Chapter 10
‘So, tell me, what happened to Casper?’ Evelyn said.
‘He was only fifty-nine. He was home on leave, putting up a shelf in the kitchen and he had a stroke and just died. And he was about to retire too.’
‘How awful for Diana,’ Evelyn said softly, ‘she must have been devastated. And yet “stroke” is such a nice word, isn’t it? Makes one think of a basket of kittens. And of course, it’s not. Douglas had two strokes. The first was quite minor and he seemed to recover, just a bit of trouble with his hearing, although I think that was on the cards already. But then three months later he was watching the news one evening, something about the European Union and he used to get so cross. Because he knew a lot of the people involved in the negotiations and recognised them for the nitwits they were. He just shouted “oh for goodness’ sake…”, keeled over, and that was that.’
‘Such a horrible shock, losing someone like that,’ I said.
Evelyn tutted. ‘As I said before, I didn’t lose him, he died. People hate to use the word, don’t they. We use so many other euphemisms. I’ve heard them all. He passed on, as though he was driving to Birmingham. Or he departed, or left suddenlyas though he had got fed up of a party. Or he’s gone to a better place, which always irritated me because, believe me, I made Douglas’s life very comfortable indeed. Or he had a good innings, which makes me imagine Douglas in cricket whites puffing up and down a field, something I can assure you he never did. Although we went to Lords many times, and the catering was splendid. He was such a silly old thing; untidy, impatient, fussy about his food. But now, I don’t think death is anything to be feared quite as much as people do. I like to imagine him sitting in a big leather armchair by the fire, reading the latest Dan Brown, or doing The Times crossword, with a gin and tonic on a table next to him. And when I eventually turn up, he’ll say “Ah there you are at last; help me with this one: Experiencing the effects of favourable fortune, five letters.” And I’ll say “happy”.’
I felt quite tearful for a moment, that this little woman in front of me could be so utterly content with her life, when I had lost my patience over silly things that really didn’t matter. Socks on the floor. Empty packets put back in the larder. His endless enjoyment of old comedy shows. Eddy suddenly seemed a long way away and I had an unbearable wish to hug him.
‘It’s a shame he can’t be with you though,’ I said.
Evelyn rummaged in her handbag and brought out an exquisite little enamel box decorated with flowers and Baby’s First Tooth written on the lid.
‘Oh, but he is, I have a tiny pinch of him in here. I take him everywhere on my travels,’ she said, ‘but don’t tell anyone because I’m sure I’m breaking some law or other. And of course, I don’t have a Diplomatic Bag any more. That was his pet name for me, you know. “Here she comes,” he’d say at parties after he’d had a couple of gins, “the Diplomatic Bag.” He was such fun. Douglas particularly liked New York. And I did think of sprinkling him from the top of the Empire State building when I was there four months ago, but there was a terrific thunderstorm, so I couldn’t go out onto the observation deck. Have you been there?’
‘No, I haven’t. Eddy isn’t a great traveller, which is a shame. He gets very seasick which is why I invited Diana on this cruise. He’s at home with his brother Simon and a couple of friends, building a patio.’
Evelyn clasped her little hands under her chin in delight.
‘How marvellous to have a handy man in your life. Douglas used to say he preferred getting a man in to do things and was handy at writing the cheque out afterwards. You could always fly to New York. I do recommend it, air travel is so exciting, and always give the cabin crew a little gift when you get on board. Chocolates are a winner. The last time I did that I was upgraded to business class, and it was fun all the way after that, and I told them all about Wendy, which they found very exciting. When I couldn’t decide which sort of gin to have, they brought me all three. I think I was a bit tipsy when I got off the plane, I certainly can’t remember collecting my suitcases. The best ￡8.99 I ever spent.’
‘I’ll be sure to do that,’ I said, laughing.
‘I’m sure Douglas will like Australia when we get there.’
‘I bet he will.’
‘I’m just off to powder my nose.’ Evelyn hailed a passing waiter. ‘Let’s have one last drink, shall we? I won’t be long. Let’s have whatever is at the top of page two, as a surprise.’
She totted off, very spry and surprisingly speedy for a woman in her eighties.
I sat and wondered what my sister was doing and hoped that she was having an enjoyable evening with her dashing companion. She was after all, trim, in good health and still very striking. It was no wonder she had attracted an admirer. I felt unreasonably pleased with the way things were turning out.
And what about me? My future with a retired Eddy. I was beginning to see that both of us would need to adapt to retirement, it wasn’t enough for me to fill my time with housework, escape into police dramas and birdwatching. It wasn’t enough to just not go to work.
I remember what someone had written in my card when I retired from the Passport Office:
Congratulations on deciding life is more important than work. What took you so long?
And it was true, I could see that. And yet a year on and I was still regarding the weekend as something different from the week. Which of course it wasn’t. To be honest, I sometimes had trouble remembering what day of the week it was at all.
I wondered how Eddy was dealing with it. He wasn’t a man to fuss a great deal or discuss his emotions with anyone, but even he had to realise he needed something to fill his days. And not just following me around giving advice about everything, or mansplaining how to stack the dishwasher.
Perhaps he was finding it hard too? I hadn’t fully appreciated that. When I got home, we could sit down and talk about it properly and make a plan. He would like that, Eddy always liked a plan, preferably accompanied by a spreadsheet.
Our waiter returned and two narrow glasses filled with amber liquid were deposited on our table.
‘What have we here, Patrick?’ Evelyn said as she sat down.
‘Two Long Island iced teas, madame,’ the waiter said with a little bow. ‘Top of page two, as requested.’
Evelyn clapped her hands. ‘Oh good, I like those. “An act of mixological atrocity favoured by college students and wastrels” someone called them. And rather potent, so perhaps we should have some more nibbles to soak up the alcohol.’
Personally, I would have thought we needed a bath sponge or a loaf of bread each, but Evelyn was made of strong stuff and sampled her drink with enthusiasm before calling the waiter back and asking for some more snacks.
‘So, your Eddy. What’s he like?’ she said at last, nibbling around a large crisp.
I thought for a moment. ‘Kind, hardworking, generous. We’ve already established he’s handy. He likes Devon and Cornwall for holidays, he’s a very good driver and he enjoys it. He’d eat Sunday lunches and Jaffa Cakes every day if he could get them. And I’m beginning to realise he might not be quite as comfortable with retirement as he pretends.’
‘I don’t think many men are,’ Evelyn said, ‘they need something to do, other than follow us from room to room. I occasionally hinted we could do some work on the garden, after all we had nearly an acre including an orchard, but Douglas used to say gardens were for sitting in or looking at, but definitely not for working in.’
‘Well, that’s true,’ I said, ‘I think I will try and persuade Eddy to travel more, as you suggested. I’m enjoying this experience so much, and I’m sure he would too. Once I talk him round. Perhaps not a cruise, but yes, a road trip? He would definitely like that, and I have tens of thousands of points from my supermarket shopping which I could use for the air fare.’
Evelyn nodded her approval. ‘What a great idea. Go to New England. It’s absolutely delightful, as long as you don’t try and drive in Boston, which Douglas said was the most terrifying place he’s ever driven. But Vermont and New Hampshire, and Maine are lovely. And we spent some time in Washington DC, which is a place built for exploring. And who wouldn’t like a place with the world’s biggest obelisk? Now then, my alcohol levels are well topped up, and it’s time for my enormous bed.’ She collected up her handbag and an evening stole which she had folded neatly on the seat beside her, and then she stopped. ‘It’s awful being alone in a double bed. I still can’t get used to that. I might have complained about the snoring when Douglas was alive, but I’d give anything to hear it again. Silly, isn’t it? I still make the bed with four pillows when I only need two. And I still sleep on my side of the bed. I don’t suppose that will ever change.’
I thought back to the many times I had dug Eddy in the ribs to stop him snoring and then in an exasperated huff traipsed off to the spare room. No, I wouldn’t like that, I was sure of it. And going by the feedback from Diana, I snored too, and yet Eddy had never complained. He just said I was ‘breathing heavily.’
‘Yes, it must be difficult. And it’s probably the same for Diana. I sometimes wonder how she has coped.’
Evelyn gave me a look. ‘Take it from me, you will never realise how strong you are until there is really no alternative. Good night, dear. Stay here and finish your drink. I know it’s only nine thirty but I’m off to my bed. I’ve got to a good bit in the book I am reading. The heroine has somehow found herself on an island with the duke who sounds very rugged and masterful. And she got caught in a tropical storm trying to escape his piercing gaze and sensual mouth, and her clothes are soaking wet. Well, we all know what happens next, at least I hope so. I do love a good romance. I can’t get on with books that make one miserable. And I see some familiar faces just coming in, so I shall make good my escape. I don’t think you will be on your own for very long. Thank you for a lovely evening. I shall sleep like a tot tonight. And Jill, remember – just count your blessings, you still have Eddy around to annoy you, you have something to work with.’
‘It’s busy here, isn’t it? Mind if we all join you in your little booth?’ Thelma said a few moments later, sliding in beside me in a cloud of Opium perfume.
Almost immediately I found myself wedged in the middle of the four of them, and then there was a great deal of fussing about with menus and discussion about what everyone wanted. At last, Les and Ken went off to the bar and Thelma turned to me.
‘Honestly, the early show tonight was marvellous. Terrific routines, the chap who did the Michael Jackson moonwalking on the first night was the Joel Grey character. You know, Emcee, quite convincing in a sanitised way. As though he had been eating oatmeal before the performance rather than rusty nails. So how did you get on with Lady Evelyn? We saw you in here earlier, deep in conversation. What’s she like? I would so like to chat to her, but I keep missing her.’
She didn’t wait for a reply.
‘And I saw your friend, the captain’s widow earlier, she was in the Puccini with a man?—’
I could feel my hackles rising. Diana was so much more than just the captain’s widow.
‘—did you know about that?’
‘Yes, of course I did, actually she’s my sister, she…’
A tall, rather florid man came and stood next to the table. Thelma flashed him a smile that showed she had a smudge of lipstick on her teeth.
‘Ah Gerald, there you are.’ She turned to me. ‘This is another shipmate of ours. He’s very interesting, he used to work for his local council, in charge of something.’
‘Public works department,’ Gerald said proudly, sticking his thumbs into the pockets of his waistcoat, ‘highways division and maintenance.’
‘So, fixing potholes then?’ I said.
‘People think that’s all there is to it, my ex-wife did but I can assure you it isn’t,’ he said, tersely and proceeded to launch into a long and mind-numbing explanation about the dispute between a county council and a district council, that apparently he had single-handedly resolved.
Meanwhile Ken and Les returned with five new drinks which left Gerald looking disappointed, until I reassured him I hadn’t finished the one I had in front of me and he was welcome to mine.
I lasted nearly an hour, hearing about their various careers, their children, the problems Thelma’s daughter was having with her landlord, and the idiocy of Gerald’s divorce lawyer until I made my excuses and left with promises to see them again very soon.
Safely back in my cabin, I took off what was left of my make-up, washed my face and changed into my pyjamas, which were new, decorated with rosebuds and still giving me pleasure. I posed for a moment in front of the mirror. Well, compared with the scratty old nighties I usually wore they were a definite improvement. I wondered for a moment what Eddy would think of them.
Then I sent a message to Eddy, read the newsletter for the following day’s activities and got into bed.
I wondered where Diana was and more importantly, what she was doing?
It was ten thirty. Well past her normal bedtime. Would she have gone back to Rapha?l’s cabin? Was she even then, enjoying some hot bedroom activity? I couldn’t imagine it for some reason. Diana might be coming out of herself, but I didn’t think she was out that far. She was more the sort to hesitate in the doorway and hurry off.
I fidgeted about for a few minutes, adjusting the curtains, filing a rough nail and then checking the time again. And then my phone pinged.
A reply had come through from Eddy, and a photograph of him and his brother standing in a hole outside the patio doors, next to an old card table which was covered in beer cans and empty crisp packets. They were waving their spades above their heads. His thinning hair was standing on end, and he looked very happy. And muddy.
He was wearing a disreputable Christmas sweater I had bought him as a joke four years ago. I could tell he hadn’t liked it; well what man really wanted a jumper with light-up snowmen on the front? But as he kindly said after Christmas, it was very warm and would be perfect for gardening.
It made me smile and I felt a sudden burst of affection for him. He might never make it to the GQ sexiest man of the year award, but he was fun, good company and above all, kind. And I loved him, and he made me laugh. I was a very lucky woman. And I realised I missed him, a great deal so I sent him a message telling him so.
He replied and said he was missing me too, which was nice. And he signed off his email with three kisses, which was most unlike him.
I sent him another quick message back and attached the photo I had taken of Diana with her face smeared in chocolate.
I was disturbed out of my affectionate thoughts by a loud rattling and fumbling at the door, and a moment later Diana burst in. She was barefoot and looking distinctly rattled.
‘Are you okay?’
She took a deep breath. ‘Yes, I just need a moment to calm down. What have you been doing?’
‘I didn’t get to the show because I had too many drinks with Evelyn, and then she went off to bed and just as I thought I might do likewise, Thelma and Carol and their husbands descended on me and swept me up like the child catcher. Les is a tax inspector and Carol is a bookkeeper. Thelma used to be a secretary and Ken is a retired accountant, although he now likes to make models of medieval cathedrals out of matchsticks. He also likes washing his car. They were as stimulating a set of companions as you would imagine. They wanted to know where you were, although they had spotted you in the Puccini with Rapha?l. And a strange, rather unattractive man called Gerald came up to us and started talking about potholes and his divorce. I felt like telling him if he got some dentures that fitted and a clean shirt, he might have more luck with women. I pretended I needed the loo and made a run for it. He’s probably still there, droning on about how his ex-wife had no concept of forgiveness and how unfair everything is. Never mind about all that. What have you been doing?’ I asked. ‘And where are your shoes?’
Diana leaned back against the closed door and blew a sigh of relief.
‘I’ve been making a complete tit of myself,’ she said.
‘Right. Are you okay?’ I said, rather worried.
She came into the room and sat down on her bed.
‘Yes, I’m fine. Just inwardly cringing with embarrassment.’
‘Why what happened?’
‘I just need the loo and then I’ll tell you,’ she said, ‘and I need some socks, my feet are freezing.’
‘Yes, where are your shoes?’