75
Valentina
It’s been two weeks since Huxley and I broke up.
I don’t know how to feel. What is one supposed to feel after a breakup of a fake relationship that felt real, and you wanted to be real, but the other person involved said they liked you, but didn’t want to be with you?
Lately, all I’ve been doing is walking aimlessly around my apartment. Which is super fun because I drown myself in my thoughts the entire time. Super productive if you ask me. Not at all detrimental to my mental health.
My mental health that has been slowly creeping toward the edge with no one to pull me back anymore.
It makes studying for finals nearly impossible. It makes everything nearly impossible, actually. The only thing I could focus on outside of my dwindling mind was looking for Huxley. Not to talk to him, but to avoid him.
He stopped showing up after my classes, which is a good thing.
It’s a good thing.
But somehow this is worse than I imagined. Probably because he knows I have actual feelings for him, and he shut me down immediately. I really thought…
No.
I’m not allowed to think about it anymore. Honestly, I’m not allowed to think about anything anymore. Thinking hurts too much, and I always end up back on the topic of Huxley Adams.
But not thinking is hard for someone who classifies as an overthinker, but look at me trying.
And by trying, I mean failing. Miserably.
I get back to my apartment after my last final, ready to sit and relax, and not have to worry about classes and heartbreak, or anything else. What I’m met with is Birdie and Ava running back and forth to gather all their things before they leave for winter break.
They both stop when they see me.
“Are you sure you should be alone over break?” Birdie asks cautiously but tries to act casual as she continues to pack her bag.
I shrug as I drop my keys on the table beside the door. “I’ll be fine. It’s what I always do.”
“Yeah, but that was before…” Ava stops talking when Birdie glares at her.
“Honestly, I’m glad I’ll be alone for break,” I tell them, pulling their attention back to me. “I think I need some time alone to think all this through.”
Or to just lie in bed for the next few weeks and cast a spell to make myself forget everything that happened between me and Huxley. If only, if only.
Birdie weakly shrugs. “I guess you’re right.” She walks up to me and places a gentle hand on my shoulder. “But if you need us, call us. We’ll come home.”
I can’t tell if she means that. Birdie never liked the deal Huxley and I made, but ever since I came home that night, tears still streaming down my face and my shirt on backwards, she hasn’t said a word about it. And I’m grateful. The last thing I need is my best friend telling me, ‘I told you so.’
I softly smile at her. “You should be with your families. I won’t intrude on that.”
“Oh, shut up and just call us,” Ava says as she walks towards us. “It would be nice to drop everything and say ‘See ya’ and just leave in the middle of it all.”
I smile a little bigger, and that’s enough for them. I just wish it were enough for me.
Birdie hugs me, and then Ava does too.
“Don’t do anything destructive,” Birdie says as I let go of Ava.
“But there is alcohol in the freezer,” Ava reminds me.
I force my smile to grow bigger, though I don’t feel the happiness I’m trying to portray. “Thanks, guys.”
I don’t see myself drinking during break. But I guess who knows what will happen.