Chapter 24
Halle
After Dane left my house, he sent me Helena Lundren’s contact information so we could arrange a time for Lenni’s drop-off. I’m not sure what I expect from Helena, but it isn’t such a gracious and helpful woman.
I had spent the afternoon cleaning up around the house. I’ll hand it to Dane, he did his best at keeping things neat, but I still found cereal bits under my couch and Lenni’s toothbrush hidden in her toy castle.
After the last dish is put away, I scan my house and try view it from the perspective of a woman who probably lives in a lavishly decorated multimillion-dollar home with expensive furniture and décor.
My small, two-bedroom, mid-century-style home, while tastefully decorated, is a humble rental with cheap Ikea and estate sale furnishings.
I remind myself that this is my first place of my own and it’s filled with love, which I think is the most important aspect of a home.
The doorbell finally rings at four forty-five, and I rush to open the door, having missed my sweet girl. As soon as it swings open, there’s a whoosh of pigtails and a flash of movement when Lenni and another little girl fly past me like a flock of birds, squawking as they dash inside hand in hand.
“Hi, Mama!” Lenni calls out as she and the towheaded girl run to the area where I just arranged all her toys. “This is Elise. We’re gonna play pwincesses!”
Her excitement is a tangible gift and fills me with pride.
In the short time we’ve been in Vancouver, and she’s attended the daycare, Lenni has blossomed from clingy to independent and more social.
The transformation has been remarkable. It soothes my constant guilt over whether this move was the right choice for us.
Based on the changes my daughter has exhibited, it was a good decision.
Apparently, she didn’t get those sociable traits from me. I awkwardly stand in the doorway as Helena holds the handle of a baby carrier with one hand and waits to be invited in.
“Where are my manners? Please, come inside and have a seat,” I offer, gesturing to my living room couch. “And hello, by the way. I’m Halle MacAlister.”
The tall, slim, woman with model looks smiles brightly and walks toward the couch, gingerly setting the carrier down on the floor next to it. A blanket extends over the opening so I can’t get a peek at the baby yet, but the child is obviously sleeping.
“Nice to meet you, Halle,” Helena says with a hint of a Scandinavian accent, and takes a seat on my blue fabric couch with perfect posture and grace.
I’m not sure how old the baby is, but you’d never know by looking at Helena that she’s had one child, let alone two.
“And that’s my oldest, Elise, who just ran past. This sleeping beauty is Ingrid. ”
She lifts off the blanket so I can peer inside at one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen, with a rosy-cheeked face and a nearly bald head sporting just a tuft of white-blond hair on the top.
My hand covers my heart. “Oh, what an angel. She’s beautiful. How old? About nine or ten months?”
Helena removes the pacifier from Ingrid’s chest, where it must have popped out of the sleeping baby’s mouth, and loops her finger through the ring.
“Thirteen months next week. Ingrid’s much more chunk than length at this point.” Her laughter is like the sound of carol bells ringing, light and airy. “And Elise is three and a half.”
I sigh, glancing over to where the girls play with Lenni’s dolls, and then return my attention to Ingrid, whom I itch to pick up and snuggle. “I really miss the baby stage sometimes.”
Helena gives me a pointed look, her crystal blue eyes sparkling. “I bet you don’t miss the sleepless nights or dirty diapers though.”
“Touche,” I agree with a smile, sparing a look at the girls. “It’s nice now that Lenni is four and can do a lot of things on her own, like go to the bathroom at home by herself.”
“That’s one of the reasons I waited until Elise was walking and talking before getting pregnant again.”
My gaze falls again to the flat of her stomach and then the gigantic diamond ring on her finger. I’m envious that, as a married mother, she probably had the opportunity to plan out her pregnancies with her partner and decide when to add to their family.
Unlike me, who didn’t have the chance and may never have another opportunity to have another child. That would require a man, which I do not have.
“Oh my gosh, I haven’t even offered you or the girls anything to eat or drink. Can I get you something? Water? Juice? Tea?”
“Vodka?” she says with a breezy laugh. I search her clear blue eyes and determine she’s joking. But I do notice the darkened circles underneath her eyes, an indicator of those sleepless nights I remember so well.
With the season in full swing, and a young baby to boot, Helena likely does most of the parenting without much assistance from her hockey player husband. It increases my level of guilt even more that she was dragged into this huge favor.
When I don’t answer immediately, she reaches out and pats my arm.
“I’m kidding,” she clarifies, lifting an expressive brow. “I’m not much of a drinker anyway, but it’s been one hellish week. The baby is colicky, Elise has been cranky, and the boys go out on the road again tomorrow. Hockey season is exhausting with two littles.”
I want to agree with her but honestly, life is always exhausting as a single mom with no one but myself to rely on.
“I hear ya.”
It’s the reason I don’t want to rely on Dane to help me out. While I am so grateful for his help these last few days, he won’t always be around. He could be here one day and gone the next.
Isn’t that the sort of guy he is? Quick to leave and not look back?
“I can only imagine the chaos his schedule causes. I hope you at least have some nanny coverage to help?” I ask, moving into the kitchen connected to the living room. It’s an open concept, which I love, because I can easily keep an eye on Lenni while cooking and preparing meals.
The baby starts to fuss, and I watch Helena soothe her with a soft coo, inserting the pacifier back in Ingrid’s mouth.
“Yes, Greta is our live-in au pair. She’s the second one we’ve had this year, and so far, she’s working out great.
She helps me with the girls and basic chores when Nils is gone or when I need a break to run errands or whatever,” she explains.
I stare dreamily at her, wondering what it would be like to have a break.
“But it’s also weird to have someone else living in your space. You know what I mean?”
Not really.
Pulling two coffee mugs down from a cabinet shelf, I say, “I don’t know what you want to drink, but I have a Keurig. You could have some very strong coffee—with or without the booze. You choose.” I wink, and it draws out an elegant laugh from her mouth.
As I prepare the drinks, I notice Helena scanning the room, taking in my home. It feels like she’s searching for something, some kind of inside scoop about our lives.
“Helena, I want to thank you again for helping me with Lenni today. You obviously have enough on your plate, and I feel awful you had to get involved. But Dane was adamant I stay home and rest.”
She swings her gaze back to me, her blond ponytail flipping over her shoulder, and she taps her fingers on her chin.
“Speaking of involved—and please forgive me, but no one has ever considered me tactful—are you and Dane together?”
The spoon in my hand slips from my fingers and clatters to the floor, bouncing off the wood floor and splattering creamer on my leggings.
“Buckets,” I curse, avoiding a real swear word in case the girls are listening. I kneel down to pick up the spoon and dab away the droplets that paint my leg like abstract art. I take the time to consider the best way to answer that.
I mean, Dane and I are not together together. We have a shared past and a shared child now, so involved is one way to explain our relationship. No one else knows about that second aspect of our connection, and I don’t know enough about Helena to divulge that secret.
When I stand back up, I paste on what I hope is an honest smile.
“I like a woman who gets to the point and doesn’t beat around the bush,” I acknowledge as Helena moves toward me and stops at the other end of the island. I hand her the hot mug of coffee and a clean spoon to use.
She accepts the mug and immediately places it down on the counter before leaning forward in a conspiratorial fashion.
I shake my head, uncertain how to respond. “Dane and I have history, but we’re not together now. We’re just friends.”
She cocks her head to the side and pins me with a skeptical look.
“Just friends... hmm.” She cups her delicate chin in her palm, planting her elbow on the countertop. “That’s interesting because I’ve known Dane for a while now, and I’ve never known him to be ‘just friends’ with a woman. And I’ve never witnessed this side of him.”
I can’t help myself. “What side is that?”
She chuckles. “The side where he goes out of his way to help a woman and her child. Unless, that is, there’s some benefit in it for him. Wink. Wink.”
I stir some creamer in my cup and worry my lip.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” I say, using an innocent tone. “But I promise, there are no benefits being had.”
“Hmm… not yet anyhow.” She waggles her perfectly shaped brows. “But it’s clear you’re someone very special to him.”
With each additional question she asks, Helena uncovers more of the story, getting closer and closer to the truth. I need to find a way to steer this ship in another direction and quick.
“So how did you and Nils meet?”
Helena takes a sip of her coffee, her bright eyes and eyebrows softening in understanding.
“Okay, I get it… change of subject matter. Point taken. I’ll butt out.
” She sets her coffee back on the counter and lifts both hands in the air.
“I won’t pry anymore. At least, not until you want to share. Then watch out.”
She grins broadly, extending her hand to pat the top of mine. We both glance over to the girls, who are now dancing along to a Taylor Swift song.
“I’m sorry, I know I come on so strong,” Helena says. “I’ve just moved so much with Nils that I don’t waste time anymore with the subtleties when developing friendships.”
I laugh. “You’re fine. And you didn’t waste any time in coming to our aid today. I want you to know I will return the favor anytime you need it. That’s what friends are for.”
Helena squeezes my mind.
Her crystal blue eyes sparkle. “Establishing meaningful local female friendships as hockey wives can be difficult. If we do find friends, we’re forced to leave them behind the minute our partners get traded.”
Her sentiments convey exactly my concern over letting Dane get close to Lenni. My worst fear is that she learns that Dane is her dad, she gets attached to him, and he gets traded, leaves her behind, and becomes an absent father.
“I’m sure that’s really hard to manage, especially with two young kids.”
“Which is precisely why I’m so glad to have another WAG with a child. Most of the other players’ partners are young and still into clubbing every night.” She waves a dismissive hand in the air. “Not to imply you’re old, but at least you and I can get the girls together and have playdates.”
As if on cue, the girls squeal in playful delight, drawing our attention over to the living room. They are happy and content with each other, and my heart expands with the knowledge we’ve both made new friends.
“Absolutely. Just one correction, though. I’m not a WAG; I only work for the team.”
Helena snickers. “If you say so.”