CHAPTER 25
“You might be the most beautiful bride that’s ever existed,” Diya said as she smoothed her veil.
As Caroline blinked back at her reflection, she couldn’t really argue.
It was certainly the most beautiful she had ever been, with her long blonde hair pulled up in an elegant updo with ringlets that framed her face.
Her cheeks had a healthy flush from the tiny amount of rouge Diya snuck past her mother.
She only wore a little rouge on her cheeks and lips and had painted her lashes black, so they looked thicker.
“Madame Gavreau did a fabulous job.”
It looked even better than it did at the fitting with the floral embroidery and decorative edges completed.
“It’s not the dress, it’s you. If anything, you make the dress look radiant.”
“Only because I knew I couldn’t let you outshine me on my wedding day.”
Diya beamed before turning her attention back to their reflections in the mirror. “We do look quite good, don’t we?”
Diya wore a deep purple sari with gold lace trim. Caroline embroidered tiny gold stars above the lace to give it some extra sparkle. Not that her dress needed it, but she had done the same to her wedding gown—but in silver around the bottom hem—and it was nice that they matched.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married,” Diya continued. “It feels like just yesterday we were throwing weddings for our dolls in the back garden, and now you’re really doing it.”
“I know, the day is finally here,” she said with a shaky breath.
It had been a month since Valeria left in the night, and she accepted this melancholy as her new normal. The one good thing was that The Count hadn’t been seen either, and Dr. Murnau’s hospital was once again filled with broken bones and respiratory infections.
Though she wasn’t entirely sure what his day-to-day looked like, as she hadn’t been back since she left The Count in the cellar. Planning the wedding had distracted her, as had the return of her parents. Her life got busy, but it was also easier to live in a world without vampires.
The ghost of Valeria lived in her home enough as it was. Night was the worst, when her dreams remembered everything, down to the way she smelled. Waking up and remembering she was gone every morning was torture.
Ironically, what helped the most over the past month was Edgar. He was with her every day, coming just after breakfast and not leaving until after dinner. Which made her nerves ridiculous, as they were already practically married. Only one thing was missing from their relationship.
And that would change tonight.
“I know, it’s strange that it’s finally happening. I’ve been planning it for so long, but it still doesn’t feel real that it’s finally here.”
Partly because she hadn’t been sure she would even get this far.
Not when a month ago all she wanted was for Valeria to tell her to call it off.
That they would run away together and she wouldn’t have to worry about crops or estates ever again.
It was the antithesis of who she was, but that didn’t stop her dream.
Diya sighed. “I guess this means we’ll have to start inviting Edgar to our teas. I can’t believe you’re making me invite a boy.”
“We don’t have to invite him all the time; I’m sure he has no interest in listening to us gossip anyway.
” Caroline hesitated; over the past few weeks she had noticed the moods of the people closest to her changing.
She wasn’t sure if they could tell something was different—wrong—with her, or if she was sensitive to their perceptions. “You do like Edgar though, don’t you?”
“Of course,” Diya responded with a smile that she desperately wanted to investigate to see if it was the truth or not, but she still couldn’t tell.
“Things have just seemed a little…tense, and his presence is the only real change, so I wanted to check because after today…” Caroline trailed off.
She was about to say they would be stuck with him, but that didn’t seem like the proper sentiment for the man she would be marrying in the next half hour.
Diya’s shoulders dropped, and Caroline could almost see the wheels in her head turning as she carefully thought of what to say next.
“It’s not that I don’t like him. I’ve known him for ages, and he’s always been the same. Perfectly nice and easy to talk to. There are many worse men you could marry.”
“But?”
“But, you seem different, Caro.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t expected that and wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“I know you’ve never loved him in the traditional way, but that isn’t rare. Love can grow, and I assumed that would happen between you two, but now I’m not sure because you seem miserable and Edgar is desperately trying to keep hold of you and I don’t think he will be successful.”
Her breathing quickened because she thought no one had noticed. Inside, her heart was broken, but she felt like she was soldiering on as usual. The only difference between now and before the engagement party was that now she knew exactly what her relationship with Edgar was missing.
“Do you think he knows? I really am trying.”
“Oh, I know you are. It’s not your fault; you’re doing the best you can.
” Diya wrapped her arms around her, and it felt good to tell someone at least part of the truth of how much she had been hurting.
“Edgar isn’t stupid, but I think he knows you’re trying too.
That’s why he has been so attached to you these past few weeks.
I don’t think he’ll give up on you, if that’s what you’re asking. He’s always known he loves you more.”
“But what if I’m not able to love him back?”
“Oh, Caro, don’t worry about that. I have never met anyone with a larger capacity to love. It will come with time.”
Caroline sighed. It wasn’t the same, but she couldn’t explain the complexities of why. Not when it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of her life.
Diya let her go and gave her a look she couldn’t quite read before continuing, “Is this traditional cold feet, or is it related to—”
“No,” Caroline cut her off. “It’s only pre-wedding jitters. I’ll be fine after the wedding.”
Diya had tried to broach the topic of Valeria several times, but Caroline didn’t want to have the conversation.
“I would have supported you two no matter what,” Diya said quietly.
Caroline nodded, her throat too thick with emotion to say anything else. Even if it didn’t matter now, her best friend’s support still meant the world to her.
A knock sounded at the door, and she was full of agony and hope as she turned quicker than she ever had before.
Misery swallowed her when it was only her mother who walked in. It was foolish, but she had gotten her hopes up anyway. Even though it was the middle of the day. When praying for a miracle, one never ruled out the impossible.
“Look at you girls, you’re both absolutely stunning. Oh, I’m so glad your father insisted on having that photographer from London. I want to remember how you look forever.”
Having portraits taken at her wedding was an extravagance, but she couldn’t fight it because she did love the idea of photographs. Something to have forever. She wanted to remember her friends and family just as they were now.
“My mother is too excited to have our portraits done. She has made a list of all the combinations of people she wants, just to prepare you.”
Her mother laughed. “And I would expect nothing else. I’m thankful she has a plan, so I don’t have to worry about forgetting one.”
“And I’ll remind you of that when it’s hour three of her forcing us all to keep taking photographs.” Diya squeezed her hand before heading to the door. “Speaking of her, I should go check on my parents. I’ll leave you to finish, and the next time I see you, you’ll be Mrs. Andrews.”
Her stomach dropped, but her smile stayed strong.
Her mother stood behind her and started adjusting her veil and hair. Part of her wanted to swat her away because she didn’t need to be rearranged, but she stopped herself. It was an emotional day. Already she could see the tears in her mother’s sky blue eyes.
“I’ve dreamed of this day for as long as I can remember and you’re somehow even lovelier than I ever imagined.”
“Couldn’t wait to get rid of me?”
“Of course not.” Her mother squeezed her arm, but smiled so she knew she accepted the joke.
“It sounds funny now, but I started thinking about your wedding after I got married. I kept thinking about what would happen if I had a daughter who had no choice but to run away to get married. I thought about how I would react if she told me she had fallen in love with someone and was too scared to tell me because you thought I wouldn’t approve or would love you less. ”
Caroline’s mouth went dry. “Oh?”
“My parents were never supportive. The one time I mentioned your father in a letter before we married, my mother sent me a full page in response as admonishment. After the wedding, they didn’t respond to a single letter until I told them I had you.
I decided I didn’t want to parent like that.
I didn’t want my child to suppress themself thinking it would make me happy. ”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I think it’s something you might need to hear. I know you, and I know what it looks like when you’re unhappy. I just want to let you know that you’re my daughter and I will support you and love you no matter what.”
Emotions flitted through Caroline too quickly for her to name.
It felt like a lot as she stood there in her wedding dress.
It was ugly, but there was a kernel of resentment that everything was coming up now while they waited for the carriage to take them to the church.
Everyone had traveled into the village for this, some of them from far away.
And Edgar had only put down a deposit to get their roof replaced.
“And this is so important to you that we are only having this conversation now instead of a day or a week ago?”
Her mother flinched, and she felt awful for how bitter she sounded, but she couldn’t help it. Everything was too late.