CHAPTER 25 #2
“I know it isn’t the best timing, but that doesn’t make it any less sincere. It shouldn’t be difficult to talk about, but somehow it is. I just wanted to say something before it’s too late.”
“It already is too late,” she wailed, hating the tears in her eyes. It would be so much easier if she could just love Edgar. Or if she didn’t love Valeria.
“Oh my angel,” her mother said as she wrapped her arms around her, patting her nape.
The door opened again as she was caught up in her trying-not-to-cry sobs.
“How are my favorite ladies doing?”
When she heard her father’s voice, she turned to see him in the doorway. She was sure they were quite the scene, her hunched over in her mother’s arms for the first time since childhood.
“What happened?” he asked gently, placing a hand on both of them. It only made her not-cry harder.
“I told her I would support her no matter what, and she told me it was too late.”
“It certainly isn’t too late if you don’t want to marry him. We can take the carriage anywhere, just the three of us. We can wait for it all to blow over. It wouldn’t be the worst scandal this family has weathered.”
Caroline snorted. “Your brother would be furious he came all this way for nothing.”
“He can go to hell for all I care. He’ll be thrilled when he realizes it means the Andrews boy won’t be part of the family.”
The petty part of Caroline wanted to smile at that.
“But I have to marry him. We need his income, and I need an heir, and we can’t let our home fall into foreclosure.
The crops are failing, and families are moving to London, and we can’t afford to have more leave because who knows if anyone else will even move in. ”
Her voice was still frantic even though her dry sobs had slowed. Her father tensed for a moment before relaxing into the hug he gave her and her mother.
“Oh Caroline, you’ve taken on far too much. This isn’t a burden you need to handle.”
“But you’re not doing anything to fix it! Edgar’s been paying for so much around here already. His rooms have been built across the hall.”
“All of those are things we can handle,” her mother murmured.
“I would never make you marry anyone you didn’t want to. This isn’t medieval times. There are plenty of young men out there. We can casually put the word out, and maybe your uncle knows someone better.”
It was Caroline’s turn to tense. This was the real question of the moment: could she be honest with her parents? They said they would love her no matter what, but was there a line? Both sets of her grandparents clearly had a line, and she didn’t imagine they knew that before it happened.
The worst part was that she didn’t know what she would do if her parents decided not to accept her.
If they then told Edgar and he refused to marry her, and her parents threw her out.
She wouldn’t know where to go. She couldn’t even find Valeria and beg her for help because she was probably in America with The Count.
Even if she wasn’t half the world away, there was a good chance she wouldn’t care. Or The Count would decide to rip her throat out or do any of the other horrific things he threatened when she last saw him.
“I don’t want anyone else. Edgar is good to me, to all of us. This is just nerves. You know how I am with change, and this is a massive change. I’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine.”
It was what she had been telling herself for days—weeks—even when it felt difficult, she had to believe it would all work itself out in the end.
“Caroline, sweetheart,” her mother started.
“No,” she interrupted, “I promise you this is what I want. And if you were being serious before about only caring for my happiness, then you want me to marry Edgar as well. He’s my choice.”
She pulled back from her parents and prayed she looked convincing.
None of what she said was a lie; Edgar was her choice.
Maybe it was a little preemptive, but they weren’t the only house with problems. Pretty soon, Edgar would have been snatched up, and she would be left scrambling for someone she could stomach.
“Caroline, sweetheart, you don’t need to—”
“Grace,” her father said kindly, putting a hand on her mother’s back. “We have to trust that she knows her own mind. The carriage is out front, so if we are going to the church, we should leave now.”
She smiled, thankful for her father and his uncanny ability to mediate.
He loved them fiercely, and that was good enough for her.
Her nerves followed her to the carriage and to the church, but somewhere between the carriage and the aisle, her spine straightened.
She trained her entire life to be a wife.
She wasn’t moving, and her day-to-day wouldn’t change much; she would still watch over the house and her parents. She was even keeping her bedroom.
Still, her father asked her if she was sure before they walked down the aisle, but instead of being annoyed, she only smiled.
She imagined many fathers had posed that very question to their daughters, so it was less a question of her conviction.
Instead, she gave a sharp nod, and the church doors opened before them.
* * *
Caroline Mary Blythe was now Caroline Mary Andrews. Or some other configuration of her name since she really didn’t want to lose the Blythe, but she could figure that out later. The important thing was that she was now a married woman.
Halfway through her waltz with Edgar, she decided he was handsome. He had largely healed from his time with The Count; his cheeks had filled back out, and the bags beneath his eyes were gone. His eyes were less squirrely, and he didn’t twitch nearly as much as he did in those first few days.
Though some changes were permanent, the most glaring being that his hair was now threaded with grey. The new lines by his eyes remained as well. They aged him, but she thought he wore it well. He still didn’t inspire urges in her, but he was more pleasing this way.
Mentally, he was also altered. He was easily startled, and she caught him speaking to himself more than a few times.
He would stop whenever he realized he was no longer alone, but she still found it peculiar.
Though that could have been a habit he always had and she had never spent enough time around him to know. Like his fascination with insects.
“I saw four beetles on the way to the church today. I knew it was a good omen. My Gran always said that beetles meant abundance was around the corner.”
“What a lovely omen to see on your wedding day,” she said with a demure smile. She didn’t particularly wish to be discussing beetles, but at least they weren’t a bad omen. The positivity was a welcome change from the other conversations she had that day.
Edgar’s eyes darted over the room. Another side effect of his new nerves. She hoped it would go away for his sake, more than it being a burden of any kind. If anything, his anxiety made her more sympathetic towards him. Lord knew she was riddled with anxiety these past few weeks.
“How much longer do you think it will be before we can slip away?” He asked, his hand tightening on her waist.
“I expect soon,” she said with a tight smile. “We’ve greeted our guests, dined, and danced. The party doesn’t really need us anymore. I can see if my mother can aid us in sneaking off.”
“Please do. I would like to have some alone time with my wife.”
The music stopped, and he kissed her palm. Her stomach flipped, but not in the fun way. If she had to name the source of her anxiety, she supposed this was it. Her time of reckoning.
Consummating their marriage. They weren’t yet technically wed if it wasn’t consummated. There was no use stopping now.
She moved through the reception half-heartedly looking for her mother.
The transition was her only concern. She wanted to make sure no one tried to search for them because she didn’t need her mortification amplified.
Eventually, someone would notice they were gone.
If they were smart, they would know what they were doing.
No, she wanted to make sure no one looked for her at all.
“Caro!”
She turned to see Diya flounce towards her with a half-empty champagne flute.
It was clear she was in her cups, and she was jealous that her best friend could let go right now.
If it wasn’t her wedding, she could be getting drunk off champagne with her, but Caroline had only had a few sips because she wanted to stay alert.
“Have you seen my mother?”
“Not for ages. The last time I saw her, she was dancing with your father. She was talking to my mother for a bit too, but that was even earlier. Who knows where either one is. Why do you need her?”
“Edgar and I were going to retire for the evening, and I wanted to let her know in case anyone wanted to look for us.”
“Oh, of course you can’t wait. I would tut at you for being so eager if you hadn’t waited so long already. I only hope you both know what you’re doing,” she said with an exaggerated wink.
Caroline frowned. “Do you know?”
“No,” Diya sighed wistfully. “However, I have read many, many books and can give you any pointers you need.”
“Thank you, but my mother has already done so.”
The day before had been a particularly humiliating conversation about her “marital responsibilities” that made her want to melt into a puddle. She wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with many of the principles, but the man’s role in it was new, and her mother’s descriptions were ghastly.
She would find out for herself soon enough.
A hand settled on her waist and she tensed because only one person had ever touched her with such propriety.
“Should we get out of here now, my sweet?”
She deflated when she heard Edgar’s voice against the shell of her ear. She turned to face him and gave him a small smile. “Of course.” It was unnerving to see him so close. Part of her wanted to take a step back, but she needed to get used to his proximity.