Chapter 4
ALLY
Istared at my phone as Dom’s texts rolled in.
Ping. Ping. Ping.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from my screen. After six days, he finally reached out and was nice and apologetic, almost self-deprecating. My brain could not compute what was happening.
“What’s going on over there?” Darcy called out, then walked over to where I was seated on her couch.
“Um,” I stammered.
Darcy grabbed my phone.
“About fucking time he texted,” she grumbled just as Jake walked into the living room.
I snatched my phone from Darcy’s hand before she could say anything else.
Jake quirked a brow. “What are you ladies up to?”
“Nothing. Don’t you have practice or something?” Darcy asked, an innocent smile on her face. I bit back my chuckle as Jake moved closer to her.
“It’s late afternoon. I’m just going for a run with Harty. Are you trying to get rid of me?”
She gasped dramatically. “I would never. Now, go away. Ally and I are talking about baby stuff.”
He saluted her. “Message received. Have fun, ladies.” Then he proceeded to kiss the hell out of her.
I held back my sigh. They were relationship goals with how much fun they had with each other and how smitten they were. I wanted to feel loved and cherished, and now I was a million months pregnant, and who the hell knew if I was ever going to find that. Not that I was looking for that any time soon.
I glanced down at the stream of texts again. My belly fluttered, and so did my heart.
My stupid, stupid heart. Ugh, my emotions were all mixed up, and my hormones had taken over my rational brain. I didn’t want all of this to end in frustration for me and heartache for my daughter if he screwed up and decided he didn’t want to be in her life after all. But maybe I was overanalyzing his simple texts and just assuming he was doing what he thought he had to do by pretending to care or be interested in his child.
Ugh.
Get it together, brain.
He hadn’t reached out in almost an entire week, then a few texts showed up, and my brain got all wishy-washy or some shit.
Stupid hormones.
“You okay?” Darcy’s voice cut through the nonsense rolling around in my head. I was usually the confident one, and I just felt like I was floundering ever since I’d talked to him.
No, that was wrong. I’d been feeling that way since my doctor had confirmed my pregnancy. Part of me was still reeling from the fact that I was going to be a mother in a few months.
“What? Oh yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t know what I really want from him.”
“From who?”
I jumped at Jake’s voice.
“Shit. I thought you’d left,” I said.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Clearly. You know, you’ve been very silent about the father, and it’s your right to keep that from everyone, but just know that if you need me to kick his ass, say the word.”
Darcy reached out, patting his chest. “Yes, you big, strong man.”
Jake narrowed his gaze toward my friend, but she laughed him off, and his lips pulled up in a tiny smirk.
“You know Ally could kick his ass if she chose,” Darcy said.
I gestured to my belly. “Probably not in my current state.”
Darcy scoffed. “You totally could because you’re a badass.”
“Thanks, bestie,” I said, grinning.
Jake shook his head at both of us. “It’s irritating as fuck that Darcy knows who it is and won’t tell me. Girl code or whatever. But, even if you won’t tell me, the ass-kicking offer still stands. And now, since I can’t get any more gossip out of the two of you, I’ll leave you be.”
“Thank you, Pookie,” Darcy said, teasing him with the nickname she’d given him when they were fake dating that, unfortunately for Jake, had stuck. I didn’t miss the little shudder she did when Jake leaned down and whispered something in her ear.
“Shit, that was close,” I said when the door finally shut behind him.
Darcy scooted next to me and grabbed my phone again. “Now, what does the asshat have to say. Oh, now he wants to be involved? A week later?”
I loved how irate she was for me. I would be exactly the same way if needed, but Jake would never be an asshole to her.
“At least he’s apologizing for being a dick,” she muttered.
“What do I say to him?”
“Glad you know you’re a dick.”
I snorted.
“I know, it’s childish. So, what do you want from him?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I think navigating all this would be easier if he was still on the Strikers.”
She laughed. “Definitely not. He’d probably be black and blue after Ethan and the rest of the guys got to him.”
“They’re not that bad,” I said, knowing full well that my brother would at least want to get a few punches in. He played the annoying older brother role almost too well sometimes.
“Sure they aren’t. Bet Baz would prank the hell out of him. Put itching powder in his jock or something.”
I giggled. “You’re totally right.”
“Okay, but can we be serious for a minute?”
“Do we have to?” I grumbled. It was so much easier to not think about the hard stuff.
Grabbing my phone back, I stared at it. He’d just texted. Maybe I should wait to respond.
I shook my head. Playing more games was not the answer.
Ally: Hey. Yeah, thanks for the apology. You were an ass, but I get it. It’s a shock.
Three dots popped up.
Then disappeared.
Then popped back up.
“Ugh, spit it out.”
Dom: Yeah, it was.
Then a minute went by.
“Seriously? That’s it?” Darcy yelled.
Dots popped up.
Dom: I’m not proud of what I said or how long it’s taken me to reach out.
Darcy huffed. “No shit. Glad he realizes that.”
I quirked a brow at my friend.
“I know. I’m just mad for you,” she huffed.
I nudged my shoulder into hers. “Love you, Darc.”
She smiled. “Love you, too.”
My phone pinged again.
Dom: I’m sorry that you had to go through all of this on your own.
Dom: Not that you don’t have friends and family around. But I guess it’s different.
Dom: Fuck. I don’t know what to say, and I’m pissed at myself that I waited this long, so we can’t talk about this in person.
“And whose fault is that?” Darcy piped in.
“He’s trying now, I guess?” I said.
“I guess.”
Dom: If this is a bad time, can we talk later?
It took me a moment to realize that I’d responded to one text and then gone radio silent. It was Darcy’s fault because she kept chiming in and distracting me.
Ally: Shit. Sorry. I’m at Darcy’s.
Dom: Is Jake there? Do they know?
I bristled.
Dom: Ignore that. Fuck. It doesn’t matter. Only you and the baby matter.
Ally: Wow. Laying it on thick now.
Darcy leaned over my arm, reading my phone. “You tell him.”
I side-eyed her.
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.
“You are not.”
“Nope.” Her P popped loudly.
I shook my head. “I should probably head home and just call him.”
“Or you could stay here and keep texting or go into the spare room and call. Then, I can be here for moral support. I swear I won’t listen at the door,” she said, looking all innocent.
I pointed at her. “Those eyes only work on Jake, missy.”
“You sure about that?” She batted her lashes at me.
“Stop it. Fine. I’ll stay.” I focused on my phone again, still at a loss. How did I deal with this? With him?
Dom: I’m not trying to lay anything on you. I’m just a mess and trying to figure out where to go from here.
I almost felt bad for him.
Almost.
Ally: So am I.
I hated how defensive I sounded, but he was frustrating the hell out of me.
Ally: Look, I know this isn’t easy for either of us. It was super unexpected, and here we are. But I’m happy that I’m going to be a mom. You just have to figure out what you really want. I don’t want you to tell me that you want to be involved because you think that’s what you should do, then end up changing your mind. Or be a part of her life and then disappear. That’s not fair to her, and she is all that matters right now.
“Good. He just wanted to be around for a fun time, and now he has to decide if he wants to be around for a long time,” Darcy said from over my shoulder. Again.
“Darc.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll stop,” she said, getting up from the couch and walking into the kitchen. “I think I’ll make cookies.”
“Don’t burn down the kitchen,” I called out. Darcy could not cook, and she very rarely baked. But she was giving me a little space, and as long as the place didn’t go up in flames, it was what I needed. I had no clue how this conversation was going to go, and I honestly didn’t know exactly what I wanted him to say.
“My cookies are decent, and this kitchen will survive. It’s not like you’re a gourmet chef, either,” Darcy said with a grin. “Now, get back to texting.”
I settled back into the couch. She wasn’t wrong. I could get by on easy stuff, like pasta, but cooking bored me.
Dom: That’s very fair. But I’m not going to walk away. I know you probably don’t believe me right now, especially after how I acted, but I do want to be involved. I just don’t know how.
My stupid heart was doing weird things in my chest. It was probably just heartburn.
DOM
I raked my hand through my hair for the millionth time. It was standing on end at this point. Then I grabbed my glass of water and sucked it down.
And stared at my phone.
Every time it took her longer than normal to respond, my body twisted up. Was I making a mistake by trying to be involved?
No. This was my kid. I started pacing in front of the island.
Maybe?I had no clue how to be a parent. How to co-parent when we weren’t together, or even in the same state.
Fuck.
Then my phone chimed again, and I set the empty glass on my kitchen island. I’d been too restless to sit down.
Once again, I was a goddamn wreck. No one should end up with me as a father. The best way to not become my father was to not be a father.
Ally: Honestly, I don’t know how you can help either. Hockey season is a lot. And you not living here doesn’t help. It’s not like you’re going to take a birth class with me or anything.
Dom: What the fuck is that?
Ally: They show you what could happen during delivery, how to make it easier on yourself. I signed up for one so I know what to expect.
What the hell?Birth class had definitely not been on my bingo card for this year—or ever. I was slightly squeamish just thinking about it.
Dom: Sorry. Uh. Did you want me there?
Ally: At the class or the actual birth?
My stomach dropped or clenched or something. Did she really want me there when she gave birth? Fuck. This was all happening so fast.
Dom: Um. Both, I guess.
Ally: Look. This is a lot at once. You don’t have to do either.
I pressed the palm of my hand into the edge of the kitchen island. It pissed me off that she continued to give me an out. I guess I should have been grateful or some shit, but it just made me angrier, like she thought me even trying to be involved was pointless.
But I didn’t want to be a parent. Right?
“Fucking hell,” I shouted in my empty condo. I was frustrated with this entire fucked-up situation. She was fucking pregnant and walking on eggshells around me. Well, not around me, but via text. It grated, and I hated that we were in this position.
But it wasn’t a situation; this was my child. Fuck. I wanted to lash out at myself for even thinking that way, but I took a deep breath and tapped my fingers on the surface in front of me. I didn’t even know how to respond at this point.
Ally: We don’t have to figure it out now. We still have time. I know it’s a lot all at once.
Dom: You keep saying that and I get it, okay? I get it.
Dots popped up.
Then disappeared.
Then popped up again.
Shit.
Dom: Fuck. I’m not trying to be a dick.
Ally: Then don’t be one.
Ally: And you wonder why I waited to tell you.
Dom: I’m trying here.
And failing miserably because I didn’t know what the fuck to do.
Ally: This isn’t easy for me, either. I didn’t plan to get pregnant, especially by a man I’m not even in a relationship with. I mean, we’re barely friends, Dom. There isn’t anything easy about this.
Dom: We’re friends. Well, friendly sometimes.
Ally: That’s not what I mean, and you know it.
My fingers stabbed into my hair again, and I pushed down my irritation. I wouldn’t be surprised if she just said, “Never mind” and cut me out.
I tapped on her name to call her.
“Why are you calling?” she asked, her annoyance clear.
“I thought actually talking might be better than texting?” I said lamely.
She scoffed. “We’ll see.”
“Ally, I’m sorry. I know I’m being an asshole; I just have no clue what I’m doing.”
Her sigh was audible. “And you think I do? I’m just figuring it out each day, Dom. I know I’ve had longer to think about it, but this baby is coming, and I don’t want you to show up in her life just because you feel obligated. You had a right to know that you’re going to have a kid out in the world, that’s all.”
“You keep giving me an out. And honestly, part of me thinks I should take it.” I surprised myself by letting that last part slip out, but we had to be honest with each other.
“Then take it.”
My body clenched at the irritation in her voice.
“I don’t want to,” I said, the words settling into my chest. I don’t want to. As messed up as all of this was, as fucked up as my childhood was, the only thing I was sure of was that I couldn’t walk away.
“Then I guess we have to figure it out, okay?” she said.
I hated that she hesitated, but I understood. After how I’d acted when she told me and then hadn’t reached out in over a week? I’d fucking hesitate too.
“Training camp starts tomorrow, or I’d fly to San Francisco,” I offered.
She blew out a breath. “It’s fine. And it’s probably better that we’re not face-to-face yet.”
I tried not to bristle at her comment, but damn, it stung.
“I get it. Maybe we could keep talking or texting?” I asked.
“Uh, sure. If we’re really going to do this—I mean, co-parent—we should probably become friends,” she said.
“Ally, we’ve known each other for years,” I said.
“Yeah, but you know as well as I do that it was just for fun and hooking up. Maybe I want to get to know the father of my child more,” she said.
“I’d like that,” I said, feeling the weight shift slightly off my chest. I wanted to get to know Ally more, too. “What’s your favorite movie?”
She laughed. “We’re playing Twenty Questions?”
I smiled. “Mine’s Gladiator.”
“I don’t think I have a favorite. I like action and spy movies, like the Bourne ones. I used to watch them with my dad,” she said.
“Really? Not rom-coms?” I asked.
She snorted. “Nope. So many of them have love triangles, and they piss me off.”
I chuckled. “Got it. Okay, then. Favorite movie snack.”
“MM’s in popcorn. But they have to be the plain ones,” she said. “Salty and sweet. Just like me.”
“You’re definitely salty and sweet,” I said, my voice low as memories of how she tasted and how she felt in my arms hit me. Fuck. It’d been a while.
“Dom,” she murmured, and I wondered if she was thinking the same thing.
Then she gasped.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. She just moved. Sometimes, it still startles me.”
I could hear the smile in her voice.
“Will you send me a picture?”
“Of me?” she asked.
“I’ll always want a picture of you, Ally. But I meant, do you have one from the doctor of our baby?”
Our baby.Shit. Pretty sure that was the first time I’d said that out loud.
Fuck. This was really happening.
“Um. Sure. Hold on,” she said.
Then my phone pinged with a text.
I opened it. It was black and white and fuzzy.
“Uh. What am I looking at?”
She laughed. “Hold on. I’m sending a more recent one. That was the first one, so you can’t see much.”
I tapped on the next image that came through, and yeah, the outline of a baby was clearer. She looked like she was just lying there, chilling out on her side, her hand up.
“It’s like she’s waving.” I forced the words around the lump in my throat.
“She’s saying hi. In between fluttering and flipping around. Oh, and she started hiccupping a few weeks ago. It’s super weird,” Ally said, pure joy in her tone.
“Really? She hiccups? That’s normal?” I had no clue about any of this. I really needed to get a book or something.
“Totally normal.”
“Thank you for these.” I paused. “And for everything else. I’m sorry for my reaction, Ally. I truly am. It’s just… it’s a lot to process,” I said honestly. “Not that that’s an excuse.”
“It is. And I understand,” she said. “So, what’s your favorite movie snack?”
“Peanut MM’s and any kind of gummy candy,” I said.
She laughed. “Together? That’s weird.”
“Don’t knock it ’til you try it.”
“Whatever. Next question.”
“Favorite color?” I asked. I was going for the basics because it seemed easy. I just wanted to keep talking to her. I liked talking to her; I always had.
We spent the next hour answering questions until she started to yawn, and I reluctantly let her go. We’d made progress, but there was still so much we had to figure out.
I settled back on the couch and stared at the pictures she’d sent.
This was her. And I was going to be a father.
I was fucking scared shitless.