Chapter 3 #2
At least Leo was still acting normal. For now.
“Here,” Leo said, taking a step back, and then back again, until he was at the table with the stupid tray of food that had started this whole mess. Leo pulled out one of the chairs. “You’re probably starving.” He was back to speaking quietly again. Gently. “Why don’t you try to eat something?”
Food was the last thing on Cody’s mind, but maybe Leo was right. Maybe eating something would help the shakiness in his limbs. Leo was still acting normal, and he’d been around Cody now for much longer than Vince had been. Maybe…maybe it was okay.
It even made sense, Cody thought dully. That Leo wasn’t affected. Leo had no interest in Cody after all. Even the pheromones an omega produced during a heat couldn’t make something out of an attraction that wasn’t there.
The knowledge was like a leaden stone in his stomach, but it came with a semblance of relief.
Leo would be fine. Cody…Cody wouldn’t ruin anything between them.
All he had to do now was keep Leo from figuring out what had really happened with Vince.
Fuck, but Cody would have to let it spill at some point, wouldn’t he?
If only so things with Vince could be taken care of.
And management and PR would probably want to hear Leo’s side of the story, since Cody’s wouldn’t be trusted.
It just meant that Cody would have to admit that not only was he in heat, but that he’d scent induced someone.
He bit down on another whimper. This was going to be so hard. Cody could probably kiss his team goodbye. At best they’d trade him, but at worst—he’d be ruined. He couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to play or work with him ever again, once they found out what he’d done to Vince.
Everyone who’d ever doubted him for being an omega had been right. His dad had been right. All the coaches and alphas who were impressed with him until it came out that Cody had dreams of the NHL had been right.
“No son of mine is going to be alpha bait. You act like a fucking omega, you’ll never get anywhere.”
“You? No offence Cody, but…you’re an omega. You’ll get eaten alive.”
“Come on, Cody, it’s not my fault. You’re going around smelling like that, alphas can’t help themselves.”
Cody had tried to pretend he could play in the big leagues with the alphas, but in the end he was just a slut with a pretty face, batting his eyelashes to get what he wanted.
But he hadn’t wanted Vince, he just…
“Cody?”
Cody blinked wetness out of his eyes and the world swam back into focus. He was staring down at the food tray he’d ordered. The milkshake was barely melted.
He needed to just tell Leo. He already felt awful; he didn’t need the anxiety and what ifs making him even sicker.
“It’s my fault.” Cody couldn’t look at Leo, and couldn’t bring himself to be much louder than a whisper. It hurt so much to admit out loud. “I scent induced him. He couldn’t help it. I’m…I’m in heat.”
There was a pause, then carefully, “When did it start?”
Cody kept his eyes averted and reached for his milkshake. It would taste like ash now, but he knew he needed to eat. “This morning.”
“You—” Leo sounded horrified. “You played a fucking game? While you were—”
“In heat!” Cody burst out, unable to take it anymore. “Yes! Because I fucking can, okay. I’m not—I’m not weaker or any less or unable to play hockey because I fucking drip a few times a year—”
But that isn’t true, is it? Look what happened to Vince.
“I never said that,” Leo said in a rush. “I never said you were, Cody—I—” Cody glanced up to see that Leo’s hands were clenched and shaking. “I was just fucking scared, okay? I didn’t—you were—“ Leo’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “He was trying to hurt you.”
Cody swallowed and looked back down at the tray in front of him. “Thanks. For, uh, for getting him off me.”
“Christ.” Leo covered his face with one hand. There was a long press of silence.
Cody, feeling self-conscious, made an attempt at sucking some of the milkshake down.
“Listen, Cody…” When Cody miserably looked over at him, Leo continued, “I don’t—I don’t know what’s going on in your head. But it’s not your fault. It–”
“I know what I fucking am,” Cody hissed. His head hurt and his stomach hurt and his body ached. “Of course it’s my fault. He wouldn’t have—gone off like that if I’d been more careful. I-I invited him into my room, which was soaked with scent. I was so stupid! Of course he was going to want—”
“You said it started this morning, and you’ve been with the team all day,” Leo cut in.
“You played a fucking game, surrounded by alphas. And I’ve been here this whole time.
I haven’t—I haven’t tried to assault you.
Alphas aren’t mindless animals. We can control ourselves.
You know that. Or you…you should. You’ve been holding yourself together for how long?
” And then Leo sucked in a breath. “Wait…how long?”
Cody licked his lips. “What?”
“How long have you been having heats?” Leo looked grim. “I thought you were on suppressants.”
“I am on suppressants,” Cody said, voice small. “I just…never stopped having heats. I have them every four months instead of every two.”
Leo was looking at him with an expression of dawning horror. “You mean, you’ve been having heats every four months this whole time?”
Cody curled in on himself, but he nodded. There.
Now Leo knew.
“Are your…are your heat symptoms at least milder?” Leo asked hoarsely. “Less pain?”
“You really should just go,” Cody said dully, instead of telling Leo a lie.
He’d lied to Leo enough as it was. A fresh wave of agony lanced up his spine, and Cody had to grit his teeth to keep from crying out.
“I’ve got enough libido inhibitor for the plane trip home, but even if I had enough for the rest of today too, it’s too late to take any for this first heatwave. ”
“Fuck,” Leo breathed out. Then he shook himself. “Okay, what can I do? What do you need?”
Cody didn’t understand. “What?”
“To make you more comfortable,” Leo said as he started to pace.
“I can get whatever you need. More bedding, yeah? For a nice nest. And—and you’ll need electrolytes, and more food that’s easy to eat…
I’ll call down and see what the hotel can send up.
” He froze for a split second before adding with a snarl, “Anyone who tries to get in will have to go through me.”
“You…” Cody’s mouth felt very dry. “You’re not…you’re not mad?”
Now Leo was the one who looked as though he didn’t understand the question. “Mad? What—Cody, what would I be mad about?”
Cody swallowed. “That I…that I didn’t tell you. That I still wanted to play even though I’m…” A liar. A whore.
Dangerous.
Leo took in a deep breath through his mouth, letting it out slowly.
“The only thing I’m mad about,” he said, each word deliberate, “is all the assholes who made you think that you deserved to suffer alone. That you deserved hurting, and feeling like you didn’t have anyone to turn to.
” And then, in a voice wracked with shame, “I’m sorry that I didn’t––that I didn’t make you feel safe enough to trust me to help. ”
“No! That’s not—” the words spilled out of him, Cody unable to hold them back in the face of Leo so upset.
“You—you do.” Cody stared down at the tray of uneaten food.
“You do make me feel safe. I-I couldn’t…
I couldn’t be in this room right now, if you weren’t here.
” He shivered, curling his arms around himself.
“Cody, could I…could I come closer?” Leo asked.
Cody nodded.
Quiet footsteps on the carpet, until Leo was close enough to touch.
Cody glanced up at him despite himself.
Leo took another breath. “Would a hug help?”
Cody’s involuntary gasp was quiet, but it felt loud in the stillness of the room. “Please,” he choked out before Leo could withdraw or take it back. “If–if it’s okay, please–”
Part of him was aware of how bad an idea it was, to let himself be touched. It would hurt so much more, once the touch was taken away. Once Leo left, to go back to his own room, to leave Cody on his own.
But right now Cody couldn’t bring himself to care.