Chapter 3
ALLY
Irolled my suitcase into my apartment two days later, feeling more accomplished, if nothing else. My trip to Denver had been a success. I’d made connections and a few friends and learned a lot at the conference. And, more importantly, I’d told Dom I was pregnant.
And then he freaked. I walked out of his condo and haven’t heard a word since. I hated how much that stung.
I placed my hand on my belly, smiling as I felt her move inside of me. We didn’t need him. It’s not like he and I’d ever really been together to begin with. I could tell myself all of that over and over again until I was blue in the face, but it still freaking hurt.
But dwelling on the whole fiasco wasn’t going to get me anywhere, and I had to pee super bad, a common occurrence thanks to the little diva. Shoving thoughts of Dom aside, I finished up in the bathroom and then unpacked, tossing my dirty clothes into my hamper and putting away my toiletries. Ethan said only psychopaths unpacked immediately, but I hated leaving things in my suitcase. I wanted it done and put away so I didn’t have to stare at it.
Then I put on my comfiest sweats, not caring that it was late summer, curled up on the couch, and flipped on the TV. I’d gotten addicted to this show called Traitors, so I planned to binge a few episodes, order takeout, and work on my nursery Pinterest board. I’d found the cutest 3D butterflies online, and I wanted them everywhere.
Just as I took my first bite of caramel fudge ice cream, Darcy walked through the door.
“Save some of that for me.” She tossed her purse on the kitchen island and grabbed a spoon from the drawer.
“You can’t just walk in here anymore. You moved out two years ago, remember?”
“You never asked for the key back, and I’m not giving it up, anyway.” She took the seat next to me and stuck her spoon in my ice cream.
“Get your own,” I mumbled.
“Nah, this is my favorite flavor,” she said, digging in.
“Why are you here?” I tried to sound put out, but I was secretly happy that I wasn’t alone right now.
“Because I knew your flight info, and you did a big thing this week, and I wanted to be here if you needed it. Also, you have the best ice cream stash,” she finished with a grin.
I couldn’t help but smile back at my bestie. She had just known I needed her. And that was why the little peanut and I didn’t need Dom. We were going to be fine without him.
“Did he ever call you?” she asked. I’d given her a rundown of our conversation shortly after breaking the news to Dom and she’d threatened to kick him in the balls for how he’d reacted.
“Nope.” The P popped as I said it.
“Fucking dick,” she said. “Whatever. You don’t need him for anything. He did his part, and now I get a little cute niece to spoil rotten.”
She knocked her shoulder into mine.
“It’s going to be fine, Ally. We got you. And you’re going to rock this mom thing. We made a list, remember?”
I smiled softly. “Yeah, we did. And I know I shouldn’t care. But part of me feels bad for her. I don’t want her to feel like she’s not wanted. I mean, we know I’m scared shitless about becoming a mom, but I want her, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she knows she’s loved.”
“He’s not important.” Darcy waved her empty spoon at me. “She’s going to have an entire hockey team of pseudo-uncles and a village of people who love her. You know Penny is over the moon to be an aunt. Your baby shower is going to be epic.” She put her hand over her mouth. “Oops, it was supposed to be a surprise. Act surprised, okay?”
I laughed, my eyes welling with tears. “How epic?”
She pointed her spoon at me again. “You heard nothing. Not a thing.”
My shoulders shook. Darcy was awful with secrets. Well, except when she’d managed to convince people that her relationship with Jake wasn’t fake at the beginning. Maybe she’d used all her secret-keeping abilities for that.
I gasped and put my hand to my mouth, then whispered, “For me?” My voice returned to normal as I dug another bite of ice cream out of the carton. “How was that?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t out me.”
“I won’t. Promise. Just tell me the date so I don’t look like I just rolled out of bed that day.”
“Deal.” She clinked her spoon with mine. “But seriously, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know what I was expecting, but he showed his true colors, so I shouldn’t be shocked. He’s always been a player who doesn’t want to settle down. Not that I was asking him to. His involvement wouldn’t have been easy because the season is starting and he lives in a different state anyway. It’s easier this way, and it’ll be fine.”
My sigh was resigned, but what else was I going to do? He clearly didn’t want to be involved, and it was definitely less messy this way. But, if one day she wanted to know who her father was, I wouldn’t keep that from her.
“His loss. His major, epic, gargantuan loss. Now to important stuff. Can you believe who they brought back?” Darcy gestured to the TV. “Oh wait, which episode is this?”
I glared at her. “Dammit, Darcy. I’m a few behind. Don’t you dare spoil it.”
She shoved another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, and I nodded at her before turning my attention back to Traitors. I wondered who was getting banished tonight.
***
“How’s my little niece doing?” Ethan said, leaning over to talk to my belly the following night.
“She’s already got you wrapped around her little finger, and she’s not even born yet,” his wife, Penny, said.
Ethan looked over his shoulder to glare at her. “Hush. It’s my job to spoil her. And to kick any person’s ass if they come near her.”
I rolled my eyes. “You done?” I tried to act annoyed, but I loved that he’d been so supportive since day one. Of course, he’d tried to get me to tell him who the father was, but he’d grudgingly accepted that I wasn’t ready to share that. He’d been nothing but a great big brother and doting expectant uncle since.
“I’m never done talking to my little princess,” he said, standing up to give me a hug. “How was your trip? Run into any of the guys? I think some of them are back in Denver already. I should’ve reached out to Fishy or Flower.”
It didn’t escape my notice that he hadn’t mentioned Dom. Reason four million and one why I wasn’t going to tell him who had knocked me up.
“It was fun, learned a lot, blah, blah, blah. Numbers and spreadsheets are awesome. Now I’m hungry.” I ushered them toward the front door. We were having dinner at Lanzi’s, my favorite restaurant, and they’d swung by to pick me up. My mouth was already watering for Rose Lanzi’s spinach and ricotta ravioli.
“Can’t let my niece go hungry. Let’s go,” Ethan said, shutting my door behind us.
During the quick drive to Lanzi’s, Penny asked for more details about the conference. She was an accountant, and her love of numbers and data almost rivaled mine. Ethan typically zoned us out once we got started.
The smells enveloped me like a hug, as did Rose Lanzi, when we walked through the door.
“Ally, honey. Oh, just look at you. Glowing. Beautifully glowing. Let’s get you some garlic knots,” Rose said, guiding us toward a large table in the back. A few of Ethan’s teammates and their partners were already seated.
“You look beautiful. How are you feeling?” Sophia Lanzi asked as I took the seat across from her and her boyfriend, Eric Finnegan. Finn was a defenseman for the team, and Sophia’s parents ran Lanzi’s with her aunt Rose.
“Thank you. Tired, but good.” I settled my napkin on my lap.
“’Bout time you got here,” Darcy teased next to me. Jake was on the other side of her, their fingers linked in Darcy’s lap.
“We’re not that late, but it’s Ethan’s fault. He was having a long conversation with my belly,” I muttered.
Jake barked out a laugh. “Man, just hand over your bank account to that little girl. She’s going to control you from day one. Hell, she already does.”
“Shut up, dick,” Ethan said, flicking Jake in the back of the head. “My niece gets whatever she wants, and I feel zero shame or embarrassment about it.”
“Damn right. We’re all going to spoil Little Harty’s baby. I already got her a Bastian jersey ready to go because I’m clearly going to be her favorite player,” said Max “Baz” Bastian, epic prankster. His girlfriend, Gabi, rolled her eyes at his antics. It was a common occurrence.
“She’s getting a Harty jersey, and don’t any of you assholes think she’s wearing your numbers. I’m her real uncle, remember,” Ethan boasted.
“Only by DNA,” Baz fired back.
“While this fighting is all lovely, what apps are we getting?” I asked, grabbing a garlic knot from the bowl Darcy set in front of me. Warmth filled my chest as I took my first bite of the pillowy, garlicky goodness and glanced around the table. My little girl had everything she needed right here. And in less than four months, she was going to be in my arms, and I was going to let everyone spoil the shit out of her. She would never want for anything. Especially not from her stupid sperm donor.
Darcy leaned in and whispered, “You really okay?”
I ignored the tears pricking my eyes. “Yep. Never better.”
“Good. Now, do you want to split arancini balls with me or get your own order?”
“Obviously, my own. I’m eating for two, remember,” I fired back, a smile on my face.
I was so lucky, and so was this little peanut fluttering in my belly.
DOM
I was a fucking wreck. It’d been five days since Ally had dropped her bomb on me, and I had yet to fully process it.
Or call her.
Or text her.
Yeah, I was a fucking asshole.
I’d spent more time than usual at the gym in the last week trying to work through everything zipping through my head, and all I got for my efforts was a slight twinge in my ankle after I stepped off the treadmill wrong.
Fuck.
Getting hurt before training camp even started would be a disaster. Our trainers would have my ass, so I needed to get my head in the game right now.
Which is why I was currently sitting at Tipsy Steer and drinking my favorite IPA. Yes, drinking wasn’t the answer, but hanging out with my teammates was.
“Did you see who I went home with last night?” Xan said, nudging Haldy in the shoulder. They’d been my linemates last year, and we’d gelled on the ice, but they were fucking babies, so confiding in them was out.
Not that I was ancient, but there was a difference between my twenty-five and their twenty-one and twenty-two. Usually, Flower would’ve been my go-to on something like this because he was a father, but we’d been teammates on the Strikers, and there was no way in hell I could talk to him. It would be way too easy for it to get back to Ethan or one of the guys on the Strikers. Ally was their collective little sister, and they’d come hunting if they knew I got her pregnant and then fucking disappeared.
Not like I’d known, but I maybe understood why she hadn’t told me right away.
“I bet you didn’t even know what to do with her,” Haldy replied to Xan, drawing me back to the conversation around me.
“What about you, Dom?” Xan asked.
“What? Nah. I’m not discussing my hookups with you two. Unless you need some advice or something, of course.” I easily fell into my player image. Hell, it wasn’t actually an image. I’d definitely had my fair share of fun since I entered the league. Yeah, it’d been a while, but they didn’t need to know that.
Xan smirked. “Looks like someone needs to get laid.”
“I need no help in that department, assholes,” I boasted, finishing off my beer. I grabbed the bartender’s attention, and within minutes, another IPA was placed in front of me. “Now, if you want to talk game, I’m a wealth of information.”
“Pretty sure I hold that title,” Harry Sinclair said, stepping up next to me at the bar. The man had earned the nickname Sin repeatedly if the stories were to be believed. “Now, pull up a seat, children, and I’ll share my wisdom.”
I rolled my eyes and stepped away from the group. I definitely wasn’t in the mood to hang around and listen to them.
Soon after, I found myself sitting with a couple of the other guys, talking about our summers and the upcoming training camp. I forced myself to focus on the conversation and not on Ally and how my life was going to change, whether I was ready or not. Yeah, she’d given me an out, but was I really enough of a dick to take it? And if I didn’t, what was I supposed to even do next?
Fuck, my head was a damn mess.
***
“You okay, Dom? Looking a bit slow there when Haldy beat you to that last puck,” Micah said the following afternoon as we cooled down in the cardio room after a quick scrimmage.
Training camp officially started tomorrow, but since a bunch of my teammates were already back in town, we’d had an unofficial practice today. I needed to get my head on straight and back in the game; no way in hell was I going to skip skating with my teammates.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. “Just helping the kid build up his confidence.”
Micah snorted. “Yeah, sure. Try again.”
I shrugged.
Micah arched his brow at me. He was part of our top D pair and we’d clicked over the last season, probably more than I had with most of the other guys. He came off as quiet and reserved, but he was smart as fuck, and little got past him.
Where I could be loud and over the top, he was the opposite. Not that we typically sat around spilling our guts to each other, but I felt like I was crawling out of my skin with no one to talk to, and I was losing my mind. Definitely not how I should be going into a new hockey season. Micah would be unbiased because he wasn’t a former Striker, and he didn’t know Ally. But I wasn’t typically a guy who confided in people. Didn’t want to look like I couldn’t figure out my own shit.
But as this week progressed, I clearly couldn’t figure out what the hell I was supposed to do.
I glanced around the room. Sweets and Tyler were on the opposite end of us, and there was no one else in here.
“Get it off your chest, man. Or not. Just make sure it’s not on the ice,” Micah said, drawing my attention back to him.
“Fuck. Fine. I just got some unexpected news last week,” I started.
“And it’s messing with you? Everything okay?”
I blew out a breath. “I’m going to have a kid.”
Micah’s eyes widened. Fuck, those words really just came out of my mouth.
“Damn. Okay, okay. And the woman? Are you together? Or was it a one-night stand? Wow.” He coughed out a laugh. “Wasn’t expecting you to ever say that.”
“Neither was I,” I said sardonically. “It was a fucking shock, for sure.” I raked one hand through my hair while gripping the stationary bike handle with my other so I didn’t fall over on my ass. Wouldn’t that be the perfect end to my epically shitty week?
“So,” Micah drew out.
“It’s someone I’ve had an on-again, off-again thing with for years, never really more than that. Her brother’s one of my old teammates.”
“Oh shit. Does he know?”
“Since I’m still breathing, I’m going with no. Also, she’s due in like four months and lives in San Francisco, and I was an asshole when she told me. Fuck. I never wanted kids.”
Guilt squeezed my chest. Yes, Ally’s words had been unexpected, but I’d been a total dick to her.
“Wow. Okay, so this is happening soon. What do you want? What does she want?” he asked.
“From me? Nothing. She wants nothing.” I couldn’t keep the slight twinge of defeat from my voice.
“Okay. So she doesn’t need you for anything, and you never wanted kids. That’s a win-win, right?”
“Fuck that. She’s having my kid,” I bit out.
Micah grinned. “Then you should probably talk to her and not be a jerk about it, don’t you think? If you want to be involved, you need to reach out and do something, idiot. The ball is in your court, so this isn’t a ‘wait and see what she wants to do next’ situation.”
I glared at him. “Why do I feel like you just played me?”
“Because I did. Clearly, you’ve been ruminating on all this shit since she told you, but when I mentioned the easy out, you immediately tried to bite my head off. So that’s your answer.”
“Fucking rude,” I muttered.
Then it was Micah’s turn to shrug.
“What if I don’t know what I’m doing? I’m twenty-five. What do I know about being a father?”
“From what I hear, parents just figure it out. You could always talk to Flower.”
“Why don’t I just call Ethan myself,” I grumbled.
“Holy shit. You knocked up Ethan Hartnell’s little sister?” Micah chuckled. “At least he’s one of the nicest guys in the league.”
“Yeah, when you’re not sleeping with his sister. He warned me off her for years.”
Micah chuckled. “Looks like that didn’t work.”
Then he slapped me on the shoulder. “Just talk to her. Apologize. How long since she told you?”
“Almost a week.” Six days, to be exact.
“Oof. That’s a lot of days, man. You better call her and truly apologize. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her to tell you if she waited so long to do it.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m going to head home. Thanks, man, I appreciate it. And if you could just keep this between us?”
“Of course. Not my place to spread gossip. I’m a vault,” he said, squeezing my shoulder as he stood next to me.
“Thanks,” I said, then I looked over to nod goodbye to my other teammates in the room before I headed home.
I paced my living room later that afternoon. It was one thing to say I was going to reach out to Ally and a completely different thing to actually do it. She deserved better than me.
Yeah, I’d never made a secret about the fact that I was not father material. My parents were a shining example of how not everyone should have kids. My father only cared about hockey and making me have the career he thought he should’ve had. And my mother was bitter that hockey was all he cared about and had just stopped caring when I started playing. They’d been miserable together, and then I’d become a pawn in their divorce battle as they sniped back and forth at each other for years. I had zero clue how to be a good parent or partner.
Not that I was Ally’s partner. Our relationship had always consisted purely of flirting and hooking up.
How could I even be useful to her? Not to mention that hockey season was about to start. We lived in different states, and she was due in the middle of the season. The odds were stacked against me from the jump.
Fuck. That was a dick thought. This wasn’t about me. It was about Ally and my daughter.
My chest clenched again.
My daughter.
I didn’t want to epically fail at this.
I tapped on Ally’s name on my phone and pulled up a text.
Dom: Hey. Sorry it took me this long to reach out.
Dom: I just don’t know where to go from here. You said you could do this all on your own, but I don’t want that. I have no clue what that means, but I want to figure this out. I want to help, but I have no clue how.
Dom: Call, text, whatever. Whenever you’re ready.
Dom: Sorry for being a dick about everything.
Then I plopped down on my couch and waited.