Valentina #2
I hear him shift again. “Hazel was surprised. I told her I would come home for winter break, so she wasn’t expecting me now.”
“What about your mom?”
He pauses. “She’s not here.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Hazel isn’t sure when she’ll be back either. Said she went on some trip with her Man of the Month.”
I frown. “Wait, she left your 16-year-old sister alone with twins that are only three years old?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time she’s done something like that.”
I bite my tongue. This isn’t my place, and I shouldn’t get involved when I won’t be talking about my family in return.
“Just say what you want to say.” He has an edge in his voice, but I ignore it. Instead, I think about my words. I want to say that his mother is terrible for leaving his siblings like that. I want to say that she’s irresponsible and a bad mother. But I can’t say that.
The last thing I need is to make Huxley upset with me. So instead, I say, “I bet the twins were happy to see you.”
A long silence pushes through the phone. One I wasn’t expecting with the topic we’re on.
“Not really,” Huxley finally responds.
“What do you mean?”
“The last time I was home, it was their first birthday. So they don’t really remember me.”
I shake my head. “You’re their brother. It shouldn’t matter how old they are; they should still remember you.”
“You don’t get it,” he whispers, but the strain on his voice is still evident.
“What don’t I get?”
“Valentina, there have been so many men who have walked through that door into my mother's life that the twins thought I was another one. They don’t know I’m their brother. I’m just a stranger to them.”
My mind slips back to when Huxley told me about his siblings. With the age difference between all of them, I knew it had to be hard to stay close. What I didn’t expect was for Huxley to sound so upset about them not knowing who he is.
I pinch my left wrist. I really need to stop assuming things about him.
“I’m sorry, Huxley,” I say while still abusing my wrist. The numbing that’s forming around my fingers is starting to feel good. Really good.
He sighs, making me let go of my wrist and mentally slap myself in the face. Mental torture is okay. No one can see the marks if it’s all in your head.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Huxley’s voice soothes the screaming in my head enough to answer him.
“My brother has plans, but there’s a good chance of snow. And if that happens, we’ll be stuck inside all day.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’ll still be with him. That’s all that I care about.”
We sit in silence for a moment.
“Valentina?” I can hear the edge of pain in his voice, and it stabs into my heart unwillingly.
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to say something, and I think the only reason I’m able to say it is because I’m not looking at you.”
I pull in a deep breath to prepare for whatever he’s going to say. “What is it?”
“I’m jealous of you and your brother.”
Oh. I wasn’t expecting that.
“Huxley,” I say softly.
“I’m serious,” he cuts in. “You both love each other and understand each other. You’ll always be there for one another. But for me, Hazel probably only thinks of me as an occasional brother, and the twins will never really know who I am.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is Valentina.”
“Huxley, you have no reason to be jealous.” My throat squeezes tightly. I do my best to clear it quietly so Huxley doesn’t notice. “The only reason Will and I are so close is because of the shit we had to deal with together. It’s hardly a relationship to want to have.”
Do I think Will and I could have been this close if it wasn’t for what happened to Morgan?
Sure, that’s a possibility. But somewhere deep in my heart, I firmly believe that Will and I became as close as we are because we didn’t want to lose each other the way we lost Morgan.
Not that I’ve exactly been holding up my end of our relationship. But that also helped us get closer.
Huxley pauses for a moment. “I didn’t realize things were so hard for you.”
“Right, because Sophomore year was a breeze,” I say before I can really think about it.
“Fuck, Val. I’m—”
A loud, piercing scream comes from his side of the phone.
I shoot up in bed. “Huxley?” Shuffling noises come through the phone, but no other screams. That doesn’t stop my heart from pounding in my chest, though. “Huxley, what’s going on?”
Tears threaten to fall when he still doesn’t answer. Then another scream cuts through that spills the tears down my cheeks.
“Harper. Harper, sweetie, it’s okay,” Huxley says softly to his little sister. “It’s Huxley, sweetie. You’re alright.”
“Jesus. Is she okay?” A voice, I assume is Hazel’s, comes through, fear heavy in it.
“She’s still asleep,” Huxley tells her. “Never even woke herself up.”
I feel like I’m intruding on a moment I’m not meant to be part of. My fingers fumble until I finally hang up the phone.
Harper’s screams play through a loop in my head. I’ve never heard someone scream like that before, much less a child. My heart aches as it continues to pound in my chest. I rub my hand over the throbbing and try to think of anything else.
Unfortunately, the only thing that comes to mind is that Huxley forgot what happened Sophomore year. He forgot that I tried to kill myself.
Okay, maybe I can give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn’t want to remember something like that. And sure, we were talking about me and my brother and not necessarily my mental health. But what if he forgot?
I try to wipe away my tears when my phone rings again. I quickly clear my throat before answering.
“Hello.”
“Did I hang up on you?” I can’t decipher his voice. He almost sounds emotionless, but given the situation, that can’t be right. Maybe he just hasn’t fully processed what’s happened.
“No,” I say softly. “ You didn’t.”
“Why did you hang up?”
I halfway shrug to no one. “I didn’t think I should be hearing what was going on. It didn’t seem like my place.”
“No. No, it’s okay.”
I bite my lip, but the question comes out anyway. “Is Harper okay?”
“Yeah,” he breathes out. “Yeah, she’s fine now. Hazel says she gets nightmares sometimes.”
“God, her screaming.” My voice breaks, but I quickly clear it and wipe the tears that fall. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be this upset.”
“You’re allowed to be upset, Valentina. You heard her pain, so you felt it. It’s alright.”
I shake my head over and over again. “A child shouldn’t feel that kind of pain.”
He pulls in a weak breath. “I know.” The crack in his voice makes me pause, letting his labored breathing come through.
“Huxley?”
That makes him pull in a deeper breath, but it’s so broken there’s no hiding what’s happening.
He’s crying.
I’ve seen him tear up, but he’s never cried in front of me before. It sounds like he’s trying to muffle himself so no one else in his house can hear him. But I hear him. I hear him loud and clear.
“Huxley.”
A broken laugh comes through the phone. “God, I’ve never wanted someone to hug me so much in my entire life,” he whispers with a strained voice.
My heart keeps twisting inside my chest. “I’m sure Hazel would—”
“I want you.” My eyes widen. “God, Valentina. I don’t just miss you. I want you. I need you.”
More tears fill my eyes. “Baby, if I was right down the road, I would be there in a heartbeat. But I can’t.”
“I know,” he whispers. “I know I know I know I know I know.”
“Huxley.”
A pained laugh leaves him. “I hate this Valentina.”
I frown. “What do you hate?”
“This feeling in my chest when you’re not here. And I want it to stop.”
“You…you want it to stop?”
“I don’t want to feel this way. I can deal with pain, but I hate this.” He pulls in a ragged breath. “Just make it go away,” he whispers. “Make it stop.”
“I’m still here,” I try to say calmly.
“But you’re not here, Valentina. You’re not in front of me. I can’t touch you.”
“We won’t always be together, Huxley.”
“I shouldn’t have let you leave.”
My whole body freezes. “What?”
“I should have forced you to stay.”
I don’t believe this. “You were going to take away my chance to see my brother?”
He pauses. “Val.”
“You just said that you were jealous of our relationship, and now you don’t want me to be with him?”
“Baby, just listen for a second.”
I hang up. He seriously was going to take me away from Will? The only person who will be there for me for the rest of my life? Because Huxley won’t. He’ll leave as soon as the deal is over.
I stare at my phone, waiting for him to call me back. Waiting for him to try to make this up to me.
But my phone never lights up.