33. Jessica
JESSICA
Is this what it feels like to be with the one you love? It’s only been a week since I got back, and I can safely say this is the most exciting time of my life. Being with him is so invigorating, like I’d unlocked something new and wonderful in life that not many can obtain.
I find myself, at odd times throughout the day, just stopping in wonder at how things have played out. It seems like a dream, one that I had lost all hope in ever being a reality, that the man I fell in love with all those years ago is now mine.
All other relationships pale in comparison; they don’t even come close, and the realization leaves me in a panic at the odd moment when I think about how close I came to not having this. Even though we fight like cats and dogs, I wouldn’t change these last few days for anything.
He’s everything I wanted him to be and more.
I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve known each other for so long or something else at play, but we found our groove pretty quickly.
I’m more convinced than ever now that he was indeed spying on me all this time, even though I didn’t even know he was looking.
That day, when he let it slip that he’d been spending the night in my bed, I should’ve been pissed, but instead, I found it a bit endearing.
Had it been anyone else, I’d have called the cops and sent his ass to jail.
Of course, I didn’t let him off that easily and got some jewelry out of the deal in the end. That’ll teach him.
Meanwhile, his mom and mine seem to have lost their ever-loving minds all of a sudden. I understand his mother, since he’s getting up there in age, but what gives with my family and trying to get rid of me? Even my dad has joined in with subtle hints that only a deaf man would miss.
I’m still not sure how to feel about everyone knowing I had a crush on him and had been rooting for us all along.
Thank heaven they don’t know about that one ill-fated night, or who knows what would happen, and I try my best to skirt around that issue the best I can whenever anyone gets too close to the truth.
So far, the two families have been getting along like a house on fire, and so are we. I head home during the day to work while he’s at the office and meet him back at his place at night. I’m still not comfortable being at his home when he’s not there, but I guess that will change with time.
His whole family has been very welcoming, especially his little brother, who acts as if I’d been part of the family forever.
He speaks and acts like his brother, and I am a done deal and am always dragging me into whatever they’ve got going on.
It’s pretty much like being at home with my own family.
His wife is pretty nice as well, and not the face kind of nice where it only lasts until I leave the room.
She makes a point of giving me alone time with the mom while I go out of my way to always include her.
I’m not stupid, this clannish bunch is no less than my own family so there’ no way I’m making any waves.
I’m pretty sure we’ll be staying here for the rest of our lives since their compound has been set in such a way that no one has to leave home.
His sister, who spends most of her time travelling with her husband has been calling almost every day to talk and reading between the lines I learned that she too knew about my feelings for her brother.
I thought I’d done a good job of hiding my true feelings all these years only to find out now that everyone knew and I was just a great big clown, even though they all bend over backwards to assure me that I’m not. It’s still embarrassing as hell.
I’ve still been keeping up with the news about Dale and Charlotte though that wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be. Maybe if Julius and I hadn’t become a thing things might’ve been different, but I’m too wrapped up in my new relationship to care much about my past mistake.
I’ve been dodging Dale’s calls until things went in the right direction, but now it was time to let him know just who had screwed him over. I can’t do that here though, because James Bond Jr. might have this place bugged so I’ll have to wait until I’m home tomorrow to return his one-hundredth call.
That was the plan anyway, until I got a text from him accusing me of setting my new man on him and destroying his life. I had no idea what he was talking about. Julius never even mentioned him to me, and there was no reason for him to go after him.
I waited until Julius was in the shower to make the call because I was dying of curiosity. “What do you want?” I asked as soon as he answered the phone.
“Do you have to be so mean? We were together for years after all….”
“You can stop right there, just tell me what that message was about.” Just like a chameleon he is he flipped the script before I could blink.
“You know damn good and well what it’s about. What did you tell him?”
“Who are you talking about?”
I’m pretty sure he has no idea who Julius is. They’d never met before that night at the restaurant and don’t move in the same circles. “Yor man. First he threatened my mother and now he’s had me blacklisted and ran out of town.”
I sat up straight and looked at the closed door.
What the hell has he been up to? “You’re not making any sense, who is running you out of town?
” Did my dad do something? He and Julius have had a few closed-door meetings of late but I thought they were discussing business. Where did this one come in?
“Don’t play innocent with me. Did you have something to do with Charlotte losing her job?”
“As a matter of fact I did.” He didn’t speak for a good few seconds. Almost like someone won knew the answer but was still shocked to learn it was true.
“How could you do that? Why are you such a vindictive bitch?” Now it was my turn to keep silent. “When did you find out?” His voice changed once again. How did I never realize that he’s nuts?
“Does it matter? What matters is that I did and you’re a liar and you both deserve what’s coming to you.”
He ranted and raved about me being childish and claimed I should have come to him to talk things out before just leaving the way I did and cutting him off without a second thought.
“You’re not worth it.” Well, that just pissed him the hell off.
I’m not sure what he expected me to say; he was the one who cheated after all.
“Is that all you called for? I need to go ask my fiancé what he has planned for you and see if I can get in on the action.”
“You bitch!”
“Your mother!”
“Have you fucked him?”
“Every day since I left your place.” I snickered in his ear and held the phone away when he started screaming.
“Were you seeing him while we were together? And you have the nerve to judge Charlotte and me?”
“You wanna know the truth? He’s my one and only true love.”
I knew those words would eat away at him like a canker sore because he prides himself on being a great catch. “He’s the reason I never let you touch me.” Well, that did it. I didn’t know grown men could make that sound.
“Are you done? My honey bun doesn’t like me talking to other men for so long, so get whatever you have to say off your chest because this is the last time you’ll ever hear my voice.”
“You think this is over? It’s not over. I’ll make you pay for this, for stringing me along all this time and for destroying my life.
You’ve made me redundant in my own hometown; no one will hire me.
I bet you’re the one who spread the news about me losing my job and making it seem like I had something to do with what Charlotte did. ”
“You can think whatever you want? Is that it? I need to go join my man in the shower. In the future, try not to be such a scumbag.” I hung up the phone during his rant.
JULIUS
I was about to head back into the room when I overheard her conversation. I hadn’t planned on telling her that I’d had him blacklisted since they had no reason to ever meet again in this life, but I guess the cat was out of the bag.
I didn’t do it because they’d been together; I did it because he’d hurt her.
As much as I don’t want her talking to him, I learned something valuable tonight.
She doesn’t really open up about our years apart, and I couldn’t bring myself to ask, but hearing her say that she’d never let him touch her filled the hole in my chest.
I had a shit-eating grin on my face, which I got rid of before opening the door and heading into the room, because if she knew I’d eavesdropped on her conversation, she’d have my balls for dinner. She likes to play the grown-up, after all, and pretend that her life was just dandy without me in it.
I’ve been feeling both guilt and some kind of twisted anger about the time we’d missed, knowing that it was my fault that she’d run into the arms of another man, but now I know that I’d been worried for nothing.
It’s not exactly easy being the only one with a family curse hanging around my neck like a damn noose, and she makes sure to remind me every day that she’s not the one who can’t live without me. Had she been anyone else, I’d have strangled her and left her body out in the wild by now.
That mouth of hers works overtime as soon as our paths cross. I sometimes get the feeling that she’s pushing to see just how much I can take or how willing I am. I’m stuck because, on the one hand, is my guilt and, on the other, is my mother.
Every sane man wants his woman and his family to get along, but these people take that to a whole new level. I’m not sure what she fed my mother, but Mom seems to think that I’m the biggest screw-up and not much of a man at that.
All because this one told her that I mistreated her and ran her out of the house. I have yet to get to the bottom of what I’d supposedly done, but Mom took it as gospel and gave me the cold shoulder for a few days until my soon-to-be mother-in-law broke out the wedding mags.
I’ve spent this past week trying to lay the groundwork for what I expect to be a lifetime of penance.
She wins every argument with that one reminder of what I had said to her that night.
The fact that it was her first time just makes the guilt that much stronger, and so I just keep my head down and wait for the whirlwind to pass.
She’s just as annoyingly wonderful as I expected her to be. A woman raised by Chase Thornton couldn’t be anything less than what she is. I don’t need the other man to warn me about what would happen if I screwed this up; my own father has been on my ass already.
Everyone keeps pushing me to put a ring on her finger, as if we’d only been together for a few weeks.
In their eyes, the years apart counted, I guess, but only I knew I had a lot more work to do before we got there.
The ring was already in the vault. It’s been there before I was even born, so there’s no rush.
I need it to be perfect, to make up for the shit I’d put her through. So, even though they have no idea that I have a lot to make up for, I do, and I need to make sure she knows just how much she’s loved.