Chapter 9 #2
‘No, he’s not, but he sends his best.’
I pulled her into the flat and she wheeled in her little cabin case and started to de-layer. Being Caz, she was dressed all in black, but there was a hint of sparkle in the plunging neckline of her top.
‘Drink?’
‘Always,’ she said, handing me the bottle. ‘And oh my goodness, happy birthday.’
‘Oh, yes, thank you.’ I smiled as we climbed the stairs into the kitchen area. Caz and Noah were here – what better present could I have asked for?
She immediately worked her way round hugging everyone. She stopped when she got to Noah, looking him up and down.
‘Look at you. So tanned and grown up.’
I noticed her and Amy share a look, which I didn’t want any part in. The two of them were just as bad as each other when the three of us got together. Just because they were both dating.
‘I don’t know about that,’ he said. ‘Although that journey home aged me.’
‘Well, it looks good on you.’
Amy handed her a drink and we automatically split into boy and girl ends of the kitchen.
‘I’m so pleased you’re here,’ I said. ‘It’s been too long.’
‘Uh, why do we always say that, and why do we let it be?’ Amy waggled her finger at Caz. ‘It’s all your fault. If you hadn’t buggered off up North, this would have been a weekly occurrence.’
‘I could say the same about you guys. You should move up to Manchester; you’d have a flat four times as big plus money in your pockets.’
We’d been having the same conversation for the last three years, ever since Caz broke the news that she wasn’t following what seemed like the whole of the third year in their mass migration to London after graduation.
We soon got into the nitty gritty of what we’d all been up to and the minutes ticked by, feeling like seconds, as the five of us caught up and drank.
‘Right, weren’t we supposed to be leaving at eight?’ asked Caz, glancing at her fancy watch.
‘That’s right,’ said Amy. ‘I told Helen that we’d be at the bar at quarter past. What time is it now?’
‘Ten past.’
‘Shit, drink up, people. I need to find my coat.’
‘We haven’t even done a birthday toast yet.’ Paul opened the cupboards and pulled out our mismatched collection of shot glasses; we only had four but he improvised with an egg cup.
‘Not only is it Lucy and Noah’s actual birthday, which seems like it’s been a long time coming, but I also need to acknowledge how pleased we are to have this one back.’ He slipped his arms around Noah’s shoulders. ‘It has not been the same without you.’
Amy hit him in the chest. ‘Does this mean that I’m never going to see you now your buddy’s back?’
‘Afraid so.’
‘Thank fuck for that. I might get a social life back,’ she teased and Paul winked at her before giving her a quick kiss. The two of them might always be bickering and pretending they didn’t really like each other, but it was plain to see how much they were in love.
‘To Lucy and Noah, happy birthday,’ shouted Amy.
We raised our glasses and threw them back. There were a lot of strained faces and shudders.
‘I better go grab my bag.’ Amy headed out of the room, Paul following hot on her heels, trying to grab her bum with her slapping his hands away.
‘And I want to reapply my lippy.’ Caz hurried out.
‘You know we haven’t toasted to our anniversary,’ said Noah, as we found ourselves alone in the kitchen.
I almost laughed until I looked him in the eye and the breath caught in my throat. Where once his face was always smooth and boyish, now it was coated in a thin layer of stubble. It wasn’t just the long journey, he did look older.
He was holding my gaze. Something had shifted in me this morning, and I wondered if Noah felt it too?
When he’d said it earlier, it had sounded like it was all about our friendship, but now he was looking at me in a way that made me think there was something more.
‘Our anniversary,’ I said. The words came out a little squeaky. He’d moved in a little closer. The sound of laughter from Amy’s bedroom seemed to fade away and all I could hear was my heart thumping loudly.
I felt drawn to him. Like every time I was in the same room as him now, I was sucked into his orbit. I didn’t know whether it had always been like that and I’d resisted because of Hayley or if this was something new.
There’s that feeling you get when you spend time with friends and it leaves you all charged with endorphins, but this left me with butterflies.
The kind of butterflies you get at the start of a relationship when everything feels exciting and magical and like your life isn’t going to be the same again.
His face crinkled and the dimple appeared. I hadn’t realised until that moment how much I’d missed those little details of his face. The kind that the grainy skype pictures didn’t show.
He was still looking at me and my breath caught in my throat.
‘Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been with Hayley and you hadn’t been with Will when we first met?’
‘I … ’ I didn’t know what to say. I thought about it sometimes, usually in the moments when I’d been on a date with another man who got his phone out to work out the bill to the exact penny or one who didn’t call me after a few dates.
In those moments that made me consider every single decision that could have taken me in a different direction.
Wasn’t that what he was doing? He hadn’t been broken up with Hayley for long, and he couldn’t be over it already.
But the butterflies. Maybe I wasn’t the only one feeling them.
‘Sometimes,’ I muttered, surprised at my honesty.
I felt that he was taking in every detail of my eye, and yet I didn’t look away. I stared harder, searching his for an answer to what I was feeling.
We shouldn’t be doing this. We were such good friends and this was only going to end in tears, like most relationships, wasn’t it?
‘Right, drink up,’ said Amy, coming over and pushing the bottom of my glass. She had her coat on and her bag over her shoulder.
I shot Noah a look, but he’d already headed out of the room.
‘Did I interrupt something?’ Amy’s eyebrow was raised in expectation and she looked like an excited puppy dog.
‘No, just catching up.’
I smoothed down my sequins and let out a deep breath.
‘Hmm, looked like it,’ she said. ‘Now get that coat on. The sooner we get to the bar, the sooner this party can carry on.’