74 #3
“A sexy, confident woman who knows how to control a man without fucking him.” He tightens his hold as my breath stutters out of me. “Valentina,” he whispers. “You are so dangerous.”
My eyes widen. “I am?” I ask in a small voice that is so far from dangerous.
He nods and smiles. That smile I haven’t seen in so long. The one I used to claim as mine.
“And I’m so glad I’m the first person to experience you like this.”
A lump unexpectedly forms in my throat, and I have to look away from him. My fingers run over his collarbone and down to his 49 tattoo while I try to focus on what I’m about to say.
“Hux?”
He hums at the name. “Yes, Love?”
I don’t look away from the tattoo on his chest—the one that now represents me. “I wouldn’t be like this if it weren’t for you.”
“What do you mean?” The confusion in his voice matches what I see in his eyes.
I shrug. “I’m not that confident. And I never thought I could be sexy. But you’ve shown me who I can be. And I never would have found her without you.”
He smiles softly while his fingers run up and down my bare back. I shudder and move closer to him.
“Well, I’m glad I could bring it out of you.”
I shake my head and look back at his tattoo. “You don’t understand.” I pull in a deep breath to try and grab at some of that courage from just a bit ago. “I’ll never be this girl without you.” His hands stop moving on my back. “I honestly don’t want anyone else to see me like this.”
Huxley stares at me for a moment, processing everything I’ve just said. “Valentina.” He swallows hard to clear his rough voice. “What are you saying?”
Tears suddenly fill my eyes, so I close them. “God, why is this the scariest moment of my life?”
“Love. Hey.” He grabs my face and tilts it back up. The concern in his eyes is painful but also comforting. “What’s going on?”
“Huxley.” Just say it. “I don’t want to do this deal anymore.”
He frowns. “I still have time.”
I shake my head. “No. No, I don’t want to do this deal anymore, because I just want to be with you.” His eyes widen, so I continue before he can say anything. “I don’t want to be your fake girlfriend anymore. I want to be your real girlfriend.”
His hands fall from my face. “You are my real girlfriend. That was part of the deal.”
“But I don’t want there to be a deal.”
He stares at me for a second…two…three…
“Valentina.”
No.
I…I think I’m going to be sick.
“Oh my god.” I quickly get off of him and pull my shirt back on. I have to leave. I have to get out of here now before I embarrass myself any further.
“Valentina, just listen to me for a second.” I spin around to him as he sits on the edge of the bed. “I like you, okay? I really, really like you. But you don’t want this. You only think you want this because we’ve had all these experiences together.”
I shake my head weakly. “That’s not true.”
“It is true, Valentina. You don’t want me. And I’ve hurt you too much.”
Tears build in my eyes, but anger also builds. “What about everything you’ve ever said to me? Saying you want me and need me and that I’m the greatest person in your life?”
“That was all true.”
“Then why can’t what I’m saying be true?”
“I don’t date, Valentina.”
“We’ve been on dates.”
“For the deal.”
“Fuck the deal, Huxley!” I yell loud enough that his neighbors probably heard me. But I don’t care. I don’t care if they come breaking down the door to stop me. Because right now, I’m pissed.
“You said you were my plaything when it was the other way around. And the worst part was that I always knew you were using me. But how could I have been mad when I agreed to all of this? God, I’m so fucked up for believing that this was a good idea.”
I start pacing, unsure of what to do now. My entire heart is exploding in my chest as everything from these past few months implodes around me.
He really doesn’t want me.
I already knew that was true, but hearing him say it breaks my heart beyond what I thought was possible.
“Valentina.”
I nearly pull my hair out. “Stop calling me that. You don’t call me that. You call me Valentine.”
“I’m sorry.”
I scoff. “For what? What the fuck are you sorry for?”
He shrugs noncommittally and looks away from me. “For leading you on, I guess.”
My mouth falls open. “You guess? God, fuck you, Huxley.”
I take off out of his room. I have to get out of here.
Leading me on? Fuck that.
Fuck him.
Fuck all of this.
I hear him behind me, but I don’t stop.
“Valentina, it’s the middle of the night.”
“I don’t fucking care. All I want is to be as far away from you as possible.” I spin around to him when I reach the door. “I should have stayed in New York. I should have just stayed there for the rest of my life.”
I spin back around, grabbing as much of my stuff as quickly as I can.
“Please stop,” Huxley begs. He touches my arm, but I pull away so hard my body slams into the door.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I seethe.
He backs away from me, letting me gather up the rest of my stuff. I pull the door open and slam it behind me. I’m barely down the sidewalk when it all hits me.
Everything I’ve ever thought about our relationship was true.
He just saw me as a deal, someone to have sex with in the end. I told him how I feel, and he rejected me.
Of course he did.