Chapter 4
‘Why are we going to a first year’s party?’ Amy folded her arms over her light denim jacket as soon as we got out of the taxi.
‘Don’t say it like that.’ It was the same tone I’d had earlier when Noah had called me out on it. ‘They’re our age.’
‘But they’re in first year. They haven’t had as much life experience as us.’
I could see her breath as she spoke. The chill had really descended and I was sure her jacket was much more suited to a balmy summer evening than a frosty night out in February.
‘Noah taught at a school in Ghana, and worked in a factory to pay for it. I’m pretty sure that he got more life experience doing that than we did bar hopping and arriving at lectures still drunk.’
We heard the party before we found it. The thump of the bass and hum of chatter coming from the corner of the cul-de-sac of tiny houses.
‘There’s the mention again – Noah,’ said Caz, putting on a husky voice when she got to his name.
I raised a finger in protest, worried that he’d somehow overhear. ‘You’re barking up the wrong tree. He has a girlfriend, a long-term-love-of-his-life-type girlfriend.’
‘I notice, Lucy Adams, that you didn’t say that you have a boyfriend.’ Caz flicked her hair over her shoulder, like she’d won the point.
Whilst Will and I hadn’t officially broken up, neither of us had spoken to each other on the trip back on the ferry.
It felt very much like we were just waiting for the final nail in the coffin to be tapped in, but neither of us wanted to be the one that hammered it.
Instead, I had spent my time with Noah and Paul during the tiny respites of his sickness.
We got to the house and the front door was ajar. Caz pushed it open and squeezed her way past the people in the doorway and into the kitchen. I followed tightly behind her.
It was busy, busier than I’d expected it to be, and the downstairs of the house was full to the brim with students.
‘Let’s find this free booze,’ said Caz.
‘Hey, you made it,’ cried a voice behind me. I spun round and almost didn’t recognise Noah without his cap. He looked even more like a boyband member now with his shaggy but styled longish hair and a button-down shirt hanging over his jeans. He leaned in and gave me a hug like a long-lost friend.
‘I take it these are the famous housemates,’ he said, as I introduced him to Caz and Amy. ‘I’m so glad to meet the outfit pickers. I’m disappointed there’s no Parisian chic tonight.’
‘We thought we’d tone it down for a house party.’
‘Student chic, I like it. Come on, I’ll get you drinks and introduce you around.
’ He motioned with his hand as we tried to make it down the packed kitchen.
He was different to this afternoon. It wasn’t just that he was doused in Hugo Boss and he’d made an effort with his clothes, he seemed more confident too.
‘Here, we bought you this.’ I handed the free bottle of wine that I’d got from Will’s multibuy offer.
‘Thanks, that’s really good of you.’ He took it and studied the label before nodding his head in approval.
Caz poked her tongue out at me. She was one of those teenagers that drank wine with their parents growing up, and she’d taken one look at the bottle and told me it was dessert wine and best given away at any available opportunity. ‘Did you want a glass of it now?’
‘It’s not chilled,’ said Caz, quickly.
‘Right you are. Not sure there’s room in the fridge.’ He placed it down on the worktop. ‘What else can I get you? I think we’ve got nearly every flavour of vodka.’
‘Any Goldschl?ger?’ I peered along the bottles.
He put his hand over his heart. ‘Oh, hit me where it hurts why don’t you. How about Aftershock? It’s not quite the same, but it’ll still give you that cinnamon hit. Shots?’
We all nodded. He found some novelty shot glasses in a cupboard and filled them to the brim.
‘To the birthday boy and girl,’ said Amy, raising her glass.
‘To us.’ We all chinked our shots together, but it was Noah’s eyes that met mine as we shot the drinks back.
It burned as it hit the back of my throat.
‘Bloody hell, that felt stronger than usual,’ said Amy. She looked almost as green as Paul was earlier.
‘I think I might have been a little over generous with the measures. How about some vodka cocktails instead?’
‘Perhaps I might pour them,’ I said, reaching for the lemon vodka. ‘I want to make it home tonight.’
‘Very wise.’
He dug around, trying to find us some glasses and when he couldn’t find any, he handed us some mis-matched mugs. Drinks made, he tried his best to introduce us around the party before he was torn away to greet someone.
It wasn’t long before I lost Amy and Caz to the party too. Amy was last spotted talking to one of Noah’s housemates, and Caz was deep in conversation with a group of Danish students on their year abroad.
‘Hey, Lucy.’ I turned to find Paul, holding a beer in one hand, and what looked like a pint of water in the other.
‘Wow, you’re looking a whole lot better.’
‘I don’t feel it.’ He frowned. ‘I feel bloody awful.’
‘Well, at least you’ve got some colour now. And you’re drinking again.’
He checked over both of his shoulders before he leaned closer to me.
‘Don’t tell anyone but I poured it into a glass for someone else to drink, and I filled it with water.’
‘You’re pretending?’
He startled and looked around. ‘Don’t say it so loud. The boys … Peer pressure. You know what it’s like.’
I laughed. I’d never understood why men had to egg each other on when it came to drinking.
‘Oh, I met your friend earlier,’ he said, brightening up. ‘The nurse.’
‘The nurse?’
Neither of my friends were nurses; in fact, I wasn’t sure that was even an option offered at the university.
‘Yes, she said that she’d go home to get her kit to take care of me if I needed.’ He scratched his head. ‘I think she was a little offended when I said no, but there’s nothing she could have done about it, really. And I didn’t want her to go to any trouble.’
I went to open my mouth to correct him, but he waved his hand up in the air at someone that had just arrived.
‘Sorry, Lucy, I’ll be back in a second.’
I found myself alone again and the way that Paul greeted the new arrivals I didn’t think he’d remember he was mid-conversation with me.
I edged over to the corner of the room, perching on the windowsill, trying to make myself as small as possible.
Caz was still deep in conversation, and I saw Amy weaving through the crowd as if she was looking for someone. I held my hand up to wave at her.
‘Hey you,’ I said, as she got closer.
‘Hey. Isn’t this a great party?’
I pulled a face in mock surprise. ‘What this party? This first year party?’
She pursed her lips, not wanting to admit she’d been wrong.
‘I’ve barely met a first year yet,’ she said, ‘it’s such an eclectic mix of people.’
‘So eclectic.’
‘Where’s Caz?’
I pointed to where she was holding court in the centre of the room.
‘Look at her, how does she do it?’ I watched her bring someone standing on the sidelines into the conversation. She was nodding and tapping people on the arm when they said something funny.
‘How does she do what?’ asked Amy, her eyes narrowing as she watched her.
‘I’ve never known anyone like her. She can go into any social situation and talk to anyone.’
‘It’s not like you’re a shrinking violet. You’re the one that spent this afternoon touring a foreign country with a man you just met.’
‘You make it sound like we were driving around the countryside on some epic adventure. We went into a town centre and had a crêpe.’
‘Well, I was impressed. I didn’t know you had it in you.’ Amy swilled her drink round before she finished it off. ‘Do you want another one?’
I looked at my second lemon vodka drink; I’d barely started it.
‘I’m alright, thanks.’
‘I might get another,’ she said, peering over to the other end of the kitchen again. She was taking great interest down there and I wonder if she’d found what – or, more accurately, who – she was looking for. ‘And I might just go and talk to that guy again.’
I followed the end of her finger that could have been pointing to any number of men. And with Amy it would be hard to tell.
In the year and a half that I’d known her, I’d learned that she didn’t have a strict type like I might.
She was attracted to what she called a person’s energy.
Which meant, I’d seen her date short men, tall men, ginger-haired men, curly-haired blond men.
The only thing that they had in common is that she didn’t go out with them more than once or twice.
She didn’t see the point in carrying something on if it didn’t have the potential to go anywhere.
‘Wish me luck.’ She adjusted her fringe in the reflection of the window.
‘Good luck.’
I watched her strut off and get swept off into the crowd.
My fingers automatically reached for my bracelet, the disappointment sinking in when I realised that it was no longer there.
I tugged at my sleeves instead, straightening them up, trying to overhear conversations nearby in case there was one I could join, but the nearest group to me were talking about bands that I’d never heard of.
I was trying to pretend that I didn’t feel massively self-conscious, but I wasn’t good at pretending. I wasn’t Caz, or Amy, and I’d used up my daily allocation of bravery talking to Noah in Calais. The back door opened as someone walked in and I saw it as an escape and headed outside.
I made my way past the small group of smokers by the door, and found myself in the communal garden at the back of the houses. It was surrounded by hedges and flower borders, and once inside it was like a secret garden. I spotted a bench and sat down.
‘Party getting too much?’
I almost jumped back up in shock, and my hand flew to my chest in reflex.
‘You scared the crap out of me,’ I said to Noah, who was sitting on the top part of a bench further down, his feet resting on the seat. He climbed down, shoving his illuminated phone in his pocket.