7
Valentina
I’ll never understand parties that start at ten o’clock at night. Except for New Year’s, every party should start at eight and be done by eleven. If not earlier. Maybe that’s why I don’t really come to these things.
As soon as we walk through the door, Birdie slips off to the kitchen, and Ava takes off toward the living room. Amazing.
I scan the crowd of people and try to find the one I’m actually here for—the one I’m here to have sex with. God, my legs feel like jello just thinking about it. But I have to stay calm.
I can’t let Huxley see that I’m nervous. I don’t know if he’ll change his mind or not, but either way, he can’t know I’m freaking out about all this.
I push through the crowd, seeing a few familiar faces, but not the one I’m looking for. Hell, knowing my luck, this will be the one party Huxley doesn’t show up for.
What if he was joking about having sex with me? He wasn’t, right?
I internally groan. Great, now that thought’s in my head too.
I squeeze my way through a group of girls to a more open hallway. But the reason it’s more open doesn’t hit me until a guy comes barreling towards me, shoving me out of the way and into someone else.
Their hands grab my shoulders, steadying me as I watch two guys run past with Viking helmets on while screaming. Our school mascot isn’t even a Viking, but whatever.
With the coast clear, I pull away from the person behind me. I’m two seconds from apologizing to them when I realize who it is.
I freeze and watch his easy smile form on his face.
“Hey, Valentine.”
I try to think of a response, like maybe hello, but nothing comes out. Instead, I focus on how Huxley is looking at me and how he doesn’t look happy.
“You look different,” he ends up adding.
I look down at my outfit. It’s true that this dress isn’t one that I’d typically wear. And these shoes aren’t really my style. Not to mention my hair is never styled this way, and my makeup is sort of heavy for my liking.
Fuck. I came like a completely different person. No wonder he’s so confused.
How do I tell him that none of this was my idea and that Birdie and Ava may have gone overboard? Saying that could show I was scared, or it could make it look like I have supportive friends.
Before I can make up my mind, the Vikings come raging through again, throwing me back into Huxley. His arms move around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest. I wait for the Vikings to inevitably run back through, but they don’t.
My head tilts up to Huxley, but he’s glaring down the hallway in the direction the Vikings last ran.
“It’s really crowded in here,” I whisper, nerves spiking my throat with every word. Huxley looks down at me, his eyes softening instantly, turning my legs back to jello.
“You wanna get out of here?” he asks like he already knows my answer is yes. Technically, he does. And as much as I wish his question meant he would take me out of this house and we’d go somewhere quiet, I know the reason I came here. So I nod.
He smirks and takes my hand, pulling me behind him toward the stairs. I grip his hand tighter and hope he thinks it’s me not wanting to get lost in the crowd, and not that I’m completely terrified right now. But that feeling is starting to move beyond extreme and is now borderline concerning.
I shouldn’t be this afraid to have sex. It’s something that everyone does. It’s how children are made. It’s how love is shared. But maybe that’s the reason for my fear.
I know this means nothing more than a one-time thing.
This isn’t about love. It’s definitely not about children.
And it’s with someone who has been with many girls before me and won’t stop after me.
But I can’t let Huxley see my fear. This has to go smoothly, so it’s done sooner rather than later.
I just need to stay calm and focus on nothing but this moment.
But someone’s staring at me.
I turn my head to the left and notice some girls looking at us. No, not looking and not at us. They’re glaring. And it’s just at me.
What did I do? It’s not like I’m tying Huxley down with this one night. They’ll probably have sex with him next weekend. Or tomorrow. Or even tonight if I’m that awful at this.
Huxley stops at one of the rooms upstairs and opens the door, pulling me from my thoughts as he pulls me into the room.
“You know I’m surprised, Valentine.” His voice drops low. Lower than I’ve ever heard it before. I never thought the sound of someone’s voice could have such an effect on me, but here we are. My body is stimulated.
Huxley steps forward, making me move backward as he pushes the door shut behind me. My back hits the surface, and my shaky legs have never been more grateful.
His hands press on either side of my head as he stares down at me. “I never thought you would be asking me for sex.”
I pull in a deep breath and hopefully don’t tremble too much as I say, “My friends mentioned something about a bet your friends have on you.” My voice cracks slightly, so I swallow to compose myself, forcing a smile. “Thought I’d help you out.”
My nerves must really be doing a number on me because Huxley almost looks upset by me saying that. Whether that’s true or not, he pushes it away quickly. The next thing I know, his lips are on my neck while his hands grab my hips, pulling me closer to him.
A small gasp leaves my lips at the new feeling, and he laughs against my skin. His lips travel to my ear, whispering, “You act as if no one’s ever done this to you.”
He gently bites my earlobe, and the words tumble out before I can stop them.
“No one has.”
He freezes a second before I do as realization hits me of what I just said. He pulls back, and I’m ready to run again. Literally seconds away from pulling the door open and never coming back.
“No one’s ever kissed your neck before?”
Before my mind can come up with a rational thing to say, I say the last thing that I ever wanted Huxley Adams to know.
“I’m a virgin.”
Both our eyes go wide at the same time. Then mine go a bit wider at his similar reaction. Why is that so surprising? Just because I’m in college doesn’t mean I’ve had sex before. And I’m sure he’s been with plenty of virgins, so why is me being one a shock?
Huxley frowns and whispers, “Why did you ask me to have sex with you?”
Wasn’t expecting that.
“What do you mean?” My throat is unbelievably dry, and I barely even sound like myself.
His hands slightly grip my hips tighter before letting go. “You shouldn’t be asking someone for a random fuck for your first time, Valentina,” he says louder, more upset. But that’s not what I focus on right now.
Valentina.
He called me Valentina.
He’s never called me that before. It somehow sounds different when he says it, and I almost like my name. I just wish the situation was better.
I try to pull some confidence together, pulling back my stiff shoulders. “My friends told me to do it with someone random to get it over with,” I tell him calmly, as if it’s unimportant information we’re sharing.
He shakes his head, turning away from me, and confusing me even more.
“That’s bullshit,” he grits out. “Your first time shouldn’t be that meaningless. And it shouldn’t be with me.”
No, I definitely was not expecting that either.
“Why not?” My words come off a little angry, but damn it, maybe I am angry. Why shouldn’t I have sex with him? He has sex with every other girl, and there’s no way I’m the first virgin he’s come across.
He approaches me again so fast that my back presses harder into the door.
“I’m not the kind of guy you have sex with for your first time.
” He glares at me, but the anger in his eyes doesn’t feel like it’s for me.
“I’m the guy you have sex with when you’re tired of your life, and you want a change.
Or you have five minutes, and you want something quick. ”
“Well, I don’t know what I’m doing, Huxley!” I shout, the nerves finally breaching the surface. “I’ve never done this before! I’ve never done anything before! I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never kissed anyone, I’m just so confused, and I thought this would make everything go away!”
Tears burn my eyes, and all I want is to be home, in my bed, forgetting that tonight ever happened.
I just want to go back to before I asked him to have sex with me.
Go back to Freshman year and tell him to leave me alone when I knew having a crush on him was a bad idea.
Because that crush is currently backfiring on me right now.
He stares at me, slowly blinking once before he says, “You’ve never even been kissed before?”
My eyes widen more than they ever have before. There’s no way I just told him that.
I didn’t.
Clearly, you did because he knows.
No, no, no.
“Oh my god.” I try my hardest to pull the door open, but Huxley places his hand on it to keep it closed.
“Valentina, wait,” he urges. I keep trying to pull the door open against his strength, but it doesn’t budge. Damn, he’s strong. Or am I just weak? Both. Has to be both.
“This was a mistake.” My voice cracks with embarrassment. “I never should have come. I can’t do this. I don’t even know if I want to do this.”
“Can you just stop for a second?” he says softly, a complete 180 from his voice when I told him I was a virgin.
Hesitantly, I turn back around. Huxley moves his hand from the door, so I grip the doorknob tightly, ready to run.
Confusion and a hint of something else dance in his eyes. I think it’s pity. Or maybe it’s disappointment. Either way, I hate seeing it.
“I’m so sorry for wasting your time,” I whisper.
He shakes his head slowly like he’s trying not to make sudden movements around me. Like I’m a scared cat in the wild that he’s trying to capture but not get scratched.
“You didn’t.” He gently places his hand over mine on the doorknob. “Can we please just talk about this?”
I shake my head quickly, the tears forming again. And this time they don’t stop.
“No. We can’t. I’m sorry. I’m just…sorry.” I shove him back and pull the door open before he can stop me, running for the stairs to get away from the guy I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for years, and who just found out how pathetic I really am.
People complain as I push them out of the way, but I don’t care. I need to get out of here. Now.
Someone pulls me to a stop. I start shoving them away when my eyes catch onto Birdies. Hers widen in worry as she takes me in.
“What the hell happened?” she asks, looking over my face, which is covered in tears. Words don’t form as more tears fall.
“Did he hurt you?” Ava asks on the other side of me.
I pull in a shaky breath and finally manage to speak. “No. We didn’t do anything.” I hurriedly wipe my tears. “I’m just a fucking idiot for thinking this was a good idea.”
I hear my name whispered in the crowd, pulling my attention from my friends. A few people stare at me as they continue to whisper, no doubt knowing I was just with Huxley and now I’m in tears.
Pressure builds in my chest, sending waves of fear through me.
“Get me out of here.” I barely whisper, but Birdie and Ava thankfully hear me and pull me out of the house.
I knew from the start this was a bad idea. So did Birdie. I just wish one of us had put the fantasy to an end before this nightmare occurred.