29. Chapter 29
Saturday came before he was ready. Ody woke up with Mano still on his mind, but he pushed the thoughts aside and forced himself to study for Monday. His last exam was on Wednesday, and by Friday, they’d be traveling to Serifos.
He’d already gotten dressed, expecting Kash to come by that evening. Around seven, the intercom buzzed. “Yeah?”
“It’s me.”
“I’m coming down.” He grabbed his keys and phone, then pushed open the building door and stepped outside.
“Hey,” Kash said, giving him a slow once-over.
“Hey…” Ody lowered his gaze.
“Ready?” he asked, turning to start walking.
“Uh… Kash…” Ody hesitated, making him stop. “I’ve been thinking, and…” His voice trailed off. Kash’s expression sharpened. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“That’s not very nice,” Kash said quietly. “You said you’d give me a chance. You shouldn’t have given me false hope if—”
“No.” Ody shook his head, a quick breath leaving him.
“You’re not getting it.” He searched for the right words.
“I meant it’s not a good idea for people to see us out together.
” He hesitated before adding, “Do you… wanna come up instead? I should’ve told you earlier.
Maybe you had a place in mind, but… I just don’t feel very comfortable. ”
“I don’t mind. Whatever you want. As long as I’m with you,” Kash replied, watching him.
Ody’s eyes lifted to meet his. Why did that make him feel flattered? Why was a guy’s attention getting under his skin like that?
He opened the door again, and they headed inside. In the elevator, Kash didn’t look away from him once. Ody noticed, but kept his own eyes elsewhere.
Inside the apartment, he handed him a beer. Kash sat on the couch while Ody approached with two glasses. “Here.”
“Thanks.” He took a sip.
“Uh… are you hungry? We can order something.”
“I’m good.”
“Wanna watch a movie?”
“Sure.”
“Is there anything you… don’t watch?” He winced the moment it left his mouth. He was thinking of Mano again.
“What?”
“Never mind.” He grabbed the remote and scrolled through the streaming options on the TV.
He picked an action film. Mano never handled movies like this well, and Ody wondered if that had always been a sign of something deeper.
The movie started. Ody sat on the couch, leaving a careful stretch of space between them.
Ten minutes later, Kash reached for his arm. “Come closer.”
Ody hesitated, breath catching, but let himself be pulled in. He kept his eyes on the screen even though he wasn’t really watching. Kash wasn’t watching at all. His attention stayed fixed on Ody, his shoulder brushing his.
He shifted closer, catching the faint scent at Ody’s neck. “You smell nice.”
Ody turned his head. Their eyes met at a closeness that made his chest tighten. “Thanks,” he muttered, facing the TV again.
“You’re cute, you know that?” Kash said with a small smile. Ody’s eyes widened. “And really handsome.” He leaned in.
Ody jerked sideways on impulse, nearly sliding off the couch.
Kash caught him by the arm. “Careful. You’re gonna fall,” he said with a soft laugh. “Come here.” He drew him back, firmer this time.
Ody ended up lying against the cushions with Kash leaning over him. The room felt smaller. The only light came from the flicker of the TV against Kash’s face.
His gaze drifted over Ody, taking in his eyes, his lips, his jaw, and the brown strands falling over his forehead. “You’re even more gorgeous up close.”
Ody swallowed, pulse tapping at his throat. He had to pull the conversation back, away from whatever this was turning into. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“If you say you like me so much… how could you treat me like that?”
Kash’s expression shifted, like he’d been expecting the question.
He looked away, jaw tightening. “Nothing I say will make it sound better,” he said.
“I started talking to you after class because I wanted your attention. I wanted to know you. But Brandon and Pablo noticed how quiet you were, how easy you were to pick on, and…” He rubbed a hand over his face.
“And they turned it into a joke. Into a game. And I let myself get dragged into it.”
“So you’re telling me… you bullied me because your friends did?” He frowned.
Kash shook his head. “It wasn’t just that. They expect me to be a certain way. If I don’t play along, if I don’t act like the guy they think I am, they’ll tear me apart. They’ve done it to others. I’m not strong like you think. I’m just good at pretending.”
“You didn’t wanna look weak, right? Had to be the tough guy.”
“That’s the thing. I’m not tough. I just act like it because if I don’t, they’ll go after me too.” Shame flickered across his face, something tired beneath it. “You’re right about everything you’re saying. I just… I’m not who I pretend to be.”
“And what about the bathroom? When you guys soaked me from head to toe?” Ody asked, hurt rising.
Kash flinched hard this time. “That was Pablo’s idea.
He wanted to show off, and Brandon went along with it.
I tried to get them to drop it, but once they’re set on something, they don’t back off.
I should’ve stopped them, I know that. But I didn’t.
I hid behind them instead of standing up for you.
” He swallowed. “Because I’m a coward. Because I was scared of being the next target. ”
Ody let out a bitter laugh. “Everyone thinks you’re the one in charge of that group. That you’re the leader. But they push you around like a pawn.”
Kash’s jaw tightened, a flicker of humiliation crossing his face. “I can’t show that I like you,” he said, almost whispering it. “Not after a whole year of acting like that. I can’t just walk up tomorrow and tell them to stop. That’s not how they work.”
“Just say you’re bored. That you’re tired of it. How hard is that?”
Kash exhaled through his nose. “You think it’s easy for me. You have no idea what they’re like when they turn on someone.” He hesitated. “But since you agreed to go out with me, I’ll do it. They won’t bother you again.” His voice softened at the end, promising.
Ody studied him. Part of him saw a boy who didn’t seem as awful as before. But the other still saw the same bastard who had hurt him and Mano again and again. How could he be both?
“And what about the hallway?” He pressed, anger building. “You said you’d send Mano and my friends to the hospital. Was that your friends’ idea too? Because last I checked, you were alone.”
Kash looked down, shoulders tensing. “They were down the corridor. Watching. They told me to threaten you. I tried to shut it down. Told them Mano had already beaten me, that it was done. They didn’t listen.
And if I refused… they’d turn on me.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“I didn’t mean any of that. I knew it would scare you. I hated it.”
Ody let out a cold, short laugh. “Just a pawn.”
Kash’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t argue. He couldn’t. “That’s why I lashed out so violently at Mano afterward. I mean… that’s part of the reason,” he muttered. “They saw Mano grab me and hit me in front of half the campus. I couldn’t just let it go. They would’ve thought…”
“That you’re weak, right?” Ody’s voice was cold.
A memory slammed into him. “And in the back yard…” He stopped, his chest tightening.
“When you made me…” Shame and anger blurred together.
“You told your friends to film me. If Mano hadn’t shown up, they’d have that video of me on my knees apologizing to you. ”
“I’m sorry,” Kash said, regret flickering across his face.
“And you punched me. You actually hit me. Was that their idea too?”
Kash’s face fell. “They were right there. I had to. If I didn’t, they’d know something was off. You think I wanted to do that? I hated myself the second it happened.”
Ody pushed himself up from the couch, chest tight. “I can’t sit here and hear excuses.”
Kash caught his wrist. “No, please. I’m sorry. For everything.” He swallowed. “I didn’t want to hurt you, believe me.” His eyes were wide and desperate.
“What am I supposed to believe?” Ody said. “All I see when I look at you is the person who’s made my life hell.”
“Don’t say that,” Kash whispered, pain pulling at his features.
“You wanted to do all those things.”
“No, I didn’t.” His voice shook. “Do you know how hard it is to pretend you’re someone you’re not? To wear a mask every single day? Yeah, I can fight. Yeah, I know people. But I don’t want to be this person. I’m forced to put on this face.”
“No one’s forcing you,” Ody snapped. “You are who you choose to be.”
“So what then?” Kash shot back, raw and breathless. “Should I let them know? Even the ones who beat up Mano? Should they know that I like guys? That everything I do is just to get close to the one guy I want from uni?” His eyes locked onto Ody’s, unblinking. “Is that what you want?”
Ody held his gaze. “I don’t want anything. I’m just telling you that you choose the kind of person you want to be,” he said, cold and steady.
“Oh, yeah?” Kash let out a shaky laugh and bit his lip, eyes dropping to the floor. After a moment he looked up again. “I’m gonna tell you exactly why I can’t just choose who I am. And if you still think I can… I’ll walk out of your life right now.”
Ody’s stare softened, curiosity mixing with caution.
Kash exhaled and stared at the floor. “Six months ago, Pablo told us about a guy in his tutoring class. He went outside during break to smoke and saw him kissing another guy.”
Ody tensed, dread creeping into his stomach.
“They mocked him nonstop. Called him every disgusting name they could think of. And one day, Pablo and Brandon followed him after class to see where he lived.”
A sick feeling twisted inside Ody. It reminded him too much of the night they dragged him to that school.
“And then they came back with a plan. They wanted to teach that… faggot a lesson,” Kash said, like the word hurt to repeat.
Ody felt sick.
Kash’s eyes lifted to his. “Do you know how I felt when they told me to come along and beat him up? How could I hit him? He hadn’t done anything.
He was just a guy who kissed another guy.
Why did he deserve that?” He dragged a hand over his face.
“Every time I hit him, it felt like I was hitting myself.” He swallowed.
“I went home after and I couldn’t calm down.
I was screaming, punching the wall, crying like a damn idiot. ”
Ody blinked fast, watching him.
“I don’t know if you’ll understand, but I couldn’t back out.
” His gaze dropped, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
He clenched his jaw and stared at the floor, the memory weighing heavily on him.
“Do you see now why I can’t speak out? They beat up a kid just because he liked men instead of women.
How can you say I chose this? If I show who I really am, they’ll destroy me. ”
Ody looked at him, stunned and saddened. After everything he’d been through, he should’ve felt nothing but anger, yet he could still recognize the fear underneath Kash’s armor. “I’m sorry you have to go through that.”
Kash looked up. Something in Ody’s tone loosened a knot he didn’t even realize he’d been holding.
For a moment he just stared at him, breath unsteady.
“You’re such a good person.” His hand lifted slowly as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed, then he cupped Ody’s cheek with gentle fingers, eyes warm.
“I’m really glad I have someone to talk to. ”
Ody flinched at the touch, not pulling away but freezing for a heartbeat. He didn’t know what to feel, only that the warmth of Kash’s hand scrambled something inside him. “You said there’s one other person who knows,” he said, trying to steady himself.
“Yeah.” He glanced down. “Someone who loves me no matter who I’m attracted to. But you’re different. You’re…” He brushed his fingers along Ody’s jaw, gaze softening.
Ody’s breath hitched. “I’m… what?”
Kash leaned in a little, then stopped. His eyes flicked to Ody’s lips, then back to his eyes, searching him, waiting. When Ody didn’t pull away, Kash closed the last bit of distance and kissed him.
It started slow, soft. Kash’s lips warm against his.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered between kisses. He slipped his tongue in gently, almost testing, giving Ody enough time to respond. When he did, the kiss intensified.
Kash’s hand slid under Ody’s shirt, fingertips brushing his stomach. His other hand rested at the back of Ody’s neck as he pulled him closer. His lips trailed down Ody’s neck, wet and lingering, before returning to his mouth.
Then Kash pulled away only long enough to tug off his own shirt. Ody flushed, breathless. Kash leaned back in, kissing him again as their bodies pressed together. His hand moved down Ody’s chest to the waistband of his trousers.
Kash stilled, studying his face. When Ody gave a shy shake of his head, Kash simply nodded and lifted his shirt instead. “Can I touch here?” he asked, his hand pausing against Ody’s stomach.
Ody’s mind felt scrambled, blank. His body moved before his thoughts could catch up.
Kash kissed his way down Ody’s stomach until he saw the stitches. “How did you get this?” he asked.
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry.”
“Don’t tell me…” His face went pale. “That because of me…”
“No.” Ody shook his head. “It’s old. It doesn’t hurt.”
Kash pressed a soft kiss to the stitches before moving upward again.
He lifted Ody’s shirt higher, kissing across his chest. When his tongue brushed Ody’s nipple, he jolted, his breath catching.
Kash looked up at him, his expression shifting at the sound he made, then leaned in and sucked gently.
Ody couldn’t stop the small gasp that slipped out.
Kash watched him with clear satisfaction before moving to the other side, slow and deliberate.
He kissed his way back to Ody’s lips. “You’re so sexy,” he whispered between kisses. “I love seeing that look on your face.”
Ody panted beneath him, heat spreading through his body.
Then his phone rang.
Both froze.
Ody glanced at the screen and saw Anna’s name.
Everything inside him collapsed. The room snapped back into focus. So did reality.
This wasn’t right. Anna didn’t deserve this.
The phone kept ringing.
He felt sick.