outside Wheeler’s office. I know he’s already inside because his last class ended half an hour ago, and Wheeler always heads to his office right after.
That means he’s probably already sitting by his desk, ready to talk.
Well.
It was a good run.
Time to give up my dream of being a math professor, I guess.
My phone buzzes and I take it out even if I’ve got less than a minute to our meeting, and a smile tugs at my mouth when I see it’s from Killian.
Killian: Hi!!! :D I’m so happy you wanna meet up, but I’m having lunch with my dad! Not sure how long it’ll take. Call you after?
Oh… what? I blink at his message. Killian is always on edge with his dad, and knowing how he treats him, I get it. I hate that I had no idea. If I weren’t being so difficult these past few days, he would’ve told me this. Surely.
Frantically, I type back a response.
Me: Do you want me to be there?
The three bubbles that say he’s typing up a response pop up in the screen’s corner, but it’s at that moment the door to Wheeler’s office opens. His eyes widen when he sees me, and he clears his throat and adjusts his glasses.
“Maddox,” he says. “You’re late. I thought you decided not to come.”
Taking a quick glance at my phone, I realize it’s already two minutes past our meeting time. I quickly put my phone away and say, “Ah, no. Sorry.”
“Come inside.” He holds the door open for me.
Now out of my element, I gingerly step into his office.
I’ve been here many times before, and I love how spacious it is, and how his window has a great view of the schoolyard.
From here, you can see students walking around outside.
He’s also got shelves stacked with many academic books and books for leisure, and the large computer screen on his desk is a testament to how much the math department doesn’t skimp on their professors.
I want all this, too.
“Sit down.” Wheeler circles around his desk, taking a seat and gesturing for me to do the same. I obey and put my hands flat on my lap, resisting the urge to wipe them again .
Bracing myself, I take a deep breath. “Professor Wheeler.”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “Maddox.”
I can do this. I can do this.
“Um, do you remember a while back, when you asked if I was dating Killian Schultz?” When he only nods, I continue.
My words come out in a rush. “We’re dating.
We got together after you asked, but… yeah.
We’re dating. I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.
I did want to report it, but I wasn’t sure how’d you react, because if we got accused of favoritism—”
His startled laugh cuts me off. “Okay.”
Ah?
“Okay?” I repeat weakly.
“Okay. I hear you.” He folds his arms and leans back.
“I understand why you’re freaking out because I could, in fact, be very angry about this.
It’s a conflict of interest. You’re in a position of power as my teaching assistant, and it could be an issue because you could be accused of giving him answer sheets to exams or grading his exams unfairly. ”
I look down, mumbling, “But I don’t even see the answer sheets beforehand, and I don’t think I’ve graded any of his papers since the very first one.”
“I know, because I purposely started putting his exams in my share of papers to grade after I noticed you both spending way too much time staring at each other. I’m much more aware of what goes on in my classes than you think.
Even when you said you weren’t seeing each other, I made the assumption that it would only be a matter of time before you did. ”
“Uh…” My face flares. Jesus. If a hole opened up in the ground right now, I’d welcome it.
Chuckling, he pulls something from the drawer of his desk, depositing it before me. It’s… a sheet of paper? Puzzled, I take it from him.
It’s a form with the university’s logo. The top of the page reads Relationship Disclosure Form.
“Listen,” he says. “Let’s be honest… what you did was reckless, and you should have told me much sooner.
But, Maddox, I’ve known you since you were a freshman, and I’m well aware that you are a good kid.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I knew something was going on between you two, but I thought it would be better if it came from you. ”
I bite my cheek. “Thank you… and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”
“It’s all right,” he says. “Here, fill this out.”
He puts a pen in front of me, and I awkwardly reach for it, fumbling with it and taking two tries to get the cap off.
My hands are shaking as I fill out the form, which asks for our names and details.
The questions are vague, maybe to not trigger a lawsuit or whatever, but my nerves are raging because Wheeler watches me closely the entire time.
“You’ll have to get Mr. Schultz to sign it as well,” he tells me, and I stare at the space Killian has to fill out. “Thank you for telling me. Did something happen for you to suddenly decide to?”
I nod. “Um… there’s someone I’ve had some disagreements with who said they’d report me, and it pushed me into gear because it’d be horrible if you heard it from someone else.”
“The same someone that campus security had to pull away from your dorm?”
My eyes snap to him. “You heard about that?”
He smiles, but not unkindly. “I believe everyone heard about that. It’s fine now. You can ignore his threats.”
Wow, this is one heck of an emotional rollercoaster. I was fully working myself up to face the consequences of my recklessness, and this is the last thing I expected.
My lip wobbles. It wouldn’t be professional of me to tear up in my boss’s office. I level my voice the best way I can, but it still comes out as a croak when I say, “Thank you, sir. I appreciate it a lot.”
He’s quiet for a long moment, then he claps the table and says, “All right. Let’s work on your thesis now, since you’re already here. I’ve got a few suggestions that will surely take it to the next level. Do you want me to get food delivered?”
“I… I can order us lunch.” Before he disagrees, I’m already pulling my phone out.
Wheeler likes the sandwiches from the deli a few blocks away from campus.
It’s the same place he always buys lunch from, so I already know to order from there without even asking.
Before I can open DoorDash, though, I check the text that Killian sent me before my meeting with Wheeler started.
Killian: It’s okay, you’ve got your meeting. Don’t think it’s a good idea anyway.
Me: Why?
My phone hidden below the table out of Wheeler’s view, I wait for Killian’s response.
Wheeler is texting someone as well, and he probably thinks I’m ordering us food, so I think the quick break is fine.
I even switch tabs to DoorDash to get that done, though my anticipation for Killian’s reply is killing me.
I can’t explain it, but there’s an unpleasant twinge in my chest. It’s one of those moments where I can sense something’s wrong, but I don’t know what exactly.
It makes my veins crawl with anxiety, and I stretch my neck and roll my shoulders to get some of the tension out.
That catches Wheeler’s attention, though he doesn’t ask any questions.
Killian: I got offered the coaching job, so I turned down a sports agent who wanted to represent me and he found out. He’s really angry and I’m not even sure how to tell him I want to coach instead.
I almost drop my phone. What? Clearly, I missed way too much since the last time we had a decent conversation—which is all my fault. Fuck.
Me: I didn’t know this was happening. I told you I’d be there if you spoke to him.
Killian: I know, but because we were taking time apart, I didn’t want to put any pressure on you.
Me: Where are you?
Killian: Mabel’s. The diner outside campus. I’ll call you when we’re done, okay?
“Maddox?” Wheeler asks.
Lifting my head, I blurt out, “I’m so sorry, but I need to go.”
He frowns and gets up at the same time that I do. “I… yeah. Sure. Of course. I hope everything’s fine?”
“Yes, it is. I just really need to be somewhere.” I frantically get up, almost knocking my chair back.
I know perfectly well how hard Killian’s dad is on him, and I know how he’s been stressing over this talk. It’s why I promised I’d be there when they did.
I need to go to them.
***
It’s the time of day where most students are taking lunch between their classes, and I weave around the crowd, desperate to quickly make it to Mabel’s Diner.
The diner’s not too far from campus, a walkable distance, but sprint-walking is exhausting .
Killian needs me, though, and I walk as quickly as my legs can take me.
Not even halfway to the diner, I’m already out of breath.
At least two people call for my attention as I walk through the schoolyard, but I only give them a curt nod and don’t stop. I text Killian, too, as I rush to the diner, asking him if he’s still there, and that he doesn’t respond to me as quickly as he usually does only makes me more anxious.