Old Girls on Deck

Chapter 6

The Renoir room was on deck 12 at the top of the ship. A medium-sized room tastefully decorated with wooden panelling and old prints of tall-masted ships, and a wonderful view over the stern where the white water churned as we moved forwards through the Celtic Sea and down towards the Bay of Biscay.

Bang on five thirty, after hesitating, walking backwards and forwards to waste a few more minutes and then waiting for several moments outside the door nudging each other like kids, because neither of us wanted to be the first to go in, I opened the door.

Some very glamorous couples in evening dress were there already, with drinks and canapés. They looked like the sort of people who might have been asked to feature on the new BVP website. Well-dressed, glossy, smiling.

There was the hum of well-modulated chatter, and several of the women were clustered around the captain and his officers, with bright-eyed smiles. He was obviously hilarious because every time he stopped talking there was a burst of tinkling laughter from his admirers.

A crew member welcomed us and took our names, before escorting us to the captain.

‘Captain Lebrun, may I present Mrs Wedderburn and Mrs Parker, sir.’

The captain was tall and tanned and rather attractive in a Captain Birdseye sort of way. Bright blue eyes, a well-trimmed beard, and perfect posture.

He looked genuinely pleased to see us and fussed about for a few minutes, getting us drinks from the waiting staff. I don’t know what mine was, but it was very strong with a pungent lemony taste and a garnish of cucumber.

He took Diana’s hand in both of his and gave her a warm smile.

‘I can’t tell you what an honour it is to have you on board, Mrs Wedderburn. I hope you will find time for us to have a good chat during your trip.’

He had a faint, French accent, which under other circumstances would have been quite thrilling for a lone woman who probably hadn’t had much male attention for some years. I hoped Diana was appreciating it.

The cluster of women fell back slightly, fixing Diana with resentful stares.

‘I’d be delighted,’ she said.

‘Your late husband was such an interesting man, so respected and admired. He had such a wealth of experience, and many interesting stories. He was a wonderful public speaker. He was a great character and ran a very tight ship. My sympathies for your loss, Mrs Wedderburn.’

I felt an unexpected sting of tears for my sister. It was good for her to know Casper hadn’t been forgotten, and that he had been so highly thought of. As an employee and captain, he evidently commanded a great deal of respect, but from the little snippets that Diana was admitting, I was beginning to see another side of him, one that perhaps wasn’t quite so attractive.

‘He did,’ she said, taking a gulp of her cocktail and coughing a bit. ‘I went all around the world with him several times. We had a great life. Some real adventures.’

The captain’s impressive white eyebrows shot up. ‘Of course. I expect you had a great perspective of life on board, over the years. And you must have had such fun together.’

‘Oh, yes. Of course. We did,’ she said, and she looked down at her drink.

I glanced at her, now knowing something of the truth. How she had actually been alone a lot of the time; how rigid Casper had been, not just with his crew but with his wife; how she must have actually been quite lonely. There was a certain part of my mind that felt rather angry on her behalf. Both for Casper’s behaviour and for me for not fully realising it before.

A waitress paused next to me, and I swapped my empty glass for a full one, and also graciously accepted a mini blini and caviar from an attentive waiter.

‘I wonder…’ The captain stopped and looked thoughtful. ‘I think perhaps we should get Dick to interview you if you were willing? People love to know what goes on below decks, how the crew live and work. Well, every time we have a tour around the kitchens, it’s always oversubscribed. And the life and experiences you had with Captain Wedderburn; it would be fascinating.’

‘Interview me?’ she said, rather shocked.

‘Absolutely,’ he nodded. ‘Ah look, Rapha?l is free. I think we should have an official photograph, don’t you?’

I glanced over to where Rapha?l was standing chatting to two women in very chic sequinned gowns which must have cost hundreds. Glancing down at the dress which Eddy had bought for me in an outlet shop, I felt rather inadequate. Still, I think I looked reasonable. And Eddy had chosen it and liked it, and that was all that mattered.

Rapha?l turned and smiled across the room at Diana, and I will admit for a moment I felt a bit giggly. Perhaps the cocktail was stronger than I had realised.

My life recently had been quite predictable too. Since Eddy had retired six months ago, we had spent all our time together and I think he needed a new hobby, rather than following me around asking what I was doing and what was for lunch. So, it wasn’t just Diana who needed to take a look at life and perhaps change things. I did too. That was an interesting thought.

I had a lot to be grateful for, and on the whole I was happy, but I was beginning to see that retirement, just like any other phase in our lives, needed working at. Organising. Planning. And fortunately, I was one of life’s greatest planners and organisers. And Eddy, after all his years in banking, was a whizz with a spreadsheet. Put us together and this could be fun.

Now, out of the blue I was on a beautiful ship, in a marvellous suite, travelling with my sister into the Mediterranean to have fun, and towards some bright, sunny days, which after the dreary winter we had endured, was a bonus in itself.

Captain Lebrun and Diana stood in front of a lovely display of orchids and twigs, and Rapha?l took several pictures. I could see her raising her chin as she always did to avoid the potential double chin problem. Rapha?l was having none of it.

‘Just dip the chin a little, madame. Ah that’s perfect. Marvellous. And just look this way. Excellent.’

I felt a little touch on my sleeve and turned to see Evelyn, incredibly stylish in a sequinned cocktail dress, her feet encased in tiny white trainers.

‘How nice to see you again,’ she said, taking a nip of her drink – which was pink.

‘Evelyn, I didn’t know you were coming too, we could have walked up together,’ I said.

She chuckled. ‘She travels fastest who travels alone, I find. Particularly now I’ve discovered these.’ She held out one foot. ‘I was so pleased when I saw these were in vogue. No more tottering about in heels for me any more. And I was certainly not going to succumb to those terrible old lady shoes with the Velcro fastenings. I have some dignity after all. I get brochures all the time, you see. Warm vests and huge knickers, not to mention the ghastly nylon fleeces with embroidered animals. And they aren’t even warm because they are all synthetic. So bad for the planet. You can’t beat natural fibres.’

‘You’re very wise,’ I said, ‘and you look wonderful.’

‘I do my best. It’s bad enough being my age without looking like an old fossil too.’

She finished her cocktail with a sigh of pleasure. ‘That’s better. So refreshing.’

‘What was it?’

‘A pink gin. Which is basically gin with a dash of attitude because Angostura bitters is 44 per cent proof. Always gets me in the mood for a party. Douglas used to say one gin good, two gins better. He was such fun.’

Evelyn looked around for a waiter, and one hurried to her side. She deposited her empty glass on his tray.

‘Do bring me another, darling. When you have a moment.’

‘Of course, Lady Evelyn,’ he replied with a respectful bow.

‘Everyone seems to know you,’ I said.

She raised her eyebrows. ‘They should. I’ve been on board for three months. Oh yes, it’s cheaper than being at home, I got a great deal with the cruise line because I’m a frequent flier, I played the Lady card, and I rented out my house at a very good rate. It’s far more fun than being in a retirement home. I went to visit a friend there once – Eleanor, although we always called her Bunny. She was one of my bridesmaids. It was lovely of course because it was very expensive. But so dull, darling. I think she was planning a break-out to go and see her daughter. I know she had a book on Italy open on her coffee table. And there were so many rules. I was never one for rules, they make me twitchy. Perhaps that’s why I was expelled from two schools.’

‘You’re a bit of a devil, aren’t you?’ I said, choking on my drink a little.

‘Absolutely. That’s more fun too,’ she smiled. ‘I’m afraid the barge of normality sailed without me many years ago.’

‘Do you ever get – well, lonely?’

She shook her head. ‘No, because there are always nice people like you and Diana to talk to. There’s always something to do or see. And everyone is in a good mood, which is an excellent start. There’s a doctor on board if I need one, and a hairdresser who trained with Vidal Sassoon. A spa if I need anything tweaking. And of course, the food is superb. And I’m still very greedy. Now then, tell me about Diana. It seems to me that she is rather troubled.’

‘I think that’s very perceptive of you. She lost her husband about five years ago.’

‘That always sounds careless. Do you mean she mislaid him, he ran off or he died?’

‘He died. She’s been a bit lost since then. I’m hoping this holiday will cheer her up and help her think about the future.’

‘How old is she?’

‘Sixty-one.’

Evelyn laughed. ‘An absolute child compared to me. I was probably already married to Douglas when she was born. Still she’s having a nice chat with the captain, I expect he’s telling her how wonderful her husband was and that’s cheering her up. But she needs something other than his memory to make her happy. And personally, I’d prefer to be told how marvellous I am, rather than forever live in the afterglow of someone else’s achievements. I’ll give it some thought.’

I had no doubt that Evelyn would come up with something, and for a moment we watched Diana laughing at something the captain had said. Evelyn’s eyes narrowed slightly and then she nodded towards Rapha?l.

‘Hmm, that’s interesting. What’s the story there?’

‘Rapha?l? He’s taking publicity pictures of us for the cruise line, I won this cruise in a competition you see.’

‘Ah, and they upgraded you when they found out Diana had come with you, that makes sense. And do I spy with my little eye a fledgeling romance over there?’

‘You may be right, but I wouldn’t hold your breath, Diana’s a slow starter.’

Evelyn paused with a sweet smile to accept another pink gin from a waiter.

‘Thank you, Giovanni. Oh, you can’t afford to be a slow starter at our age. There isn’t time for that.’

We edged closer to Diana so we could eavesdrop.

The captain was talking yet again about Casper, and Diana had a fixed smile on her face.

Perhaps she was indeed a bit fed up with listening to glowing tributes to Casper.

He made a small gesture towards the other guests, ‘I would like to spend all evening talking to you, but I’m sure you understand.’

Diana nodded. ‘Of course I do. And thank you for inviting us here this evening.’

He gave a gallic pout. ‘But of course, madame. We are a family; we remember our friends.’

He gave a smile and a small nod of his head and moved back into the cluster of other women who surrounded him with a great deal of fluttering, smiling encouragement.

Then they moved in a line towards a painted background canvas of a blue sea fringed with palm trees, and Rapha?l was busy again taking individual photos of the captain with his guests.

Diana turned to us, smiling. ‘I remember Casper used to love this sort of occasion with all the guests clustering around him, making such a fuss about how clever he was; and he knew what a treat it was for the guests to be there, while at the same time just wanting to be back on the bridge or failing that, in his cabin with his shoes off, doing a sudoku.’

‘Well, aren’t you Miss Congeniality? You do realise every woman in the place hates you? A couple of them were trying to decide if you were a celebrity, and one thought you had been on Strictly.’

She laughed. ‘They obviously didn’t see me at the line dancing class.’

A couple came up to us, the man in an evening suit, the woman in bright pink satin with a turquoise necklace. I noticed Evelyn glide silently away towards a tall, distinguished-looking officer at the edge of the party and start chatting as though they were old friends, which knowing Evelyn, they probably were.

‘Hello again, dear. It’s us. Ken and Thelma, we met at the sail away party. I didn’t know you were famous.’

Thelma fixed Diana with a smile and a gimlet gaze.

‘Ah, yes,’ she said, ‘well, not actually famous. How nice to see you again.’

Ken was obviously more interested in the buffet.

‘Thelma, those vol-au-vents are going fast, do you want me to get you a couple?’

Thelma didn’t reply, but passed him her empty plate.

‘So how are you getting on so far? Are you enjoying yourself? I haven’t seen you round and about and Ken and I are usually good at spotting interesting people.’

‘Oh, we are having a great time,’ I said. ‘I hope you are too.’

Thelma laid a beringed hand on Diana’s arm. ‘So much better than last time. They really have made such a lot of improvements. And you are no stranger to life on board I hear? Quite the sea dog.’

‘Well I’ve been?—’

‘We are too. Once Ken retired, there was no stopping us. We’ve been all over the place; the Baltic, the fjords – so scenic although when you’ve seen one fjord you’ve seen them all, the Med of course, the Canaries, Alaska although we couldn’t understand why it was so cold. We’re planning a trip to Egypt next year. Ken took some persuading because he doesn’t like the sand or the heat, but I said it would be fun, and who doesn’t want to ride on a camel?’

Well, me actually, but I didn’t think it wise to say so.

‘So how do you know the captain?’

‘He worked with my husband for a while,’ Diana said. I could tell she was wondering how to break Thelma’s grip on her wrist.

‘As a crew member?’

‘He was a captain too,’ she said, ‘for many years.’

Thelma’s eyes sparkled with excitement. ‘So you got friends and family discount. I bet that was worth having. I’d be glad to have a friend like you. Is he here?’

I imagined endless cruises with Ken and Thelma in tow and stifled a small, worried whimper.

‘No, I’m afraid he died; this is the first cruise I have been on without him.’

Thelma’s face collapsed into sorrow. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. How are you?’

Diana took a deep breath. ‘I’m fine.’

Her grip on Diana’s arm tightened. ‘Yes, but how are you. Really?’

Wow, the number of times I have heard people ask her that question.

People responded to the information that she was a widow in different ways. Either they veered away in case death or tragedy might be infectious, and she might start crying all over them at any moment. Or they believed that she wanted to unload on them. That she wanted to tell them about the sleepless nights, the sadness, the confusion she must have experienced. Which of course, she didn’t.

I could remember the many times when I had just sat silently with her, holding her hand, making her tea, fending callers off when it all got too much for her, not really knowing what to say to comfort her. Had I done enough? Was there anything else I could have said or done?

‘I mustn’t monopolise you,’ Diana said at last, very skilfully, I thought. ‘Don’t you think that man over there with the silver hair looks very familiar? Hollywood perhaps? The Downton Abbey thing.’

Her eyes narrowed with interest. ‘Yes, I think you might be right.’

Thelma, immediately distracted like a kitten following a laser beam, let go of Diana’s wrist and trotted off, closely followed by Ken who was still holding a plate of vol-au-vents.

‘Well that’s nice, you made a new friend,’ I said. ‘What did the captain say?’

‘Nice things about Casper, of course. And then more details about going into the broom cupboard with Dick Dainty and letting him interview me about life as a captain’s wife.’

I wondered how the old Diana would have coped with that if such a thing had been allowed. Thinking about it, I doubted it would even have been suggested. W.O.B.: Wife on Board – so she would have been treated very differently. Now perhaps she could see that she had her own perspective, and that people might be interested in what she had to say.

‘And you said?’

‘Nothing, really. I was too amazed that he would even suggest it.’

‘Why? Don’t be so daft. Your experiences are just as valuable as anyone else’s and a lot more interesting than most.’

‘Madame,’ it was Rapha?l again. ‘The captain has asked if I could take some pictures of you both, more formal shots. Would you mind?’

Well, this holiday was turning into one surprise after the other.

‘Okay,’ I said, allowing him to guide us towards the display of orchids again.

He started taking pictures, moving us this way and that. A fingertip under my chin, turning Diana towards him, adjusting her evening stole. I wasn’t wrong, there was definitely a bit of a frisson going on between them. Rather mischievously, I wondered what I could do to encourage her.

So, photographs taken, I decided to move away from them a little and took a couple of steps towards a waiter holding a very enticing tray of pigs in blankets while still earwigging on their conversation. Rapha?l stuck out his lower lip in the way that French men do.

‘I can tell you have lived a life that is interesting. You have a look in your eyes that is mysterious.’

Diana laughed. ‘I’m not at all mysterious, I am confused. Like most women my age.’

‘Age is nothing,’ he said, ‘just a number.’

‘People say things like that when they are young. Not when that number becomes something alarming.’

He laughed. ‘The French have a saying. There is no beauty in youth that cannot be improved by life.’

Diana rolled her eyes. ‘Rapha?l, I think that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.’

Gosh, I was so proud of her. Even in such a short time, she was coming out of herself, showing more spark and confidence than she had for a long time, and it did my heart good to see it.

He laughed and moved to take another picture from a different angle.

‘Don’t frown. Look at me. That’s beautiful. You have the most amazing face. And your blue eyes, filled with mysteries.’

Goodness me, he was smooth. And watching this little flirtation from the outside was fascinating. I tried to imagine Eddy saying something like that to me.

Jill, you have the most amazing face; your sort of brownish eyes filled with mysteries. What’s for lunch?

I snorted into my drink at the very thought. I couldn’t remember such an occasion. But then he hadn’t really been one for handing out compliments, not ever. Which was a shame. I would have liked some, I realised. Just occasionally. But then had we ever been that sort of couple? Like Casper and Diana. The sort who held hands and expressed admiration for each other. I suppose we knew the other person so well, there never seemed to be the need for compliments and flattery. But every so often…

I looked at Rapha?l, wondering what he was seeing and why he was flirting so obviously. It made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. My sister might be coming out of her shell but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still fragile.

‘Shouldn’t you be taking pictures of everyone, not just me?’ she said at last.

‘I will. But for the moment I like looking at your face,’ he said.

‘Wrinkles and all?’ Diana laughed.

‘You worry too much,’ he said.

‘How old are you?’ she said.

He looked down to check something on his camera. ‘Does that matter?’

She looked over at me and saw I was eavesdropping. I quickly looked away at the ceiling, which was not terribly interesting, so it fooled no one.

‘My sister Jill and I are both very curious about people. Some might say nosey.’

I think that was directed at me, and I moved a couple of steps away.

‘And perhaps that is why your face is so remarkable. I’m fifty-five.’

Younger than us then. Good heavens; eight years younger than me.

‘You must have enough pictures by now,’ Diana said.

He looked at her, smiling. ‘Have dinner with me one evening?’

She burst out laughing after a moment. And she looked happier than I had seen her for a long time. Was this all it took? Some silly flirting?

‘Don’t be daft,’ she said.

Excellent. She was more than standing up for herself and I felt confident enough to leave her to it. Perhaps she didn’t need her older sister hanging around her like a bodyguard or a chaperone after all.

I went to talk to another of the crew, who was standing running a finger around the tightness of his collar. He was tall, blond, and looked very young compared to some of the other officers.

‘Jill Parker,’ I said, holding out a hand, which he bowed over very gallantly.

‘Charles. Charles Bouchard,’ he replied, his accent making even that sound seductive.

‘And you are an officer by the look of all that braid on your jacket.’

‘I am, madame. First Officer. I hope you are enjoying the trip so far?’

‘Very much,’ I said, feeling very exotic and glamorous. ‘And you are French too, such an attractive accent.’

‘You are too kind, madame,’ he blushed, which made me feel unexpectedly maternal.

‘And how long will you be at sea? Are you based in France?’

Hmm, either I was quite good at this small talk, or he was unused to being quizzed like this, because he started telling me all about his new second-floor apartment in Nantes, where he had moved in with his dog after the break-up of his marriage. The problem with the removal company, his ex-wife’s character, even his dog’s fussy palate.

‘Chic is a real problem at the moment,’ he said, sadly.

There was a burst of laughter somewhere at the same time and I misheard him.

‘Yes of course it must be. And having no garden. Are the French very diligent about that sort of thing?’

He looked puzzled. ‘Not that I know of. It is up to the owner of course.’

‘Yes, but all those poo bags. Do they do that in France? There are all sorts of fines in England if you don’t. And it can’t be very pleasant. A dog with an upset tummy in a second-floor apartment. I mean do you have carpets?’

‘Yes, I do,’ he said, his brow furrowing.

‘Vanish, that’s what I use when I have difficult stains. I’m sure you can get it in France, although it might be called something different. What’s the French for vanish? Aller? No that’s to “go” isn’t it? Anyway, it works a treat. Eddy spilled some ketchup on his best shirt and…’

I was confusing him horribly and the conversation was getting rather muddled.

‘What did you say your dog was called?’

‘Chic,’ he replied, and I realised my mistake.

‘Gosh, well it’s been lovely talking to you, I mustn’t monopolise you any longer. I must just go and… do something over there.’

‘Well, this is fun,’ I said scooping up another two cocktails and moving to stand protectively next to Diana. ‘I’ve brought this for you.’

She stepped away from the flowers and took the glass. The drink was pale green and was garnished with a sparkly stick and a cherry.

‘You’ve been ages,’ I said. ‘I’ve been talking to the first officer. He’s quite delightful. His name is Charles, and he recently moved to live in an apartment in Nantes, and he has a dog called Chic.’

‘You wouldn’t want to yell that out across a field, would you,’ Diana laughed.

‘You should have heard the conversation I had with him when I got the wrong idea about that. His wife left him for their gardener. He says it’s because he was at sea for too long and she got agitée, which I think means restless. Did you get agitée? When Casper was away?’

Diana looked thoughtful. ‘No, not really. I look back now, and if I’m honest life was much simpler when it was just me and Sam. That sounds awful. I mean, yes I missed Casper, of course I did. And then Sam went away to boarding school and Casper wanted me to give up teaching and we did so much travelling all the time.’

‘Did you regret it?’ I asked.

‘I don’t know,’ she said after a few moments, ‘it seemed the best thing to do at the time.’

‘And what do you think now?’

‘I think, perhaps, with the benefit of hindsight…’

She bit her lip and looked down at her drink. I could almost sense the conflict in her mind. When we were younger, she’d never been able to hide anything from me. I always knew when she was worried about something or having problems. When did that ability, that connection desert me? How could my sister, my best friend in the world have been unhappy and I hadn’t properly realised it? Perhaps I had been distracted by my own life. Maybe I had been taken in by their apparently gilded, exotic lifestyle where foreign travel had been an everyday experience. As familiar to them as me going to the supermarket. Where travel programmes we watched together inevitably prompted her to say ‘been there’ at some point. Had that made me envious? Was that why I ignored the truth? What did that say about me?

I followed her towards some comfortable-looking chairs, and we sat down, glad to take the weight off our unfamiliar high heels.

‘Anyway, how do you get that sort of personal information out of someone in five minutes of knowing them?’ Diana asked.

‘I ask. People love talking about themselves, especially men,’ I said, ‘and then I embarrassed myself asking about poo bags – oh never mind. What have you been up to?’

‘Rapha?l asked me to have dinner with him. But I’m sure you know that already.’

I put on a surprised expression and patted her on the knee. ‘Excellent, I hope you said yes?’

‘Of course I didn’t!’ she said, blushing.

‘Whyever not? Oh hello, incoming. Someone has spotted you, brace yourself,’ I said, looking over the rim of my glass.

‘Mrs Wedderburn! There you are! Bless your heart. Now I have a proposal for you. A decent one, honestly.’

It was Dick Dainty, his evening suit as shiny as his hair.

He tweaked at his bow tie for a moment and then sat down in a chair next to Diana.

‘I hope the captain had a word with you? He certainly had a word with me, and I’ll be in big trouble if you say no! The sort of trouble that comes rolling down the hill towards you. Like that cheese race in Gloucestershire.’

He widened his eyes and pulled a terrified expression, as though he faced the prospect of being keel hauled.

‘The interview on Dick’s Diary?’ she said.

He slumped in exaggerated relief.

‘Exactly. And let’s not call it an interview, it’s just a chat between friends. The captain thought it would be an excellent little piece. Nothing difficult. A few tales of where you met, where you travelled with Captain Wedderburn. Favourite country, favourite port,’ he chuckled, ‘favourite biscuit. No, that last one was a joke. Bless your heart, it’s just my way.’

‘I don’t know…’ she hesitated, looking at me for support which didn’t come.

‘Go on, you’d be great,’ I said, ‘you gave that excellent talk at the WI last year.’

‘That was on garden birds,’ she said, giving me a hard look.

Dick Dainty smiled broadly. ‘Then it’s all settled. I’ll make a list of the questions I will ask, so you can prepare. But I promise it won’t be more than half an hour. People like these little bits to watch, while they are getting ready in the morning. We had a great response when we interviewed Carlos, the head chef. He did get rather emotional because unfortunately he’d had a couple of drinks instead of breakfast to settle his nerves and he’d just found out his daughter was expecting. And her boyfriend had scarpered. But there’s nothing wrong with a man showing his emotions these days, is there? And perhaps it was a mistake to ask him to bring his favourite kitchen tool with him. I mean, a knife that size was rather unexpected. I tell you, showbusiness is a hungry beast, people always want more. And they would love you, Mrs Wedderburn, especially if you have previous public speaking experience.’

‘It was only one talk at the Women’s Institute,’ Diana said rather faintly.

‘Believe me, that’s more than Carlos had done, and all things being equal, I think we made a good fist of it once we moved all the breakables. You’ll be fine. You know what they say. You’ll go out there a youngster and come back a star.’

We both blinked a bit, mesmerised by his jazz hands, his enthusiasm, and the unrelenting flow of words. What could she say?

‘I’m so looking forward to this,’ I said with a devilish smile. ‘Can I come and watch?’

Dick frowned. ‘Not a good idea, to be honest. Our studio is generally off limits to the public. We like to maintain an air of mystery. That old mystique of Doctor Showbiz, it’s like someone said about the royal family, don’t let the daylight in on the magic.’

‘I understand perfectly,’ I said.

Of course, I didn’t actually have a clue what he was saying, but this didn’t seem the moment to ask. Daylight? Magic? And where did the royal family come into it?

Diana was looking to me for support, and I was going to give it. I gave her an encouraging nod.

‘Tomorrow morning then,’ Dick said, standing up and running his thumbs and forefingers down the creases of his trouser legs, ‘be on deck 2, room 201 at seven thirty, and I’ll pop a few questions under your door later, so you have time to dig around in the old memory banks for some of those great stories. Our viewers will be delighted, I’m sure.’

‘Well,’ I said as we sat down at our usual table in the Bizet restaurant that evening, ‘stardom beckons.’

‘I think not,’ Diana said, looking a bit worried, ‘I’m expecting it to be just a few minutes of idle chit-chat and no one except you will be watching. I don’t want to even think about it any more. Now what’s on the menu this evening?’

I scanned the menu. ‘Doesn’t it feel weird to be eating this late? Eddy and I usually have something on a tray in front of Pointless, and then I’m wondering how soon I can go to bed. We watched a documentary on Australia the other day, and Eddy said he thinks I’m part koala. Apparently, they sleep twenty-two hours a day, even more than cats. It’s because of their diet. Eucalyptus leaves take a lot of energy to process. I bet if they gave koalas protein shakes, they would be running businesses and taking over the world. I think I’ll have the prawn cocktail and then the beef. Oooh, watch out, he’s back. He hasn’t put a tracking device on you, has he?’

Dick Dainty came scudding back over, his patent leather evening shoes gleaming.

‘I meant to say, Mrs Wedderburn, do wear something glamourous tomorrow morning. It makes everyone’s day start off that little bit better. I hope you don’t mind. Bless your heart. Must dash, I’m expected in the Ocean Spray in five minutes.’

‘And I was just going to sling my dressing gown on over my nightie,’ she said thoughtfully as we watched him scurry off.

I looked across at her. There was a new spark to her somehow. She looked very attractive, her cheeks glowing in the flattering light from the candles on our table. I seized the moment.

‘So now then. The lovely Rapha?l. What are you going to do about him?’