Chapter 38
Halle
The party came to a quick conclusion and had cleared out quickly after Lenni had come running back into the kitchen with giant crocodile tears streaming down her sticky face, sobbing uncontrollably.
Her words were such a jumbled mess that it took me two times to decipher what she was saying, but I knew it the moment I saw the look on Dane’s face.
Lenni had already been emotionally and physically tired from the excitement of the party, sugary treats, and playtime she’d had with her new friends and my brother, which made it the perfect storm for this to happen.
It was as explosive as if the mass of balloons in my living room had all popped at once.
I brought her into her room while Dane said goodbye to everyone and now I’m trying to get to the bottom of the story.
I kneel beside Lenni and wrap her sweaty body in my arms. “Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
She hiccups, and tears pour from her eyes. “Ax isn’t my daddy. He said he’s my daddy, but I don’t have a daddy.”
I rear back, confused why she would say such a thing. When I look at her sad expression, my heart breaks. I shouldn’t have let this go on so long, and that regret lies squarely on me, and the burden of that shame on my shoulders alone.
A tall shadow materializes at the doorway, blocking out the overhead hallway light. I glance up to see a panic-stricken expression marring Dane’s face.
What the hell happened? I mouth, my hands shaking violently with a simmering, protective anger I’ve never felt before.
He shakes his head and mouths back, I’m so sorry.
I stand then, scooping Lenni up in my arms, settling her on my lap on her bed, then, with a chin nod and glare, direct Dane to come in.
He stands rigid and back stiff, his jaw is tightly clenched. I glance at him for a second but then look away for fear my own tears will start to fall.
I know I brought this heartache on myself. My indecision around telling her about Dane since we’ve been in Vancouver, and then, apparently a slip that Lenni overheard have finally created the backlash I’d hoped to avoid altogether.
Lenni’s tears have stopped flowing now, and she rests her head against my arm. My daughter is so tired from today’s event, and once again, the timing of this conversation couldn’t be any worse.
But I can’t avoid the truth any longer.
“Lenni, baby,” I begin, placing my hand over her tiny palm. It’s still sticky from the cookie frosting. “Dane and I need to talk to you about what you heard him say outside. Okay?”
She nods, lifting her head to peer through wet lashes at Dane. I give him a chin nod, and he takes a step toward us, bending down to kneel in front of the bed. His gray eyes search mine for direction. I’m not sure I have any for him, so I only offer a soft smile.
Dane takes hold of Lenni’s other hand. “Hey Lulu Lennon. I’m so sorry you had to hear the truth that way.”
Lenni cocks her head to look at Dane and then lifts her face up to mine. “Mama? Is Ax really my daddy?”
I can only nod and smile, tears flooding my eyes. The words get trapped in my throat like a boulder refusing to budge.
“Yeah, honey. Dane is your daddy.”
She thinks about this for a second, wiggling with the uncontainable energy of a child.
“Is that why he kisses you?”
My eyes snap to Dane’s, wide with shock. He quirks an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth rise into that boyish smirk of his. Ugh.
“What? Why do you say that?”
“’Cuz I saw him kiss you in the kitchen.” She stops to think about this for a moment, and then adds, “And on the couch. And on your bed.”
My mouth gapes open. Dane chuckles, then bites down on his lip in an effort to contain the sound, and I want to kick him in the kneecap.
“When did you see that?”
She shrugs, but it’s apparent that we haven’t been as stealthy with our hookups as we thought we were. Lenni must’ve witnessed some of that over the course of the last few weeks.
Dane jumps in to save the conversation and keep me from dying of embarrassment.
He lifts Lenni’s hand and places a kiss on top of her knuckles, his dark lashes framing his gray eyes, which have turned soft and light.
“Lenni, your mom and I like each other. A lot. In fact, I love her. That’s why you saw us kissing.
” He glances at me with a tender expression.
My eyes grow wide from his admission. But I set it aside for now as he continues.
I watch the Adam’s apple in his throat bob up and down as he swallows.
“We liked each other a lot a long time ago, and that’s why you were born. ”
I mean, it’s not exactly the full birds and bees explanation, but at least it gets the point across to a five-year-old as to how she came into being. There is truth there.
“Do you understand what Dane means?” I ask, searching her face to see if she is grasping this explanation.
She nods but purses her lips in consideration. “But how come I didn’t know Ax” —hesitates for a moment and then floors me when she changes the name—“I mean Daddy, before? Why doesn’t he live with us like Elise’s daddy does?”
Oof. That’s the million-dollar question.
Okay, I’m prepared for this. Aren’t I? I’ve thought long and hard on how I’d answer this in a way a little girl could comprehend.
“It’s complicated,” Dane and I both say at the same time. We laugh, and it eases the tension as he gestures for me to continue.
“Baby, when you were growing in Mommy’s tummy, Dane—your daddy—was far, far away. He didn’t know I was pregnant with you. And he didn’t know when you were born.”
Lenni jumps in excitedly to add her take. “But Ax is here now and that’s why he can be my daddy now?”
My eyes connect with Dane’s, and I see a certainty and commitment reflecting back at me. I know unequivocally that this is the right thing to do.
He deserves the chance to be involved in his daughter’s life, and Lenni deserves to have a dad who loves her, will protect her and be there for her as she grows, even when and if he doesn’t live in the same city as she does.
My heart swells with love for the future these two will share together.
“I would love to be your daddy, Lulu Lennon,” Dane says, wearing his heart on his sleeve as he stares at his little girl with tears in his own eyes. He extends his arms, and in a flash, Lenni jumps into his embrace, throwing her arms around his neck.
“Do you love me, Daddy?”
Dane lets out a booming laugh and falls backward onto the floor with Lenni on top of him. He tickles her ribs, and she squirms and giggles while my heart explodes with love for them both.
“I love you, my daughter,” Dane whispers into her ear, hugging her to his chest. And then he pins me with his gaze. “And I love your mom too, very much.”
“Fowever and always,” his daughter replies, and I can’t help it. The tears come hard and fast.
She pushes up from Dane’s chest and stands, taking the two steps toward me. She reaches up on tiptoes to cup my face in her hands, and gives me the most earnest look I’ve ever seen.
“It’s okay, Mama. I still love you too, fowever and always.”
Forever and always.