Chapter 2
Hov
After everything settled down, I found myself standing near one of the hospital windows looking out into the parking lot.
The truth was, I didn't know what the fuck to think right now.
RJ was lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a ventilator and Crew was somewhere outside pissed off at me because Jasmine had just dropped a bomb in the middle of everyone’s life. Even now, the one person I found myself worrying about the most was Ciara.
Maybe it was because I knew she was hurting and wasn't the type to make a scene about it.
When I finally turned away from the window, I spotted her sitting by herself near the far end of the lobby.
She had moved away from by my grandma and Faith because I'm sure she probably wanted to be alone. Faith was sleeping in my grandma’s arms because if not, she would've most likely wanted me.
Being a parent never seems to cut off. Not even when you going through some of the worst shit.
Everybody else was focused on Jasmine and her family, but Ciara looked like she was stuck inside her own thoughts at the moment.
I walked over and sat in the chair beside her.
For a little while neither one of us said anything. She kept her eyes forward while I tried figuring out how to start a conversation that no husband should ever have to start.
"You, okay, mama?" I finally asked.
Ciara laughed softly through her nose and shook her head.
"Hov, a woman just stood in the middle of a hospital and told me her son might belong to my husband. How okay do you think I am right now?"
I couldn't even be mad at her smart ass response. I deserved that shit.
She folded her hands together in her lap before finally looking over at me.
"The crazy part is that I don't even know what emotion I'm supposed to focus on.
One minute I'm worried about RJ because that little boy is back there fighting for his life.
The next minute I'm thinking about you and Jasmine.
Then I start feeling guilty because RJ should be the only thing I'm thinking about right now. This is just a lot."
I listened quietly because she wasn't saying anything wrong.
"If it means anything, I promise that I didn't know about him."
"I know you didn't know Hov."
Her response came without hesitation.
"If you thought there was even a chance that little boy belonged to you, Jasmine would've been sick of seeing your face years ago.
You would've been checking on him every day, making every birthday special, every Christmas.
Up in her face every scraped knee because you hate for your babies to get hurt. That's just who you are."
The fact that she still knew me well enough to say that made me feel even worse.
"But Hov, can I be honest about something?"
"Always, baby.”
"It hurt hearing about him potentially being yours for a different reason."
She looked down at her hands.
"Not because I think you're lying. Not because I think you're sneaking around with Jasmine now. It just reminded me that there was a part of your life that happened before me and a part that I can’t say I built with you."
I stayed quiet.
"And I know that sounds stupid, but I want to share everything you love with you. Every piece of your life, I want to be a part of, and how can I be a part of a life that I didn’t help create? We have a beautiful home, thriving businesses, and a beautiful, perfect little girl together.”
She dropped her head for a moment.
“But then in one sentence, I got reminded that you had an entire life without me. There was a Hov without Ciara, and it just doesn’t sound right.
I always wanted to carry your son. I wanted your son to be my son, and I wanted to love your first born just as much as you do.
As I thought we were doing with Faith. How am I supposed to do that now if your first born isn’t mine? "
A tear dropped down her cheek that I caught with the back of my finger before it fell too far.
“Baby, listen. What’s mine is always yours, and you know that. I had plenty of things before I met you that I have given to you to share, including my whole fuckin heart.” I touched across my chest.
“If Rj is my child, then I hope that you will accept him and be a mother to him as you are to Faith. What’s mine has always been yours. My child belongs to you even if you didn’t give birth to him.”
“I’m not sure Jasmine would appreciate that.”
I looked over at Jasmine in her mother’s arms.
“With all due respect because I know she’s going through it right now, fuck Jasmine.
You are my wife, and I care about your feelings first. Jasmine will have no other choice but to understand that, and if she doesn’t, then she will have a problem with me.
A problem that will never touch you ever. That's on everything.”
I looked her in her eyes, and she nodded her head.
Ciara stayed quiet for a while after that, staring toward the hallway RJ was down.
Then she looked over at me.
"What about your boy out there?"
"Who, Crew?”
“Yeah. He got a lot dumped on him today, too. Did he know that you and Jasmine had anything going on in the past?"
I shook my head.
"Nah."
“Well then that is even more of a reason for you to go out there and talk to him.”
“You're right. I’ll go out there in a little while.”
“No Jehovah, go out there now, baby. That’s your brother, and you need to make it right.”
I agreed with her and then stood up from the chair stretching before leaving her side.
I walked out of the lobby doors and spotted Crew standing by his car with his arms folded across his chest. Ciara was right and I needed to approach him like a man instead of running from the shit.
While I was walking up to him, he was staring in another direction like he didn't see me coming, but I knew better. This nigga wasn't the type to stop watching his front, back, and sides at all times.
When I got close enough to talk, he started shaking his head before I could open my mouth.
“Nigga, I don't want to talk about that shit right now. Just let me be.”
“Nah, I can't do that, bro. We need to discuss this shit like men. Last time you and I were at odds, we let shit drag on too long, and we don't need to do that right now.”
Crew laughed through his nose and looked down at the ground while rubbing his hand across his beard. Then, in one quick motion, he pulled his gun from his waist and held it toward the ground. He never pointed it at me, but he gave me a look that said he would.
“Why shouldn't I murder you, Hov? Because I love you like a sibling? Because you and I have been through too much shit and are supposed to keep it one hundred with each other?”
He bit his bottom lip, but this shit didn't faze me. Crew didn't really want to shoot me, and I could tell. He was hurt, and I understood that, but both of us being hot headed wasn't going to solve anything.
“Can't we just discuss this shit like men without guns being drawn?”
“Oh, since you're the one in the wrong, we have to discuss shit like men, I guess. When it was me, I got cut off for a good fuckin minute behind that shit. And it was over a hoe. You being a hypocrite like a mutha fucka.”
He spit onto the ground.
“It's not even like that, nigga. We have both grown since then, and we should be able to handle shit better than we did back in the day.”
“The fuck we can, nigga. I grew, true enough, but this shit shrunk me back down.”
Crew finally looked directly at me after saying that dumb ass shit.
“Hov, you were really fucking Jasmine behind my back, and we were supposed to be boys. Brothers. So how the fuck does that work, nigga?”
I stayed quiet for a second because what the fuck could I even say to that?
It was true. I looked at most of Crew's family like my own. Everyone except Jasmine, who made sure I didn't look at her like family at all.
Family doesn't try to seduce you every chance they got. Family wouldn't have been sending naked pictures or kissing on my neck when nobody was around.
Jasmine drew a fine line between friends and family with us early, and yeah, I blame myself too for playing into that shit.
“To be honest with you, Crew, when me and Jas were doing that shit, I wasn't thinking about anything except the fact that she was a pretty girl and I was a horny kid.”
Crew shook his head in disgust, but then this nigga randomly started laughing.
What the fuck just came over him?
“Yo, this shit crazy. Funny as fuck actually.”
“What's funny?”
He laughed some more until he was finally able to speak.
“You really thought I didn't know about you and Jasmine back in the day? Y'all were creeping around in that small ass apartment and thought you were hiding it from me?”
“What? You knew?”
“Of course I did.”
“If you knew all along then why did you just get mad and leave out of there when she said that?”
“Because I am emotional as hell about my nephew and pissed off that she even had to do some chicken-head-ass shit like that.
I don't care how much you hoe around; you are supposed to know who your kid father is. I always wanted more for her. Shit, once upon a time, I thought you creeping with her would save her ass.”
He looked off into the distance, and I dropped my head because at this point none of this night made sense.
When I felt a presence walk up behind me, I looked over my shoulder and saw Amir with an uncomfortable ass look on his face.
According to my wife, he and Jasmine had been creeping around too. Her ass got around for sure, but Amir was a pretty decent nigga, and I hoped he understood that I would never touch her ass again.
I'm sure that was a concern of his if he was taking her seriously.
I remembered dealing with Ant, the distributor who I knew had slept with Ciara. That shit got under my skin something serious once she and I got married. I tried talking to the nigga and handling business as usual, but seeing her walk out of his room that day was way too hard to get out of my head.
That's why I had to let that nigga go about a year ago. Gave him a severance package and let him step to keep from killing him because of memory alone.
“Yo, I know some heavy shit is going on right now for everyone involved, but I really need to roll now.”
Amir spoke and Crew folded his arms.
“Everything straight?”
“Yeah, it’s nothing street. Just some personal shit with a few close acquaintances. Keep me updated about your nephew though. I'm praying to Allah for the little dude.”
“I got you. Safety, nigga.”
Crew dapped him up, and I did the same before he walked away from the car.
Crew and I were left standing in the hospital parking lot alone as ambulance sirens wailed nearby.
I didn't feel as guilty about keeping the secret from him anymore, but there was still a part of me that hated that I never got a chance to come clean on my own.
“Bruh, I promise you can curse me out. Shit, fight me if you have to. I value your ass too much for any strife between us. I love you like a brother, and I never wanted to keep shit from you and,”
Crew's phone started ringing in his pocket, and he held up a finger to stop me as he pulled it out.
“Talk to me, nigga.”
He answered the phone, and I'd been around him long enough to know he wasn't talking to family.
“What? When?”
“Alright, call Bam and Scotty over there. I'm on my way.”
He hung up the phone and kicked the tire hard enough to make the car rock from side to side.
After he gripped the phone tightly, he slammed his fist against the roof of the car.
“Somebody just took out Max.”
“Max?”
“You know the one who sits guard at the end of our street on Wesley.”
“Word?”
“Yeah. That means somebody may be close to our doorsteps now.”
“Hold on, but we can’t overreact just yet. Maybe it was a random robbery.”
“You know niggas not getting robbed and murdered on that side of town. That’s why we live there in the first place.”
“Yeah, I know, but I can go back to Wesley and check that shit out right now. You can stay here with Jasmine.”
He clutched his jaw.
“Nah, I'll go check it out. Stay here with your potential son.”
“Is that a joke, nigga?”
“Nah. It's facts.”
He got in his car, started the ignition, and burned off, leaving me standing there.
Now, I was wondering if I wanted to stay at the hospital or go back to my house and make sure the family who I knew was mine would be safe once they returned. Rj was a maybe, but Faith, Ciara, and my grandma were my truth.
I hope that Max’s murder was just random and my family’s home wasn’t really exposed. We are already going through enough as it is.