Chapter 35
“ H ello love.” Tom planted a kiss on Zoe’s head. It was late at night. He texted her that the meeting had turned into dinner plans and he would be home late. Zoe was still sitting at the dining room table. She’d been restless for the entire evening.
After finally sending Nicki home, Zoe had taken a long hard look at herself and her life. She knew Nicki was right. She had to do something for herself, just once. Even if it meant jumping into the unknown.
“Why are you sitting at the table like this?” Tom chuckled. “Were you waiting for me with a rolling pin?”
Zoe gave him a tight smile. There was no good way to do what she was about to do, but it was the right thing to do.
“Tom, we need to talk.”
“Oh boy. Am I in trouble?” He grinned at her, and leaned with his elbows on the table.
“This is serious.” Maybe a few hours ago, Zoe would’ve worried about not laughing enough at one of Tom’s jokes, but she was past that. She needed for him to stay focused and not try to charm her out of it.
Tom took a chair out and sat across from Zoe, a comically puzzled look on his face.
Zoe swallowed. “I don’t want to get married any more.”
He raised a brow. “It’s alright, we can postpone the date. I’m sure Harry can come up with-”
“No. I don’t want to get married, period.”
Tom sat back, one arm over the back of his chair. “Come on, love. What are you saying here?” He flashed his most charming smile at her.
“A lot has happened in the past weeks and I don’t want to do this any more. I haven’t been honest with you and I regret it.” All Zoe wanted right now was for him to take her seriously. How could she get him to stop grinning at her like that?
“I slept with someone at the wedding.” She held her gaze on him as she said it.
It worked. Tom’s entire demeanour changed immediately, the smile falling away and his eyes widening.
“OK.” He shifted in his chair and nodded frantically, trying to keep control of his emotions. “OK. Alright. Wow.” He swallowed and looked down at the table. “What’s his name?”
Zoe stayed silent. This wasn’t where she wanted the conversation to go, at least not yet, and she wanted to keep the upper hand.
“What’s the name of the bloke?” Tom repeated, more angrily this time. “Is it… Is it Colin?”
“Jesus Christ, Tom! No, it isn’t Colin. Her name’s Julie and we were in college together.” Zoe knew she was in no position to be disappointed but yet she was. That Tom ever thought that she would’ve been anywhere near Colin!
“Wait, what?” Tom’s eyes widened even more. “Julie? You shagged a woman?” He sat back, the anger gone as quickly as it had appeared. “Huh. Who would’ve thought?” He stared at the wall behind Zoe.
Zoe was extremely annoyed that the fact that she had slept with a woman seemed less terrible than if it had been a man, but she had rehearsed this conversation in her head the entire afternoon. She wasn’t going to get sidetracked.
“Tom, I’m sorry I haven’t been fair to you and I didn’t tell you earlier.
” She sighed “What I’m trying to say is that I haven’t been happy in a long time, which is why I let this happen.
It’s better if we part ways. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already did and I don’t think I want the same things in life as you do any more. ”
Tom looked at Zoe. He had a faint smile on his face. “I know.”
“You know what?”
“That you haven’t been happy. Of course I know, I live with you.”
Zoe didn’t really know what to answer. This hadn’t been part of the script she’d rehearsed in her head.
“I want you to know that I’m willing to work it out if you want to,” Tom went on. “What relationship doesn’t have ups and downs?”
“Tom, this isn’t a simple down. I cheated on you. For me, it’s a deal-breaker. I can’t be with you knowing that I treated you that way.” Zoe felt tears in her eyes. She tried hard to not let it show and looked down.
She heard a sniffle and looked up again, to see tears rolling down Tom’s face. At that, she lost her composure too, and let out the sob she had been holding back.
“It’s just… I knew you weren’t happy for a long time. I proposed to you because I thought it would make you want to stay with me.” He swallowed. “I love you, Zoe.”
Zoe shook her head. “Tom, you haven’t been around since you proposed. And you only wanted to plan the wedding when I wasn’t available.”
“I know.”
What did that mean? What kind of man proposed and then immediately turned away from his fiancee and his wedding plans?.
It suddenly hit Zoe.
“You don’t want to get married either, do you?”
Tom weakly shook his head.
“I did it all for you.” He smiled at Zoe through his tears. “I didn’t want to lose you. You’re the kind of woman that a man only gets one chance at in a lifetime.”
“Oh, Tom.” Underneath his overconfident facade, there was someone just as scared as her, Zoe realised. If they had gotten married, it would have only gotten worse with Tom’s resentment growing as time went on. She shot him her own teary smile.
“Are you… Are you leaving me for her?” He asked.
“No.” Zoe shook her head. “I’m leaving you for me. What happens next… I don’t know.”
Tom nodded, then put his hands in front of his face and softly wept. Zoe sat next to him and silently cried her own tears, both of them starting to grieve for what they’d had, and what they’d lost.
After a long moment, Tom stood up and rubbed his hand across his face.
“Alright.” He blew out a big breath. “I’ll take the guest room tonight.”
Zoe stood up as well. “Wait.” She moved towards her ex-fiancé, her arms open. Tom looked confused for a second, then accepted her embrace. “I’m so sorry, Tom,” she murmured into his shoulder.
Tom only answered with a deep breath. He squeezed Zoe in his arms before releasing her. “I’m sorry too.”
Tom took a good look at Zoe and smiled. He turned around without a word and headed upstairs.
Zoe watched the man she’d said yes to silently disappear.
Goodbyes were never easy and she was glad Tom had taken it well.
He had probably known it was over long before Zoe had, even if he hadn’t been able to admit it to himself.
He was right, Zoe would only be once in a lifetime with a man like him. But she hoped that she was the type of woman that a woman could have twice in her lifetime.
* * *
The black car stopped in front of the perpetually bustling Saint-Pancras International station. Nicki had to manoeuvrer around a few rude taxi drivers but this was the closest she could get Zoe to the front doors.
“You really didn’t have to park this close. I could’ve just walked.”
“It’s part of my job.” Nicki said proudly.
“Thanks a lot. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes.” Zoe reached for the door handle.
“So you’re sure this is what you want to do?”
Zoe stopped and settled back in the car seat. “I think so. But I’m a bit scared.” She shivered. “Very scared actually.”
“What could be scary about pouring your heart and soul to your long-lost friend who’s mad at you and hoping they’ll reciprocate?” Nicki had clearly caught up on sleep and was back to her wisecracking.
“Oh god. Am I moving too fast? Maybe I’m moving too fast.” After ending things with Tom last night, Zoe had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning and decided that she had to tell Julie what she should’ve told her ten years ago.
But she had to do it right; this wasn’t a matter she could just phone or text about.
She had to tell Julie face-to-face that she wanted to be with her. That she always knew that.
“I don’t think ten years is really that fast.”
Zoe rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“Maybe it’s fast. Who cares, if that’s what you want.”
“I want it more than anything.” When she’d finally gone to sleep last night, Zoe had been scared that she would have changed her mind by the time she woke up.
Instead, she’d woken up more certain than ever, and that feeling was getting stronger any minute.
“OK. It’s time for me to go.” Zoe grabbed the door handle again.
“Um Zoe.” Nicki cleared her throat. “I know it might not be the ideal time, but there’s something I need to tell you.”
Zoe looked at her watch a little frantically.
“Oh don’t worry! I accounted for this when I decided when we should leave this morning. You’ll make your train in plenty of time, I promise.”
Zoe relaxed and turned back to her assistant. “What’s that?”
Nicki sighed. “I didn’t tell you earlier, but Alma proposed to me while we were in Switzerland. I said yes.”
“Really? Oh Nicki, I’m so happy for you!” Zoe gave her assistant a hug that was maybe just a little too strong. “Do you have a date?”
“We do but we still need to make arrangements so nothing is certain yet.”
“That’s so exciting!”
“Yes.” Nicki didn’t sound as excited.
“What’s wrong?” Zoe frowned.
“Zoe, I thought about what we talked about the other day. You know, about making decisions for yourself and all.” She stopped to look at Zoe. “I think I need a change of job. I want to spend more time with my fiancée.”
There we go. It was Zoe’s biggest nightmare, that she asked too much from Nicki and she would quit. She nodded, trying not to look too distressed.
Nicki continued. “I really do love being your assistant, but you made me realise that there are more important things in life than work. Unfortunately, being a personal assistant isn’t a good career choice for that.” Nicki pushed her glasses up her nose.
“It’s alright, Nicki. I’m glad that you’re realising what’s important to you before…” Zoe paused and flatly added: “Before you sleep with your best friend from college and your world is turned upside down.”
Nicki laughed.
“I’m not sure what I’m gonna do without you, Nicki.” Zoe sighed. “You are a diamond.”
“You’ll be more than fine without me.” Nicki squeezed her boss’ hand. “I’ll be happy to stay for a few months more so you can figure out a replacement - if needed.”
“If needed? You don’t think I need one?”
“I think that you went to a wedding alone and were more than capable of taking all decisions for yourself.”
A car behind them honked. Zoe and Nicki both jumped.
“Shit, I better get out before someone wants to physically fight you.” Zoe finally opened the car door.
“Bye boss! Good luck!” Nicki said without looking at Zoe as she started the car.
Zoe apologised with a wave of hand to the unimpressed driver behind them and hurried towards the entrance of the train station.
Inside, commuters were running around amidst confused tourists with their luggage scattered everywhere.
There were families trying to figure out train schedules and fancy business people in smart suits walking as if they had blinders on.
Zoe advanced towards the Eurostar turnstile, wondering what all of these travellers’ stories were.
Were any of them also about to turn their life around like she was?
Maybe what she was doing truly was crazy.
Maybe she’d regret it in ten years. Or even this time tomorrow.
But it was her own choice, and that was enough.