Chapter 5
Leo let out a slow exhale, shoulders lowering in what looked like relief. “Thank you,” he said, and he sounded so earnest that it made Cody’s heart hurt. “Thank you so much.”
Cody swallowed and ducked his head. He really didn’t deserve Leo, not when Cody was such a mess. “So, um, what happens now? Besides…”
You fucking me.
“First, let’s get you comfortable,” Leo said, helping Cody to stand up. It was easier to move now that Leo’s pheromones or whatever had helped dull the pain of a lonely heat.
Leo led Cody to the bed. “It’s…probably too late to request nesting supplies, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Cody shrugged. “But I usually go without a nest when I’m on the road anyway. It would just take one person blabbing about the fact that they delivered stuff to my room…”
“Nesting isn’t just for heats, Cody!” Leo sounded horrified. “It’s hugely beneficial for self-soothing. It’s healthy.”
Cody shrugged again and looked away. “My dad didn’t like it when I tried to nest. It’s just habit now not to.”
When he glanced up at Leo, Leo looked murderous.
Cody watched as Leo made an inarticulate noise of rage before he scrubbed his hands over his face and visibly reigned himself in.
“Okay. Okay, we’ll talk about that later.
” He walked over to the room’s mini fridge and grabbed three bottles of water and two bottles of Gatorade, setting those on the nightstand before swinging by the table to pick up the tray of food.
“Okay,” he said again, once he’d set the tray of food on the other nightstand. “What do you normally do to make your heats more comfortable?”
Cody squirmed on the bed, certain Leo wasn’t going to like his answer. “Nothing? Most of the time I’ve got hockey. Or media. So I just get through that, and then when I’m home, I mean…I don’t nest, I can barely eat, and with the pain, I’m normally curled up in bed mostly.”
“And…toys don’t help at all?” Leo asked carefully.
“I’m usually taking my libido inhibitor three times a day,” Cody muttered.
“I have to, so I can function and work. So I’m not really interested in toys.
” He hesitated to keep talking, but now that Leo knew…
“I, um, I sometimes want to. Want to use toys, I mean. When my inhibitors wear off. That’s when I want them, I mean.
When I—when I want to be full. But, um, I don’t have any. ”
“You don’t have any,” Leo repeated, voice flat. “Why don’t you have any toys to help you through the heats that you have every four goddamn months?”
Cody picked at the bedspread. “Didn’t want to get used to having them,” he mumbled. And he was simply filled with too much shame to try making himself feel good when his body was betraying him.
“Right,” Leo said after a long beat of silence. His voice was hoarse. “Can I take the lead, then? And you just tell me if I do anything you don’t like.”
“Okay,” Cody said quietly.
“Clothes on or off?” Leo asked. “Skin to skin contact would probably be best for you, especially if you’ve spent your entire life feeling unsafe and having unhealthy heats. Do you, uh,” for the first time, Leo sounded unsure. “Do you…want to be knotted?”
Cody’s breath caught. Did he want to be knotted? To be full the way his body burned for when his inhibitors wore off? In the way that he never had allowed himself to be? And by Leo, who was one of the most important people in Cody’s life? “Yes,” he blurted. “Yes, yeah. Um, please.”
“Okay, sweetheart,” Leo said, coming closer. Cody’s heart turned over at the endearment. Sweetheart. Because to Leo, Cody—Cody mattered. “Let’s get your clothes off, alright? Since your inhibitors are wearing off soon, I don’t want you to have to wait any longer than you have to.”
Cody nodded and hurried to pull off his hoodie, then shimmied out of his sweats.
His hands hovered over the waistband of his briefs.
Leo had seen him naked plenty of times in the locker room, but this felt different.
And Cody was…he was leaking. If he took off his absorption briefs, Leo would be able to—to smell his slick. And he’d make a mess of the sheets and—
“Hey, hey,” Leo said, sitting next to Cody on the bed. He had also shed his top and sweats, naked but for his briefs, just like Cody. Cody couldn’t help his glance down, at the bulge between Leo’s legs. He’d seen Leo naked before of course, and even soft he was sizable, like most alphas.
That was going in him.
“Hey,” Leo said again, touching Cody’s bare shoulder. Cody shuddered and leaned into the touch, whining a little. He wanted Leo to touch him more. He wanted to be called sweetheart again. He wanted to finally know what being knotted felt like, if it really truly helped.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Leo murmured, pulling Cody into his lap. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He snagged a water bottle off the side table and cracked it open. “Can you drink something for me?”
Cody obediently accepted the bottle and took a couple swallows—then before he knew it he was draining over half the bottle. He hadn’t realized he was so thirsty. Thirst, like hunger, always took a backseat to the pain of heat.
But Leo had thought of it. Had thought of something Cody would need.
Cody shivered, flushing hot all at once. “It’s starting,” he gasped, clutching at Leo’s shoulders. “Heatwave, Leo, fuck.”
“Lie down for me, baby,” Leo said, kissing Cody’s temple. “Let me take care of you.”
Cody whimpered and laid down on the bed, mouth falling open as he watched Leo push his briefs down and off, letting his cock free. He wasn’t fully hard, but he was still formidable, the weight of it pulling it down.
Cody’s mouth watered as Leo kneeled on the bed and reached for Cody’s briefs. “Let me?” Leo asked. “Let me take care of you?”
“Please,” Cody said hoarsely, lifting his hips and letting Leo shimmy his briefs down.
He couldn’t care about the mess anymore, not when he was so hot and ready and wanting.
Maybe Leo wouldn’t care. That was really what mattered most. Cody didn’t think he’d be able to live with himself if Leo thought he was messy or disgusting or not worth it, once he saw what Cody in heat was really like.
As Leo dropped Cody’s briefs off the side of the bed, he made a punched-out sound, taking a deep breath.
Smelling Cody’s slick.
“Fucking hell, Cody, you smell—” Leo caught one of Cody’s ankles and lifted Cody’s leg up, pressing a kiss there so tender that Cody gasped again.
“I’m going to do everything I can to keep you feeling good, sweetheart.
” Leo’s other hand found its way between Cody’s legs and touched his hole, making Cody jolt.
“Sorry—” Cody cringed back against the pillows.
“Shh, it’s okay.” Leo pressed another kiss to Cody’s ankle. “It’s okay. Did you change your mind about being knotted?”
“Want it,” Cody got out. “I’ve just—I’ve never—”
Leo’s eyes widened. “Never?”
Cody let out a half-sob and shook his head. “D-didn’t want to deal with the scandal. Media would k-kill to be able to run a story about me finally…finally getting the knot I needed. It wasn’t worth it.” He took a shuddering breath and cracked on another sob. I wasn’t worth it.
“Cody,” Leo whispered.
Why were they still talking? Cody didn’t want to be talking; he was too hot and too empty. “Leo, please,” he gasped. “Please? I’m ready, I am!”
Leo let out a low growl and took himself in hand, notching the blunt head of his thick cock against Cody’s hole. Like this, with Cody on his back, Leo was huge above him, taking up all the space in the room. He felt dizzy with it, with seeing and feeling Leo so close, so intimately.
“Deep breath, sweetheart.” And then Leo was pressing in.
“Ohhh—” Cody’s eyes slid shut at the mix of pleasure and relief.
It was incredible in a way he couldn’t have even imagined.
His body was unused to the stretch, unused to being filled, and while it was so much, overwhelmingly so, it was also so fucking grounding.
Cody distantly realized that the thin little moans in the room were coming from him, that his voice was wavering even as he shook apart with how good it all felt.
“Cody?” Leo sounded concerned as he pet over Cody’s stomach, smoothing a hand over his hair. “Hey Cody, can you look at me?”
Cody blinked open his eyes to find that his vision was blurry. Crying. He was crying. Why was he crying?
“‘S good,” he croaked. “Feels so good, Leo. I…” another sob wracked his body. “I didn’t know I could feel this good.”
Leo bent forward, the change in angle making his cock press even deeper inside Cody, and Cody cried out, unable to help himself.
His hands fisted in the sheets as he panted, as Leo rested his own weight on one hand so that he had the other one free to stroke Cody’s cheek, to brush his curls out of his eyes.
He couldn’t parse Leo’s expression. It looked something like heartbreak, which couldn’t be right.
Cody gave into the urge to turn his head and press a kiss to the palm of Leo’s hand. He didn’t know what came over him then, but every positive thing Leo had ever said or done for him was suddenly flooding though his mind.
Leo calling him or coming over after games, before and after media, during their downtime just to hang out, which had sometimes been the only thing that kept Cody from feeling so lonely he wanted to cry.
Leo being the first person in the room to cut off the paparazzi when their questions hit too close to home or got too insulting.
Leo discovering that Cody was running extra drills after practice and staying too, even if it was just to keep Cody company.
Leo bringing Cody food and tucking him up with pillows and blankets when they were at Leo’s place.
Leo was safe. Leo was good. Leo was so strong and so capable and so kind, and—and he said he loved Cody. Loved him and wanted to take care of him.
And maybe Cody didn’t deserve Leo’s love, but…Cody was selfish too. He wanted to show Leo how good Cody thought he was. How much Cody cared about him. How much Leo deserved.